I Fell For My Brother's Bestfriend
by alexrox93
Summary: What happens when you fall in love with your brother's best friend? What happens when said guy is three and a half years older than you? What happens when he is too scared to jump off that cliff to finally be with you after liking you for five years now?
1. Preview

A/N: Hey this is a story I have been writing for awhile on another site and it was getting a lot of love on that sight, so I wanted to see if anyone on here would be interested in it. Please give me your thoughts, good or bad, so I know what to do with my writing. Thanks

Prologue:

"Just telling me the truth!" Jude yelled

"I can't, I'm sorry" Tommy replied with sorrow filled eyes.

"Why not! You've had five damn years to figure this out. Just tell me the damn truth or walk away now and never look back." Jude screamed with tears pooling in her eyes.

"Jude…I love you but…"

What happens when you fall in love with your brother's best friend? What happens when said guy is three and a half years older than you? What happens when he is too scared to jump off that cliff to finally be with you after liking you for five years now?

I was about twelve years old when I met Tommy Quincy. He was sixteen when I met him. The attraction was evident, and the feelings I got for him were more than I had ever felt. I never knew he liked me back until I was fifteen. I'd loved him since I was twelve and he had loved me since I was fourteen. I'm sixteen now, and he is twenty. Those two numbers don't look good together, but the attraction is there, and the feelings are undeniable. One small problem though, he is my brother's best friend.


	2. Chapter 1 prt 1

A/N:  
>This is the first chapter of the story and it starts back when Jude meets Tommy, so Jude is 12 and Tommy is 16. I hope you like it, please review<p>

**Chapter 1**

"Why do I have to go? I don't even like football, and none of my friends will be there." I wined being overly dramatic.

"Either you go, or you are stuck at home alone till who knows when." Vicki explained "Would you rather be here, alone, at night, or at the football game? Choose now young lady."

"Fine, I'll go to the damn football game. Ugh!" I stated as I stomped my foot and stalked off to my room.

_This is so stupid. I hate football, none of my friends will be there, and I don't know any of the other kids who have older siblings in band. This is so unfair. Why did my brother have to be in band? Damn brother, some days I wish I was an only child. _

"Let's go!" Vicki yelled

"Coming." _I hate this, why must I be so scared of being home alone in the dark? Here's to a boring night. Yay, not! _

"Hi sweetheart, can you help me with setting this water?"

"Sure, not like I'm doing anything better." I bit back.

"Jude, be nice. This is the band director's fiancée Jackie Quincy." Vicki explained.

"Hi, I'm Jude." I said with fake politeness.

"Come with me please." Jackie stated as we walked out to the stadium.

*noise of running into someone*

"Watch where you're-" I started as I looked at who I ran into from my spot on the ground. "Ugh, Ryan, watch where you are walking retard." I spat at my brother.

"Why don't you watch where you're going yourself, brat" Ryan bit back. "Sorry Tommy, what were you saying before we were rudely interrupted?" Ryan asked to the mystery man standing next to him.

"Thanks, don't help me up. You are such a jerk Ryan. Wait till Mom finds out you pushed me down. Ugh!" I angrily stated trying to get up.

"Here, let me help you" Tommy said, sticking his hand out for me to grab. He pulled me up to my feet.

"Thanks" I said bitterly as I dusted off my butt. _My brother is so going to buy me new shorts. I got who knows what on these. _

"It was nice meeting you." Tommy politely said to me.

"Whatev-" I started as I finally really looked at Tommy. He has the most gorgeous blue eyes in the world like an ocean, and his smile sparkles like the sun and a nice body too. "Wow" I stated quietly, well I thought I had said it quietly.

"You say something?" Tommy asked

_Oh, my, gosh! This guy is like a Greek god! His eyes are so piercing and gorgeous. I could look into those eyes for days. Wait, why is he looking at me like that? Did I say something stupid? Oh no. _

"Hello? Earth to…what's your name?" Tommy asked as I snapped out of my daze.

"Oh, I'm Jude." I shyly said

"Ryan's sister?" Tommy asked even though he knew the answer.

"Unfortunately" I said with a little disgust evident in my voice.

"He isn't that bad of a guy, you know? He seems pretty cool to me." Tommy stated mater of factly.

"Are you sure we are talking about the same Ryan here?" I questioned

Tommy laughed, "Unless there is another Ryan Harrison in this school then no. I'm Tommy by the way."

"Hi Tommy" I shyly said

"Jude!" Jackie yelled.

"Well I better get going. I have to help that lady over there put out water. Nice meeting you." I said as I walked away.

"You too, oh and tell my mom I said hi." Tommy said while he retreated into the band hall.

_Mom? I don't know his mom, shit I don't even know him, but I want to. What the heck? What is that weird feeling in the pit of my stomach? I've never felt like this before. I must be getting sick or something. It's not like I have feelings for some guy I just met. Plus I'm only twelve. I don't know what feelings for someone even means, let alone what they feel like. He is also apparently friends with my butthead of a brother. This can't be possible. I can't have feelings for this guy. He is my brother's best friend. Ewwwwww! _


	3. Chapter 1 prt 2

**A/N: **This is the second half of the first chapter. I forgot to mention in the first chapter that all the italic writing are Jude's thoughts or a diary entry. Please review

_Dear Diary, _

_So the game wasn't completely lame. I met this really hot guy, too bad he is my brother's best friend. I didn't really watch the game. I wonder if we won or lost. Oh well, our school isn't that good. I spent most of the night staring at the hottie. _

_His eyes are so intoxicating; I could gaze into them for days. His smile, oh that smile makes me melt, and his laugh, like music to my ears. I wish I knew him better, or knew anything about him for that matter beside what he looks like. He seems like he would be a nice guy, but who knows. _

"Jude, come out here!" Vicki yells.

_I have to go now. Later diary. _

_Xoxo Jude_

"What mom?" I rudely ask as I walk out of my room.

"I just wanted to know if you were going to Corey's house tomorrow or not." Vicki explains.

"You couldn't have asked me earlier because?" I bluntly retort.

"Don't use that tone with me young lady or you wont go."

"I don't know if I'm going or not. She hasn't given me any details or anyt…" I trailed off when I noticed Tommy walk into the living room. _Oh shit, I look like I just rolled out of bed. Flannel pjs and my brother's old soccer shirt are so not cute. Oh my gosh! I look like a boy! _"I'm going to bed, night." I hastily say as I run back to my room as I start to blush.

"Smooth little sis, smooth." Ryan sarcastically states as I walk by him.

"Oh can it!" I bite back and stick my tongue out at him. _Why does he have to be here? I don't mind him being here, but someone could have told me so I wouldn't look like this. Ugh! He will never like me now! I look like such a dude! Shoot me now! _

"Morning" I say as I walk into the kitchen. I sit at the table and start eating the breakfast that should have been on my plate, but apparently wasn't. "Where is my food? It's Saturday morning, there should be eggs and bacon on my plate." I bitchly state.

"Look around smart one, Mom and Dad aren't home, which means you have to make your own breakfast brat." Ryan matter of factly states.

"I don't cook."

"I know, have fun with that." Ryan rudely says while walking back to his room.

I grab the stool as I start rummaging in the top pantry for food, "This is just great, what am I suppose to do for food? I can't cook." I say out loud thinking no one was near me

"Talking to yourself?" Tommy chuckles.

"No" I say as I almost fall off the stool I'd been on.

"Don't fall" Tommy says as he catches me.

"Well maybe you shouldn't sneak up on people on stools. Ever think about that?" I retort trying to be smart.

"Actually, I've never thought about that. Maybe I'll take that into consideration the next time I see you on a stool." Tommy teases.

"I'll make sure to never be on a stool near you then." I bite back.

"So what is for breakfast? I'm hungry" Tommy jokingly says

"I wouldn't know. I don't cook and my parents aren't home to make anything. Sorry." I say as my tummy growls loudly.

"Hungry?" Tommy chuckles.

"Just a little, I wish I could cook." I say with a small hint of a frown.

"I can cook, well kind of. I can make eggs." Tommy smiles at me. "I could make us some if you want."

"That would be nice, but then Ryan would get mad he didn't get any." I bluntly state

"Well what he doesn't know won't hurt him." Tommy chuckles as he went to start making us eggs.

_Was he flirting with me? I could have sworn that was flirting. I'm no expert, but that seemed a lot like flirting. Oh god, calm down Jude. He is just a guy, wait scratch that, he is your brother's best friend. You can't want, have, need, or anything else him. He is off limits, no exceptions. Flirting with him can't be that bad can it? No, no flirting Jude. Just eat your eggs and leave. You can do this. _

"So are the eggs good?" Tommy questions with his thousand watt smile plastered on his face.

_I can't do this. I'm so falling for him! _

"Yum, they were great. Thanks Tommy. Well I have to get packing for my friend's house. Later." I shyly state as I walk away.

"Hey Jude,"

"Yes?" I spin around with a smile on my face.

"Nice shirt, I love Manchester United too." Tommy says

"Thanks" I say as I turn away to hide my flushed face.

_Dear Diary,_

_Okay, so this Tommy guy is…wow! He loves the same soccer team as me, he makes amazing eggs, and he is so sweet. He gets my corniness and he is just as corny as me. That sounds weird, but he is. I think I am in love! Oh shit! I love Tommy! This should make for an interesting year. Off to Corey's house now! Later Diary._

_Xoxo Jude _


	4. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here is the second chapter, please let me know what you think, good or bad. Thank you  
><strong>

**Chapter 2**

_Dear Diary,_

_Two weeks, 6 days, 12 hours, 11 minutes, and some odd seconds. That's how long it has been since I last saw him. I know it is weird that I have been counting, but for some odd reason I feel so lost without him. I've hardly talked to this guy yet I am head over heels for him. He is every thought I think, every dream I dream, and he is every where I look. I know he really isn't there, but it seems so real. I want him with me every second of every day. I long to be in his arms, yet I've never actually touched him. I need to see him. I feel so lost without him. This is stupid, I hardly know this guy. I shouldn't want him this bad, but I do. Every time I think of him, which is all the time, my heart races. I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about him. I wonder what it be like to kiss him, or just to touch him. Would there be a spark, is his skin soft, would he touch me back? So many questions that I will never know the answers to. This is driving me insane. I want a guy I don't even know. All I know about him is he is in band, he plays the tuba, he loves Manchester United, and he is my brother's best friend. Oh and I also know that I get to see him tonight. My mom was really surprised that I wanted to go to the football game tonight. She didn't ask why I wanted to go so bad though. I'm glad she didn't because I really only want to go so I can see him._

_God! Everything I do is about him, or for him. I need to get a life, or more friends, or even a boyfriend. Hahaha. Who am I kidding; I couldn't get more friends, let alone a boyfriend. I am the freak in school. No one really talks to me, they only talk to me when they have to or want an answer to something. I hate being the smart kid; no one wants to be near you unless they want answers or want an A on something. Some days I just wish I was normal, or average. Every one has friends besides me. I'm the lonely smart girl who is in band. Pathetic. Why would I even think I would have a shot with Tommy? I'm a lonely 12 year-old smart girl. No guy wants a smart girl unless he wants to pass his classes without effort. I'm pathetic, but I guess I am aloud to dream. Dreams are the only place me and Tommy will ever be together. Well I have to go, time to see Tommy. UGH! I am so pathetic. P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C! PATHETIC_

_Xo Jude_

"Jude come on!" Vicki yelled

"I'm coming" _its Tommy time, Yay! _

"Hey, don't I know you?" A familiar voice jokingly asks from behind me.

"Haha, very funny Tommy" I retort while punching his shoulder.

"Ow, that hurt." Tommy sarcastically states.

"It was suppose to smart one." I smart mouth back.

"So how you been? It has been a couple weeks since I last saw you." Tommy asks

_It's been two weeks since I last saw you for your information. _"I've been good I guess. I've been busy with school and all. How about you? Anything interesting happen?"

"Same here, and band nothing fun though."

"Cool." I say as a smile spreads across my face.

"Jude, come on!" Vicki yells

"Tommy get inside now, we are warming up!" Ryan yells

"I got to go" Tommy and I say together. "I'll see you after the game?" Tommy asks.

"Yeah, see you later." I say as we part our separate ways.

"Did you see that pass? And when they ran from the 15 to make a touchdown on the other side of the field? Wow, that game was mind-blowing!" Ryan enthusiastically states.

"Ryan, no one cares! Plus you are giving me a headache with how loud and fast you are speaking." I bitterly state

"I can understand him." Tommy laughingly states.

"Yeah, well I don't even care about what he is saying and no one else does either. I think he should just shut it." I annoyingly retort.

"Oh shut it Jude! You are just mad that Tommy-OW!" Ryan starts but cuts off when I kick him. "Mom, Jude kicked me!" Ryan whines

"Oh get over it you cry baby! It wasn't even that hard of a kick." I bite back

"Jude! Ryan! Stop it; you are being rude to our guest!" Vicki yells.

"Oh I don't mind, it's actually quite funny." Tommy jokingly says.

"No Tommy, they will stop fighting now or they are grounded." Vicki states

"Whatever." I say while rolling my eyes and storming off to my room.

"She is such a little dork." Ryan laughs.

"I heard that jerk!" I yell from my room

"Your family rocks, and your sister is amusing." Tommy says while laughing.

"My sister is annoying, not amusing. If I didn't know any better I would think you have a crush on her." Ryan jokingly says while they walk to his room.

"haha, funny man." Tommy banters back with a hint pf hesitation that Ryan didn't notice. Little did they know I over heard them.

_Dear Diary,_

_He finds me amusing! And I heard him hesitate when he told Ryan he didn't have a crush on me. I think he might have a crush on me! OH MY GOSH! I have to go to bed now, but I am too wired to sleep now! _

_Xo Jude_


	5. Chapter 3

**A/N: So here is the next chapter. It skips forward two months after the last chapter. Please review  
><strong>

**Chapter 3**

****2 months later****

_Dear Diary,_

_These last two months have been…horrible. Tommy hasn't said two words to me since he said I was amusing. Did he figure out that I heard him? Why isn't he talking to? I see him ever weekend and ever weekend he says nothing. That is 8 weekends of him not talking to me. I don't know if I can keep going on like this. I need to hear his voice saying words to me and not to my brother. I miss the way his voice changes when he talks to me, and the way his eyes twinkle when he looks at me. I've seen him steal some glances at me, but I haven't gotten him to keep looking longer then a few seconds. I think it is time to amplify my actions. It is time for him to notice who I am and that he really wants me. Here goes nothing. _

_XO Jude_

"Hey Jude, can I talk to you for a second?" Vicki asked

"Sure Mom, what's up?"

"We are going out of town this weekend and it is just going to be you and Ryan this weekend. Will you be ok?" Vicki questions

"Yes Mom, I'll be fine with just butthead here." I sarcastically retort.

"Oh, and Tommy is staying over this weekend too. Make sure they don't break anything, please?" Vicki says as she walks out the door.

"Sure thing Mom." I say as my voice squeaks a little from the thought of Tommy.

"I have a question for you" I say to my friend Lauren.

"Sure, what is it Jude?" Lauren responds

"How would you get a guy to notice you?" I shyly ask.

"Just show him the real you. Maybe even dress a little sexy for him too. Catch his eye by flaunting your assets." Lauren states.

"Thanks Lauren." I say as I walk away.

_Dear Diary,_

_I really hope Lauren's advice is correct. I look ridiculous in this little skirt and lacey tank. And who ever invented high heels was retarded. Ugh! My feet are killing me and I feel half naked in this outfit. Why do guys only notice you if you are dressed, well correction, barely dressed like this? The things we do for love. Did I really just say that? Do I really love Tommy? That is impossible. I can't love this guy. I hardly know him. Ugh! I need to stop thinking and go now. _

_XO Jude_

I walk out into the living room hoping Tommy will notice me. As I walk passed him I see him turn and then do a double take.

"What the heck are you wearing?" Ryan questions "You look like a hooker."

"I think she looks great." Lauren states.

"Thanks Lauren. And Ryan you can bite me." I quip back

"Feisty tonight aren't we? Why don't you go back in your room and leave us alone. No one wants you out here. Isn't that right Tommy?" Ryan harshly states.

"Ugh…ummmm…" Tommy speechlessly states.

"Dude, speak. Use words to express your thoughts." Ryan jokingly says.

"Yeah, go back into your room and leave us alone little girl. Put some cloths on too, you do look like a hooker." Tommy harshly states after snapping out of his daze.

"Oh, ummmm…thanks. Bye…" I shyly say as I hold back tears and run back to my room.

"Harsh much" Lauren states "You shouldn't have said that to her. Couldn't you tell you hurt her feelings at all?"

"I was just joking with her. Plus I rather my little sister wasn't walking around like a hooker." Ryan replies.

"Joking or not, you were harsh and you, Tommy, I thought you were nicer then that." Lauren states as she walks to my room.

"Hey, I was just joking around!" Tommy yells towards Lauren with a hint of guilt in his voice, but he isn't heard.

"Hey, are you ok? Your brother was a real jack ass to you." Lauren asks

"I'm fine" I say as I wipe away the tears that were rolling down my cheeks. "Can you leave me alone please? I really don't feel like talking right now."

"Sure, but don't listen to those jerks. You look amazing in that and don't let them tell you otherwise." Lauren says as she walks out of my room.

I grab my guitar and start strumming the strings being strangely inspired.

"Dude, what is that noise?" Tommy questions from the living room.

"Oh, it is just my sister thinking she can play guitar and sing." Ryan states while rolling his eyes.

"Ummmm…I'll be right back. I need to pee." Tommy says as he walks off.

"Too much info dude." Ryan shouts.

"Why are you always so mean to your sister?" Lauren asks

"It is my job as the older brother to mess with her. I don't mean anything I say about her. She really is good at guitar and singing. I wish I had her talent. Don't tell anyone, but I admire my sister for her talent." Ryan states

"Awww, how sweet" Lauren says as she leans in to kiss him

Tommy walks into my room unnoticed and listens to me sing.

_(Catch Me by Demi Lovato)_

_Before I fall too fast  
>Kiss me quick<br>But make it last  
>So I can see how badly this will hurt me<br>When you say good bye_

Keep it sweet  
>Keep it slow<br>Let the future pass  
>And don't let go<br>But tonight I could fall to soon under this beautiful moonlight

But you're so hypnotizing  
>You got me laughing while I sing<br>You got me smiling in my sleep  
>And I can see this unraveling<br>And your love is where I'm falling  
>But please don't catch me<p>

See this heart  
>Wont settle down<br>Like a child running scared from a clown  
>I'm terrified of what you'll do<br>my stomach screams just when I look at you

Run far away  
>So I can breathe<br>Even though you're far from suffocating me  
>I can't set my hopes to high<br>Cuz every hello ends with a goodbye

But you're so hypnotizing  
>You've got me laughing while I sing<br>You've got me smiling in my sleep  
>And I can see this unraveling<br>Your love is where I'm falling  
>But please don't catch me<p>

So now you see  
>Why I'm scared<br>I cant open up my heart without a care  
>But here I go<br>Its what I feel  
>and for the first time in my life i know its real<p>

But you're so hypnotizing  
>You've got me laughing while I sing<br>You've get me smiling in my sleep  
>And I can see this unraveling<br>And your love is where I'm falling

_so please don't catch me_

And if this is love  
>Please don't break me<br>I'm giving up  
>So just catch me<p>

I finish the song and hear clapping form my door. "That was amazing." Tommy says with a huge smile on his face. "I didn't know you could sing like that. You have an incredible voice."

"Thanks, but could you please leave me alone." I say as I sniffle and wipe away stray tears that had fallen.

"Hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying Big Eyes?" Tommy questions as he kneels down in front of me.

"Go away; I don't want to talk to you." I say as I push him away. "Why do you even care what is wrong with me? You haven't talked to me in months and you just told me I looked like a hooker. Why the hell would you care about my feelings now?" I yell as tears spill over my eyes.

"Jude, I am sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it. You looked…" Tommy says hesitating before starting up again. "That doesn't matter. I'm sorry that I hurt you. And I haven't talked to you because your brother thinks I shouldn't talk to you." Tommy explains

"Since when do you listen to what the hell my brother says?" I scream with tears pouring down my face. "You have never listened to my brother before. I thought you were different and not just another one of my brother's dumb lackeys."

"I don't listen to your brother, but he is right. We shouldn't be close. You're 12 years old. People will talk and say things that could hurt your feelings. I am just trying to protect you." Tommy explains

"Protect me? Protect me! I don't need your protection Tommy! I need your friendship. What is so wrong with being my friend? Just friends!" I yell

"Jude, calm down. I…" Tommy starts

"Calm down! No I am not calming down! You are treating me like dirt and I don't like that! I'm not a chew toy for you to play with. I am a person! A person that has feelings and a heart that you are breaking! So don't tell me to calm the fuck down!" I scream while the tears just keep pouring out.

"Jude, I didn't know. I am sorry for the way I have treated you." Tommy says as he walks closer to me. "I wish I could change things, but I can't change what I've done. I can change what I will do in the future though. If you still want me to be your friend that is" Tommy says

"Well now you know. Can you please go now? I can't look at you right now knowing I just spilled my guts out to you." I say while trying to get away from him.

"Jude, please look at me." Tommy says pulling me close to him. We are so close that one move and our lips could meet. "I want to be your friend." _More than a friend actually, but we can't happen. You are too young right now. I am sorry. _

I breathe out slowly as his breath hits my lips after he is done talking. "Ok, friends it is." I say trying to pull away from him when out of no where our lips meet. _Oh my god! He is kissing me! He is actually kissing me!_

Tommy pulls away with a freaked out look on his face.

"What was that?" I ask

"I don't know. Ummmm…look Jude we can't let anyone know that just happened. It never happened. You have to believe that it never happened." Tommy pleads

"What? What!" I yell in his face pushing him away from me. "You kiss me then say it didn't happen?" I scream

"Could you keep your voice down please? Do you want your brother to know this just happened?" Tommy states with a slight anger in his voice.

"So you admit it did happen?" I question

"Yes, it happened Jude. I admit that it happened, but it can't happen again. Me and you, we can't be. You are 12 for crying out loud! I'm sorry." Tommy states frustrated

"Ok, it didn't happen." I say while tears start to pour down my cheeks again. "Leave. NOW!"

"I'm sorry." Tommy says as he walks out the door.


	6. Chapter 4

**A/N: So I know it has been like forever and a day since I have updated this story. I am so sorry that I just stopped, but it was getting harder and harder to post thanks to a crazy busy life. I have decided to update now because I have all these chapters already that I can post and will soon have new ones thanks to an out of the blue inspiration. I hope those who were reading come back and read and new readers start to read. Thank you so much. **

**Disclaimer: I don't anything Instant Star just my own ideas**

**Chapter 4**

_Dear Diary, _

_I can't believe Tommy would kiss me then tell me to forget it ever happened. I thought he was different then other guys. Why would someone kiss you then say it didn't happen? If he didn't want it to happen then he shouldn't have kissed me, right? What if he really did want it to happen though? He kissed me, so he must have some feelings for me. Wow, my first kiss and I can't even tell anyone. What a jerk! I really wish I could punch him right now. Maybe I will do that. He is still here, so I could actually punch him if I wanted. No, I can't punch him. I'd feel so horrible if I punched him. Even if he did kiss me and tell me to forget it I couldn't punch him. I love him. I can't believe this. I love some jack ass that kisses people and tells them it didn't happen. Ugh! Why is love so complicated? It should be easy. I want you to want me; I need you to need me. If only it was that simple. _

_XO Jude _

"Hey, Jude can we talk?" Ryan asks as he slowly opens my door.

"Go away jerk, I don't want to talk to you." I bite back

"Look, Jude I am sorry for what I said to you. I just don't want my little sister looking too sexy for her age. You are 12, which means you don't need to be wearing cloths, or the lack of cloths, like what you were wearing." Ryan explains

"Ryan, I really don't feel like talking right now. Please just leave me alone. Thanks for the apology. I forgive you, but next time can you please be nice about saying I look too sexy instead of calling me a hooker?" I ask in almost a whisper

"Oh course sis. It's late, you should go to bed. I'll be in my room if you need me and Tommy is in the living room if you can't wake me up. Night sis." Ryan says as he kissing my head good night.

"Night bubby." I say with a slight smile.

****1:30 AM** **

"Stop it!"

"Leave me alone!"

"Let go!"

"AHHHHHH!" I scream as I wake up shooting straight up in bed. _It was just a dream. Don't think about it and go back to sleep Jude. It was just a dream. _

"Jude, are you ok?" Tommy asks as he runs in through my door.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bad dream, so you can go now." I say as I turn to face the wall in my bed.

"You sure you are ok? You were talking in your sleep, and it didn't sound good. You screamed really loud too. I'll stay in here if you want me to. I don't mind sleeping on the floor." Tommy questions.

"Thanks Tommy, but I'm really ok. It was just a bad dream. If it happens again maybe then you can stay in here, but for now I am fine. Go back to bed. I am sorry I woke you up." I say with hint of worry in my tone. _It is going to happen again tonight. It never just happens once a night. Normally it is 5 times a night. Should I just let him stay in here now? _"Ummmm…Tommy, on second thought can you stay in here?" I ask with a scared look on my face.

"Yeah, I'll just go get my pillow and blanket and sleep right here on the floor next to you. I'll be right back." Tommy says as he rushes out the door to grab his stuff.

_I really wish he would lay in bed with me, but that would be wrong. It would make the dreams stop though. It always did when I use to go sleep in my brother's bed when I was scared. Damn it, he is already back. _

"Hey, you sure you are ok? You look like you're going to cry." Tommy asks his voice full of concern.

"Ummmm…to be honest, I am really not ok. These dreams scare me so much and they happen more then once a night. I wish they would just stop, but they won't because of that stupid jack ass." I ramble

"Wait, what? Who are you talking about? I thought you just had a bad dream." Tommy asks confused.

"Oops, I didn't mean to say that. It doesn't matter who or what I am talking about. Let's just go to sleep now. I am really tired." I reply _Oh god; I almost told him my secret. No one knows what happened those few short years ago. I can't let him know, or he will think I am a complete nut case. _"Night Tommy." I say as I roll over to fall asleep.

"Nigh Jude, I am right here if you need me." Tommy says as he rolls over to fall asleep too.

****4:06 AM****

"Please let go."

"Stop!"

"Get off of me"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I scream as I wake up for the 4th time tonight.

"Jude? Again?" Tommy asks as he rubs sleep from his eyes.

"Sorry Tommy, I really don't mean to keep waking you up. I wish these dreams would stop, but the only way to make them stop is for a guy to be in bed with me." I unconsciously state.

"I'll sleep in bed with you." Tommy bluntly states. "To keep the dreams away of course" He quickly adds

"Yeah, for the dreams to go away" I say shyly. "You don't have to Tommy. I can deal with the dreams, but I don't think you can deal with losing any more sleep can you?" I jokingly ask

"I don't mind sleeping in bed with you if it keeps you from waking up every hour." Tommy says with a small smile on his face.

"You sure? Because you don't have to if you really don't want to. I'll understand if you don't want to." I quickly reply

"Jude, calm down and scoot over." Tommy says as he slowly climbs into bed with me. _Holly crap; he is laying in bed, next to me. I can't breath. Oh crap, breathe Jude, breath. _

"You ok? You look a little pale there." Tommy asks

"Fine." I squeak out. "Night Tommy, again"

"Night" Tommy replies as he causally lays his arms across my waist.

_Oh my gosh! He is touching my waist. He is holding me in his arms while we sleep! This night has defiantly been a weird one. First he kisses me then says it didn't happen, and now he is lying in bed with me in his arms. Oh god! _

_Dear Diary,_

_It has been two weeks since I saw Tommy last and I spent the night in his arms. I get to see him tonight, but I am kind of scared of what might happen when we see each other. What if he goes back to not talking to me? What if he does talk to me, but it's all mean? So many things can go wrong tonight. He is staying the weekend again, but tomorrow is a band contest day so I won't really see him that much until night time. We really need to talk tonight or tomorrow night though. I can't keep wondering what is going on between us. I want answers and he is the only one who can give them to me. Hopefully this will go ok and my heart won't get shattered. _

_XO Jude _

"Hey Jude, how have you been?" Tommy asks

"I've been good, no bad dreams lately." I say with a small smile at the thought of that night.

"That's good." Tommy says with a smile.

"So, ummmm…tonight when we get back to my place do you think we can talk? I have some questions I need to have answers to." I bluntly state

"Yeah, we do need to talk. Your room?" Tommy asks

"Yes, I will see you there." I say with a smile on my face

"Ok, later then." Tommy says as he walks away.

"Later"

_(Temporary Insanity by Alexz Johnson) _

_Da Da Da Da Da Da_

_Da Da Da Da Da Da_

_What just happened?_

_Did you kiss me? _

_Cause that's a place we've never been until now_

_And I don't know how it's gonna be after this_

_Do we pretend these feelings don't exist at all_

_Or do we fall? _

_My confusion shows whenever you get so close_

_I stumble, I stutter, forget what to say_

_I'm nervous, I wonder why I'm acting this way_

"Hey, are you busy?" Tommy asks "Oh, sorry I didn't hear you singing."

"It's ok. I was trying to be quiet since everyone is asleep." I reply

"Can I hear it?" Tommy asks

"Later, it isn't done yet and we really need to talk right now." I say

"Oh, ok. So what do we need to talk about?" Tommy asks

"Well, the thing is I am confused on how you feel about me. You keep sending me mixed signals and I just want everything to be made clear."

"Oh, well I thought we were just friends" Tommy responds

"Oh, ok. Well that was easy. Thanks for clearing things up for me." I state with a hint of sadness

"No problem. Now can I hear your song?" _**I don't just want to be friends though. I really like you Jude. If only you were older. **_

"Yeah, but it is only going to be the part I just figured out."

"Wait, you just wrote a whole song in like 5 seconds?" Tommy asks surprised

"Yeah, so here is the rest of the song"

_Its temporary insanity  
>what's going on with you and me?<br>Is it real or is it fantasy?  
>Forever or just temporary?<em>

Woah, oh, oh (insanity)  
>Woah, oh, oh<p>

you made a moved and changed your mind  
>Too much to lose, you've crossed the line between friends<br>and something more

was it all a big mistake?  
>And if it was, it's much too late to undo<br>And I don't really want to

Let you go but I still don't know  
>How I feel about you<br>What this really means  
>It's crazy to want you<br>Is it meant to be?

Its temporary insanity  
>what's going on with you and me?<br>Is it real or is it fantasy?  
>Forever or just temporary?<p>

Its temporary insanity  
>what's going on with you and me?<br>Is it real or is it fantasy?  
>Forever or just temporary?<p>

Woah, oh, oh (insanity)  
>Woah, oh, oh<p>

Oh, what you do to me?  
>What comes over me, oh?<br>If this is crazy there's nothing I'd rather be

Da Da Da Da Da Da  
>Da Da Da Da Da Da<br>Da Da Da Da Da Da

It's temporary insanity  
>what's going on with you and me?<br>Is it real or is it fantasy?  
>Forever or just temporary?<p>

Its temporary insanity  
>What's going on with you and me?<br>Is it real or is it fantasy?  
>Forever or just temporary?<p>

Losing my mind  
>Losing my mind<br>Losing my mind

Losing my mind  
>Losing my mind<br>Losing my mind

Da Da Da Da Da Da  
>Da Da Da Da Da Da<br>Da Da Da Da Da Da  
>[repeat till end]<p>

"Wow, Jude that was amazing." Tommy says

"Thanks, I'm going to bed now, night." I say as I slide into bed.

"Ok, good night Jude." Tommy replies. _**I can't believe she wrote that song so fast and it is that amazing. I think it was about me though. Did I inspire that song, or was it just a coincidence that it sounded like what just happened between us a few weeks ago? I guess I will never know if I don't ask. **_"Hey Jude, who is the song about?"

"You" Jude whispers in reply.

"Ok, night" Tommy replies. _**She wrote a song about me. Oh wow, I think I am falling even harder for this girl. I need to stop hanging around her before something really bad happens. I really need a girlfriend my own age. Sadly I can't find any girl who is as amazing as Jude. No one gets me like she does and she doesn't even know me. I wish she wasn't so young. Curse you age! Well I better leave her room now before she thinks I am some weird stalker who watches her sleep. **_"Good night Jude, my love" I whisper as I close the door and leave Jude to her sleep.

_Did I just hear what I think I heard!? Did Tommy just call me his love!? NO, I am making things up. He doesn't love me, we are just friends. Just go to sleep Jude and stop thinking. _


	7. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

****2 years later****

_Dear Diary, _

_It has been two years to the date since I thought I heard Tommy Quincy say he loves me. The last two years have been uneventful. Tommy has a girlfriend now, I have a boyfriend, and it is my fourteenth birthday next week. I should be happy right? I have the most amazing boyfriend in the whole wide world, why am I not happy then? He is happy with his girlfriend, who is so not pretty and so not right for him. I should be happy with my boyfriend and forget Tommy, but I can't. He isn't that easy to forget. I see him all the time thanks to Ryan, and I can't handle it anymore. It is time to get over him and have fun with the boyfriend I have. _

_XO Jude_

"Hey Jude, how have you been?" Mr. Quincy asks

"I've been good." I reply

"That's great, so you excited for your birthday next week?" Mr. Quincy questions

"Yes sir, you will be there right?" I ask with a smile

"Anything for such a lovely young lady like you" Mr. Quincy replies back. "I have to go now, see you later."

"Bye" I wave goodbye as he walks back into his office. I walk outside only to run into Tommy. "I am so sorry." I say not noticing it was Tommy until I looked up. "Oh, wait never mind I am not sorry" I bite out

"Rude much?" Tommy questions

"I have nothing to say to you, goodbye." I say as I stalk off towards the football stadium

"What is her problem?" Tommy questions

"She is a teenage girl, what can you expect?" Ryan answers

"Something is wrong with her. Did her boyfriend break up with her?" Tommy questions

"No, they are perfectly happy together. She is probably just stressed about her party next week. I've heard her boyfriend is suppose to kiss her at her party. Should I kill him? She is way too young for her first kiss." Ryan explains

"Yeah, way too young" Tommy answers with a hint of guilt in his voice as he recalls the kiss that didn't happen.

****Tuesday morning at school****

"Hey Jude, can we talk?" Justin ask as he pulls me aside in the hall

"Sure babe, what's up?" I cutely ask

"I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday properly." Justin says as he pulls a single rose out from behind his back

"Awww, Justin you are so sweet." I say as I kiss him on the cheek. "I can't wait for my party this weekend. Are you still planning that surprise for me?" I ask with a cute smile and a wink

"I am not telling you what I am planning, so stop asking. It is a surprise for a reason." Justin says while walking me to class. "Bye babe, see you after school."

"Bye" I say as I walk into my class

****Friday night****

"Hey Jude, we really need to talk." Tommy says walking up behind me.

"What do you want Tommy? I really don't need you ruining my birthday week, or my mood." I wine back

"It's about your boyfriend. He is planning on kissing you tomorrow at your party and I think you are just too young to be kissing boys and…" Tommy says before I cut him off

"He is going to kiss me!? That is his surprise? Oh my gosh, I can't believe he wants to kiss me." I excitedly state "Wait, did you just say I was too young to be kissing people?" I question

"Yes, you are 14 and shouldn't be kissing boys. You are too…" Tommy explains when I cut him off

"Last time I checked you kissed me when I was 12. That is much younger then I am now." I bite back

"I told you that kiss never happened." Tommy angrily states

"Oh I forgot, but it did happen. You have no right to tell me I am too young to do something when you did what you did to me. So if you want to help me, stay out of my life!" I yell as I shove him out of my room

"Jude!" Tommy yells as I slam the door in his face

"What was that about?" Ryan questions

"I told her that she was too young to be kissing boys and she got mad." Tommy explains

"Dude, not cool. It was suppose to be a surprise that he was going to kiss her and it isn't your job to tell her what she can and can't do. You aren't her brother; I am, so stay out of her business." Ryan retorts

"I was just trying to help man." Tommy explains his voice full of guilt.

"Well don't help next time." Ryan bites back

_Dear Diary,_

_Tommy told me that I was too young to kiss a boy today. Since when does he have the right to tell me what I can and can't do? I hate him so much right now. He isn't going to ruin my party tomorrow though. I will get that kiss even if Tommy says I am too young. I can't believe Justin is going to kiss me! YAY! Can't wait for tomorrow night! _

_XO Jude_


	8. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_Dear Diary,_

_It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to! =) I don't know why, but that song always comes to mind on my birthday. If you haven't noticed it is my birthday today. YAY! I am finally 14, not a big milestone though. I don't even feel like I am older. Why is it that we are always excited for our birthday, but when it gets here you don't even feel different? Is it just me or is that weird? I didn't start writing in here just to write down my random questions, but to free my mind of a few confusions due to one boy named Quincy. He told me about my surprise from my boyfriend and he seemed to really be upset about it. What the hell does that mean? Really, could you please decide if you want me or not? I am not, I repeat, __**NOT **__your chew toy to play with when you feel like it. I have feelings and emotions that you are messing with. I am a fragile little girl. Wait a minute, why do I even care? I have an amazing boyfriend who likes me and shows it. He never treats me like dirt, is never rude, and never tells me what I can and can't do. Tonight is going to be amazing no matter what Quincy may try to do. He will not ruin my birthday party. And if he tries to, well let's just say he will need a lot of ice and maybe a doctor. I hope this day is amazing and doesn't end with tears. Happy birthday to me! _

_XO Jude_

"Jude, you need to get ready for your party." Vicki calls from down the hall

"Okay mom!" I shout back as I grab my party dress from my closet. _This is my day; nothing is going to ruin it._

****Tommy's POV****

_**Why the heck am I even going to this dumb party? Jude hates me and I rather not ruin her day. I just won't go near her. I'll stay with Ryan and all our friends and keep my distance from Jude and her boyfriend. I can't believe she has a boyfriend. She is 14 for crying out loud! She shouldn't have a boyfriend. She is way too young to have those feelings and…ugh! Why do I even care so much about what Jude does and doesn't do, and what she can and can't do? I am not her brother, I shouldn't care so much. Should I? I mean she is a good friend and I want to protect her, but I don't think these feelings are because I want to protect her. To be honest I want her to be mine. I wouldn't say I love her, but I will say I have strong feelings for this girl. More than I think I've felt for anyone besides my ex. I mean, my ex was amazing, I thought I would marry her, but it didn't work and I really don't know why. Was it her, or something or SOMEONE else? Ugh! I shouldn't be thinking these thoughts. She is 14 for god's sake! I need a woman my own age. I graduate high school this May and will be off to college. I shouldn't be thinking about some 14 year old. I really need to stop thinking so much and just enjoy life. I hope tonight is fun. I can't believe I have to wear this outfit though. Jude picked it out before we had our huge fight which is the only reason I'd wear this. The things I do for that girl. Well here goes nothing. **_

****Jude's POV****

"Jude!" a very distinct voice shouted

"Justin!" I cheerfully state as I turn to face my boyfriend.

"Happy birthday baby doll. I didn't know what to get the girl who has everything, but I did get you these." Justin says as he pulls a bouquet of red roses from behind his back.

"Oh Justin, you shouldn't have. Thank you" I say as I hug me tightly. _I would have preferred sunflowers, but the roses are just as good. _

"So you ready for your party?" Justin eagerly asks.

"Of course, now all we need are people. I wish everyone would get here already. Hey, look someone is pulling in." I excitedly state

"Who is that?" Justin questions.

"Tom Quincy, my brother's friend. Pay no attention to him." I bitterly state

"Jude!" Tommy yells while walking towards me

"Do you want something? Nice shirt by the way." I say through little spurts of laughter. _I can't believe he actually wear that shirt I picked out for him. I purposely got it for him because I knew it would look hilarious on him. _

"Thanks, but I just wanted to say happy birthday and give you these." Tommy replies pulling a bouquet of sunflowers from behind his back.

"Wow, Tommy, thanks. I didn't think you would remember my favorite flower, I mentioned it like once." I say dumbfounded.

"No big deal, happy birthday. Have fun tonight." Tommy says as he walks away. _**Wow, she looks gorgeous tonight. I really need to keep my distance or something bad could happen. **_

"What was that about?" Justin questions.

"Just a friendly gesture. Nothing to worry about." I say as I kiss his cheek. _I can't believe Tommy remembered that sunflowers are my favorite flower. He is so sweet. Jude, stop thinking like that. He is a dick and you have a better, sweeter boyfriend then Tommy would ever be. Ignore Tommy and have fun with your boyfriend and friends. _

"Jude this party is amazing." Lacy says while hugging me

"Thanks now go have fun." I say as I walk off the dance floor.

_I haven't seen Tommy since he got here. Where is he? Jude, stop thinking about Tommy! You are having fun without him. Plus, Justin is supposed to kiss you some time tonight. Just forget Tommy and have fun. I just wish…_

"Hey beautiful, can I talk to you in private?" That gorgeous voice of Justin's asked. I nodded my head due to a loss of words. _This is it. He is going to kiss me! _

Justin leads me towards the exit door and we walk outside.

****Tommy's POV****

_**This party is so lame. I want to leave, but I can't make myself leave. I want to leave, but I can't leave without seeing Jude one more time. I want to fix this fight between us. I miss her as my friend, maybe even more. I just wish I could get some alone time with her, but she is always surrounded by a sea of people. Oh, look there she is. Walking outside with her…BOYFRIEND! What the hell!? They should not be going out there by themselves. Oh shit! He is going to kiss her! I can't let that happen. I can't let some other guy kiss those beautifully plump, soft, tasty lips of hers. Damn it Tommy! Stop thinking like that! You can't think like that if you want to get her back in your life. She has a boyfriend and doesn't want you. Just fix the fight so ya'll are friends again. Oh who the hell am I fooling!? I don't just want to be Jude's friend. I want her as my everything. I want her in my arms, laughing, and smiling, and making me smile, and oh god! I love her! I can't believe I am saying this, but I love Jude Harrison. I mean, LOVE her. To the point that it hurts when she isn't around. I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner, but it just hit me like a ton of bricks right now. I need to tell her, but I can't. She has a boyfriend and hates my guts. Ugh! Fuck it! I'm going to tell her now, no matter what I might interrupt. Here goes nothing. **_I walk toward the exit where Jude had walked out earlier and barge outside to see no one out there. "Shit! Where the hell is she!?" I scream into the open air.

****Jude's POV****

"So, how is your birthday going?" Justin casually asks as we walk to the garden behind the dance hall.

"It's been good, but one thing can make it better." I say as I slide my hand into his.

"Oh, and what might that be?" Justin jokingly asks

"I don't know you'll have to figure that out yourself." I joke back. We had reached the gazebo in the middle of the garden.

"Well could it possible be this?" Justin asks as he leans in to kiss me. His lips molded to mine perfectly. The softness and sweet taste of his lips was intoxicating. _Oh my gosh! He is amazing at this. I think I might faint he is so good. Wow! _Justin pulled away as we both ran out of breath.

"Wow" I breathlessly state

"I love you." Justin whispers into my ear as he pulls me in for another kiss when we hear a scream in the distance.

"What was that?" I ask

"Who knows who cares? Did you hear what I said?" Justin questions as he pulls me closer.

"Yes, and I lo…" I start to say when I see Tommy walk up the path to the gazebo. _Shit, must he ruin everything!?_

"Jude, what the hell are you doing out her by yourself?" He angrily questions.

"Well for one, I am not alone. I am with my boyfriend, and two it's none of your damn business what I am doing or not doing out here. Now can you shove off and leave?" I bitterly bite out

"I need to talk to you, alone." Tommy says

"Well I don't want to talk to you. If you will excuse me and my BOYFRIEND will be leaving now." I say as I pull Justin back toward the dance hall.

"What was that about?" Justin questions

"Nothing, he is just trying to be a jack ass." I say

"Hey, babe calm down. You look pissed off." Justin worriedly states.

"I am pissed. He ruined our moment. I didn't even get to tell you I love you. That fucking dick." I state in one breath.

"What did you just say?" Justin asks

"That I am pissed and he ruined our moment and he is a dick." I state distinctively leaving out the 'I love you' part.

"You said something else. What was it?" Justin asks

"Nothing" I shyly say with a slight blush

"No it was something. Tell me babe" Justin states with a smile

"Fine, I said I love you." I whisper out

"What was that? I couldn't hear you." Justin jokes.

"I said I love you" I said very loudly, almost screaming it. "Loud enough for you?"

"Yes, and I love you too. Now let's get back inside before someone wonders where we ran off to." Justin says as he kisses me one more time before going back inside.

****Tommy's POV****

As I watch Jude walk away with her boyfriend I kick one of the poles in the gazebo. _**Fuck! I am such a dumb ass. I shouldn't have come out here. Now Jude hates me more than she did before. I am such a fuck up! Maybe this is God's way of telling me that I am not meant to be with Jude. Maybe that Jude and I aren't meant to be. Maybe, oh screw maybes. I love Jude and we are meant to be together. I just need to tell her. She won't listen to me though. I can't get her to listen to me, and her boyfriend is always around when I try to tell her. I need to figure out a way to tell her in a way that she would understand. How am I supposed to do that though? God give me a sign! **_Just then I see the band that is suppose to be playing walk outside. _**Is that my sign? That I am supposed to sing to her? Wait that would work. Jude loves music and would understand what I am trying to say. I better get in there before the band comes back. **_I sprint inside and up onto the stage. "Can I have everyone's attention please?" I ask as everyone, including Jude with a furious look on her face, turns towards the stage. "I just wanted to sing a song for the birthday girl. It's a very special song and I hope she likes it." _**This better work. **_I bring the guitar over my head and start strumming the first notes of the song. I breathe in deeply and start belting out my feelings in song for Jude. _**I hope she gets what I am trying to say. **_

_(What You Mean to Me by Sterling Knight)_

_Can't blame you for thinking  
>That you never really knew me at all<br>I tried to deny you  
>But nothing ever made me feel so wrong<em>

_I thought I was protecting you  
>From everything that I go through<br>But I know that we got lost along the way_

_Here I am with all my heart  
>I hope you understand<br>I know I let you down  
>But I'm never gonna make<br>That mistake again  
>You brought me closer<br>To who I really am  
>Come take my hand<br>I want the world to see  
>What you mean to me<br>What you mean to me_

_Just know that I'm sorry  
>I never wanted to make you feel so small<br>Our story is just beginning  
>But let the truth break down these walls (oh yeah yeah)<em>

_And every time I think of you  
>I think of how you pushed me through<br>And show me how much better I could be_

_Here I am with all my heart  
>I hope you understand<br>I know I let you down  
>But I'm never gonna make<br>That mistake again  
>You brought me closer<br>To who I really am  
>Come take my hand<br>I want the world to see  
>What you mean to me (yeah)<em>

_You make me feel like I'm myself  
>Instead of being someone else<br>I wanna live that every day  
>You say what no one else was saying<br>You know exactly how to get to me  
>You know it's what I need<br>It's what I need yeah_

_Here I am with all my heart  
>I hope you understand (I hope you understand)<br>I know I let you down  
>But I'm never gonna make that mistake again (that mistake again)<br>You brought me closer  
>To who I really am<br>So come take my hand  
>I want the world to see<br>What you mean to me  
>What you mean to me<em>

I finish the last line of the song when the audience roars with applause. I turn to Jude and look straight into her eyes "Happy birthday Jude." I walk off the stage and out the back door. I take in the fresh air as I realize what the hell I just did in there. _**I just sang my feelings for Jude out to everyone. Oh crap! I can't believe I just did that. I think I am going to vomit now. I hope she figured it out. **_

****Jude's POV****

_What the hell does Tommy think he is doing up there, on my stage? I am going to kill him. _I start walking towards the stage when I start to really listen to the lyrics he was singing. _Is it just me or do those lyrics sound like love lyrics? No, they can't be. He doesn't love me, or want me. He is just trying to be nice so I'll stop being mad at him. I can't believe he is doing this, and in front of all my friends. I should kill him for this, but those lyrics seem so loving and caring. Does he really mean all that? I am so confused. Why does he do this now? I need to forget him and his stupid song now. Just ignore him. _I walk back towards Justin and grab him in my arms. "I love you." I whisper shout in his ear since the music is so loud.

"I love you too." Justin says back. He kisses me and I start to go weak in the knees.

"Maybe we shouldn't kiss in front of people. It just feels weird." I shyly say. _Even though I want Tommy to suffer from seeing me happy with someone else. _

"Sure babe, whatever you want." Justin says as he kisses my cheek and we walk towards the snack table.

"Jude, it is time for cake." Vicki says as she pulls me towards the stage.

_I don't want to go up there now. Not after what Tommy just sang. Ugh! Can this day be over already?_

"Let's welcome the birthday girl to the stage." My dad says into the microphone as I walk up on stage.

"Thanks everyone for coming. I am so happy you all could be here." I lie through my fake smile. _I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here. I want to go home now; I want to go home now. _

"Let's all sing happy birthday now. On three, 1, 2, 3!" Vicki says.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Jude, happy birthday to you!" Everyone sings. I blow out the candles on my cake and look up with a fake smile on my face.

"Now Jude, it is time for your birthday present from me and your mom." My dad says as someone roles out a huge box in front of the stage. "Go ahead and open it." My dad says with a little push towards the box

I rip off the wrapping paper to see nothing but a box. "A box, really?" I ask

"Open the box on the left side." Vicki says.

I do as I am told and open the box to reveal the most gorgeous Gibson guitar ever. "Oh my gosh! It's a Gibson!" I yell as I start jumping up and down. "Thank you, thank you,

Thank you." I excitedly say as I hug my parents.

"Happy birthday sweetie, why don't you play us a song on it?" My dad says with a proud smile on his face.

"I'd love to." I say with a real smile plastered on my face. _OH MY GOSH! I can't believe they bought me a Gibson! I think I just died and went to heaven. Now what song am I going to play? _I walk up to the microphone stand and breathe in deeply. "This song is for a special someone out there. I hope you like it." I say

_(When I Look At You by Miley Cyrus) _

_Everybody needs inspiration,  
>Everybody needs a song.<br>A beautiful melody,  
>When the night's so long.<br>Cause there is no guarantee,  
>That this life is easy.<em>

_Yeah when my world is falling apart.  
>When there's no light to break up the dark,<br>That's when I, I, I look at you.  
>When the waves are flooding the shore,<br>and I can't find my way home anymore.  
>That's when I, I, I look at you.<em>

_When I look at you,  
>I see forgiveness,<br>I see the truth.  
>You love me for who I am,<br>Like the stars hold the moon,  
>Right there where they belong.<br>And I know I'm not alone._

_Yeah when my world is falling apart,  
>When there's no light to break up the dark,<br>that's when I, I, I look at you.  
>When the waves are flooding the shore,<br>and I can't find my way home anymore,  
>That's when I, I, I look at you.<em>

_You, appear just like a dream to me.  
>Just like kaleidoscope colors,<br>That cover me,  
>All I need,<br>Every breath that I breathe,  
>Don't you know you're beautiful!<em>

_Yeah_

_When the waves are flooding the shore,  
>and I can't find my way home anymore,<br>That's when I, I, I look at you.  
>I look at you, Yeah, Woah.<em>

_You, appear just like a dream to me._

As the song comes to an end I look up and lock eyes with the someone special I wrote the song about. _I can't believe I just sang that song. I wrote that about Tommy. Justin must think it is about him. I am so stupid. _I walk off the stage to be met by Justin.

"Jude, that song was amazing. I can't believe you wrote a song about me and on your birthday none the less." Justin says as he pulls me into a tight embrace. _Yeah, totally not about you. _

"Thanks, I thought you would like it." I lie through my teeth with that fake smile on my face again. "If you will excuse me I need some air." I say as I walk towards the exit that Tommy just so happens to be standing at. I walk outside, only to be followed by Tommy.

"Jude, that song was amazing." Tommy says

"Thanks" I simply state

"Those lyrics were very powerful. Your boyfriend is very lucky to have you." Tommy states with a hint of disgust in his voice.

"Yeah, he sure is." I state at a barely audible level.

"Well, I am heading home now. Happy birthday girl." Tommy says as he walks off.

"Tommy wait!" I yell

"Yes?" Tommy asks as he turns to face me.

"The song…" I breathe out since I ran to where he was standing. "The song is about you." I state

"Oh…" Tommy replies. "I've got to go Jude. Bye" Tommy hesitantly says as he turns back towards his car.

"Bye" I yell out. _Why did I just tell him that?_ I walk back inside to see everyone is leaving. _Well tonight didn't go as planed. Oh well._

****Tommy's POV****

_**Jude sang a song about me. Why did she do that? I am so confused now. What does she really feel for me? I guess I will just have to wait and see. Tonight actually wasn't that bad. I will be burning this shirt though. **_

****Jude's POV****

_Dear Diary,_

_Tonight was an interesting night. I got my first kiss. I said I love you for the first time and had it said back. I also sang a song about Tommy and said it was about my boyfriend. I am such a dumb ass. I need to figure my feelings out now before I screw things up with either guy. Bring on the thinking, because that is all I will be doing for the rest of the night. Happy fucking birthday to me. _

_XO Jude_


	9. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

****Flash forward****

"_**Oh, Tommy this is so nice. Just you and me relaxing under the stars. I am so happy you finally decided to date me." I dreamily say as I snuggle up next to Tommy.**_

"_**Me too babe" Tommy replies**_

"_**Can you believe it took almost five years for this to happen? For us to finally be happy together. All those other people we dated and the broken hearts we had, but now we are together and happy. I love you" I say with a huge smile plastered on my face**_

"_**I love you too, but we need to talk about this. I don't think we should date." Tommy starts as tears start forming in my eyes with each word. **_

_**I don't comprehend any words he said after that. I thought we were happy but I guess I was wrong. "I am not just going to let you go Tommy. Not without a fight. You can't get rid of me that easily." I say with tears streaming down my face. **_

"_**I don't want to get rid of you I just want…" Tommy trails off. **_

"_**You just want what Tommy?" I question**_

"_**I want you to be happy and I can't do that for you. I'm not right for you Jude." Tommy explains**_

"_**How are you not right for me? I love you so much." I say with sorrow in my voice**_

"_**I can't tell you why I'm not right for you. I just am" Tommy says**_

"_**Is it because I am 16? Or because of Ryan being your best friend? Just tell me what it is." I beg**_

"_**I can't Jude, not now." Tommy says looking down at his shoes.**_

"_**Tell me, please" I say through my tears**_

"_**I don't want to hurt you. Dating you would just bring you sorrow and misery. I won't put you through that." Tommy explains **_

"_**You wont hurt me" I breathe out in between sobs**_

"_**Yes I will, I always do. I hurt the people I care about most and you are one of those people." Tommy says**_

"_**I don't believe you. You won't hurt me and I am not letting you leave." I say stomping my foot on the ground.**_

"_**Jude, just leave. Please, before you get hurt." Tommy begs**_

"_**I am not leaving." I say **_

"_**Leave." Tommy pleads**_

"_**Not until you tell me the real reason you are freaking out and pushing me away." I explain**_

"_**I already told you, I will hurt you and I don't want to do that." Tommy says while looking at the floor.**_

"_**You are lying. I know when you're lying. You won't look me in the eyes for a reason." I say**_

"_**Do you really want to know the truth?" Tommy questions reluctantly.**_

"_**Yes" I shout**_

"_**I don't know if I really want this." Tommy says**_

"_**Really?" I question as my breath hitches in my throat**_

"_**Yes…" Tommy says still looking at the floor.**_

"_**You are lying. Look at me and tell me the truth." I yell**_

"_**I can't tell you the truth. I need to figure some things out before I tell you the truth." Tommy explains **_

"_**What? Need to figure out what exactly?" I question with a confused face**_

"_**My feelings for you" Tommy explains**_

"_**What do you mean you don't know your feelings for me?" I question**_

"_**I just don't know…I need to think." Tommy explains running his hand through his hair**_

"_**No time for thinking. Figure it out now." I scream**_

"_**I can't figure it out right now. I need time Jude." Tommy says**_

"_**No, you don't have time. It has been five years Tommy. What else could you have to figure out?" I shout **_

"_**I don't want to talk now." Tommy says as he starts walking away**_

"_**Just tell me the truth!" I yell after him.**_

"_**I can't, I'm sorry" Tommy replied turning around to look at me with sorrow filled eyes.**_

"_**Why not!? You've had five damn years to figure this out. Just tell me the damn truth or walk away now and never look back." I scream with tears poring down my face. **_

"_**Jude…I love you but…" Tommy trails off.**_

_Dear Diary,_

_Tomorrow is Christmas. I can't believe it has been almost two months since my party. That night was so…I can't even explain it. I told my boyfriend I love him, and Tommy sang a song to me. That song still confuses me. Did it mean that he loves me or that he wants me or what? I still can't put my finger on what he meant by that song. I know I shouldn't care what he meant since I have Justin, but I can't help but wonder. I love Justin, but I also love Tommy. I've know Tommy longer, but Justin actually cares about me. Justin is so sweet and he loves me and he never treats me like dirt. Tommy on the other hand, well he doesn't seem to care. He hasn't talked to me since the party. Maybe that is a good thing. I should just focus on Justin and be happy with him. I need to forget Tommy and all his shit. Yes, that is what I'll do. Forget Tommy and be happy with Justin. That is what I have to do. Here goes nothing._

_XO Jude_

"Hey Jude, can you come help me with these presents?" Vicki yells

"Coming, just one second" I shout back. I grab my purse and slip on my shoes and walk out to the living room. "Mom, do we really have to go to this party?" I complain

"Yes we do. The Quincy family was nice and invited us so we are going. Now stop complaining and carry these to the car." Vicki explains while shoving the presents towards me.

"Fine" I bite out. _I don't want to be spending Christmas Eve with that jack ass Tommy. I wish I could have gone to Justin's house, but no I have to go to Tommy's house. UGH! I hate not being able to pick what I can do. My parents rule my life and it sucks! _

****Tommy's POV****

"Mom, do I really have to be here?" I complain

"Yes Thomas, you do. So stop complaining and go help your dad with the food." Mrs. Quincy says

"Fine, but I really don't want to be here." Tommy bites out as he walks to the kitchen.

"Get over it, and I don't see why you don't want to be here. This party is for you and all your friends are coming." Mrs. Quincy shouts

"I know Mom." I shout back "But the one person I want here isn't going to be here." I whisper to myself.

"What was that?" Mr. Quincy asks

"Nothing Dad, just talking to myself." I explain

"Well stop talking to yourself and help. People should be arriving soon." Mr. Quincy barks out

"I'm going, I'm going." I say as I help set out the food.

****Jude's POV****

_Ring, ring. _The doorbell sounds out of tune as I ring it. "No one is here, let's go home." I say and start walking towards the car.

"Not funny, look someone is coming now." Vicki says

"Hey, welcome." Mrs. Quincy says as she opens the door.

"Thank you so much for inviting us." Vicki thanks as she hugs Mrs. Quincy.

"Don't thank us, this is Tommy's party. Thank him." Mrs. Quincy explains

"Where is he?" Ryan asks

"Probably out back setting up his dumb videogames for y'all to play." Mrs. Quincy states

"Thanks, I'll go out there now and help." Ryan says as he walks towards the back door

"Jude, why don't you go help too?" Vicki says pushing me towards the door

"I rather stay in here. I don't like videogames that much." I lie through my teeth. "Plus I have the presents." I explain

"I'll take those, and I'm sure Tommy could find something that you would like." Vicki says nudging me towards the door and taking the presents from me.

"Fine" I say as I reluctantly walk outside

****Tommy's POV****

"Hey man, need help?" Ryan asks as he walks outside

"Hey dude, sure." I say

"So you happy it's Christmas tomorrow?" Ryan asks making small talk

"Sure, I am not much for holidays" Tommy explains.

"You too, my sister dislikes holidays too. Well mainly Christmas thanks to me always ruining the surprise and telling her Santa isn't real." Ryan explains

"Oh" I state. _**Another thing I have in common with the girl of my dreams that completely hates me. **_

"Speaking of my sister, there she is now." Ryan says pointing Jude out as she walks outside.

"I didn't know she was coming." I shockingly state

"I thought I told you she was." Ryan states

"I don't think so man." I say. _**Shit, I look like shit and here Jude is all hot and sexy looking. I should have known she was coming. Should I go change into something nicer? That dress she is wearing is hot, and shows a lot of skin. Oh how I wish I could rub my hands up and down that soft skin of hers. Crap, I think I am getting hard just looking at her. What I wouldn't give to touch that skin of hers. To feel it up against my own skin. Tommy stop it! She is fourteen and so out of bounds. Why must she look so hot? Focus Tommy and not on Jude's body.**_

"Hey Jude" I manage to get out

"Hey" Jude replies "Need help?"

"I think we are good." I state "You look nice by the way." I say

"Thanks, my mom made me wear it." Jude explains shyly

"Well, do you want to play some videogames?" I question

"Sure" Jude excitedly states

"Come over here then and join us." I say. _**She likes videogames too. Shit, this girl is my dream girl. **_

****Jude's POV****

"Beat that!" I yell in triumph as I beat Tommy at Guitar Hero for the fifth time in a row.

"Damn girl, you are good at this game." Tommy laughs out

"Why are you laughing?" I question with a smile

"You are just so cute when you're excited." Tommy explains with a smile.

"Ummmm…thanks" I shyly say

"Just being honest Jude" Tommy says brushing a stray hair out of my face. "You look amazing tonight. The way the moonlight hits your face makes you shine brighter then any star could." Tommy says as he leans in towards my face and kisses my cheek.

"Thanks" I say while my face flushes bright red.

"Also, you're adorable when you blush." Tommy adds

"Thanks Tommy, you are so kind." I state while I blush even more.

"Jude, can I tell you something?" Tommy asks seriously.

"Sure" I say with a wide smile.

"At your party, I was trying to tell you something really important. That song I sang for you was suppose to express a certain emotion I feel for you. That emotion just so happens to be that…" Tommy starts

"Hey guys, it is time for presents!" Ryan yells out the door.

"Fuck" Tommy says under his breath, but I still hear him.

"We should probably go inside. We can talk later ok?" I say as I stand up and head towards the door.

"Jude, wait. I need to tell you this now." Tommy says as he grabs me by the arm and spins me around to face him. "I have really strong feelings for you and well I lo…" Tommy starts when I lean in to kiss him full on the lips. The moment our lips met Tommy pulled me closer to him. Our lips molded together perfectly. Tommy slides his tongue across my bottom lip begging for entrance that I gladly grant. Our tongues duel and the kiss deepens as Tommy runs his hands up and down my body. We pull away when we both need air and just stair at each other.

"We should get inside." I rush out as I hurry inside. _I can't believe I just kissed him like that. I wonder what he was going to say though. I guess I will just have to wait for that information till later._

****Tommy's POV****

I walk inside seconds later with a huge smile plastered on my lips. _**She just kissed me. She kissed me. Wow, that girl can kiss and her body molded perfectly against mine. Her curves felt amazing as I ran my hands over her body. I need more of her. I need to taste those sweet lips again. But when? And how? Oh shit! I didn't tell her I love her. She kissed me before I could. I need to tell her. Oh well, if she keeps kissing me like that I think she can figure out my feelings for her by herself. Oh crap, I don't have a present for her! Wait, yes I do. That necklace I never gave to her at her party. I better go get it.**_ I start heading to my room when I'm stopped by my mom's voice.

"Thomas, get over here." Mrs. Quincy says

"I need something out of room. I'll be right back." I say as I turn back towards my room.

"No, get over here now. Whatever it is can wait." Mrs. Quincy retorts

"Fine" I say as I sit next to Jude on the floor. I lean over and whisper in her ear, "Your present is in my room. Meet me there after these. I know you'll love what I got you."

Jude nods acknowledging she heard me. "I'll be there." She whispers back

****Jude's POV****

"Wow, this is so nice." I say as I admire the blue skirt Tommy's family got me. "I can't wait to wear it."

"I thought you'd like it." Mrs. Quincy says with a smile.

"Well that was the last present. Y'all can go do whatever you want now." Mrs. Quincy says dismissing us from the living room.

"Where is the bathroom?" I ask Tommy with a smile and a wink.

"I'll show you." Tommy says realizing that I don't really have to go.

Tommy walks me to his room and shuts the door behind us.

"So what is this present?" I excitedly ask

"Just hold on one second." Tommy says with a chuckle. "Here it is." Tommy says pulling out a little robin egg blue box.

"You didn't!?" I shout in pure excitement. "You really got me that Tiffany's necklace!?" I start bouncing up and down with excitement.

"Well why don't you open it and see." Tommy says handing me the box.

I pull off the ribbon and open the box to see the most gorgeous necklace ever. The way the two charms glistened made my heart skip a few beats. "How the heck did you remember I wanted this?" I question

"I saw you looking at the two charms one day, and I remember you saying how much you love the night sky. Plus you once said that when you turn eighteen you are going to get a tattoo of the moon and star. I thought this would hold you over till then." Tommy explains with a huge smile. "Merry Christmas"

"Oh Tommy, thank you so much." I say as I swing my arms around his neck and hug him tightly. "Thank you thank you thank you." I say as I place a huge kiss on his cheek.

"My pleasure girl" Tommy simply replies.

"This must have cost you a ton. How did you afford this?" I question

"That doesn't matter. What matters is that you're happy." Tommy states as he rubs my cheek with his finger.

"Tommy I can't thank you enough for this. This is the best Christmas present ever." I say while my smile grows bigger

"No thanks needed." Tommy says as he kisses my cheek. Tommy turns to walk out the door when I call after him.

"Tommy, what were you going to say outside?" I ask

"Doesn't matter now" Tommy simply says as he walks out of his room.

I stay standing in his room thinking to myself. _Wow, I can not believe he got this for me. Maybe I should rethink my feelings for Tommy and Justin before things go too far. This Christmas has completely rocked and it's only Christmas Eve. I am never going to take this necklace off. _I walk out of Tommy's room and back to the living room to see my parents getting ready to leave.

"There you are Jude, it is time to go." Vicki says

"Ok, thank you for having us over." I sweetly say as I follow my family out the door.

"So how was your night?" Vicki asks me and Ryan in the car.

"Fun" Ryan replies

"Same" I say with a smile as I grab the necklace hanging from my neck.

"That's good" Vicki says "Oh Jude, that necklace you're wearing is gorgeous. Where did you get?" She asks as she finally notices my necklace.

"A friend, a really special friend" I say as we walk inside our house.

****Flash Forward****

"_**Tommy, I love you. Please just tell me the truth." I beg as I hold onto my necklace tightly. **_

"_**I love you too Jude, but I can't decide right now. I have to think." Tommy says as he walks off. "Oh and Jude, I'm glad you never took that necklace off." Tommy says before walking off into the night. **_


	10. Chapter 8

**A/N: Just a little heads up on this chapter it has a sensitive topic towards the end. I am sorry if it bothers any of you, but this story is rated M and it is important to the story. Just giving you a heads up. Thanks for reading and please review.**

**Chapter 8**

_Dear Diary, _

_I can't believe it! I actually got invited to the biggest New Years Eve party in this town! Oh my gosh! I can't believe it, and it's a high school party! I'll be the only middle school kid there! Well, ok so I must admit I only got invited because it is Tommy's party, but still it is a HIGH SCHOOL party! I know I should be spending this time with Justin, but he can't do anything because of his evil parents. I am starting to really get annoyed with the fact that I never see him outside of school, and never talk outside of school. Oh well, I am so not worrying about that tonight. My mind is strictly on having fun tonight with Tommy and all his hot high school friends. Ok, Tommy is the only hot one, but he doesn't know I think that, so no telling. I am so excited. Oh shit! I have to leave in like an hour and I am not even close to being ready. I better get busy or I am going to look like shit. Later_

_XO Jude_

I close my diary and walk to my closet. Opening the double doors and scan through all my dresses searching for that perfect dress. My eyes finally fall upon that perfect dress. The fiery red dress was the perfect color to catch Tommy's eye, red is his favorite color. The dress is about mid-thigh, strapless, and the bow at the waist accents my curves perfectly. I slide the dress on and look at myself in the mirror, "Tommy is so going to love me in this dress." I say out loud before I sit down to fix my hair and make up.

An hour later I was walking out the door with Ryan and my parents. The drive to Tommy's house wasn't that long, but the whole trip felt like it took five hours. _I am so excited for this party. I can't wait to see Tommy's face when he sees me looking this hot. YAY! We are here. _The second I start opening the car door it opens by itself, so I thought until I saw that my dad had opened it.

"Thanks Dad," I say with a smile

"I pretty girl like you shouldn't have to open her own door." He replies with a smile and a hand gesture motioning me to walk to the door.

We reach the door and it is opened immediately by Mrs. Quincy. "Hey, welcome. Everyone looks great. Sorry the music is so loud. Come on in. Ryan, Jude, everyone is out back."

"Thanks," both Ryan and I say before walking out back to the party.

I step outside and it feels like all eyes are on me as I walk down the steps of the porch.

"Who is she?" I hear people ask as I walk past them trying to find Tommy, or anyone I know.

"Jude!" I hear that oh so familiar voice yell over the loud music.

I spin around only to collide into someone carrying the punch bowl. The punch dumps all over me and I fall to the ground.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry." The punch dude says with a small smirk.

"Don't be, I'm fine just a little wet." I politely say back

"Jude, are you ok?" Tommy asks as he rushes to my side.

"I'm fine" I bite out as I stand up. Everyone stares at me in shock. "What are you looking at? Never seen someone wet before!?" I yell out. Everyone looks away as I start walking towards the house.

"Jude wait up." Tommy yells after me.

"Tommy, I am fine really. Just leave me alone." I say as I walk up the steps

"Let me at least get you some dry cloths before you get sick." Tommy says slipping his arm around my waist and escorting me to his room.

"Thanks for the cloths Tommy." I say as I sit on his bed waiting for my dress to dry.

"No problem sweetheart." Tommy says sitting next to me. "Hey, I forgot to tell you this when I first saw you, but you look gorgeous tonight."

"Well I did until that jack ass purred punch all over me. Now I just look like a wet dog, and smell like one too." I reply with a sigh

"I still think you look gorgeous." Tommy says with a smile.

"Thanks" I say as my face turns bright red. I lay down on his bed hiding my blush in his pillow.

"What are you doing silly?" Tommy laughs out

"Hiding" I mumble through the pillow.

"Why are you hiding?" Tommy asks as he lies down next to me.

"I am hiding because I don't want you to see me blush." I mumble

"What was that? I can't hear you through that pillow." Tommy says with a smile.

"I said I don't want you to see me blush." I say as I unbury my face from the pillow.

"Awww, but I love seeing you blush." Tommy replies with a smile.

"I look stupid when I blush." I say shyly

"No you don't." Tommy says as his thumb traces my cheek. "You are gorgeous when you blush." He whispers in my ear before kissing my cheek.

"Thanks" I say with a smile. "So shouldn't you be getting back to your party? I bet your friends are wondering where you snuck off to."

"No they won't, plus I rather be with you." Tommy replies

"I'll be fine Tommy. Go have fun with your friends." I say with a little shove to his shoulder.

"I mean it Jude, I rather be here with you." Tommy says.

"Lies," I laugh out.

"Nope, nothing but the truth from these lips." Tommy says pointing to his lips.

"Oh really? Then answer me this…" I say before I smack Tommy in the face with a pillow.

"Really, you want to start this?" Tommy laughs out as he grabs the other pillow.

"Bring it on" I say as I swing my pillow at him.

We swing our pillows at each other for what seems like forever until Tommy finally surrenders.

"Haha! I win!" I laugh out with a victorious smile.

"For now, but I will defeat you" Tommy says as he starts tickling me.

"Not…fair…" I laugh out as he tickles me.

"Admit defeat and I will stop." Tommy says with a grin on his face

"Never…" I laugh out

"Then I will never stop." Tommy says as he starts tickling me more.

"Ok…fine…you win…" I laugh out

"That is what I thought." Tommy says as he stops tickling me and collapses on top of me. We stair into each others eyes, both wondering what was going to happen next. Tommy leans his face down and attacks my lips in a feverish kiss. My hands tangle in his hair and his hands slide up and down my body. Tommy licks my lower lip begging for entrance that I eagerly grant. Our tongues dual inside each others mouths. We don't part until we hear everyone yelling down the hall from us. I look at the clock realizing it was already midnight.

"Happy new year" I whisper with a smile.

"Happy new year" Tommy replies. He leans back down and captures my lips in another breathe taking kiss and when he pulls away he just smiles.

"So, I'm staying the night here." I say with a smile

"I know," Tommy says with a huge smile on his face. "You want to sleep in here with me?"

"I would like that" I reply with a smile. Tommy lifts up the covers for me to crawl under. After getting under the blanket Tommy walks away. "Where are you going?" I ask with a sad tone.

"Don't worry; I just need to change real quick." Tommy says as he walks into the bathroom to change. I lay in Tommy's bed waiting for him to return. _What am I doing? I have a boyfriend. I shouldn't be in another guy's bed, let alone Tommy's. Oh fuck it! I want some fun and I am having fun right now with Tommy. Justin can deal with it, plus he will never find out. _Tommy walks out of the bathroom in just boxers. "Wow" I say

"What was that?" Tommy questions

"Nothing" I say as my face starts to turn red.

"That was defiantly something. Tell me" Tommy says as he crawls into bed with me.

"Nope, night" I say as I turn the other way.

"Woah, you are so not getting away with that. Tell me" Tommy says as he rolls me over

"Fine, I said wow." I say with a blush

"Well thank you. You are wow yourself." Tommy replies "Now let's go to sleep. Night sweetheart" Tommy says as he kisses my forehead.

"Good night Tommy" I say as I snuggle into his chest.

****3:14 AM****

"AHHHHHH" I scream as I shoot up into a seated position.

"Jude, are you ok?" Tommy sleepily asks.

"Just a bad dream, I'll be fine." I reply as I try to calm my breathing.

"Jude, is it the same dream from that other time?" Tommy asks with pure concern.

"Yes…" I whisper out as tears start to cloud my vision.

"Jude, what are the dreams about?" Tommy hesitantly asks.

"Nothing, let's go back to sleep." I admittedly say as I lay back down.

"Jude, please tell me. I am really worried about you and these dreams. Ryan said you have them a lot." Tommy says

"Wait, you asked my brother about my dreams?" I angrily question.

"Sorry, but I just wanted to know what was wrong. I care about you Jude; I don't want to see you hurting." Tommy says wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I just can't talk about it Tommy. I'm sorry" I reply rolling over to face the wall.

"Ok, I won't make you tell me. Just know I am always here if you need to talk. Get some sleep." Tommy says as he kisses my cheek and lies back down.

"Tommy" I say a few minutes later

"Yes Jude?" Tommy replies.

"I want to tell you, but you have to promise not to think or treat me differently then you already do. And you can't tell anyone." I say as I roll over to face him.

"I promise" Tommy replies looking at me with pure concern.

"Ok, well when I was eight something bad happened. I was at a party with a bunch of my brother's soccer friends and they were all older then me, so when some of them asked if I wanted to play a game I agreed without hesitation. They told me that everyone would have a turn but I was first since I was the youngest. One of them took me upstairs to a bedroom. He locked the door behind us and that is when I knew something wasn't right. I still remember those superhero sheets on the bunk-bed in the room, and how the blinds on the windows were closed so tight that no one could see in or out of them. Anyways, he told me to sit on this chair in the middle of the room. I said no, but he pushed me into the chair anyways. Once I was seated he told me what was going to happen, but only the not scary parts. He said it was just a game and it was just for fun. He started to slowly strip me of my cloths and touch me in places that I shouldn't have been touched." I stop as tears roll down my face. Taking a deep breath in I continue my story. "He had me stripped down to just my panties and sports bra. He was just in those stupid teenage mutant ninja turtle's boxers. He grabbed my hand and put it on his…on his private spot and made me move my hand. He then took off his boxers and shoved my head down there. He told me to open wide. I shook my head no and he just slapped me and told me to listen. I opened my mouth wide and he…" I stop trying to control my breathing before continuing. "He…he…he…" I start but can't finish.

"You don't have to keep going if you don't want to Jude." Tommy says as he holds me tighter to him.

"I can do this." I reply before starting my story again. "He made me take his private place in my mouth and go up and down and up and down. I was crying my eyes out and I was so scared. I wanted out of that room, but I didn't know how. He finally pulled my head up to its normal level and told me to take off the rest of my cloths. I started to do as he said, but instead of taking off my cloths I punched him in the privates and ran. I ran for my life not even caring I was in just my underwear." I finish as I start bawling like crazy.

"Jude, wow" Tommy breaths out

"Please don't say anything, just hold me?" I beg as tears pour down my face and my breath gets hitched in my throat.

"Shhhh girl, I am here, nothing bad will happen to you. Not while I am around, you're safe with me." Tommy reassures as he rocks my shacking body back and forth.

"Tommy, it was so horrible. I can't forget about it and it haunts me." I whimper out through sobs.

"Jude, look at me" Tommy says lifting my chin up with his fingers. "I will never let that happen to you ever again. You are safe here, with me. Don't worry about that jerk or what he did. I have you now and I won't ever let you get hurt like that again." Tommy says

"Thank you" I say. Tommy lies us back down and I fall asleep a few minutes later.

"I love you Jude, I won't let anything happen to you." Tommy whispers to my sleeping form.


	11. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

****Tommy's POV****

The way her chest rises and falls as she peacefully sleeps next to me makes my heart stop. The way her head is snuggled up against my chest makes this seem not wrong. The way her sweet lips form an innocent little smile on her face makes me wonder what she is dreaming about. Could she be dreaming about me, or someone else? What is going on in that head of hers? Then it happens. I never knew one word could change every thing I've ever felt or known. Just one word. One simple little word that made me smile that thousand watt smile I haven't smiled in years. Just by one word Jude Harrison made me fall even more in love with her. That word, that one word, was simply my name. She spoke my name in her sleep and now I know that this isn't wrong. That what I feel for Jude isn't one sided, but returned. Now if only she knew. Her body stirs and her blue-grey orbs meet my eyes and she whispers out "Hi".

****Jude's POV****

"_Tommy, look at me please? I need to tell you something and it's kind of important." I say as I pull on Tommy's arm._

"_What is it Jude?" Tommy asks with a confused face._

"_I know this may be weird coming from me since I'm so young and well your best friend's little sister, but I like you. Like really like you." I say in one breath._

"_What was that? I didn't catch a word you said." Tommy says with a smile. _

"_I said that I like you, like really like you." I shyly say as my face flushes. _

"_Oh, Jude…" Tommy says with hesitation. _

"_Look, I know you don't like me back, but I just thought you should know since we spend so much time together, and we are so close, and I don't want any secrets between us, and…" I ramble on until Tommy crashes his lips on mine. "What was that for?" I question after he pulls away._

"_For one to shut you up and two I like you too. I've liked you since the moment I saw you." Tommy confesses. _

"_Oh, wow" I squeak out as I turn bright red. _

"_Jude, can I please kiss you?" Tommy asks. _

"_You don't have to ask." I say with a shy smile._

_Tommy crashes his lips onto mine. He traces my bottom lip with his tongue begging for entrance that I gladly grant. Our tongues dual against each other in our mouths as our hands roam each other's body. Tommy pulls away and starts trailing kisses down my cheek to my jaw bone and finally makes his way to my neck. He kisses and nibbles on my neck making me feel things I have never felt before. _

_Tommy recaptures my lips and walks me towards the bed and we fall on it. He hovers over me as his hands start to trail down my body then up my shirt landing on my breast. "Are you okay with this?" Tommy questions with concern. I nod and he grabs my right breast and makes me feel like there is a fire between my legs. The fire makes me want things I never thought about before. Out of no where I slide my hand down Tommy's body to his growing erection. _

"_Jude, you don't have to." Tommy breaths out at the realization of my actions_

"_I want to." I whisper out as I slowly slide my hand down into his pants. I grab his full erection in my hand and slowly slide it up and down making Tommy moan. I continue my actions as Tommy captures my lips in a heated, lustful kiss. He slides his hands down my body and down my pants and slowly starts rubbing my spot. My eyes light up in pleasure as the fire between my legs grows. _

"_Oh wow, that feels amazing." I breathe out._

"_God, you are really good at what you are doing." Tommy says with a moan._

_I blush and continue my actions as he slowly slides his fingers inside of my wet self. He goes slow, knowing that I'm new at this. "Tommy" I breathe out._

My eyes flutter open to see the man I had just been dreaming about look at me. "Hi" I whisper out.

"Morning sleepy head" Tommy says with a smile.

"How did you sleep?" I ask as I snuggle up against his chest wanting to go back to sleep.

"Good and you? Sounded like you were having a nice dream" Tommy says with a smile.

"I slept fine, thanks for asking." I say while my cheeks flush red.

"And your dream?" He asks with a growing smile.

"Just a normal dream about unicorns and rainbows" I say with a smile as I hide the truth from him. _Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. He so knows I just had a sex dream about him. How? Did I talk in my sleep, or could he just tell? Oh shit._ "So, you hungry because I am." I say just as my stomach growls.

"Let's go see what is for breakfast." Tommy says pulling me out of the bed and holding onto my hand longer then necessary, but I'm not complaining.

As we walk into the kitchen we notice there is no one in sight. Scanning the room my eyes fall upon a note sitting on the counter.

"Hey Tommy, I think this is for you" I say as I hold the note out to him.

"Went to the store, everyone already went home. Jude can stay as long as she wants. There are tacos in the fridge for you two. Behave." Tommy read aloud from the note. "Well I guess it is just you and me for awhile." Tommy says with a smile on his face.

"Yep, so is it taco time?" I say with a little giggle.

"Yes it is cutie." Tommy says opening the fridge and getting out the tacos.

After we finish our breakfast we go upstairs to play some video games.

"Ugh, I suck at this game!" I yell out in frustration.

"You do not; you just need to hit the right buttons smart one." Tommy says as he shows me the right buttons for shooting for the eighth time.

"Oh I give up. Can we play guitar hero now?" I ask with a puppy dog look on my face.

"Fine, but that face is not fair. You know I can't say no to that face." Tommy says as he hooks up the new game.

"I know, hence why I use it." I say with a smile on my face.

"Well you are not aloud to use it again." Tommy says as he returns to his seat next to me.

"And if I do use it?" I question with a smirk

"Then I will have to tickle you." Tommy replies with a little laugh.

"That isn't nice; you know I hate being tickled." I say with a little pout.

"Then don't use that puppy dog look on me." Tommy says as he scrolls through the songs on the game.

"Just pick one already." I impatiently whine.

"I want to find the right song, one that I will kick ass at." Tommy says as he scrolls through the songs even slower.

"Oh come on just pick one!" I shout

"No" Tommy says with a cocky smile

"Please" I say with that puppy dog look on my face.

"Oh, now I get to tickle you" Tommy says as he leans over and starts attacking my sides sending me into a fit of giggles.

"Stop…I can't…breathe…" I laugh out as I squirm under Tommy's body.

"No, not until you promise to never use that face again." Tommy says with a smile as he continues to tickle me.

"Fine…I…promise…" I laugh out.

"Good" Tommy says as he stops tickling me.

"Thank you" I huff out.

"I guess you're welcome" Tommy says, his body still hovering over me. Our eyes meet and the space between us closes as our lips meet in a passionate kiss.

"Hey Tommy, you…" comes a voice from the door. Tommy immediately pulls away to see who is at the door to find no other then Ryan.

"Dude, that's my sister!" Ryan yells as he runs in and pushes Tommy off of me. "What the hell do you think you are doing to her!?" Ryan shouts as he pushes Tommy.

"Dude, calm down it isn't what you think. I just…" Tommy tries to explain before Ryan punches him square in the face. "What the hell!?" Tommy yells as blood starts gushing from his nose.

"Ryan! That was so uncalled for" I yell as I pull Ryan away from Tommy. "Look, it was my fault that this happened. I made the move. Tommy didn't do anything." I say trying to calm my brother down.

"Bull shit! You aren't old enough to be kissing people, and Tommy you should have stopped her before it even happened!" Ryan yells trying to go after Tommy but I shove him back.

"Ryan, get a hold of yourself. It was my fault, Tommy didn't see it coming. Just forget it happened okay? Nothing happened today." I say as I walk out of the room as the tears start to form in my eyes.

****Tommy's POV****

"Dude, your sister is right. She started it" I say trying to get my nose to stop bleeding.

"That is bull shit and you know it. You started the kiss. I know you like her dude it is fucking obvious, but she is only 14." Ryan says as he passes the room.

"Really? You know I like her?" I question in disbelief.

"Yes, I see the way you look at her, and the fact that you never stop smiling when she is around. Not that hard to figure out." Ryan explains.

"Fuck, I thought I was hiding it well enough!" I yell.

"Dude, calm down" Ryan says resting his hand on my shoulder. "Look, I know you like her but you have to remember she is 14. Way to young and way out of bounds. Plus she is my little sister." Ryan says

"I know, and I understand, but it is so hard not to feel these things for her. She makes me feel so special and amazing and just makes everything seem right." I explain

"Damn, you've fallen, and hard as hell." Ryan laughs out

"It isn't funny. You really think I want to feel these things for a girl so young? For your little sister? Do you think I like the fact that the girl who understands me, who gets me the most is 14? She is way out of bounds and I know not to go there, but I slip sometimes." I explain

"Wow, I don't have a problem with you liking her, but stay away from her till she is at least 16 dude. I'll try not to kick your ass if you two do get together one day. No promises though, she is still my little sis." Ryan says as he playfully hits me on the shoulder.

"Thanks dude" I say trying to smile, but whence in pain instead.

"Sorry about the nose" Ryan says as we walk out the door and downstairs.

****Jude's POV****

_Oh my gosh! I can't believe that just happened. One minute Tommy is kissing me and the next Ryan is smashing his face in. Wow, what a day and it is only 11 AM. So since Tommy kissed me does that mean he likes me or was it just a 'caught up in the moment' moment? I don't know, and I really shouldn't care. I have Justin and I am happy with Justin, or at least I think I am happy with him. Oh what the hell do I know! I like two guys. One that likes me back and is cute and is sweet and is my age and that I am dating. Then there is Tommy. Hot, sexy, older, more experienced Tommy. Who just so happens to be my brother's best friend and like 3 or 4 years older then me. UGH! Haven't I had this conversation with myself before? I am always debating with myself about this whole Tommy thing and I always end up right back where I started. Maybe I should just flat out ask Tommy if he likes me back. What if he says no? I'd look like such an idiot then. I can't ask him. I need to figure out if he likes me somehow though. But how exactly? It isn't like he will ever admit it to anyone. I'm so screwed. I wonder what he and Ryan are talking about. What if Ryan is punching Tommy again? Or worse? I should probably go check on them. No, they will probably think I am spying on them. I really need to just stop thinking to myself and breath. Just breathe Jude, breath. I think I hear footsteps coming down the stairs. Oh look, Ryan and Tommy. Are they laughing? What the hell happened up there? At least they aren't all beaten up. Well I guess I better focus on what they are saying now. Remember to breathe, just breath. _

I pull out of my thoughts and focus in on what Tommy and Ryan are saying.

"Like I was saying, Call of Duty is way better then Halo." Ryan says with a chuckle

"Whatever dude." Tommy says as he walks to the fridge and pulls out a soda and ice for his nose.

"Well I am heading home, Jude are you staying or leaving?" Ryan asks

"I think I'm going to stay a little while longer. Tommy can take me home later." I say as I hide a smile at the thought of being alone with Tommy again.

"Okay, see you later. Have fun" Ryan says kissing the top of my head. "Behave." He yells as he walks out the door.

"We will." Tommy and I shout back.

"Alone at last; whatever shall we do?" Tommy asks with a smile.

"Guitar hero?" I ask excitedly

"Anything for you doll face." Tommy says as he kisses my cheek making me blush.


	12. Chapter 10

**A/N: Just a disclaimer I do not own the song in this chapter or Instant Star just my ideas**

**Chapter 10**

_Dear Diary,_

_Two months. Two months is all it took to make everything change. I lost my first boyfriend, and Tommy got a girlfriend. I should have known that this was too good to last. Tommy and I would never, could never, happen. What was I thinking? I let a stupid little crush ruin a great relationship. I should have never kissed Tommy that night. I knew it was too risky and I knew Justin would find out, but I couldn't resist. His lips just looked so delicious and they tasted oh so delicious, but I shouldn't have kissed him. I am so stupid! Now I have no boyfriend, and no Tommy. Can life get any worse? Oh wait, it just did. Tommy is coming over tonight, with the girlfriend. Oh joy. This shall be interesting. Hopefully I won't kill her, but no promises. _

_XO Jude_

"Jude, come do these dishes now!" Vicki yells

"Coming!" I scream back. As I walk out of my room I run into none other than Tommy Quincy.

"Sorry" Tommy said before glancing at me.

_Shit, I knew I should have put on some cloths. He probably thinks I am a slut for wearing just boy shorts and a tank that doesn't even cover my belly button._ "Sorry" I say squeezing by him.

"Oh Jude, I want you to meet my girlfriend." Tommy says gesturing towards some brunet.

"Hi, I'm Kathryn." The brunet says stretching out her hand for me to shake.

"Hi" I say coldly and walk away. _Who the hell does she think she is? This is my house, and that is MY Tommy. I so wish I could kill her. _

"Jude." Tommy says pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry can't talk. Dishes to do. Later." I say giving a slight wave and walking to the kitchen, but stop when I over hear Kathryn talking to Tommy.

"What is her problem?" Kathryn asks Tommy.

"She is just protective of me. She is like my little sister." Tommy explains.

"Well she needs to learn some manners, and I think she is more than protective. I think she has a crush on you Tommy. Maybe you should talk to her before she does something dumb. Kids are so stupid." Kathryn scuffs.

"Just drop it." Tommy says pulling her into Ryan's room.

_Little sister!? What!? I am so much more than his damn little sister! And what the hell is wrong with her? I am not a kid! I am 14 years old. I am a teenager, not a damn kid. Oh this means war. That little skank better watch out. _

**Later that night (Jude's Room)**

_I see you drivin' 'round town with the guy I love  
>And I'm like, forget you<br>I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough  
>I'm like, forget you and forget him too<br>_

"Hey Jude, dinner is ready" Tommy says walking into my room. He stops in his tracks to listen to me sing.

_Said, if I was richer I'd still be with ya  
>Huh, now ain't that some shh (ain't that some shh)<br>Now though there's pain in my chest  
>I still wish you the best<br>With a.. Forget you!_

**Is this what she really feels about me and Kathryn? I know she likes me but this is bad. I guess I should go now, but she sounds so amazing. Her voice is pure magic and like a drug. I am so addicted to her.**

Yeah I'm sorry, I can't afford a ferrari  
>But that don't mean I can't get you there<br>I guess she's an Xbox and I'm more an Atari  
>Hmm, but the way you play your game ain't fair<p>

I pity the fool that falls in love with you  
>(Ooh, she's a gold digger, just thought you should know<br>it)  
>Ooh, I got some news for you<br>Yeah! Go run and tell your little girlfriend

I see you drivin' 'round town with the guy I love  
>And I'm like, forget you (ooh)<br>I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough  
>I'm like, forget you and forget him too<p>

Said, if I was richer I'd still be with ya  
>Now ain't that some shh (ain't that some shh)<br>Now though there's pain in my chest  
>I still wish you the best<br>With a.. Forget you!

Now I know, that I had to borrow  
>Beg and steal and lie and cheat<br>Tryin' to keep ya, Tryin' to please ya  
>'Cause being in love with you ain't cheap<p>

I pity the fool that falls in love with you  
>[- From . -]<br>(Ooh, she's a gold digger, just thought you should know  
>it) Yea<br>Ooh, I got some news for you  
>Oh, I really hate you right now<p>

I see you drivin' 'round town with the guy I love  
>And I'm like, forget you<br>I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough  
>I'm like, forget you and forget him too<p>

Said, if I was richer I'd still be with ya  
>Huh, now ain't that some shh (ain't that some shh)<br>Now though there's pain in my chest  
>I still wish you the best<br>With a.. Forget you!

Now baby, baby, baby why do you wanna, wanna hurt me so  
>bad (so bad) so bad<br>(so bad) yeah, ohh  
>I tried to tell my momma but she told me this is one<br>for your dad (your dad, your dad, your dad)  
>Yes she did, Yes she did<p>

(Ooh) WHY?  
>(Ooh) WHY?<br>(Ooh) WHY? BABY?  
>(Ooh!) I love you! I still love you! Hey yeah!<p>

I see you drivin' 'round town with the guy I love  
>And I'm like, forget you (forget you, ooh yeah)<br>I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough (ooh)  
>I'm like, forget you and forget him too (ooh baby)<p>

Said, if I was richer I'd still be with ya (yeah you)  
>Huh, now ain't that some shh (ain't that some shh)<br>Although there's pain in my chest  
>I still wish you the best (wish you the best)<br>With a.. Forget you! Oooh

I finish singing and look up when I hear clapping at my door.

"Bravo. That was amazing." Tommy said with a smile walking towards me.

"Thanks, did you need something?" I ask standing up to put my guitar away.

"You are really good at singing and a magnificent writer. Can I ask who it is about?" Tommy asks getting closer to me.

"You just asked, and my answer is none of your business." I snap as I push passed him to get out of my room.

"Jude wait" Tommy says grabbing me by the arm and pulling me back.

"What do you want Tommy?" I ask with an eye roll.

"I am sorry if me being with Kathryn bugs you, but you and I both know that we would never work. Plus your brother would-" Tommy starts

"Not every thing is about you Tommy." I say pushing past him into the hall bumping into Kathryn on my way out.

"Is Tommy in there?" Kathryn asks with a smile.

"Yes he is, now would you please move your huge ass out of my way so I can get dinner." I retort.

"You didn't just say that little girl." Kathryn says getting pissed.

"And what if I did. What are you going to do about it? I don't think Tommy would like you much if you hurt me." I say with a smirk.

"I don't give a damn what Tommy thinks. I know you have a crush on him. Well fyi he is my man, so back off little girl. He is way out of your league." Kathryn says giving me a little shove.

"Excuse me?" I sarcastically ask

"You heard me little bitch. Tommy is mine so back the fuck off before I have to do some real damage." Kathryn says shoving me into the wall.

"Oh it is so on!" I yell as I pull her back towards me by the hair.

"Ow bitch!" Kathryn yells as she starts pulling my hair.

Hair pulling turns into slapping than to punches and kicks. "Get this through your ugly, no talent head. Tommy is mine!" Kathryn yells as she pushes me into a wall making a picture frame fall on my head.

"What the hell is going on here!?" Tommy yells as he runs out of my room. "Why is Jude on the floor with glass all over her?" Tommy yells as he rushes to my side.

"She started it." Kathryn wined. "Look she scratched me." Kathryn continues shoving her arm out to show Tommy.

"Kathryn I don't give a damn about your little scratches. Jude is seriously hurt." Tommy yells at her before turning his attention back to me. "Jude, can you hear me?" He asks brushing hair out of my face. "Jude?" He asks again before looking down at his hand. Red, sticky liquid covered his hands. "Oh shit! Call 911!" Tommy yelled.

"She is faking it!" Kathryn wined.

"I don't think you can fake this!" Tommy yells thrusting his hand out to show her the blood that came from my head.

"Gross!" Kathryn yells before she runs off to do I don't know.

"Jude, can you hear me? Please nod your head or something if you can hear me?" Tommy begs as he strokes my face trying to get my attention. "Jude, please. I can't lose you, not like this. Please say something." Those were the last words I heard before everything went black.


	13. Chapter 11

**A/N: So as always I do not own the song in this chapter or Instant Star**

**Chapter 11**

"_Tommy where are you!?" I yell into the blackness. _

"_Jude" A faint whisper whirls around me. _

"_Tommy I know that is you. Now just come out from wherever you're hiding." I yell into the blackness. "Tommy, I am serious. I am really freaked out." I yell as I glance around this black obis. Everything is black. There is no light and sadly I am scared of the dark. "Tommy please come out!" I yell again. No answer. _

_Why is it so dark in here, and why wont Tommy come out here? I am really scared. Where the hell am I? _

"_Jude" Came the whisper again. "Wake up Jude. Please wake up" _

"_Tommy I am awake. I am right here. Just come out here." I yell _

"_God, I can't believe Kathryn did this to her." Tommy says. Are those tears I hear in his voice?_

"_Tommy I am ok. Why are you crying? And who is Kathryn?" I ask_

"_Tommy it isn't your fault. Kathryn said it was an accident." Ryan reassures Tommy. _

"_Ryan, Tommy, I am right here!" I yell but my voice is barely audible. _

"_It is my fault! I should have never let Jude walk out her room. If she hadn't been mad at me and stormed off she never would have ran into Kathryn and this never would have happened." Tommy says_

"_Tommy, it isn't your fault. Kathryn did this, not you." Ryan says_

"_Tommy I am fine!" I try to yell but nothing comes out. "Tommy!" I try yelling again but still no sound. What is going on? _

"_I just wish she would wake up." Tommy says _

"_She will Tommy, just give it time." Ryan says then everything goes silent. _

_What is going on? Why does Tommy think I am hurt? I am perfectly fine. "Tommy!" I yell again this time my voice coming out in a high screech. _

_It seems like hours before I hear Tommy's voice again. _

"_Hey Jude, I don't know if you can hear me, but I want to sing this song I wrote for you." Tommy says. _

"_I can hear you Tommy" I say but nothing comes out again. _

"_The song is called Hero."_

Would you dance  
>if I asked you to dance?<br>Would you run  
>and never look back?<br>Would you cry  
>if you saw me cry?<br>And would you save my soul, tonight?

_I start walking towards the voice as it grows louder and louder as I creep closer to the source of the voice._

Would you tremble  
>if I touched your lips?<br>Would you laugh?  
>Oh please tell me this.<br>Now would you die  
>for the one you loved?<br>Hold me in your arms, tonight.

_I would love to kiss you right now. If only I could find you. _

I can be your hero, baby.  
>I can kiss away the pain.<br>I will stand by you forever.  
>You can take my breath away.<p>

Would you swear  
>that you'll always be mine?<br>Or would you lie?  
>would you run and hide?<br>Am I in too deep?  
>Have I lost my mind?<br>I don't care...  
>You're here tonight.<p>

_You know I would always be yours. _

I can be your hero, baby.  
>I can kiss away the pain.<br>I will stand by you forever.  
>You can take my breath away.<p>

Oh, I just want to hold you.  
>I just want to hold you.<br>Am I in too deep?  
>Have I lost my mind?<br>I don't care...  
>You're here tonight.<p>

"_I am right here Tommy." I say as the voice keeps growing louder with every step. _

I can be your hero, baby.  
>I can kiss away the pain.<br>I will stand by your forever.  
>You can take my breath away.<p>

I can be your hero.  
>I can kiss away the pain.<br>And I will stand by you forever.  
>You can take my breath away.<br>You can take my breath away.

I can be your hero.

"My hero" I whisper.

"Jude?" Tommy says shocked jumping a little.

My eyes flutter open as the bright lights blind me. "Tommy" I try saying but nothing comes out.

"Oh Jude, you're awake." Tommy says pulling me into a hug, at least trying to.

"Tommy" I crock out

"Oh, you are probably thirsty. Here drink this." Tommy says thrusting a cup of water at me.

"Thanks" I say with a raspier whisper.

"I am so glad you are awake. I was so scared that I would never see those gorgeous blue eyes again. Or hear that angelic voice of yours or…or…" Tommy rambles until I cut him off.

"Tommy I'm awake now. Just calm down." I say as I try sitting up. "Ow! Shit everything aches." I whine.

"I bet. You have two bruised ribs and a horrible banged up head. They had to give you six stitches." Tommy explains.

"Stitches? They didn't shave my head did they!?" I yell while I run my hand through my untouched blonde locks.

"Ryan and I wouldn't let them touch your hair. We knew we would be dead if they cut your hair." Tommy explains with a chuckle.

"Ryan, oh where is he?" I ask glancing around the hospital room.

"He went home. I told him I'd stay to make sure someone was here when you woke up." Tommy says with a smile

"I am glad it was you I woke up to." I say grabbing his hand in mine.

"Me too." Tommy says leaning in to give me a kiss on the cheek.

"Tommy" I say after a few minutes of silence.

"Yes Jude?" Tommy asks looking up to look me in the eyes.

"What happened?" I ask confused over why I was here.

"You don't remember?" Tommy asks confused.

"No, everything is still a little fuzzy." I explain

"Well you and Kathryn got into a fight. She pushed you into a wall and a picture frame fell on your head." Tommy explains.

"Who is Kathryn and why did she push me?" I ask still not understanding what happened.

"Kathryn is my girlfriend." Tommy says wincing a little on the word 'girlfriend'.

"Why did she push me? Did I do something wrong?" I ask with a frown. _Why would Tommy's girlfriend want to hurt me? Tommy is just my friend. Not like I have crush on him or anything._

"She told me you started it." Tommy says.

"Why would I want to hurt your girlfriend?" I ask with confusion written all over my face.

"She said you got mad when she told you I was hers and not yours." Tommy explains

"Why would you be mine? I am just your friend. It isn't like I have a crush on you or anything. You are just my friend. She has nothing to worry about." I say with a smile.

"Wait what?" Tommy asks confused at my last statement. "You don't have a crush on me?"

"No, why would I? You are way too old for me and plus you have a girlfriend." I explain with a smile

"But what about all those kisses we shared? And the loving glances? I thought you liked me as more than a friend?" Tommy asks as he stands up off the bed.

"We never kissed Tommy." I say "Why would you think we kissed?" I ask confused.

"Jude, we have kissed! I am not making this up. We have kissed on multiple occasions." Tommy explains as he starts pacing the floor.

"Stop pacing. I hate when you pace, and we never kissed. I think I would remember if we kissed." I explain looking at him confused.

"Jude, do you remember the valentines' party?" Tommy asks coming to sit next to the bed.

"I remember it. My boyfriend broke up with me." I say with a frown at the reminder of my lost love.

"Do you remember why he broke up with you?" Tommy asks

"He said that he didn't like me anymore." I say as a tear rolls down my cheek. "Can we please stop talking about him?" I ask holding back the rest of my tears.

"He broke up with you because he caught us kissing!" Tommy yells pushing up out of his chair. "Jude how can you not remember that?"

"Tommy, we never kissed." I say "Please just come sit back down. I am tired." I say snuggling into my pillow.

"I am going to go call Ryan. Take a nap. One of us will be here when you wake up." Tommy says as he kisses my forehead then leaves the room.

"Why would he think we kissed?" I ask out loud before I fall into a dreamless sleep.


	14. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

My eyes flutter open after my dreamless sleep to a strange face staring at me.

"Oh hello there Jude, I am Dr. Blane. I've been taking care of you during your stay here."

"Oh, hi" I whisper out

"Hey Jude" Tommy says as he walks into the room and sitting next to me on the bed.

"Hi" I whisper out

"So Jude how are you feeling?" Dr. Blane asks

"I am really sore and my head hurts like hell, but other then that I am fine." I respond

"Have you experienced any memory loss that you know of?" Dr. Blane asks

"Well if I lost the memory how would I know I even had it to start with?" I smartly remark

"I know it makes no since, but normally a person can tell when they are missing a memory." Dr. Blane explains

"Ummmm…actually Doctor I believe she has lost some memories" Tommy chimes in.

"And why would you say that?" Dr. Blane questions

"Well it is kind of personal, but if it helps Jude I will explain." Tommy says a little reluctant.

"Please tell me any information can help Jude recover." Dr. Blane explains

"Well, when Jude woke up she didn't remember how she got here and when I explained she didn't know who Kathryn was and why they would fight in the first place. Also, she ummmm…doesn't remember ever kissing…me…which has happened a lot." Tommy explains speaking quietly at the end.

"Well I think I can explain why she doesn't remember certain things. Jude has what we call Lacunar amnesia. This type of memory loss is only about one specific event. In this instant anything evolving feelings or events due to those feelings for you has been lost. I know that sounds strange but it is unfortunately true." Dr. Blane explains

"Wait? I have feelings for Tommy?" I ask completely confused

"That I can't tell you, but according to Tommy here you do or well did." Dr. Blane explains

"Jude, you have feelings for me, strong ones and wait why did you say did doc?" Tommy asks

"Most patients that have this type of amnesia don't recover the memories lost. It is possible Jude will recover the memories, but it is a small possibility. I am sorry." Dr. Blane explains

"Well, thank you doctor for explaining this to us." I say as I turn to Tommy "And Tommy we are just friends, nothing more or less."

"But that isn't true!" Tommy snaps "I can't believe this is happening. How the hell could you forget all those amazing passionate kisses we shared?"

"Tommy, I think maybe you should go. Jude needs her rest so she can be cleared to leave tomorrow." Dr. Blane interjects

"Doc shut it. I don't care what the hell you have to say. All I care about is that the love of my life has forgotten every thing we have ever shared together because of my stupid ass girlfriend, soon to be ex-girlfriend." Tommy yells

"Excuse me!?" Kathryn yells "Who the hell do you think you are calling me a stupid ass. And what the hell is this nonsense about her, some dumb little brat, being the love of your life!?"

"You heard me. I love Jude, not you. I am done with you. You caused her to be like this. You fucked up and screwed everything up for Jude and me. I fucking hate you and I wish you would just go die!" Tommy yells pushing Kathryn into the hall.

"Oh no you fucking didn't! I will kick your dumb ass to a pulp and I don't give a damn what will happen to me. No one every fucking talks to me like that. EVER!" Kathryn yells.

"I can talk to you how ever the hell I want to! I can…" Tommy yells before being cut off

"SHUT UP!" I yell. "Just shut the hell up. Tommy you are being irrational. I don't like you like that and never will so maybe you shouldn't talk to your girlfriend like that. She seems to really like you and Kathryn I am sorry for any harm I've caused you and Tommy's relationship, just stop yelling at each other. If not, get the hell out of my room. I am freaking tired as hell and if you haven't noticed I am in a damn hospital bed right now and the only thing that should be happening is me getting better not listening to you two dumb asses fight. GOD DAMN!" I yell out as I catch my breath

"Well, I don't give a damn what you think little bitch and I don't except your fake ass apology." Kathryn says before turning on Tommy. "And you GO FUCK YOURSELF!"

"Much rather do that then fuck you!" Tommy yells as Kathryn leaves the room.

"Well if you will excuse me I do have other patients waiting for me. Good-bye Jude, get some rest." Dr. Blane says as she leaves the room.

"Jude, I am…" Tommy starts before I put my hand up to shut him up.

"Don't even start. I can't believe you would even get into a fight, in a hospital, while I am the damn patient in this room. For someone who loves me you sure as hell don't act like it!" I yell as my head begins to throb.

"Jude I am sorry, I just got carried away." Tommy says as he tries to give me a hug but I just shrug him off.

"I accept your apology, but I can't forget your actions. Please leave. I need to sleep." I say as I lay down and face away from him.

"Jude, please don't make me leave. I want to be here with you." Tommy begs trying to get me to face him.

"Leave!" I yell as a tear rolls down my cheek.

"Jude please" Tommy begs as his voice wavers

"Just leave!" I yell as my throbbing head gets worse.

"Jude…I am sorry." Tommy says still not leaving

"I said leave!" I yell again as my vision starts to go black. "Leave…" I whisper out before blacking out.

_Ugh not this place again. I hate this place so much. It is so damn dark and I can't see a damn thing. _

"_Jude?" whispers a voice_

"_Tommy is that you?" I ask my voice coming out louder then expected. _

"_Jude, wake up Jude!" Tommy yells "Oh god, not again. Nurse! Nurse! Please someone help!" Tommy yells _

"_Tommy I am here. Why am I in this blackness again!?" I yell but Tommy doesn't respond. _

_Great, I am stuck in this blackness again with no earthly idea how to get back out. Why is this happening?_

"_I can tell you why." A voice says from the other side of the darkness._

"_Who's there?" I ask backing away from the voice._

"_Don't be afraid. I am here to help you." The voice responds_

"_Help me how?" I ask still backing away from the voice._

"_I was sent here to help you regain your memory that you have lost." The voice says as a bright light shines through the darkness illuminating a figure in the distance. _

"_Who are you?" I ask squinting trying to get a better view of the figure._

"_I am you, well more like the subconscious you. I look exactly like you and speak just like you, but no one sees me but you." The figure says as it steps close enough for me to tell it is me._

"_Woah, this is freaky." I say as I walk closer to the other me. _

"_For you yes, for me just another day." The other me explains_

"_Okay, so how are you supposed to help me get my memory back? Don't you have the same memories as me since you're well me?" I question_

"_Yes, but I didn't go through the same trauma as you did so I didn't lose the memories you lost. Therefore I can return your memory to you, but there are some complications to this process." The other me explains_

"_What are these complications exactly?" I question_

"_To regain your lost memories you must go through three, games for a lack of better word, and in these games you will be tested on if you truly need these memories back or not. The complications are that once through with the games you will either regain the memories or lose them forever." The subconscious me explains_

"_But if I don't need the memories why would it be a bad thing if I lost them forever?" I question not understanding _

"_The problem is that when certain memories are lost forever, any memory pertaining to the memories forgotten for good are lost as well. In this case you would lose all memories pertaining to Tommy, including who he is." _

"_Oh, so there is a possibility that I could forget Tommy completely?" I reluctantly question_

"_Correct. Now are you willing to risk the loss of Tommy forever to get back the few memories lost?" _

"_I…I…" I stutter out_

"_You have little time before you wake to do these games and you must decide now." _

"_I don't know." I say _

"_JUDE! Please don't leave me" Tommy yells from outside of the darkness with a hint of tears._

"_So what is your choice?"_

"_I…I will do the games." I state._

"_Then let the games began." The other me says as the walls change to reveal a very strange scene. _


	15. Chapter 13

**A/N: So I know this chapter may seem a little strange but I thought it be interesting. I hope you like it. Please review **

**Chapter 13**

"_What is this place?" I question as I look around. The walls were now a light purple color with chains and shackles hanging from them. The floors are covered in moss and dead leaves. "Why is it so disgusting in here?" _

"_It is so disgusting in here because that is what you are feeling at the moment." The other me explains_

"_What do you mean? Where the heck are we other me?" I question getting frustrated _

"_First off the name is Lynn, I know strange we have different names but that is how it is. Second we are in your brain still, but we are now in the mood section of it. The room changes with your moods. It is disgusting because you feel disgusted by what has happened to you and what Kathryn did to you." Lynn explains_

"_Oh, so why are we here?" I ask_

"_This is the location of your first game." Lynn explains gesturing towards a huge stage._

"_What exactly is this game?" I ask confused as I step up on the stage. _

"_You will find out." Lynn says as she disappears and a spot light turns on blinding me. "Lynn? Lynn!? Lynn where the hell are you!?" I yell covering my eyes from the bright lights._

"_It is now time for the Memory Show" An announcer says_

"_The what show?" I question _

"_The Memory Show. Here you must prove that you are truly in love. To do this you will be quizzed on how well you know your lover." The announcer explains_

"_That should be easy, bring it on" I say with a smile_

"_Let the questions began." The announcer says as Lynn walks on the stage in a TV show host outfit. _

"_Ms. Harrison your first question is, what is Tommy's favorite color?" Lynn asks_

"_Easy red" I state matter of factly._

"_Next question when was Tommy born?" Lynn asks_

"_May 18, 1990." I say with a smile_

"_What was Tommy wearing when you first met?" _

"_A red band polo, black basketball shorts, long black socks and band shoes." I state remembering how adorable he looked in his band cloths._

"_When did you and Tommy first kiss?" _

"_The day I dressed like a hooker to get his attention." I answer as I inwardly blush thinking about how ridicules I looked that day. _

"_When did you fall in love with Tommy?" Lynn asks_

"_The day his crystal blue eyes met mine after he helped my up off the ground behind the band hall. I was only 12 then." I blurt out. _

"_And that is all the time we have tonight. Good night everyone." The announcer says as the lights go out and the stage disappears from under me._

"_What the hell!?" I yell as I stand up, whipping away the dirt from my butt from falling off the stage. _

"_Okay, well let's move on to the next game." Lynn says as the walls change to an ocean blue color and everything is nice and shiny around us. _

"_Now where are we?" I ask looking around the shiny ocean blue room_

"_We are in your brain still but this is the part that controls your fears." Lynn explains_

"_This place isn't scary at all. It should really be the place for things I love." I say with a smile_

"_Let's just get on with the game." Lynn says pushing me into the wall that I magically went right through. _

"_Welcome, are you ready to face your biggest fears ever?" Lynn asks as she steps in front of me wearing a clown outfit._

"_Haha, I stopped being afraid of clowns when I was 5. Is that the best you've got?" I ask_

"_Bring in the snakes." Lynn yells_

"_Okay, so snakes scare me but what does this have to do with…Oh shit Tommy!" I yell as I see Tommy covered in snakes_

"_You must face your fears to save your love." Lynn explains_

"_Okay, so all I have to do is get rid of the snakes and he will be safe. Got it, here goes nothing." I say as I slowly walk towards Tommy. "Okay, I can do this, just stay calm and breath" I say as I start pulling snakes off of Tommy. As I get down to only a few snakes on Tommy he disappears. "Hey, where did he go?" _

"_Next fear" Lynn yells as a man walks out in front of me_

"_And what are you suppose to do?" I ask _

"_I think you know who I am. I was eleven then though." The all too familiar voice says. _

"_No, no, no!" I yell as I start to back away from the man. "You have to be kidding me. There is no way in hell I can face this fear!" I yell as I keep backing away from him._

"_You have to face me to save Tommy." The man says_

"_I can't." I whisper out as tears start to pour out. "I'm sorry Tommy but I can't face him, I am not strong enough." I say as the tears keep pouring out. _

"_Shhhh, don't cry beautiful just be quiet for me." The man says as he reaches his arm out to touch me._

"_Get the hell away from me!" I yell as I slap his hand away from me. "I said no then and I am saying it now. NO! Get away from me now!" I yell_

"_Just stay quiet." He says again_

"_NO!" I yell. I close my eyes and when I open them he is gone and the room has changed again. "What the hell was that!?" I yell _

"_It is now time for the last game." Lynn says pulling me towards a dark hallway. _

"_That was bull shit!" I yell as I pull away from Lynn. "Why would you or whoever the hell is making up these games think that I could face that fear?" _

"_No time for questions. You must finish this game before you wake up." Lynn says pointing towards a white light glowing from the ceiling. _

"_Fine, let's get this over with so I can get back to real life with my Tommy." I say in a huff. _

"_In this final game you must save whichever object you love more. Tommy or your family. Good luck." Lynn says as she disappears. _

"_What!? I have to choose between them!? I can't save them both!?" I yell into the blackness. _

"_Jude, please save us." Vicki pleads_

"_Yes Jude, please save us." Ryan begs_

"_Jude no, save me!" Tommy yells_

"_Oh shit! This is impossible. Who could possibly choose between their family and the man they love?" I say as I pace thinking about who I should save._

"_Jude!" Vicki yells_

"_Jude!" Tommy yells._

"_JUDE!" Ryan yells_

"_Just be quiet!" I yell back still not sure who to choose. I take a deep breath before I walk towards who I have chosen to save, "Here goes nothing." I reach out towards my brother and mom and pull them to safety. _

"_Thank you so much Jude." Vicki says as she pulls me into a hug._

"_Yes, thanks sis." Ryan says hugging me so tight I can't breathe._

"_Jude!" Tommy yells right before he disappears from sight. _

"_I'm sorry Tommy." I whisper as a single tear rolls down my cheek. _

"Jude, please wake up." Tommy pleads

"I'm sorry Tommy." I whisper out as my eyes open.

"JUDE!" Tommy yells as he pulls me into a hug

"Tommy, you are okay. I thought I had lost you." I say as I hug him tighter

"Jude, you can never lose me. You are stuck with me forever." Tommy says as he wipes a tear from my check. "So do you remember anything?"

"I remember…"


	16. Chapter 14

**A/N: Here is another chapter. I hope you like it. **

**Chapter 14**

"Well what do you remember?" Tommy questions

"I remember the fight with Kathryn and how I got here, but I am still a little fuzzy on some other things." I explain

"Jude, do you remember us kissing?" Tommy questions stepping closer to my bed

Before I answer I just look at Tommy for a few seconds. I notice his eyes pleading with me to remember all those kisses we have shared. I can tell how much it hurt him to hear I had no recollection of kissing him and that I forgot how I feel about him. "How about you come sit next to me and I will tell you everything I remember." I finally say

Tommy does as I said and takes a seat next me on the bed. "So what do you remember?" He asks again but with more worry in his voice then before.

"Tommy" I say as I turn to face him. As I look into his blue eyes I realize that telling him what I remember wouldn't be as good as showing him exactly what I remember. I grab the back of his head and slam my lips against his. He instantly responds by knotting his hands in my hair and deepening the kiss. His tongue lips my bottom lip asking for entrance to which I gladly grant. One of his hands slowly starts to slide up and down my body as mine do the same. We finally pull apart in desperate need for air.

"Wow" Tommy breathlessly says. "You remember everything don't you?"

I start to blush and just nod my head. Tommy starts to lean in to kiss me again but before our lips connect Ryan busts through the door.

"Jude you're awake." Ryan says as he walks over to hug me. "I am so glad you are okay."

"Thanks Ryan" I say with a small smile. _Why the hell did he have to walk in right at that moment? I would really like to go back to kissing Tommy now please and thank you._

"So you ready to come home tomorrow?" Ryan asks

"Wait I am coming home tomorrow? I just woke back up from passing out and they are letting me out tomorrow, that's a little strange." I say

"The doctor said you just passed out because of the meds." Ryan explains

"Oh, okay." I say smiling

"So mom and dad will get you tomorrow morning to take you home which gives you twelve hours to do what you wish in the hospital." Ryan states

"So you're saying I have twelve hours to get peaceful sleep before I have to go back to living with you. I rather just stay here forever." I jokingly state laughing a little.

"Ha ha very funny. I was just here to inform you of the plans, now I am leaving. Later sis." Ryan says as he leaves the room leaving me alone with Tommy.

"So what do you want to do for twelve hours?" I ask with a smile

"Well I could suggest a bunch things but I don't think they would be appropriate to do in a hospital." Tommy says with a smirk

"You are such a perv Tommy." I say as I playfully push him. He laughs while grabbing my wrist to pull me closer to him. I stare into his eyes as he slowly leans his head down to connect our lips again. It was just a light little kiss but it made my whole body feel like it was on fire. "I like this idea though" I state as I lean back in for another kiss but Tommy pulls away.

"Jude we need to talk." Tommy says as he gets off the bed to sit in the chair sitting next to the bed.

"This doesn't sound good." I say as sadness starts to wash over me.

"It's nothing bad, it's just…" Tommy starts but trails off. I stare at him trying to figure out what exactly he wants to talk about but I can't read his face at all. _Oh God, he is going to pull the whole this never happened thing again isn't he? I will kill his ass right here and now if he does that. I don't think I can take hearing those words again. They crushed me the first time and they will probably crush me even worse this time around now that I know according to him that I am the love of his life. _

"It's just what Tommy?" I ask with even more worry and sadness in my voice

"It's just, as much as I want to sit around all day kissing you and other things we can't. You are fourteen and so off limits. I shouldn't even have feelings for you but I do and it is getting harder and harder for me to control them. I just think maybe we should keep the kissing to a minimum, as in not at all, and just stick with being friends." Tommy explains

I look at him shocked and hurt. I can see in his eyes just how much saying these things hurts him, but he still says them. Deep down I know he is right and that because of our age difference right now just isn't the time for us but it still doesn't mean that this doesn't hurt.

"I understand Tommy, and I agree." I say with no emotion in my voice

"Really?" Tommy asks shock evident in his voice.

"Yes, as much as this hurts, and believe me it hurts, I agree that because of our age difference we need to cool it." I say trying to hide my emotions but my eyes betray me as they start to fill with tears.

"Ok then." Tommy says as he stands from his seat. "I will see you around then." He says as he gives me a hug before walking out of my hospital room as I slowly let the tears fall from my eyes.

_Well this sucks. Why do we have to be different ages? I hate this! _

The next day I go home and the whole day I just try to relax in my room but the longer I do nothing the more my mind wonders. _I wish Tommy would have been here when I got home. I miss him so much already and it hasn't even been 24 hours. I need to just get him out of my head before I go crazy. I know that we can't be together but this is going to be so hard. I don't know how I am going to life without Tommy always around. Yes we are still friends but just being friends with him is harder than him not being here at all._

"Jude" Vicki says from my door.

"Yeah Mom?" I ask sitting up

"Just letting you know that you have school tomorrow and all the work you missed is on your desk." Vicki explains

"Thanks Mom, I will get right to it." I say as I get off my bed to move to my desk to do my work. _At least now I have a distraction from thinking about Tommy. _


	17. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

_Dear Diary,_

_These last two months have been the hardest two months of my life. Every day that passes the harder it is to not think about Tommy. It doesn't help that I have to see him like every other day thanks to my brother and when he is here we don't say more than two words to each other. I can't even look at him without wanting to break down and cry. I know that is stupid seeing as we weren't really together so we technically couldn't break up but it still feels like we did. The other day I noticed that he kept stealing glances at me, but I don't think he realized that I noticed. I can tell that he misses me but he is the one who said we should cool it so he shouldn't be missing me or being upset. I wish that things could get back to how things were before we kissed. Back when we were just friends and nothing more. Things were so much simpler back then. I just hope that things can get back to normal soon. I don't know how much longer I can go without Tommy in my life, even if it is as just friends. Maybe I can do something at his birthday party to make things better. I guess we will just have to see. _

_XOXO Jude_

"Jude honey we need to go or we will be late for Tommy's party." Vicki yells.

"Coming" I yell back.

"Please everyone give it up for the birthday boy, Tommy!" the DJ announces as Tommy walks into the party. Everyone claps and yells. I watch as Tommy walks through the crowd saying his hellos to everyone. _He looks amazing. That blue button down brings out his eyes and he looks amazing in those jeans. I really need to not think like that. He is just my friend. _

"Jude." A voice says pulling me out of my thoughts

"Tommy." I say shyly "Happy birthday." I say giving him a side hug to keep things friendly.

"Thanks, you look amazing by the way." Tommy says with a smile on his face.

"Thanks" I reply as my cheeks flush a bright red. "You should really go hang out with you other friends. They are here for you after all." I say trying to get him to leave before I do something stupid.

"I rather talk to you though." Tommy says with a smirk

"Tommy, I think you should go be with your other friends." I say a little forceful.

"Jude what's wrong? Why don't you want to talk to me?" Tommy questions a hint of hurt in his voice.

"Tommy I really don't want to have this conversation here, so just drop it and go have a good party." I say as I start walking away but Tommy grabs a hold of my arm pulling me back. "Let go Tommy." I hiss out getting pissed off at him.

"No, we are going to talk about this. We haven't talked in months beside hellos. I hate that we aren't talking. I feel like a part of me is missing without you in my life." Tommy says

"Tommy, please don't tell me that." I plead

"It is true though. I miss you like crazy and I want you back in my life." Tommy says

"The last time I checked you chose this. You chose to cool things off between us and it led to this. So don't tell me you miss me because you made all this happen." I bite out as he finally lets my arm go.

"Jude, I didn't mean for us to drift apart I just wanted us to be friends. Please can we just be friends?" Tommy asks

"Maybe we should go somewhere more private to talk about this. People are starting to look at us funny." I say as I start walking outside with Tommy following close behind.

_I can't believe we are actually going to have this conversation. I am so pissed and sad all at the same time. I can't believe he had the nerve to tell me he misses me. He has no right to do that when this is all his fault. _

"So I am going to give you five minutes, nothing more. Talk." I say crossing my arms and sitting down on the bench.

"These past two months have been horrible for me. I can't seem to function without you in my life. I keep telling myself that I chose this and that the choice was needed but it just keeps getting harder and harder to not have you in my life." Tommy says

"Tommy-" I start but am stopped

"Please let me finish." Tommy says as I nod my head to let him know to go own. "I can't keep you out of my head. I dream about you every night. Shit I have even seen you when you weren't even there before. I am losing my mind over this and I can't take it anymore. I need you back in my life." Tommy says with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Tommy, I understand." I simply state

"I feel like there is a but coming." Tommy says as the sadness in his voice thickens.

"But I can't be you friend. It is too hard to be around you knowing how we feel about each other. I…I just can't" I say as tears start to fill my eyes. "I wish that I could just be your friend but the longer I go just being your friend the more my hear t breaks." I continue as tears slowly fall from my eyes.

"Jude, please don't cry." Tommy says lifting his hand to my cheek to wipe away the tears but I pull away.

"Tommy, please don't." I say as I stand up to leave.

"Jude, please don't leave me. I need you." Tommy pleads but I just walk away leaving him there alone.

_Dear Diary, _

_So that didn't go as I had planned. I really thought I could be his friend again but all the stuff he was saying made it too hard. It hurts too much being his friend when I know we both want more. I wish things were different because it hurts like hell that he isn't here for me. I need him so much right now. My nightmares are getting worse I need someone to talk to and Tommy is the only one who knows about them. I guess I will just have to deal without him. _

_XOXO Jude_


	18. Chapter 16

**A/N: So here is the new chapter. I hope you like it. Disclaimer I do not own Instant Star or the song Your Eyes song by Alexz Johnson. **

**Chapter 16**

_Dear Diary,_

_It is finally summer, thank God! The last few weeks have been torture thanks to school and Tommy of course. Since he is, well now was, a senior he graduated last week and of course I was forced to go. Not only did I have to get up at the ass crack of dawn but I had to go sit and pretend to be happy for him around all our family and friends. If that wasn't hard enough when his name was called my heart decided to skip a few beats and my stomach decided to get those stupid butterflies. I can't even hear his name without being reminded of how much I like him. Then I was forced to go to his graduation party the next night which was even more torturous then the ceremony. Tommy tried talking to me but I ignored him which I could tell hurt him, but I just can't take being around him or hearing his deep, sexy voice. If I let him get near me I don't think I could keep myself in check. Every time he is around I just want to jump him and kiss him hard on those soft lips, but I can't because we are just friends. I hate this. I am so glad that it is summer and I won't have to see him for almost three months. Thank God for summer camp. Not only do I get to get away from Tommy, I also get to spend the whole summer working on my music. This summer is going to be amazing. Maybe I will even get over Tommy this summer and realize how stupid I was to like a guy like that. I really should get over him though seeing as I am going to high school in the fall. Finally I am a freshman which means hot seniors and a new pool of guys to drool over. Here's to a new fun life without Tommy._

_XOXO Jude_

"Jude, hurry up or we are going to be late and you will miss the bus!" Vicki yells

"I'm coming!" I yell back as I race out of my room and outside to the car.

"Are you sure you have everything you need sweetie?" Vicki asks as she gets into the car

"I've got my guitar and notebook I'm all good." I reply with a smile

"I was talking about stuff like your toothbrush and deodorant." Vicki states with a little chuckle

"I know Mom, and I have all that too." I reply

"Just making sure; I can't believe my baby is going to be gone the whole summer." Vicki says with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"Oh you know you are excited to get the house to yourself while Dad and Ryan are at work." I state jokingly

"I am not even going to respond to that." Vicki says with a small chuckle letting me know I was right.

We pull up to the school a few minutes later where the bus is picking us up to take us to camp. As I get out of the car I notice my brother, dad, and the Quincys minus Tommy. _Well glad to see he isn't here. Let the summer of getting over Tommy Quincy began._

"Hey Jude, we just wanted to wish you luck and hope you have fun." Mrs. Quincy said while giving me a hug.

"Where's Tommy?" I respond without thinking. _Shit why the hell did I just say that?_

"He had work, but he asked me to give this to you." Ryan replies before anyone else handing me a journal.

"A journal, how thoughtful" I bite out sarcastically.

"He also said to read the first page and wishes you luck." Ryan whispers in my ear as he hugs me.

"Thanks." I reply softly

"This is the last call for campers to get on the bus!" The driver yells from the bus

"That would be me. Thank you everyone for seeing me off. I will see everyone at the end of summer at the showcase." I say as I hug my parents one more time and quickly run onto the bus.

I find a seat near the back and quickly open the journal to see what Ryan was talking about. The first page read "Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us." _Wow, that is a powerful quote. I rather not go to my grave with my music still inside me. I want the whole world to hear my music._

After reading over the quote a few more times inspiration for a song hits and I dive into writing. The next time I look up from my new journal is when the bus finally arrives at the camp.

"Okay everyone off the bus. This list of where you will be staying for the rest of the summer is on the board outside the mess hall. Go drop your bags off then meet back in the mess hall." The driver explains.

Everyone gets off the bus and makes their way to the mess hall and their assigned dorms. After dropping off my bags I walk back to the mess hall and bump into someone on accident.

"I am so sorry." I say apologetically

"No problem." The girl I bumped into says.

"I'm Jude." I say sticking my hand out

"Alice." Alice says shaking my hand. "Is this your first year here?"

"Yes, is it that easy to tell?" I ask shyly

"No, I have just been here pretty much every summer and I've never seen you before." Alice replies

"Oh, well then maybe you can explain why we are all meeting at the mess hall?" I ask as we walk into the mess hall.

"You will find out. I rather not spoil the surprise." Alice says with a smile

"Thanks" I laugh out

"You're welcome. You can join me and my friends if you want." Alice says while walking over to a group of people sitting around one of the tables.

"That would be awesome, thanks." I reply while following her

"Hey guys this is Jude." Alice introduces me to the group. "Jude this is Peter, Eric, Marlene, Lily, Sam, Chloe, and…wait where is Lance?" Alice asks while looking around the mess hall for this Lance guy.

"He said he was going to be late." Peter answers

"Oh okay, well you can just meet him later Jude." Alice says as we sit down at the table.

"It's nice to meet you Jude. First year here?" Peter asks

"Yes, so what's going to happen in here?" I question hoping to get an answer out of Peter.

"It's a surprise." Everyone at the table replies at once.

"Okay, okay. I get it" I jokingly state.

"Attention, attention everyone" The director says from the stage in the front of the mess hall. "Welcome everyone to camp. I do hope you had a fun trip here and are all ready for a fun filled summer of music and more music. To start things off I would like all the new campers to stand up." The director explains.

I stand up as I was told and look around the room to see only about ten other people standing. The director looks around the room and his eyes land on me. "You there what's your name?" He asks

"Jude" I reply

"Well Jude, could you please come up on stage?" The director asks. I start walking towards the stage and hear some chuckling going on behind me from the table I was just sitting at. _Why are they laughing? What is going on?_

"Now Jude, are you are song writer?" The director asks as I reach the stage

"Yes" I reply shyly.

"Okay, and do you sing?" The director asks

"Yes" I reply more confidently this time.

"Well then, how about we hear a song then?" The director asks as everyone one starts busting out in cheers.

"Oh, umm I don't have my guitar." I say trying to make an excuse to get out of singing

"Oh that's not a problem; here you can use this one." He says handing me a guitar from behind the stage curtain.

"Thanks. So you want a whole song, one that I wrote?" I ask

"Yes, let's hear it for Jude everyone." The director says as he leaves the stage.

"Okay, well I guess I'll sing a song I just wrote on the way over here." I say adjusting myself on a stool and the tuning the guitar. "It's called 'Your Eyes'" I start strumming the guitar as the mess hall goes quiet in anticipation for my singing.

If I was drowning in the sea  
>Would you dive right in and save me?<br>If I was falling like a star  
>Would you be right there to catch me?<br>If I was dreaming of your kiss  
>Would you look right through me?<p>

On the street I'm waiting  
>In my heart it's raining<p>

Your eyes are holding up the sky  
>Your eyes make me weak, I don't know why<br>Your eyes make me scared to tell the truth  
>I thought my heart was bullet-proof<br>Now I'm dancing on the roof  
>And everybody knows I'm into you<p>

If my heart was sadder than a song  
>Would you still listen?<br>If my tears fell on you, one by one  
>Would you see them glisten?<p>

On the street I'm waiting  
>In my heart it's raining<p>

Your eyes are holding up the sky  
>Your eyes make me weak I don't know why<br>Your eyes make me scared to tell the truth  
>I thought my heart was bullet-proof<br>Now I'm just dancing on the roof

Every single thing you say makes me want to run away  
>Sometimes love's a rainy day but life goes on<p>

Your eyes are holding up the sky  
>Your eyes make me weak, I don't know why<br>Your eyes make me scared to tell the truth  
>I thought my heart was bullet-proof<br>But I'm dancing on the roof  
>And everybody knows I'm into you<p>

I finish the song and everyone instantly stands up and cheers and hollers. The director joins me back on stage. "Well done Jude. Give it up for Jude one more time." He says as he pulls me into a side hug. "I've never heard anyone with a voice like yours or heard a song written that well by someone your age. Well done." He whispers in my ear before letting me return to my seat.

I walk back to my table to join my new friends and get a bunch of pats on the backs and 'oh my gosh that was amazing' from everyone. The director finishes up his introduction and lets us leave to wonder until dinner.

"So Jude, where did you learn to sing and write like that?" Alice asks as we wonder around the camp grounds.

"Nowhere really. I just started doing it around nine and haven't stopped since." I reply with a smile

"Well you are one of the best people I have heard here before, maybe even better than Lance." Alice says with a smile

"Don't let Lance know you said that, he would flip." Peter says with a laugh.

"Don't let Lance know what exactly?" A voice from behind says with a smirk.

"Nothing Lance" Alice says as she walks over to give him a hug.

I look Lance over and realize there is something off about the guy. He has curly short blonde hair and is skinny but not super skinny or buff. He has these blue eyes that seem clouded like they are hiding a secret or more like thousands of secrets. He wears a smirk like an arrogant jack ass and he walks with so much confidence that it's obvious he is conceded as hell.

He walks over to me and gives me that smirk of his and says "Hi I'm Lance."


	19. Chapter 17

**A/N: So here is the new chapter. It is probably the longest chapter I have written so I hope you all like it. Please review. As always I do not own Instant Star or Undo It by Carrie Underwood and When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne **

**Chapter 17**

_Dear Diary,_

_This summer has been amazing! I made a ton of new friends, wrote a ton of new music, and even kissed a boy. Okay, so I only kissed him because we were playing truth or dare but it was an amazing kiss. I got this weird feeling when we kissed, like a shot of electricity shot through my body. After the kiss I didn't feel anything though. I didn't have any lingering feelings of just being kissed and my heart wasn't even racing. That is probably a good thing because I don't think I need to be crushing on Lance even if we have gotten crazy close. He has helped a lot with my writing, and I even talked to him about the whole Tommy thing. He thinks that Tommy is an ass and I deserve better. As much as I tried to believe him and think like that I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried getting over Tommy I just couldn't. Every time I closed my eyes I say his blue eyes staring at me. He invaded every single dream I had, some of which were extremely naughty. I couldn't even write a song that wasn't about Tommy. I think I wrote more love songs this summer then I have in my whole life combined. I did write one anti-Tommy song, with the help of Lance and Alice, but I would never actually perform it or let anyone else hear it. I just wish I had gotten over Tommy like I had planned at the beginning of summer. I don't know how I am going to deal when I have to go back to seeing him almost every day. Thankfully I will be in school all day followed by band practice, so that should help with the not seeing Tommy thing, I hope. Maybe seeing him won't be such a bad thing. Maybe I need to see him and talk to him to get over him. Maybe, maybe I am just stupid and need to realize that I will never not love Tommy Quincy. Enough about Tommy though, let's talk about my new friends. It turns out that Alice is actually my age and will be going to the same high school as me, which is amazing. We have gotten super close, like attached at the hip close. I have told her everything about me, even being raped, which I don't tell anyone. We talk a lot about Tommy too. She thinks that he is right to make us cool things off because of the age thing, but she also thinks that I should try moving on and find a new guy. I don't exactly agree with her but then again I do agree with her. Anyway, back to Lance. Turns out he is a senior at my high school so I will get to see him during the year too, which is a good thing. He has really helped me musically which shocked everyone, but not me. When he is with me he is a total sweetheart, which no one else believes. Besides not getting over Tommy, this summer has been amazing. I am so excited for school to start, but I also really don't want to leave camp. I love it here. I get to play music every day and hang out with my friends like there is nothing else going on in the world. I want my life to stay like that, mainly the music every day part which could actually happen. The reason I chose to come to this specific camp wasn't because my school runs it, but because there is a contest that runs all summer long. The prize is a record deal in LA. Right now I am in first place and it all comes down to my performance tonight at the final concert. I just hope the judges like the song I picked and I can actually get through it without crying. Here goes nothing. _

_XOXO Jude_

"I can't believe that tonight is the final concert already." Alice says with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"I know this summer has gone by so fast. I don't want it to ever end." I reply

"At least it doesn't really have to end for us. We get to see each other every day in school." Alice says pulling me into a hug and giggling.

"I know I can't believe we are going to be at the same school." I reply giggling myself

"What's with all the giggling?" Lance questions as he barges into our dressing room back stage.

"Dude, learn to knock! We could have been changing." Alice says throwing a pillow at him. Lance tries to step out of the pillows path but gets hit square in the face.

"Not cool." Lance says picking up the pillow to throw back but stops when Marlene enters.

"Five minutes Jude." Marlene says then ducks out of the room

"Om my gosh, I can't believe it almost my turn." I say as I look in the mirror to check my make-up.

"You will be fine. You were born to perform and that song you chose is going to kill." Lance says with a smirk

"Wow, who are you and what have you done to the Lance we all know and loath?" Alice asks sarcastically.

"Ha Ha, very funny." Lance replies finally throwing the pillow back at her but misses by a mile.

"Guys, stop it. I need to focus." I try to say seriously but chuckle a little.

"Nice try, but we all know that the instant you hit that stage you become a star." Alice says pulling me away from the mirror and out of the dressing room. "That's why you are number one right now in the contest."

"Guys, you know I really don't care about the contest. I just love to sing." I reply with a smile

"So you say." Lance replies with a small chuckle.

We reach the wings of the stage and peak around the curtain to see the crowd. "Oh God, there has to be over a thousand people out there." I say stepping back to hide the audience.

"So what?" Lance says

"So that is a lot of people, I don't know if I can do this." I say starting to breathe a little faster.

"Jude, you got this." Both Alice and Lance say trying to console me.

"You know, you guys are right. I can do this." I say with extreme confidence.

"Good. Did you see your family out there?" Alice asks

"No, let me look again." I say stepping back up to see the crowd. I scan the crowd and eventually my eyes land on my mom and dad. Sitting right next to them are the Quincys, and next to them my brother and sitting next to my brother was Tommy. As soon as I notice him he turns towards the wings of the stage and his blue eyes lock with mine. He smiles and started to lift his arm to what I assume to give me a wave, but I stepped back behind the curtain before I saw him finish his arm movement. My breathing starts to race again and my heart speeds up.

"Jude are you okay?" Alice asks noticing my sudden change.

"I…I…To…Tomm…Tommy" I stutter out between breathes as my eyes start to tear up.

"Did you just say Tommy?" Alice asks with complete concern.

I simply nod in reply at fear of not being able to get the words out.

"Jude, it's going to be okay." Alice says

"No…no…" I breathe out as tears start to pour out of my eye.

"Jude, why are you getting so upset?" Lance asks with hint of anger in his voice

"I can't go on." I finally say

"What, why?" Alice asks growing more and more concerned.

"Tommy…the song…I just can't" I say between what now are sobs.

"Jude, you can't let him effect you. Go out there and sing your song and forget he is there." Lance says the anger in his voice growing a little.

"You don't get it." I say as I start walking towards my dressing room.

"Jude, look at me." Alice says. I stop walking and lift my tear stained face to look at her. "I understand. I get that the song is about Tommy and expresses some really deep feelings about him, but maybe it would be a good thing to sing it and let him hear it." Alice says.

"I can't sing When You're Gone. Not when he is in the crowd. I can't even get through the song in my room alone without crying. Why the hell would you think I could get through it with him here?" I ask getting pissed off.

"Then don't sing that song." Lance interjects.

"I don't have any other song prepared with the band." I say still crying.

"Yes you do." Lance says with a smirk.

"Oh no, I am not signing that song!" I yell

"It's perfect. Go out there and show Tommy that you don't give a fuck about him anymore. Shove it in his face that you are done with him." Lance says

"I can't. That song was just for me, never to be performed in public." I say as my tears start to slow.

"Jude, you're up." Marlene says

"Oh shit!" I yell "What the hell am I going to do? I can't sing the song I picked, and I am sure as hell not signing the song you are suggesting." I say as I start to pace.

"Jude let's go!" Marlene yells

"Jude, look at me." Alice says. She lifts her hands to my face and fixes my now messed up make-up then pulls me into a hug. "Just do what you think is best." She whispers in my ear before letting me go.

I walk onto the stage and look out into the crowd. Everyone starts to clap as I walk to the piano in the center of the stage. I sit down and look at the crowd one more time and instantly look eyes with Tommy. _Shit, I can't do this._

"Hi, I am Jude Harrison. I was originally going to sing a song called When You're Gone, but there has been a slight change in the program." I say as I walk over to the band to inform them of the song change. They nod their heads in response. I walk to the center of the stage but don't sit down at the piano. I grab the microphone from the stand and look out into the crowd. I find Tommy again and look him dead in the eyes and with a smirk I say, "This is called Undo It." The music starts and my eyes are still locked on Tommy.

I should have known by the way you passed me by  
>There was something in your eyes and it wasn't right<br>I should have walked, but I never had the chance  
>Everything got out of hand and I let it slide<p>

Now I only have myself to blame  
>For falling for your stupid games<br>I wish my life could be  
>The way it was before I saw your face<p>

You stole my happy, you made me cry  
>Took the lonely and took me for a ride<br>And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it  
>You had my heart, now I want it back<br>I'm starting to see everything you lack  
>Boy you blew it, you put me through it<br>I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Na, na, na-na, na  
>Na, na, na-na, na<br>Na, na, na-na, na, na

Now your photos don't have a picture frame  
>And I never say your name and I never will<br>And all your things, well I threw them in the trash  
>And I'm not even sad<p>

Now you only have yourself to blame  
>For playing all those stupid games<br>You're always gonna be the same  
>And, oh no, you'll never change<p>

You stole my happy, you made me cry  
>Took the lonely and took me for a ride<br>And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it  
>You had my heart, now I want it back<br>I'm starting to see everything you lack  
>Boy you blew it, you put me through it<br>I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Na, na, na-na, na  
>Na, na, na-na, na<br>Na, na, na-na, na, na

You want my future, you can't have it  
>I'm still trying to erase you from my past<br>I need you gone so fast

You stole my happy, you made me cry  
>Took the lonely and took me for a ride<br>And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it  
>You had my heart, now I want it back<br>I'm starting to see everything you lack  
>Boy you blew it, you put me through it<br>I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

As I am about to start the last part of the song Tommy gets up from his seat and walks off. I could tell that he was pissed and he looked like he wanted to kill someone. _What did I just do? _

You stole my happy, you made me cry  
>Took the lonely and took me for a ride<br>Boy you blew it, you put me through it  
>I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it<p>

I finish the song and the crowd goes wild. I take a bow and walk off stage. Lance pulls me into a hug and whispers in my ear, "Nice job, way to show that ass who is boss." Lance lets me go and I walk over to Alice who hugs me but says nothing.

"Miss Harrison," I turn at my name to see the director. "Why did you change your song?"

"I just thought Undo it is a better song." I reply with no emotion

"Jude, the reason When You're Gone was picked was because it won the ballad contest. You do remember the rules to that contest right?" The director questions

"Yes sir, I just thought…" I reply but am cut off.

"Jude, normally I would not give a singer another chance to perform, but I believe that When You're Gone needs to be heard." The director says. "You will go out there and sing the right song, but sadly I must inform the judges that you are no longer in the running for the contract."

"What!?" I yell "That isn't fair."

"Maybe you should have done as you were told. Now go drink some water and rest a little. You will go on after Lance." The director says

"Wait what!?" Lance yells. "I always close the show." He continues his voice dripping in anger.

"I am sorry Lance, but it is my decision and Jude will go on after you." The director says and walks away.

"Lance, I am sorry." I say

"Don't worry about it. It's not like you're in the running for the contract so it doesn't even matter." Lance says his voice still dripping with anger.

"Okay." I reply quietly as Lance walks away to get ready for his turn leaving me alone.

****TOMMY'S POV****

As I sit watching Jude perform her song I start to feel extremely angry. The song is officially about me and the words are cutting deep. I stand up not wanting to hear any more of the song and leave the stage area.

_**I can't believe her. I can't believe she could look me dead in the eyes and sing those things, and in front of thousands of people. She is such a bitch! Okay maybe she isn't a bitch, but she is still…shit I can't even say bad things about her. I guess she got over me this summer. I on the other hand have been miserable without her all summer. I couldn't stop thinking about her. She was in every dream I had and some of those dreams were very dirty. I just can't believe she could sing that song, let alone write it. I thought she loved me. I guess I was wrong. Maybe I should just get over her already. She is just some silly little girl and I can get any girl I want. Sadly I don't want to get over Jude. I love her too much. I…**_

"Tommy!" Ryan yells pulling me out of my thoughts

"What?" I bite out

"Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?" Ryan asks a little pissed off

"Nothing man." I reply

"Dude, it isn't nothing. You got up before Jude was even done and you looked like you wanted to kill someone. Tell me what is going on." Ryan says concern evident in his voice.

"I couldn't listen to her sing anymore." I reply running my hands through my hair in frustration.

"Why? That song was amazing and very different from what she normally writes. Plus her voice has gotten better and…" Ryan starts then stops when he notices me cringing at every word. "Wait the song that was about you wasn't it?" Ryan asks

"Unless Jude has another guy she hates then yes it was about me." I reply starting to pace.

"Dude, I'm sorry." Ryan says trying to be concerned

"Sure you are. Look I really want to be alone right now." I say trying to get him to leave.

"I am not leaving you alone." Ryan replies. "Look, I have no idea what happened between you and Jude, and really don't want to know, but I think you need to suck it up. Be a man and go back in there. The director said she was going to sing her original song. Just go back and listen." Ryan says grabbing my arm to try to pull me back with him.

"No, I will just stay out here." I reply pulling my arm from his grasp.

"Whatever man." Ryan says as he starts walking away. He stops though when he hears the music coming from the stage. "Dude, you need to go listen." Ryan says as he realizes what the song is about.

"No" I reply firmly

"Seriously, Jude is singing right now. Can't you hear it?" Ryan asks.

I walk closer to him and listen. The music flows from the piano and the words slowly reach my ears. I listen intensely and realize what the song is about and smile.

"I bet this is about you too." Ryan says with a smirk and chuckle as we start to run back to the stage to listen to the rest of the song.

****JUDE'S POV****

"Jude," I turn to the voice that just said my name. "Why did you change your song?" Alice asks

"I just…I don't know." I say sinking into the chair behind me trying to keep myself from breaking down again.

"Jude, that song was so mean." Alice says sitting down are the arm next to me.

"I know. I feel horrible for singing it." I say as tears start to slowly escape my eyes.

"Then why did you do it?" Alice asks

"I don't know." I reply frustrated as tears start to flow down my face freely. "I got out there and I saw Tommy and I just snapped. I wanted to make him feel as bad as I do." I reply

"Oh Jude," Alice says pulling me into her chest as I cry harder.

"I can't believe I did that. He actually got up and left before the song was over." I sob out. "He looked so pissed."

"Jude, I think you need to talk to him. Explain what the song is about and why you did that." Alice says

"I don't think I can do that. Plus I doubt Tommy even wants to talk to me." I reply

"Jude, you need to get ready. You are on again in five." Marlene says

"Thanks." I reply as I stand up and wipe my eyes to fix my make-up.

"Wait, you are going back out there?" Alice asks confused.

"Yes, director came over after my song and told me I had to sign When You're Gone. He also informed me I am no longer in the contest for the contract." I explain

"Oh, I am so sorry Jude. I know how much you wanted that contract." Alice says pulling me into another hug.

"Thanks, but I guess it's just karma working against me for singing Undo It." I say with a small chuckle.

"That is probably true." Alice says with a chuckle. "Are you going to be okay with singing When You're Gone?" Alice asks

"I think so. Tommy left so at least now I won't have to see his face as I sing." I reply

"Maybe if he hears the song he will forgive you for the first song." Alice says as we walk closer to the stage.

"I doubt it, but thanks for that." I say before walking onto stage.

I walk to the piano just like before and sit down. "Hi again, I am going to sing When You're Gone. I hope you like it." I state simply and start playing the piano.

I always needed time on my own  
>I never thought I'd need you there when I cry<br>And the days feel like years when I'm alone  
>And the bed where you lie is made up on your side<p>

When you walk away, I count the steps that you take  
>Do you see how much I need you right now<p>

When you're gone  
>The pieces of my heart are missing you<br>When you're gone  
>The face I came to know is missing too<br>When you're gone  
>The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it okay<br>I miss you

I lift my head from looking at the keys and instantly notice Tommy walking back to his seat. My eyes start to gather tears and look back at the keys.

I've never felt this way before  
>Everything that I do reminds me of you<br>And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor  
>And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do<p>

When you walk away, I count the steps that you take  
>Do you see how much I need you right now<br>When you walk away, I just want you to stay  
>That I've been searching for the last while, oh<p>

When you're gone  
>The pieces of my heart are missing you<br>When you're gone  
>The face I came to know is missing too<br>And when you're gone  
>The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it okay<br>I miss you

I glance up before starting the bridge and notice Tommy smiling at me. I smile a little and let my tears fall from my eyes as I sing the rest of the song with my whole heart.

We were made for each other  
>Out here forever<br>I know we were, yeah, yeah, yeah  
>But it's now or never<br>And we've been together  
>But if you were, yeah, yeah<p>

All I ever wanted was for you to know  
>Everything I do, I'd give my heart and soul<br>I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here  
>And it's so many things and feel so close to clear<br>But all I ever wanted was for you to know  
>Everything I do, I'd give my heart and soul<br>I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone  
>The pieces of my heart are missing you<br>And when you're gone  
>The face I came to know is missing too<br>And when you're gone  
>The words I need to hear will always get me through the day and make it okay<br>I miss you

As the song comes to an end I look out into the crowd again, tears lightly rolling down my cheeks and lock eyes with Tommy. He smiles at me and I notice the slight hint of tears in his eyes.


	20. Chapter 18

**A/N: First I would like to say thank you so much for reading. I love writing this story and am glad that people actually like this. So here is the new chapter. I hope you like it and please review.**

**Chapter 18**

I walk off the stage, still letting my tears flow freely, and quickly walk to my dressing room dodging everyone who tried to stop me. Once in my dressing room I close and lock the door behind me and walk to the vanity. I bend over to rest my hands on the table and slowly lift my head up to look at myself in the mirror. I look worse than I thought. My make-up is completely no existent expect for the black stains on my cheeks and my eyes are as red and puffy. I stare at myself for a few seconds before grabbing the closes thing to me and chunking it at the mirror, shattering the glass and my reflection. I stare at my new shattered reflection and realize that my reflection represents how I feel inside perfectly.

_I am such a stupid person. How could I go out there and sing one song about hating Tommy and then not ten minutes later sing a song about how much I love him? I am so stupid. No I am beyond stupid. I am…shit I don't even know what I am. I feel so confused and…and broken inside. Ever since Tommy told me we need to cool it when I was in the hospital I have felt so broken inside. I have felt so alone and though I have had so much fun these past two months I still haven't felt anything but broken. I can't even figure out why I feel so bad. Maybe it is Tommy or maybe I am just messed up. I just want to feel not broken. I want…_

I am pulled out of my thoughts by a knock on my door. "Jude"

"Go away!" I yell not caring who it is.

"Jude it's your parents let us in." Stuart says through the door. _Shit I don't want to deal with them._

"One second" I yell as I quickly wipe my face and throw a blanket over the mirror to hide my break down. I walk over to the door and open it to see the smiling faces of my parents.

"Jude, you were so amazing." Vicki says as she pulls me into a hug.

"Amazing as always honey." Stuart says pulling me into a hug after my mom releases me.

"Thanks" I say emotionless.

"Baby sis you rocked it!" Ryan yells as he enters the room. "I will deny saying that if anyone ever asks." He quickly adds

"Thanks Ryan." I say a little sarcastically.

"So did you have good summer?" Vicki asks

"Amazing, I love it here." I reply forcing some excitement into my voice.

"Well I am glad you had fun, but it is time to go home." Stuart says

"I know my bags are back in my cabin." I state

"Thanks for informing us. We will go get them and pack up the car while you say goodbye to your friends." Vicki says noticing Alice standing in the doorway.

"Thanks." I reply as my family leaves the room and Alice enters closing the door behind her.

"Jude, what happened?" Alice asks

"What do you mean?" I question walking over to the couch to sit down and Alice follows.

"You walked off the stage crying and ignored everyone." Alice states concern dripping from her voice.

"You know I have trouble signing that song." I say hoping she won't dig any deeper.

"Not like that, you were practically bawling." Alice states. "So I ask again, what happened?"

I sigh before replying, "Tommy came back during the song. I couldn't look away once I made eye contact with him and when I finished I noticed he was holding back tears. I just lost it."

"Oh Jude" Alice says pulling me into a hug as I start crying again. "You need to go find him right now and talk to him."

"I can't" I cry out.

"You need to or everything you two have will be lost forever. We both know that losing him would destroy you even more than you already are." Alice says and notices the confused look on my face and continues. "Yes I know how broken up inside you are. I'm not stupid, plus I have heard some of those songs you write late at night when you think everyone are asleep."

"Why haven't you said anything before?" I question

"I figured you would talk to me when you were ready." Alice states

"You are such a great friend." I say pulling her back into a hug.

"I know" Alice says with a giggle which makes me start to laugh.

"Jude" A knock and voice at the door interrupts our laughing.

"It's Tommy" I whisper hoping he doesn't hear me.

"Talk to him." Alice says as she gets up and opens the door. "So you are the infamous Tommy that I have heard so much about this summer." Alice says with a smile.

"I guess I am." Tommy says with a chuckle

"Well it is nice to meet you. I'm Alice and I was just leaving." Alice says as she walks out the door. "Bye Jude!" She yells from the hall.

I stare at Tommy just standing in the doorway for a few seconds before I speak. "Hey" I shyly say looking down into my lap.

"Hey" Tommy replies as he walks towards me closing the door behind him. He sits down on the couch next to me and we sit in silence for what feels like days but in reality were only a few minutes before he speaks again. "You did great."

"Thanks" I reply still not looking up from my lap.

"Jude, could you please look at me." Tommy pleads

"I can't." I reply simply

"I'm not mad if that helps." Tommy says reassuring

"You should be." I say looking up at him before continuing. "That song was so mean and I never meant for anyone to hear. I only wrote it because I was so pissed at myself for not being able to get over you." I explain.

"Jude, I get you're mad at…" Tommy starts the reply he had planned but stops when my words register. "Wait you wrote it because you were pissed at yourself?" Tommy asks confused

"Yes" I whisper out looking back down at my lap.

"Why would you be pissed at yourself? I understand you being pissed at me but you have no reason to be pissed at yourself." Tommy says

"I'm not mad at you." I reply trying to avoid his question.

"That's good, but why were you mad at yourself?" Tommy questions not letting me dodge the question.

"That is none of your business." I simply say

"Fine don't tell me." Tommy bites out getting frustrated. "If you would answer that question than answer me this, what was that second song about?"

"Again, none of your business" I reply.

"Seriously, just answer my questions." Tommy replies the frustration evident in his voice.

"Why, it's not like we are friends anymore." I reply dryly.

"That was your choice, not mine. I wanted to stay friends but you pushed me away." Tommy replies raising his voice a little with each word.

"Fine if you want to know so badly, that song was about you!" I yell out as a stand up. "The whole summer I tried to get over you. I tried to forget you even existed but no matter what I did I couldn't get you off my mind. Every song I wrote was about you. I hated that you weren't here with me and I hated being apart from you. I felt like a piece of me was missing. Shit I will just flat out say it that I missed you so much this summer." I say as tears start to fall from my eyes.

"Jude" Tommy simply says just looking at me. After a few seconds of silence he starts talking. "Jude, I missed you too. I couldn't get you out of my head no matter how hard I tried. I wanted to be with you every second of every day. The whole summer I tried to get over you, but it didn't work. I never realized until these past few months just how important you are to me."

"Tommy" I say tears still rolling down my cheeks. Tommy pulls me into a hug and holds me tight for a few minutes.

"I'm sorry about the song." I say my voiced muffled against his chest.

"It's okay, it hurt at first but I don't care anymore." Tommy says pulling out of the hug.

"I should have never sung it and I felt so horrible after I finished." I ramble out.

"Jude, its fine, let's just forget it ever happened." Tommy says with a smile.

I nod in agreement and Tommy pulls me back into a hug. We stay like that for a while until he speaks up.

"Jude, as much as I need you in my life I don't think it will work." Tommy says as I pull away from him.

"What are you talking about?" I question confused and a little angry.

"Every time I am near you it takes every ounce of me to keep from kissing you. I can't take that. I want to be with you so bad that it hurts to not be with you." Tommy explains

"Tommy, you said you needed me in your life. Why are you doing this?" I question getting angrier.

"I know, but I can't do this." Tommy says starting to walk towards the door.

"You have to be kidding me!" I yell

"I'm sorry" Tommy says as he reaches for the doorknob.

I grab a pillow from the couch and chunk it at him and hit him in the head. Tommy turns around confused by my actions.

"You don't get to do this to me again!" I yell as I walk over to him. "Every time we get close to being okay you have to go and screw everything up. Why can't we just be happy?" I question

"Jude, please just drop this." Tommy says turning back towards the door.

"Oh hell no, you are not leaving this room until you explain to me why you always have to destroy us?" I yell pulling him to face me.

"Jude, I can't. Just let me go. Move on and forget whatever this thing we had between us." Tommy says as he turns and leaves the room.

"Tommy!" I yell at his retreating form. I walk into the hallway and run in the direction he left in. I see him about to leave the back stage area but before he does I yell, "I hate you Tommy Quincy!" Tommy pauses for a split second but continues out the door.

I stand in the middle of the hall just staring at the door Tommy left throw. I am snapped out of my haze by someone tapping on my shoulder. I turn around to see Lance standing there looking concerned.

"Jude are you okay?" Lance asks.

I stare at him, his words not registering in my head. I fling my arms around his neck and start crying into his shoulder.

"Jude, let's get you back to your dressing room and we can talk." Lance says pulling me with him towards my dressing room as I still cry into his shoulder. We walk into my dressing room and Lance sits us down on the couch before asking, "What happened?"

"Tommy" I say between sobs.

"What he do this time?" Lance asks with a hint of frustration in his voice.

"He…He…told me to…forget him…and everything we had…" I say in between sobs.

"Then maybe you should forget him." Lance states.

"I can't" I reply.

"Maybe you just need a little help." Lance says with a smile on his face.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I question looking up at him.

"This" Lance says as he leans in and crashes his lips against mine.


	21. Chapter 19

**A/N: So here is the new chapter. It is longer then most chapters since I could not stop writing once I finally figured out what I wanted to say, but a lot happens, some of which will make you mad and some that will make you super happy. It takes place over the first week of school for Jude, mainly the first day and that Friday. I hope everyone likes it. Please please review, I love hearing from y'all. Enjoy**

**Chapter 19**

_Dear Diary,_

_It has been a week since I came back home from camp, one long, confusing week. My brain has been firing no stop trying to figure out what everything means. Why the hell is Tommy being so bipolar? Why the hell can't he just figure things out already? Why the hell did Lance kiss me? There are so many questions and I have absolutely zero answers. I haven't seen Tommy or Lance since that night, but tomorrow I will get to see Lance seeing as tomorrow is the first day of high school. I still can't believe I am in high school. I am super excited for all the things I get to do. I have marching band, twirling, upper level classes, and my own music. It is going to be crazy trying to keep up with all this, but it will be nice to have distractions from all the boy drama. I hate all this stupid crazy shit. Tommy keeps being all bipolar with me, saying he needs me one second and the next saying he can't be my friend. I don't understand what is going on with him, and I really wish it would all just stop. He needs to decide already how he feels before I lose my mind. Then there is Lance. I can't believe he kissed me. I didn't know he even thought of me in that way. I know he was trying to help in his own way, but all it has done is confuse me more. It doesn't help that after he kissed me he just walked away with a smirk leaving me in the hall backstage dumbfounded. The kiss made me feel so strange. It was an amazing kiss, but nothing like a Tommy kiss. Lance is a sweet guy but I don't think I like him like that. Hopefully he doesn't say anything and we can just get back to being friends. I rather not screw up a new friendship because of a silly kiss. Here's hoping that tomorrow goes great. _

_XOXO Jude_

"Jude wake up or you are going to be late for school." Stuart says turning on my bedroom lights.

Groaning I roll out of bed and to the bathroom to get ready. Since it's the first day of school I decide to put some effort into my look. I straighten my hair and apply my make-up then walk to my closet to pick out an outfit. I eventually decide on a blue skater skirt and white blouse with ruffles across the sweetheart neck line. I slip on my blue strappy sandals and head to the kitchen for breakfast.

"Whoa, who are you and what have you done with my sister?" Ryan asks sarcastically

"Ha ha very funny Ryan." I state sticking my tongue out him before eating my poptarts.

"We leave in five minutes Jude." Ryan says walking back to his room.

"Fine" I reply.

Five minutes later Ryan and I head out the door and get into his car. It only takes ten minutes to get to school and when we arrive we head to the band hall to meet up with our separate group of friends. I find Alice and engulf her in a hug.

"I've missed you." We say at the same time.

"So are you excited?" Alice asks as we go sit down the hall waiting for first period to start, which is band thank God.

"Hell yes. I still can't believe we are in high school." I say excitedly.

"I know right? So did you happen to see Lance on your way in?" Alice questions.

"No thank God." I reply with a little sigh of relief.

"Wait, I thought you two were close?" Alice asks confused.

"We are it's just something happened after the concert." I reply shyly looking down at my lap.

"What happened?" Alice asks excitedly.

"He kissed me." I mumble out hoping she didn't hear.

"He what!?" Alice shouts

"Shit, be quit." I reply trying to get her to calm down.

"I so knew he had a crush on you." Alice states with a smile.

"You did?" I ask glaring at her.

"You didn't?" Alice asks shocked

"No idea. Was it that obvious?" I ask

"Very obvious seeing as he was actually nice to you. He always tried to be around you no matter what." Alice explains

"I didn't even notice." I reply looking down at my lap.

"Well you are kind of oblivious to anything that isn't Tommy related." Alice says

"I am not." I reply shoving Alice playfully.

"Are too." Alice replies shoving me back. "So do you like him?"

"I don't know, he is super sweet but I don't think it be smart to get into anything with all my Tommy problems." I explain

"Maybe this is what you need, a nice distraction from you Tommy problems." Alice says with a smile.

"I don't know, I would feel horrible for using Lance like that." I reply with a hint of sadness in my voice.

"Hey, it is just a suggestion, and between you and me I doubt he would even notice if you were using him." Alice says as the bell rings. We walk into the music room and start our first class of the day.

After band my next three periods were completely uneventful. Alice and I had two of those classes together which is nice so I don't feel alone. It is now lunch and I walk into the cafeteria and scan the room for any familiar faces. My eyes land on Alice and instantly walk over to her.

"Jude" I turn at my name being called from behind to see none other than Lance. _Shit I thought I was going to get through the day without seeing him._

"Lance, hey" I hesitantly say

"How is your first day?" He asks

"Good, yours" I reply trying to keep this conversation short.

"Good, so do you want to sit with me and my friends?" Lance asks gesturing towards a table full of seniors.

"Thanks, but Alice is saving me a seat." I reply pointing towards Alice

"Oh, well can I join y'all?" Lance asks

"Don't you want to sit with your friends?" I ask trying to say no in a nice way.

"I see them all day, and I miss my camp friends." Lance replies with a smirk.

"Okay I guess." I reply walking over to Alice with Lance following.

"Hey" Alice says

"Hey, I hope you don't mind Lance wanted to join." I say taking my seat next to Alice and Lance across from us.

"It's cool, how are you Lance?" Alice asks trying to be polite.

"I'm good, you?" Lance replies

"I'm good" Alice replies.

We eat in silence the rest of lunch. When there is about five minutes left of lunch we get up and head outside to enjoy the sun before being cooped back up for another three periods.

"So Jude can I talk to you, alone?" Lance asks

"Umm sure, Alice I'll see next period." I say as I walk off with Lance. "So what's up?"

"Well I think we need to talk about that kiss." Lance says a little shyly.

"Lance can we not." I say looking down at the ground.

"We need to." Lance says

"Fine, talk" I say crossing my arms across my chest still looking at the ground.

"Jude, could you look at me?" Lance asks reaching out his hand to lift my chin up. "That's better, now I can see those beautiful blue eyes."

"Lance" I say shyly as a blush forms on my cheeks. _Shit why am I blushing? I should not be blushing right now. I don't like Lance like that. Right?_

"So that kiss, I know that you have this thing for that dumb ass Tommy but you so deserve better. I get it if you don't feel the same but I need you to know that I like you, a lot." Lance confesses staring me dead in the eyes the whole time.

"Ummm…" I reply looking back down at the ground not being able to hold his gaze anymore. _What the hell should I say? _

"Jude I total get if you only like me as a friend, but I think that we would make a great couple." Lance rambles out with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Lance, I just…the whole Tommy thing, I just don't know if this would be a good idea." I say still looking at the ground.

"Jude, I don't care about Tommy. I know that once we get together you will get over him." Lance says with a little smirk.

"Wow, someone is cocky." I reply with a chuckle.

"That's not what I meant, I just…" Lance says before I cut him off.

"I know that isn't what you meant." I say with a smile finally looking back up at him. I lock eyes with him and my mind goes fuzzy. _What is going on with me? I thought I didn't like Lance. Maybe he is right though about the whole getting over Tommy thing. Maybe being with Lance is a good thing. He is sweet, and he seems to really like me. Maybe this would be a good thing._

"Jude," Lance says pulling me out of my thoughts. "As I was saying, I think we would be good together. I guess what I am trying to say or ask is, well…will you go out with me?" Lance asks a little shyly.

"Ummm…yes. I would like that very much." I reply with a smile.

"Really?" Lance asks shocked

"Yes really" I reply with a smile.

"I didn't think you would say yes. This is great." Lance says pulling me into a hug. "So you do know that this means we are boyfriend/girlfriend, right?" Lance asks

"Yes" I simply reply

"Good" Lance replies with a smile just as the bell rings for next period. "I'll see after school?" Lance asks

"I have twirling practice right after school then band. I'll text you." I reply as I walk towards my class.

"Okay" Lance replies before walking towards his own class.

"Sooooo, what happened with Lance?" Alice asks as I sit down next to her.

"He asked me out and I said yes." I reply with a smile.

"No way!" Alice squeals out.

"I know it's crazy, but I think this is going to be good for me." I explain

"Well I am super happy for you." Alice says pulling me into a hug.

"Thanks" I say

The rest of the day passes without anything eventful happening. My twirling and band practices were uneventful as well. By the time I got home I had 15 unread text messages, all from Lance. I unlock my phone and read over the messages, all saying the same thing, 'Text me now.' _Wow, a little demanding of him. I told him I would be busy all afternoon and that I would text him after. He needs to chill._

I text him back 'Hey, I just got home from my practices.'

'Oh, sorry I didn't realize they would run this late.' Lance replies back within seconds.

'It's cool, so how are you boyfriend? :)' I reply

'I'm great girlfriend :)' Lance replies.

After about an hour of texting none stop about random things, I fall into a nightmare filled sleep.

The next few days are full of Alice and I goofing around and trying to pay attention in class, and Lance and I acting like a barf inducing cute couple as Alice likes to put it. It is finally Friday which means my first football game.

"So boyfriend, are you coming to the game tonight?" I ask as I kiss Lance on the cheek and sit down next to him at lunch.

"Why the hell would I go to that?" Lance asks with a chuckle.

"To see me of course" I reply with a smile.

"I don't know Jude; I'm not really into that school spirit thing or football." Lance replies

"Oh come on, it is my first football game in high school and I really want my boyfriend to be there to support me." I say with a fake pout.

"Don't give me that face. You know I can't say no when you make that adorable pouty face." Lance says leaning in to give me a kiss but I turn my head before he can.

"No kisses unless you come tonight." I reply with a smirk

"That is so messed up." Lance replies with a little hint of anger in his voice.

"So you will come tonight?" I ask with a smile.

"Fine, what time?" Lance says with a sigh.

"The game starts at 7, but I have to be here at 5:45 for band stuff and we march out at 6:30. You could come by the band hall before going into the game so you can see me." I reply with a triumphant smile.

"Okay" Lance replies leaning into give me kiss but I turn my head again with a chuckle. "I said I was going to go so why won't you let me kiss you?" Lance questions

"You know I don't like the whole PDA thing." I reply shyly

"Fine, can I at least give you a peck on the cheek?" Lance asks

"Of course" I reply as Lance leans in and kisses my cheek.

"You two are so gross." Alice says as she starts making gaging noises.

"Shut up" Lance and I reply at the same time. The bell rings signaling the end of lunch.

"See you tonight." I say as I peck Lance on the cheek before heading to class.

"See you then." Lance replies

"Where is he?" I ask as I pace back and forth in the hallway.

"He will be here." Alice says trying to calm me down.

"It's 6:20, he told me he would be here at 6." I say starting to get frustrated.

"Jude, just calm down, he probably just got stuck in traffic." Alice says with a reassuring voice.

"You are probably right." I reply just as a familiar face walks into the hall.

"Hi Jude."

"Tommy" I simply reply.

"You look really nice." Tommy says

"I know that is a lie. I look like a total clown with all this make-up on." I reply with a chuckle.

"True, but that leotard looks good on you." Tommy says with a smile.

"Thanks" I reply with a small smile.

"So how is high school?" Tommy asks breaking the short silence.

"Good, I actually like my classes and have made new friends. I even…" I say but am cut off by someone picking me up from behind.

"Hey gorgeous" Lance says with a laugh.

"Put me down, you are going to mess up my leo." I say playfully smacking his arms.

"Fine" Lance says put me down a little forcefully.

"Thank you" I say as I turn to him and give him a peck on the cheek leaving behind a little lipstick.

"Did you really have to do that?" Lance asks a hint of anger in his voice.

"Sorry, I thought you wouldn't mind being marked by your girlfriend." I reply with a hint of attitude.

"Well I do, and what the hell are you wearing? You look like a striper who has loss her way to the pole." Lance says laughing at his own joke.

"I have to wear this for twirling. Thanks for that sweet complement hun." I bite out.

"Jude you know I was just joking." Lance says noticing the hurt in my eyes.

"Whatever, look I have to go. I'll see you after the game." I say as I walk away from Lance who looks pissed off.

"Jude, are you okay?" Tommy asks as I pass him.

"I'm fine." I bite out a little to forcefully.

"Damn, don't get pissed at me. I wasn't the one who said it." Tommy says throwing his hands up like he was surrendering.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to say it that mean. Then again I didn't think my boyfriend would say anything like that to me." I say a hint of sadness in my voice.

"That douche is your boyfriend?" Tommy questions

"Yes and he isn't a douche. He just has a different sense of humor." I reply

"Jude, he is a major douche." Tommy says

"You should know." I reply under my breath hoping Tommy doesn't hear.

"Excuse me?" Tommy asks with anger in his voice.

"Nothing, look I really need to go." I say trying to walk into the band hall.

"No you don't, you still have a few minutes before they march out." Tommy says grabbing me by the arm and pulling me back into the hall.

"Tommy let go of me." I say trying to pull out of his grasp but he is too strong.

"Why did you say I was a douche?" Tommy asks

"Because you are." I simply reply.

"Why on earth would you think that?" Tommy asks

"Well let's see, you constantly change your mind about your feelings for me. You always tell me you need me and then the next second you are telling me you don't. Oh and there is the whole treating me like shit." I reply ticking off the different ways with my fingers.

"Jude, I do not treat you like shit." Tommy replies

"Bull shit." I say getting mad.

"How exactly do I treat you like shit?" Tommy asks finally letting go of my arm to cross his arms across his chest.

"Tommy I really don't have time to deal with you and whatever mood you are in today. So if you don't mind I really need to go." I say as I walk away from Tommy.

"Fine, we can talk after the game seeing as I am staying at your house tonight." Tommy replies causing me to turn around at the last part.

"You are what?" I ask shocked.

"Oh Ryan didn't tell you. I am crashing at your house tonight; it has kind of become our after game ritual. I thought that we should keep it going even if I graduated." Tommy replies with a smirk.

"Whatever, I don't care because Alice is staying over too." I reply with my own smirk.

"Good for you, but we are still going to talk." Tommy says

"No we aren't. Don't even think about coming near me tonight." I reply with anger in my voice.

"I will do as I please." Tommy replies with a smirk before walking off. "Good luck tonight." Tommy says over his shoulder.

"Screw you!" I yell back at him before heading out to join the band.

After the game, which we won, I find Lance waiting for me in the band hall.

"Hey" Lance says shyly.

"Hi" I say trying to hold back my anger.

"Look Jude I am so sorry about my comment earlier." Lance says reaching for my hand but I pull it away. "Jude, come on. I was just joking. I think you look gorgeous in everything you wear."

"Lance that comment really hurt." I say looking down at the ground.

"I know and I am so sorry. I never should have said that. I should have just said you look gorgeous, which is true by the way." Lance says bending down a little trying to meet my eyes.

"Fine, I guess I can forgive you. Just don't say anything like that again." I reply looking up from the ground.

"Good, you did amazing tonight by the way." Lance says leaning in to kiss me.

"Thanks" I reply with a blush.

"You are so adorable when you blush." Lance says with a smile.

"Stop it; you are going to make it worse." I say shyly as my blush turns a darker shade of red.

"I like it though." Lance says pecking my cheek.

"Gross" Alice says walking up behind us.

"Oh you are just jealous." I reply shoving her shoulder a little.

"Am not" Alice replies sternly.

"Whatever you say, so are you ready for a fun filled night a casa de Harrison?" I ask with a smile.

"Yes mam." Alice replies chuckling.

"I'll text you." I say as I turn to Lance and kiss him goodbye.

"Later" Lance says as Alice and I leave.

When we get back to my place Ryan, Tommy, and all there other friends are already there playing video games in Ryan's room.

"Sorry about my brother and his obnoxious friends." I say to Alice but making sure it is load enough for the boys to hear.

"We are not obnoxious!" The boys yell at the same time.

"It is totally okay. It's kind of cool that you get to hang around all these hot guys." Alice says with a smile.

"Some of them are fun but others are just asses." I say still being loud enough for the boys to hear.

"Are not!" The boys yell again.

"Whatever, let's go to my room." I say pulling Alice upstairs towards my room.

"Wow Jude, this place is nice." Alice says looking around my room.

"Thanks" I reply plopping down on my bed.

"You have a lot of trophies." Alice says admiring my trophy cabinet.

"They are mainly from twirling; some are for some music stuff but nothing major." I reply nonchalantly.

"So are you going to explain your behavior downstairs?" Alice asks plopping down next to me.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." I reply acting dumb.

"You sure as hell know what I am talking about." Alice replies

"Fine, I talked to Tommy before the game and he was being a real ass." I say frustrated.

"What he do?" Alice asks concerned.

"He overheard a comment Lance made about me, which wasn't the nicest thing. This in turn made Tommy call him a douche and when I told him Lance was my boyfriend he said Lance was a major douche. I then commented that Tommy would know. Tommy got pissed and questioned me. I explained all the reasons why which only pissed him off more and in turn pissed me off. We fought some more and then he left after messing with my head by telling me he would be here tonight and that we would talk more tonight." I explain getting more frustrated.

"Jude I'm sorry. Wait, what did Lance say." Alice asks

"It was nothing." I reply reluctantly not really wanting to talk about it.

"Jude, tell me." Alice asks concerned again when she notices me being reluctant about it.

"He just said that I looked like a stripper that had lost her way to the pole." I say

"Jude that is so mean. Please tell me you slapped him or something." Alice replies

"I got mad but I forgave him after the game. I know he was just joking." I state

"I don't care if it was a joke; it was so not nice of him to say it." Alice says the anger in her voice growing.

"Alice chill" I reply as my phone goes off signaling I have a new text.

"Lance?" Alice asks looking over my shoulder at the text.

"Yes" I reply reading the text which was just simply 'Hey gorgeous.'

"You don't mind if I text him do you?" I ask before replying.

"Go for it, but we are still going to have our girl talk." Alice says with a chuckle.

"Thanks and okay." I say as I look at my phone to reply to Lance. 'Hey'

Lance and I text while Alice and I have our girl talk, which wasn't really much just us going back and forth telling each other stupid secrets. At around 1 in the morning Alice had fallen asleep and Lance stopped texting me about an hour ago. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling not being able to sleep.

I get out of bed and quietly walk out of my room and downstairs to the kitchen to get something to eat.

"Jude" Tommy says from behind me.

"Tommy I really don't want to do this." I reply

"Then let's just talk, like normal people, no fighting." Tommy says with a small smile.

"Fine, what do you want to talk about?" I ask as we head to the screening room so we don't wake anyone.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing." Tommy replies sitting down next to me on the couch.

"I am great. I have a new boyfriend, new friends, and school is super fun." I reply with a smile.

"That is great." Tommy replies a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Tommy what's wrong?" I ask before I can stop myself. _Shit why do I have to care so much?_

"It's nothing" Tommy replies looking own at his lap.

"I know you well enough to know when something is wrong with you." I reply

"Fine, I'm upset because of what you said earlier, the whole me being a douche thing." Tommy replies look up at me afterwards.

"Oh" I simply say avoiding eye contact.

"I get that you are pissed at me for the whole thing that happened at camp, but I never knew you hated me so much." Tommy says the hurt in his voice growing.

"Tommy, I don't hate you. I just…" I say but stop trying to pick my words carefully. "I just can't take all this back and forth shit you are putting me through. I know I told you we shouldn't be friends at your grad party, but over the summer I realized that I wanted you in my life even if it is just as friends. Then you go and say you need me then change your mind not five seconds later. It is really confusing and it hurts." I explain

"Jude, I know I have been all back and forth lately and I am sorry for that." Tommy says as he grabs my hand. "I really want to be friends, if that is even possible."

"I would really like that." I reply with a smile.

"Good" Tommy says smiling. "So tell me more about school and this new boyfriend of yours."

"Well I guess maybe I should start with Lance." I say my smile growing at the thought of him. "We met at camp over the summer and he helped me a lot with my music. He is a senior and he his super sweet, despite that comment he made." I say with smile.

"He is a senior?" Tommy questions with a hint of concern in his voice.

"Yes" I simply reply.

"Is that really a good idea? I mean guys his age are only thinking about one thing and you are so young." Tommy says

"He isn't like that." I reply

"If you say so." Tommy says with a little chuckle.

"Whatever, so my classes are all advance and Alice is in most of them with me, which rocks." I say changing the subject before either of us gets mad.

"That is cool. How is band?" Tommy asks

"It's fun, I love it so much." I reply with a smile.

"I kind of miss it." Tommy confesses with a smile.

"You are such a band geek." I say pushing his shoulder playfully.

"I know, speaking of music, how is your music going?" Tommy asks

"Great, I wrote so much over the summer, but I haven't really written anything since I got back. It's like I have writers block or something." I explain

"Maybe I can help with that." Tommy says with a smile.

"Oh really, and how is that?" I reply with a chuckle.

"We can write together." Tommy simply says

"I would like that, maybe tomorrow though. I am super tired thanks to the fact that I haven't been…I mean thanks to that football game." I say catching myself before confessing the real reason for my exhaustion.

"Jude, you are so lying." Tommy says

"Am not" I reply as I get up to leave.

"You are having them again, the nightmares?" Tommy asks his voice full of worry.

I stop in my tracks at the mention of my nightmares. I simply nod in response and Tommy quickly joins my side.

"Jude, how long have they been back?" Tommy asks his voice sounded even more worried.

"A while" I simply say looking down at the ground and crossing my arms to hug myself a little.

"How long is while?" Tommy asks

"Since I got out the hospital" I whisper out hoping Tommy doesn't hear.

"Jude, why didn't you tell me?" Tommy asks pulling me into a hug.

"We weren't exactly talking." I reply as tears start to form in my eyes.

"Jude, I don't care if we aren't talking, when these nightmares happen I will be there for you. Always." Tommy says hugging me tighter.

"Thanks" I reply as Tommy lets go of me. "I'm just going to go to bed now." I say as I start to leave but Tommy pulls me back.

"Why don't we sleep in here? I'll keep the nightmares away." Tommy says with a reassuring smile.

"Tommy, I have a boyfriend." I reply looking down at the ground.

"I promise, no funny business, just sleep." Tommy says

"Fine" I reply as we walk to the couch. Tommy gets comfortable then I join. He wraps his arms around me and I rest my head on his chest. I fall into a peaceful sleep to the sound of his heart and him running his hands through my hair.


	22. Chapter 20

**A/N: First I would like to say thank you to those who leave me reviews, they really make me happy to know you like this story so much. Second I want to thank all those who read but don't review, it still makes me happy to know people actually read this. Here is the new chapter. It is another long one, thanks to the fact that lately once I start writing I just can't stop. I hope you like it and please review. As always I do not own Instant Star, no matter how much I wish i did. **

**Chapter 20**

My eyes flutter open after the best night of sleep I have had in weeks, only to be confused by where I am. As my eyes adjust I realize I am no longer in the screening room but in my own bed, alone. Alice isn't here and neither is Tommy. I sit up in bed and look at the clock on my nightstand, 12:45 pm.

_What the hell happened last night? I know I fell asleep in Tommy's arms in the screening room, but how did I get back into my own bed? Also, why hasn't anyone come in to wake me up? I never sleep this late and even if I did no one would let me sleep this late. Normally someone would wake up to annoy me with something meaningless. What is going on?_

I am pulled out of my thoughts by Alice entering my room and joining me on the bed.

"So how are you this morning sleepy head?" Alice asks with a smile.

"I'm good, why didn't anyone wake me?" I ask

"We tried, you would not budge." Alice explains with a chuckle.

"Oh, well did you sleep okay?" I ask laughing a little at my unwillingness to wake up.

"Great, though you did wake me up a little when you finally crawled into bed at like six in the morning." Alice replies

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." I say

"No problem, I fell back asleep within in seconds of you joining me." Alice says with a laugh

"So what do you want to do today?" I ask a little more enthusiastic then before.

"Let's just relax, enjoy what is left of this beautiful weather." Alice replies

"So what you're saying is you want to go enjoy my pool." I reply laughing

"You know me so well." Alice replies before getting up to grab her swimsuit out of her bag.

"I'll meet you out there in a second, I'm starving." I reply as Alice leaves me in my room to change then head out to the pool.

I soon join her outside after changing and getting some food. I lie out on the chair next to Alice and instantly relax as the sun beats down on me. Sadly this only lasts for a few minutes before someone yells cannonball and as they hit the pool the water splashes all over me.

"What the hell!" I yell sitting up to see who disturbed my relaxation.

"Chill dude" Ryan says from behind me.

"I was trying to relax. Can't you guys swim later?" I ask trying to dry myself off.

"Why would we do that when we can swim and annoy you right now?" Ryan replies with a smirk as all his friends start laughing.

"Thanks, well if you guys are going to be out here at least put on some music." I reply not giving Ryan any satisfaction.

"Gladly" Ryan says just as music starts streaming from the speakers.

"Party time!" All the boys yell and proceed to jump into the pull.

"You are so luck Jude." Alice says with a smile.

"Sure, well one perk of being my friend is you get to enjoy all my brother's friends." I reply a little sarcastically.

"One of the better perks." Alice replies laughing as she stands up to walk closer to the pool. I follow and push her in the pool. "What was that for?" Alice asks once she surfaces.

"Because I can" I reply with a smile before jumping in.

"Dudes where is T-man?" One of Ryan's friends asks.

"No need to get all sad dude, I am right here." Tommy replies with a laugh as he walks out of the house.

"Damn, he is so hot. Now I see why you like him." Alice whispers in my ear causing me to blush.

"Shut up" I say pushing her under the water.

Tommy joins us in the pull and instantly swims up to me. "Hey" he whispers into my ear, the breath from the word causing chills to go down my spine.

"Hey" I reply with a smile and a small blush.

"So about last night" Tommy starts but stops when one of the other boys come too close.

"We shouldn't talk about that here with all these prying ears." I reply

"How about you come help me pick out some music and we can talk there?" Tommy asks before getting out of the pool.

We walk over to the stereo and start looking through the different CDs to make our plan look realistic.

"So what happened last night? How did I get back into my bed?" I ask looking at an AC/DC CD.

"I woke up at like six and thought that it would be a good idea to put you in your own room so no one came looking. I didn't think we should have to deal with all those questions if anyone found us." Tommy explains.

"Well that was very smart of you." I reply with a smile.

"I'm more than just a pretty face." Tommy says seriously.

"Never would have thought." I reply sarcastically with a laugh.

"Ouch, Harrison that one really stung." Tommy mocks while placing his hand over his heart.

"Oh shut up Quincy" I reply shoving his shoulder and laughing.

After hours of enjoying the pool we all head back inside for dinner and a movie. Alice found it amazing that Ryan's friends were so willing to let us join. To which I replied that we were the closest they will ever get to girls which earned me a smack in the head courtesy of Ryan. Sunday went by fast and was uneventful.

"So beautiful, how was your weekend?" Lance asks as we sit down at the lunch table.

"Pretty great actually" I reply with a smile.

"Oh, what did y'all do?" Lance asks

"We spent Saturday hanging out with all of Ryan's friends and Sunday we just chilled." Alice replies before I could.

"You hung out with your brother's friends, as in Tommy?" Lance asks a hint of jealousy and anger in his voice.

"Yes, Tommy was there along with five other guys and Ryan." I reply trying to be reassuring noticing the jealousy in his voice.

"Oh, well I am glad you had fun." Lance replies trying to hide his anger.

"How was your weekend, anything fun happen?" I ask trying to get his mind off Tommy.

"Yes actually, I went to this party with a bunch of my friends." Lance replies

"Oh cool, anyone there I would know?" I ask with a smile.

"As if any of your loser friends would be invited to a party I went to." Lance replies with a chuckle.

"Umm…okay." I reply trying to blow off the comment.

"Excuse me; you did not just call me a loser?" Alice asks obviously irritated.

"Obviously I didn't mean you, I just meant all of those other band geeks y'all like to hang out with." Lance says

"I rather be friends with those losers then with a jerk like you." Alice bites out before getting up to leave. "You are such an ass sometimes." Alice adds as she passes Lance.

"What is her problem?" Lance asks

"You did just insult her friends, mine too." I reply a hint of anger in my voice.

"I was just joking; geez can't either of you take a joke?" Lance replies frustration evident in his voice.

"We can take a joke, when it is actually a joke." I reply getting angrier

"Jude, I was just messing around." Lance says his voice growing softer as he grabs my hand.

"Sure you were. Look I better go find Alice and calm her down. I will talk to you later." I reply as I stand up to leave, but am stopped by Lance grabbing my wrist.

"Jude, you are not ditching me to go hang out with her." Lance says more like a demand then a question.

"Yes I am, so let go of my wrist." I say forcefully as I try pulling my wrist from his grasp, but he only tightens his hold.

"No you are not. You are stay here with me." Lance demands, his voice dripping with anger as he tightens his grip on my wrist again

"Lance you are hurting me. Please let go." I whimper out

"Only if you plan on staying here" Lance replies his voice changing to a tone that scares me a little.

"Okay, I will stay." I weakly reply as I slowly sit back down next to Lance at the table.

"Thank you" Lance replies as he releases my wrist. After a few minutes of silence the bell rings to signal the end of lunch.

"So I'll text you tonight." I say trying to hide my real emotions.

"I'll be waiting." Lance replies with happiness in his voice before giving me a peck on the cheek.

We walk towards our respected classes and when I know he is out of sight I look down at my wrist. I can just make out red finger marks. _What the hell just happened? _

_Dear Diary,_

_So I have been in high school for two weeks now and all I have to say is, wow. The first day of school I get a boyfriend, Lance. That Friday I had my first ever football game in high school, which went fantastic and it was so much fun. That night Tommy and I talked and we are back to being friends, which has been so great. We text like nonstop, and we talk about absolutely nothing, but when we talk I can't help but smile. It has been so nice having him back, especially in the nightmare department. Talking to him before I fall asleep has helped the numbers of nightmares die down, but I do still have them. I doubt I will ever really get rid of them, but the less I have the better. The second week of school wasn't as amazing as the first week, but still pretty good, minus Monday. Lance got all weird Monday at lunch. He got super jealous of me hanging out with Tommy and he even hurt me. I still have a bruise on my wrist from where he grabbed me. Alice asked about it the next day, but I just said it was from twirling so she wouldn't worry. I know Lance isn't that kind of guy who would hurt me on purpose. He just didn't realize how hard he was squeezing. The rest of the week he has been a complete sweetheart. He walked me to most of classes, and even carried my bag for me. Today is Friday which means another football game. I am super excited for this game because it is the huge cross town rival game. We better kick ass or this weekend is going to blow. Ryan and all his friends are hanging at my house again, including Tommy. I am really excited to see him, maybe a little too excited. I really need to start checking my feelings when he is around. I don't want to do anything stupid to mess up my relationship with Lance. Not only are Ryan's friends going to be there, but so is Alice. I love having her around so I am not stuck being the only girl with all those stupid guys. Alice has told me many times she loves hanging at my house. I know a big part of that is because of all the boys. I don't mind though, it comes with having an older brother. I wonder what craziness we will get into this weekend. Here's hoping for a lot of fun._

_XOXO Jude_

"No time for losers 'cause we are the champions…" We all yell as we enter the house.

"Y'all are very awful singers." I laugh out

"We can't all be super stars like you Jude." Ryan mocks with a laugh.

"Hey, she isn't the only super star here thank you very much." Alice replies shoving Ryan a little.

"Yeah dude." Tommy adds before shoving Ryan himself.

"Sorry, but you all have to admit my sis is the best." Ryan says

"Hold on a second" I say as I grab Ryan's face in between my hands, "You look like my brother, and you defiantly smell like him, but you sure as hell don't sound like him." I say getting a laugh out of the group.

"Very funny, but I must admit that you do rock." Ryan says pulling my hands from his face.

"Please tell me someone got that on tape." I reply with a laugh.

"Pardon me but I do believe that I am way better then Jude." Alice says with a smirk.

"Oh really, because I am pretty sure I kicked your ass all over camp this past summer." I reply jokingly

"This is true, but that doesn't mean that these guys won't think I am better." Alice says gesturing to all the boys.

"Well then maybe it is time for a good, old fashion sing off." I reply with a little attitude.

"Bring it" Alice says stepping towards me a little.

"Wait, I am so getting in on this action. I am way better then both of you put together." Tommy pipes in causing everyone to laugh.

"Then it is settled. Sing off, Jude vs Alice vs Tommy. Let the best singer win." Ryan says with a laugh.

"There are a few rules though." Dustin, one of Ryan's friends says. "The song must be an original, no back up tracks, just you and whatever instrument you chose, and it has to be a slow song."

"Like a love song?" Alice asks

"Not necessarily, just nothing that makes us want to dance." Ryan explains.

"That is lame; I thought we wanted to celebrate our win." Tommy says sounding disappointed.

"That is why the sing off isn't until tomorrow. We can party hard tonight, than tomorrow having a relaxing day with the sing off." Dustin explains

"Sweet" All three of us replies at once.

"Let's party!" Ryan yells

About an hour later Vicki walks out back followed by someone I couldn't make out do to the dark.

"Jude you have a visitor." Vicki says a little annoyed.

I walk over to where my mom is and see Lance standing behind her. "Lance what are you doing here?" I question as I walk closer to give him a hug.

"I wanted to see my girlfriend, is that a bad thing?" Lance asks with a hint of rudeness.

"No problem, just text me next time." I reply with a smile.

"Jude, can I talk to you a second?" Vicki asks pulling me away from Lance. "I know he is your boyfriend, but I really don't like that he just dropped by, especially this late at night." Vicki explains

"I know, I'm sorry Mom, I told him to text me next time. Also it is a Friday night so we don't really have curfew or really any rules about people dropping by." I reply

"I know, just make sure if he stays the night he stays in Ryan's room." Vicki says knowing she can't fight me on the no rules thing.

"Will do, night Mom." I say pulling her into a hug before walking back to Lance.

"So what is going on here?" Lance asks scanning the backyard.

"Just celebrating the big win" I reply with a smile.

"Oh cool, who are all these guys?" Lance asks a hint of jealousy in his voice.

"Just my brother's friends, they are always here on Friday nights." I explain as Alice walks over to us.

"Hey Lance, what are you doing here?" Alice asks with a hint of rudeness in her voice.

"Just wanted to see Jude, didn't know there would be all these people here." Lance replies

"It is only like five other people besides me." Alice says matter-of-factly.

"Still a lot of guys" Lance says the jealousy in his voice growing.

"Don't worry; they are like older brothers to me." I reply trying to reassure him.

"Tommy isn't." Lance tries saying under his breath but I hear.

"Tommy is just my friend, you are my boyfriend, so don't worry." I reply leaning in to give him a light kiss.

"Good" Lance says with a smile as he slides his arm around my waist.

"So do you plan on staying the night or what?" I ask curiously

"Only if I get to sleep with you" Lance replies smugly.

"Sorry, you either have to sleep in Ryan's room or on the couch, only girls aloud on my floor of the house." I reply

"You have a whole floor to yourself?" Lance asks shock evident in his voice.

"Yep, the perks of having rich parents" I reply with a laugh.

"Lucky bitch" Lance replies a little too rude.

"I guess I am." I reply shrugging off the comment. "So let's go have fun." I say pulling Lance towards everyone else.

"Or we could go find a private place to hang out, just us two." Lance says a little seductively.

"I rather we didn't. My brother could walk in on us and that would not be pretty." I reply trying to hide my nervousness.

"Oh come on Jude, you know you want to." Lance says leaning in to kiss my neck.

"Lance, please let's just go have fun out here." I reply pulling away from his lips attacking my neck.

"What is your problem? Don't you want to be with me?" Lance asks a little too loud causing everyone to turn towards us.

"Lance, keep your voice down, and yes I want to be with you just not when all my brothers are around." I reply

"Bull shit! You just don't want to be with me." Lance yells not keeping his voice down.

"Lance just calm down" I say pulling him behind a tree so no one can see us. "I would like nothing more to go do things with you, but as I said earlier anyone can walk in on us. Do you really want to deal with the consequences of getting caught? All of those guys over there would beat you senseless." I explain

"I could take them." Lance replies smugly.

"Okay, but still, I think we should just stay out here and have some fun." I reply rubbing his arm with my hand.

"You know what, I really should get home." Lance says pulling away from my touch.

"Okay" I reply a little confused.

"I will text you tomorrow." Lance replies before leaning down to give me a soft kiss.

"Hey Jude, get your sexy ass over here and pick out the next song!" Tommy yells from the stereo.

"Did he just say what I think he just said?" Lance asks anger dripping from his voice.

"Lance it is just a joke." I reply with a little laugh trying to ease the tension.

"Bull shit. He should not be talking about my girl like that." Lance says as he starts walking towards Tommy.

"Lance chill" I say stepping in front of him.

"I will chill after his face meets my fist." Lance replies pushing me a little too hard sending me to the ground.

"Hey Tommy right?" Lance asks as he approaches Tommy.

"Yes and what can I help you with pencil neck?" Tommy replies mockingly

"Stay the hell away from my girlfriend." Lance replies the anger in his voice now replaced with rage.

"Dude you need to chill. Jude and I are just friends." Tommy explains with a smile.

"Sure and I am the fucking queen of England." Lance replies

"Lance calm down." I say ask I walk up next to him.

"Don't tell me to chill." Lance yells shoving me away from him forcefully causing me to fall back and hit my head on the ground.

"Jude" Alice yells running to my side. "Are you okay?"

"Fine" I simply reply.

"Dude you are so dead." Tommy says getting ready to pounce on Lance, but I jump in before he can swing.

"Tommy, relax, it was just an accident. I am perfectly fine." I say looking Tommy dead in the eye hoping he notices the pleading look I am giving him.

"Fine" Tommy says while back away.

"What a cowards little bitch." Lance says with a chuckle.

"Fuck off." Tommy yells starting to walk back towards him.

"Tommy" I say causing him to back away again. "Lance I think you should go." I say as I turn to look at Lance.

"Not until that little bitch over there gets it through his head that you are my girl." Lance says raging filling his voice while pointing at Tommy.

"I think he gets it. Now come one. I will walk you out." I say pulling on his arm.

"Fine" Lance says before following me. "Are you okay, I didn't mean to push you so hard." Lance says once we get to his car, all the rage in his voice changed into concern.

"I am fine, and I know you didn't mean to." I reply looking down at the ground to hide the anger I know is in my eyes.

"Jude, I didn't mean for any of that to happen. I really just wanted to see my gorgeous girlfriend." Lance says slowly sliding his hand down my cheek to my chin to lift my head up.

"I know" I reply with a little smile.

"Good, so we are all good then?" Lance asks with a smile.

"Yes, I will text you tomorrow." I reply leaning in to kiss him. The kiss what meant to just be a little peck but Lance deepened pulling me closer to him. I pull away and smile and notice a smirk on Lance's face and that he is looking over my shoulder at something. I turn around to see Tommy standing there, first clenched at his side.

"You kissed me like that because he was watching?" I ask looking back at Lance.

"No, of course not, I just like kissing you." Lance replies trying to play it cool.

"Whatever, just go home." I say walking back to my house ignoring Lance's attempts at calling me back to him.

As I make my way back inside the house I pass Tommy, who did not look very pleased.

"What the hell Jude?" Tommy asks obviously furious.

"I don't even what the get into this right now." I reply trying to walk passed him to the stairs, but Tommy steps in my way. "Move Tommy" I say pushing him a little but he doesn't budge.

"Not until you tell me what the hell just happened?" Tommy says crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Lance just gets jealous, nothing more." I reply

"That wasn't just jealousy. That guy was in some kind of blind rage." Tommy says a hint of concern in his voice.

"No he wasn't, you just don't like him so you see what you want to." I bite out a little more aggressive then I meant.

"I see what is real. You on the other hand only see what you want to see because you are blinded by whatever you feel for him." Tommy replies the anger coming back into his voice.

"You know what Tommy, I am tired and really don't want to deal with this right now. So if you could please move out of my way so I can go get what little sleep I can." I say bitterly.

"Fine but for the record Lance is bad news. You really should rethink dating him before he hurts you." Tommy replies as he steps out of my way.

"Thanks but I really don't care about your opinion at the moment. Good night." I say as I walk passed him.

"Jude, I thought the nightmares were going away?" Tommy yells up the stairs stopping me in my tracks.

"They were subsiding, but I have feeling thanks to all this bull shit drama they will get worse tonight." I reply my voice full of frustration.

"I am just down here if you need me. I don't care what time; I will always be here for you." Tommy says with a voice full of concern.

"I know Tommy, thanks." I reply before turning around and heading to my room.

I crawl into bed next to Alice and lay down to try to fall asleep, but Alice decides otherwise.

"Are you okay?" Alice asks

"Fine, just ready for bed" I reply trying to hide the frustration in my voice.

"I know you really like him Jude, but the way he has been treating you makes me worry." Alice says her voice full of concern.

"Well you have nothing to worry about, Lance is a sweetheart. He just doesn't like Tommy because of the way he treated me." I reply trying to reassure Alice.

"If you say so" Alice says.

"Let's just go to bed, we have sing off tomorrow." I reply with a little chuckle.

"You are so going down." Alice says with a laugh.

"Only in your dreams" I reply before closing my eyes to fall asleep.


	23. Chapter 21

**A/N: So here is the new chapter. I know it is short and not much happens but there is a reason for that. This chapter is meant to be a nice little fluff type chapter before the major drama and craziness hits in the next few chapters. I wanted to write something sweet before everything goes crazy. Just a heads up, the song Alice sings is just a song I really like so you don't need to read into the lyrics because there is no hidden meaning, I just really love the song. Also I know the song Tommy sings is kind of girly but the lyrics really fit what I wanted him to say to Jude and I also know it isn't a normal slow song, but it is close enough for me. Enough of my rambling, please read and review and enjoy. As always I do not own Instant Star or Warrior by Demi Lovato, Save You by Kelly Clarkson, and Glitter in The Air by Pink. **

**Chapter 21**

"Jude; where the hell are you?" Came a voice from down the hall.

My eyes flutter open at the noise and glance around at my surroundings. I notice that I am in the screening room and that my practice keyboard is lying on the ground next to me. I sit up on the couch and balls of paper instantly start falling off of me and the couch.

"There you are Jude." Alice says as she walks into the room. "Did you sleep in here?" Alice asks before she actually looks around the room. "Better question, did you sleep at all or did you write the whole night?"

"I may have gotten a few hours of sleep, but I was up most of the night writing." I reply as I start gathering the balls of discarded paper.

"Well we all already ate breakfast, and there isn't much left, just a heads up." Alice says as she starts to help me pick up the paper.

"Alice you really don't need to help." I say hoping she will listen so she doesn't look at the lyrics I had been working on.

"It's no problem." Alice replies with a smile as she starts to open a piece of paper.

"No reading." I say a little more forceful then I intended as I snatch the paper out of her hands.

"Geez, someone woke up on the wrong side of the couch." Alice replies with a hint of an attitude.

"Sorry, I just don't want anyone reading them before I perform them at the sing off." I say with a small smile.

"Fine, we are all outside whenever you decide to join us." Alice replies as she leaves the room.

I finish picking up the room and proceed downstairs to get breakfast. Before I make it to the kitchen I run into Tommy, literally.

"Sorry" We say at the same time.

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention." Tommy says with a chuckle.

"It was so my fault, I should be the one who is sorry." I reply with a smile.

"How about we just say it was both of our faults and get past this sorry thing?" Tommy asks with a smile.

"Sounds good to me" I reply. "So what's got you in your head so much?" I ask curiously.

"Just my song for the sing off." Tommy replies with a smirk.

"Well good luck with that seeing as I just wrote the most kick ass song ever last night." I say with a smirk of my own.

"Oh really, we will just see about that." Tommy replies with a slight cocky tone.

"Bring it" I say as intimidating as possible, getting up in Tommy's face a little. I start walking back to the kitchen before Tommy grabs my arm making me stop in my tracks.

"Did you sleep at all?" Tommy asks fully concerned.

"Not much, and what little sleep I got was full of nightmares." I reply looking down at the ground to avoid seeing all the concern and caring in Tommy's eyes.

"Hey girl," Tommy says as he lifts my chin up with his finger making me look at him. "I'm here for you whenever you need me, okay?" Tommy says reassuringly.

"I know, but it isn't that big of a deal. I just used the time I should have been sleeping writing a song, a kick ass song that is going to kill at the sing off by the way." I reply chuckling a little at the end.

"We will see" Tommy says before letting me go and walking outside to meet the others.

"Welcome everyone to the first ever sing off." Ryan says acting like a TV host.

"Today we will hear three original songs, all slow songs, by Alice, Jude, and Tommy." Dustin explains acting just like Ryan did.

"The judges will then rank the contestants to determine who the best singer really is." Ryan continues.

"Let the sing off began, Alice is up first." Dustin says before getting off the stage.

Alice walks up on stage and sits down at the piano. "So this is a song called Glitter in The Air. I wrote it back at camp but never got to perform it. I hope you like it." Alice says before starting to play.

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?  
>Closed your eyes and trust it, just trust it?<br>Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air?  
>Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care."?<p>

It's only half past the point of no return  
>The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn<br>The thunder before the lightning and the breath before the phrase  
>Have you ever felt this way?<p>

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?  
>Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone<br>Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?  
>Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?<p>

It's only half past the point of oblivion  
>The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run<br>The breath before the kiss, and the fear before the flames  
>Have you ever felt this way?<p>

La La La La La La La La

There you are,  
>Sitting in the garden,<br>Clutching my coffee,  
>Calling me sugar<br>You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?  
>Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?<br>Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?  
>Tonight<p>

Alice finishes the song and stands up to take a bow before walking off stage.

"Great job" I say giving her a hug.

"Thanks" Alice replies with a smile.

"Beautiful song" Tommy says.

"Thank you." Alice replies her smiling growing bigger.

"Next up we have the lady of the house, Jude." Dustin announces.

I walk up on stage and take a seat at the piano. "So this is a song I just wrote last night called Warrior. It is a little rough so please bear with me." I say before starting to play.

This is a story that I have never told  
>I gotta get this off my chest to let it go<br>I need to take back the light inside you stole  
>You're a criminal<br>And you steal like you're a pro

All the pain and the truth  
>I wear like a battle wound<br>So ashamed, so confused  
>I was broken and bruised<p>

Now I'm a warrior  
>Now I've got thicker skin<br>I'm a warrior  
>I'm stronger than I've ever been<br>And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in  
>I'm a warrior<br>And you can never hurt me again

Out of the ashes, I'm burning like a fire  
>You can save your apologies, you're nothing but a liar<br>I've got shame, I've got scars  
>That I will never show<br>I'm a survivor  
>In more ways than you know<p>

Cause all the pain and the truth  
>I wear like a battle wound<br>So ashamed, so confused  
>I'm not broken or bruised<p>

'Cause now I'm a warrior  
>Now I've got thicker skin<br>I'm a warrior  
>I'm stronger than I've ever been<br>And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in  
>I'm a warrior<br>And you can never hurt me

There's a part of me I can't get back  
>A little girl grew up too fast<br>All it took was once, I'll never be the same  
>Now I'm taking back my life today<br>Nothing left that you can say  
>Cause you are never gonna take the blame anyway<p>

Now I'm a warrior  
>I've got thicker skin<br>I'm a warrior  
>I'm stronger than I've ever been<br>And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in  
>I'm a warrior<br>And you can never hurt me again

No oh, yeah, yeah

You can never hurt me again

As the song ends I look over at Tommy who is smiling a little. I walk off the stage and am engulfed in a hug by Alice.

"That was amazing." Alice says a hint of pride in her voice. "I hope that helped you with the whole thing."

"Thanks, and it did help." I reply with a small smile.

"Wow" Tommy says before hugging me. "I can't believe you just did that."

"Neither can I, but I needed to. Now I can hopefully start moving on with my live." I reply

"I hope so too." Tommy says before he walks up on stage.

"Tommy Quincy everyone" Ryan announces.

Tommy sits down on stool with his guitar in hand. "So this is song I started writing last year, but I never finished it until now. It's called Save You." Tommy says before starting to play.

I can tell, I can tell how much you hate this  
>And deep down inside you know it's killing me<br>I can call, wish you well and try to change this  
>But nothing I can say would change anything<p>

Where were my senses? I left them all behind  
>Why did I turn away, away?<p>

I wish I could save you  
>I wish I could say to you I'm not going nowhere<br>I wish I could say to you  
>It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright<p>

I didn't mean, didn't mean to leave you stranded  
>Went away 'cause I didn't want to face the truth<br>Reaching out, reach for me empty handed  
>You don't know if I care, you're trying to find the proof<p>

There were times I'd wonder could I have eased your pain?  
>Why did I turn away, away?<p>

I wish I could save you  
>I wish I could say to you I'm not going nowhere<br>I wish I could say to you  
>It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright<br>Save you

I wish I could save you

We can pretend nothing's changed  
>Pretend it's all the same and there will be no pain tonight<p>

It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright  
>Save you<p>

I wish I could save you

I'm not going nowhere  
>I wish I could say to you<br>It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright  
>Save you<p>

I wish I could save you

It's gonna be alright

Tommy finishes singing and walks off stage. I pull him into a hug trying to hold back tears.

"You already saved me." I whisper into his ear before pulling out of the hug.

"I should have been there more for you though." Tommy replies a hint of guilt in his voice.

"Tommy, it is okay, you are here for me now and that is all that matters." I say pulling him into another hug.

"I will always want to save you." Tommy whispers into my ear before pulling away.

"Thanks" I reply as a smile grows on my face.

"Will the contestants please join us on stage?" Ryan asks and all three of us oblige.

"So the judges have talked and they have come to a decision." Dustin says

"The winner of the sing off is…"Ryan starts playing a drum roll by slapping his legs.

"Jude!" Dustin and Ryan say at the same time.

"No way" I say shocked.

"Yes way" Everyone says at the same time.

"That song was amazing; no one could ever beat it." Alice says with a smile.

"Agreed" says everyone else at once.

"Thanks, you guys rock." I reply before hugging everyone.

We all spend the rest of the day and most of the next day just relaxing by the pool and enjoying each other's company.


	24. Chapter 22

**A/N: Look a new chapter! I know the last chapter wasn't much, but this one has a lot going on. Just a warning some of the stuff gets graphic, but not too bad. I hope you all enjoy and please review. **

**Chapter 22**

_Dear Diary,_

_I can't believe it is already Halloween. Not only that, but I can't believe my 15__th__ birthday is only two days away. I know 15 isn't that big of deal, not like you get to do anything special at 15, but I am still excited. A lot has happened this past year. Tommy went from loving me to hating me back to being my friend. I went from loving Tommy to being pissed at him back to being is friend. I also got a new boyfriend who is amazing. Yes he has had his moments of being a complete jack ass, but lately he has been the perfect boyfriend. He has been coming to all of our Friday night after game parties, even though everyone hates having him there, especially Tommy. I don't get why they hate having him there, it isn't like he does anything besides talk to me. It is almost like we are attached at the hip, but I don't really mind. I like having him around, I feel safe with him. I feel like I could really fall for him, which I think I already am. When we are together I completely forget the world. I forget everything bad that has happened to me, and I even forget my feelings for Tommy. I think I may even love Lance. I know we haven't been together long, only like two months, but I really do think I love him. I just wish I knew how he really felt about me. I know he likes me a lot, but does he love me? It would be so nice if he just told me, but I know that isn't going to happen. Lance isn't big on sharing his feelings, even the ones about me. Maybe I should just tell him first, but that might scare him. Hell, I am just going to go for it, and I know just how and when to do it. _

_XOXO Jude_

"So are you coming to my party tonight?" Lance ask sitting down next to me at the lunch table.

"Of course I am." I reply giving him a peck on the cheek.

"Could you two please keep the gross cute couple stuff to a minimum while I eat? I rather not barf up my nachos." Alice chimes in.

"Oh you are just jealous because you aren't in love." Lance jokes

"Hell no, I just can't stand the sight of you two together." Alice bites out harshly.

"What the hell is your problem?" Lance asks a little forcefully.

"No problem" Alice simply replies.

"Whatever;" Lance says before returning to eating his lunch.

"So what are you dressing up as tonight?" I ask trying to lighten the mood.

"I don't dress up for Halloween, only little kids do that." Lance explains with a chuckle.

"It is a costume party hence dressing up." I reply

"I am not dressing up, but you are more than welcome to as long as it is super sexy." Lance says as he leans in to start giving me kisses on my neck.

"Lance" I say pulling away. "We are in public, and you know I don't wear sexy things." I continue.

"Why won't you let me show my affection for you in public? Are you ashamed to be dating me?" Lance asks getting angry.

"You know I just don't like the whole PDA thing." I reply calmly trying to defuse his anger.

"Well maybe you should get over that because I like PDA." Lance says leaning in to kiss me but I move before he can. "Damn it Jude!"

"Lance, you are being an ass." Alice says

"Oh butt out bitch; this has nothing to do with you." Lance replies furiously.

"Hey, don't talk to her like that." I say shoving Lance's shoulder a little forceful.

"You didn't just shove me?" Lance asks growing angrier.

"I did, but it was just to help get my point across." I reply

"Well how would you like it if I shove you?" Lance asks

"You already have, a lot." Alice chimes in.

"Alice" I say trying to get her to butt out.

"You did not just fucking say that?" Lance yells as he stands up from his chair and walks over to Alice.

"I did, what are you going to do about it?" Alice asks provoking him.

"Guys, calm down." I say getting up to pull Lance away.

"You shut up." Lance says turning to point at me. "As for you, Alice, I think you need to learn a lesson." Lance says starting to pull his arm back as if to punch someone.

"Are you going to hit me?" Alice asks amused just before Lance's fist connects with the wall behind Alice's head.

"Lance" I yell pulling his arm trying to get him away from Alice. "Lance, let's just go. You need to cool off."

"You have been warned." Lance says before walking off with me.

"I am not afraid of you!" Alice yells

"What is your problem?" I ask once we get outside.

"She is my problem. Why the hell are you even friends with her?" Lance asks his voice still dripping with anger.

"I don't have to explain why she is my friend to you. She is my friend so you need to be nice to her." I reply calmly trying to keep my anger in check.

"Jude can't you see how jealous of you she is? She wishes she was you." Lance says

"That is bull." I reply with a laugh.

"I think you should stay away from her." Lance says forcefully as he crosses his arms across his chest.

"Excuse me?" I ask letting my anger come out. "You do not get to tell me who I can or can't hang out with. You have no right to do that, and if you are going to demand something like that then maybe we should just break up." I say

"I have every right to demand that of you, I am your boyfriend. That means you have to do as I say." Lance replies grabbing my upper arm a little too tight.

"Lance let go of me." I yell trying to pull away.

"Jude, please we can't break up. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me." Lance says letting go of my arm.

"Lance I don't want to break up, but please stop with all this craziness." I plead.

"Okay, I can do that." Lance says pulling me into a hug. "So I'll see you at the party tonight?" Lance asks before the bell rings.

"I'll be there." I reply before walking off towards my next class.

"I can't believe you are making me go to this party." Alice whines as we walk up the front steps to the party.

"I need you here, all these people are seniors and it is nice to have a familiar face besides Lance." I reply pulling Alice closer to me as we enter the crowded room.

"Jude!" Lance yells as he walks over to us. "Wow, you look smoking."

"Thanks, I couldn't decide between a fairy and a cat, but obviously I chose the fairy." I reply with a giggle.

"Nice choice" Lance says as he leans in to give me kiss. "It would look a lot better off of you though." Lance whispers in my ear.

"Lance" I giggle out as I slap his chest playfully.

"You two are making me sick, I'm going to go over there." Alice says before leaving Lance and I alone.

"So about getting you out of that costume…" Lance says before leading me towards the stairs to go upstairs.

"Lance, I just want to enjoy the party." I reply with a little pout.

"We always do what you want, can't we do something I want to do for once." Lance says a little hint of frustration in his voice.

"I'm just not ready for all of that." I reply shyly.

"Well then let's just go find a quiet place to hang out." Lance says as we reach the top of the stairs.

"Fine" I reply a little reluctantly. We find a room that is empty and sit down on the bed.

"So, you are coming to my birthday party this weekend right?" I ask

"Of course" Lance says as he leans in to kiss me.

The kiss starts off sweet but quickly deepens. My arms loop around Lance's neck as one of his hands tangles in my hair and the other rest on the small of my back pushing me closer to him. His tongue licks my bottom lips begging for entrance that I gladly grant. The hand on my back slowly slides down to grab my ass causing me to pull away.

"Lance" I say in a warning tone.

"Oh come on, it's just your ass." Lance replies light heartedly.

"Fine" I breathe out before Lance attacks my lips. His hand slides down back to my ass grabbing it but this time I don't pull away but let him do as he pleases. He pulls me closer causing me to straddle him. My hand slowly roaming around his back as the kiss gets more intense. Lance pulls away from my lips and starts trailing kisses down my jawline to my neck as his hand slides up to cup my breast over my shirt. We stay like that for a little bit before Lance reattaches his lips to mine and stands up, picking me up with him, never breaking the kiss, and turning us around so that my back is to the bed. He slowly lays us down as his hands start to pull at my fairy skirt trying to get it off.

"Lance, no" I say in between kisses.

"Please" Lance pleads.

"No" I say firmly.

"It's just the skirt, you still have panties on." Lance replies trying to convince me that it's no big deal.

"Okay" I sigh out.

Lance pulls my skirt off slowly, touching every inch of my legs causing chills to go down my spine. After my skirt is off he returns to kiss me, his hands still sliding up and down my thighs. His hands start to slide closer and closer to my spot, but before he can slide his fingers under my panties I grab his hand pulling it away.

"Jude" Lance breaths out as he pulls out of the kiss.

"I am not ready for that." I reply

"I bet that you will like it." Lance says sliding his hand back down, but I stop him.

"I don't care about if I will like it, I don't want it." I reply

"But I love you and when you love someone you want to do things like that with them." Lance says

"Wait what?" I ask shocked.

"I love you." Lance repeats with a smile.

"I love you too." I reply before kissing him.

"Good, now back to what I was trying to do." Lance says as his hand trails back down and I don't stop him. _He loves me, so I guess I can let him do this. _

After a few minutes there is a knock at the door, followed by Alice's voice. "Jude, I want to go."

"Ignore her" Lance says recapturing my lips.

"I can't" I reply pulling out of the kiss.

"You are really going to leave in the middle of what we are doing?" Lance asks getting a little angry.

"Please Jude; these guys are starting to creep me out." Alice says from outside the door.

"I have to go." I say as I get off the bed to put my skirt back on.

"No you are staying." Lance demands grabbing on to my arm.

"Lance, I want to stay, I really do, but Alice is my friend and she needs me." I say as I pull out of his grasp.

"Fine" Lance huffs out clearly angry.

"Lance I'm sorry." I say as I give him a kiss and walk out of the room.

"Thank God, let's go." Alice says excitedly.

"Jude" Lance says pulling me back by the arm.

"Let go of her." Alice yells

"You don't get to tell me what to do." Lance yells as he tightens his grip on my arm.

"Ow, Lance that is too tight" I whimper out.

"You don't even know pain." Lance says his voice full of furry.

"Let go of her." Alice says pushing Lance hard in the chest causing him to lose his grip on my arm.

"You bitch!" Lance yells as he charges towards Alice shoving her back causing her to fall backwards and down the flight of stairs.

"Oh my gosh!" I yell as I run to Alice to make sure she is okay.

"I'm fine." Alice says rubbing the back of her head.

"What is your problem?" I yell back at Lance.

"She is my problem. We were having such a good time before she showed up." Lance replies coming to join us.

"Get over it." Alice says rolling her eyes at Lance. "You are such a little bitch. You don't own Jude." Alice continues causing Lance's eyes to flash red with rage.

"You did not just say that." Lance yells pulling his arm back to swing but before he can hit Alice I shove her out of the way causing Lance's fist to connect with my cheek. I fall to the ground clutching my now burning cheek.

"Jude" Alice exclaims as she kneels down next me.

"Let's go" I simply say as I stand up, still clutching my cheek.

"Jude, I didn't mean to." Lance says completely remorseful as he reaches out to touch me.

"Back off" Alice yells pushing his hand away.

"Please, just leave me alone." I say trying to hold back tears.

"I didn't mean to." Lance yells as Alice and I leave the party.

"Here, put this on your cheek." Alice says as she hands me a bag of peas.

"You couldn't have picked a veggie I actually like?" I ask with a chuckle trying to lighten the mood.

"Jude, this isn't a laughing matter. Lance just exploded and hit you." Alice says fully concerned.

"It was an accident." I reply

"He was trying to punch me; if you hadn't pushed me out of the way I would be the one with peas on my cheek." Alice says completely serious.

"I know, and that never should have happened." I reply looking down at the ground.

"What is going on in here?" Says that husky voice from the kitchen door.

"Tommy, it is not what it looks like." I explain

"Then what is it, because to me it looks like someone punched you." Tommy says as he walks closer to me. He pulls the bag of peas away from my face to examine the damage. "Who did this to you?" Tommy asks getting angry.

"Lance" Alice says

"As in your boyfriend Lance?" Tommy questions

"It was an accident." I say defensively

"It was not. Lance got pissed off because I interrupted them doing the naughty. He pushed me down the stairs after I shoved him to get him to let go of Jude's arm. I then said some not so nice things which pissed him off even more. He was so pissed off that he tried punching me but Jude got in the way." Alice explains.

"I am going to kill that little ass." Tommy yells completely furious.

"No you aren't." I say hoping off the counter and putting the peas aside.

"He hit you." Tommy yells

"I know, but I'm not mad." I say reassuringly.

"You seem to be the only one not mad." Alice states

"I'm mad that he tried hitting you and for him exploding, but I'm not mad about getting hit." I explain calmly.

"Jude, have you lost your fucking mind?" Tommy asks

"No" I simply reply.

"Then why the hell aren't you mad?" Tommy asks

"Because it wasn't his fault, I got in the way. End of story, no big deal." I say as I start walking out of the kitchen but Tommy and Alice get in my way.

"We need to talk about this. I don't think you should be with him anymore." Alice says

"I agree. He is bad news Jude." Tommy says

"Well sorry to burst y'all's bubble but you don't control me." I reply shoving passed them and out of the kitchen.

"I'm worried about her." Alice says once I'm out of the room.

"Me too" Tommy replies.


	25. Chapter 23

**A/N: Hey everyone, I'm super sorry that it took me awhile to get a new chapter, even though it has only been a few days it still feels like forever. I just got so busy with school and other stuff that I couldn't write, plus this chapter was really hard to write with all the different emotional things that happen. Just a little heads up, my updates are going to be less frequent starting in the next week or two. I will try my hardest to get a chapter up every week, but between school and work my days are pretty crazy. Please don't get mad if my updates take longer then normal, I will update as much as possible. So enough rambling, here is the new chapter, and its long. I hope everyone likes it, please enjoy and review. Also, I do not own Instant Star or the song Amazing by Lonestar. **

**Chapter 23**

_Dear Diary,_

_So yesterday was Halloween and let's just say a lot of shit happened. I still haven't fully processed what all happened last night at the party, but here is what I have at the moment. First off Lance told me he loved me, which was amazing. I was so shocked when he told me, but after the shock wore off I was head over heels happy. I didn't think that he loved me, but he does which is amazing. I actually have a boyfriend that loves me and I love him and everything is super perfect. Okay, not super perfect. Don't get me wrong I really am happy with Lance, but what happened last night has me feeling weird. I know I let him do those dirty things to me, but I still feel like something wrong happened. I didn't want any of that, but once he started doing it, wow, it felt amazing. I liked the way his hand felt up against my skin and whatever he did with his fingers took my breath away. It all felt amazing and we did all that because we love each other, so why do I feel like it was all wrong? Maybe I'm still just upset over the whole him accidently punching me. I'm not really upset about him hitting me because it really was my own fault for stepping in the way, but I am upset about him trying to punch my friend. I know he doesn't really like Alice but that doesn't give him the right to be such an ass to her. Yes, he is my boyfriend and I should be on his side about things, but I will never put my boyfriend before my friends. I love Lance, but who is to say it will last forever, even though I really hope it does. Alice on the other hand will always be my friend, forever and always. I just hope Lance can get over this thing he has against Alice before something else happens. They wouldn't even talk to each other at lunch, and Alice only sat with us for like five minutes before she stormed off. I tried going after her but Lance told me it was probably best to just let her cool off. All I know is that they both better be on their best behaviors tomorrow at my party or I am going to hurt them. Speaking of my party it is going to be so perfect. All my friends from camp are coming, and all my school friends. Plus all of Ryan's friends, which means Tommy will be there. He texted me earlier and told me he got me the best present ever, but he refuses to tell me what it is. Knowing Tommy it is probably something silly like a nerf gun, even though that would be a totally awesome gift, just not the best gift ever. I guess I will just have to wait for my party which is in a little over twelve hours seeing as it is like 2 a.m. I really should get some sleep, but that is so impossible right now. I really thought that song would help with the dreams, but it didn't. I don't feel like a warrior anymore. I am more like a peasant begging for a piece of bread to survive. I just wish these damn nightmares would go away already, but I refuse to let them get me down on my big day. Here is to the best birthday ever. _

_XOXO Jude_

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…" Alice sings loud and completely out of tune to wake me up.

"Alice shut up." I grumble out while attempting to throw a pillow at her but miss by miles.

"Happy birthday dear Jude…" Alice continues getting louder on each word.

"Happy birthday to you." Sings in perfect key the voice of none other than Tommy Quincy.

"Hey, way to still my thunder dude." Alice groans throwing a stuffed monkey at Tommy, which hits him in the head.

"At least he was in tune." I grumble out from under the sheets.

"I just wanted to wish the birthday girl a happy birthday, and give her something." Tommy says chuckling as I shoot out from under the covers at the mention of a gift.

"Whatcha get me?" I ask excitedly, eyes open wide.

"Sorry girl, this is just a clue about what your present is." Tommy says handing me a Tiffany's blue box with a giant grin plastered on his face.

"You got me something from Tiffany's?" I yell as I start bouncing on the bed from excitement.

"Only in your dreams Harrison, just open the box." Tommy says laughing at the disappointment that spread across my face.

"Fine" I say as I open the box. "It's empty." I say confused.

"Well that is all; see you later with another clue." Tommy says as he leaves my room in a hurry, laughing a little.

"What the hell is an empty box supposed to mean?" I ask completely confused.

"I have no clue." Alice says trying to hide a smile, but fails miserably.

"Alice you are a horrible liar. You know what he got me don't you?" I question

"Yes, but I am not going to tell you. He worked really hard on this. Don't worry though; you will adore what he got you." Alice says with a smile before getting up to leave. "You're next clue is at breakfast by the way." Alice says before leaving.

I spring out of bed and sprint downstairs, almost knocking Alice over in the process. "Where is my next clue?" I breathe out.

"Chill out, you will get it when you get it." Alice says as we sit down to eat.

"Happy birthday sweetie" Vicki says as she brings out my J shaped pancakes.

"Thanks Mom" I reply with a smile before digging in.

After stuffing my face with about ten pancakes, Alice pulls out another Tiffany's blue box from under the table. "Your next clue," Alice states as she hands me the box.

"It better not be another empty box." I say with a laugh.

"It isn't" Alice replies.

I open the box and find a piece of paper covered in what look like doodles of stars. "What is this; did Tommy get bored in class and start doodling?" I ask laughing at my own joke.

"Hey, I worked really hard on those stars." Tommy says coming up behind me.

"Sure you did, that's why they are drawn using the line method." I reply with a smirk.

"Whatever," Tommy says before joining us at the table. "Where is breakfast? I hear that there are J shaped pancakes." Tommy questions

"In my tummy" I say in a little kid voice, point at my stomach.

"She ate like ten of them. I never knew she could eat like that." Alice explains laughing.

"It's because she is a fatty." A voice from behind us says in a very serious tone.

"Lance" I squeal out at I jump from my seat to hug him. "What are you doing here, the party doesn't start until 7?" I question

"I wanted to spend the whole day with you. It is your big day after all." Lance explains before leaning in to give me a kiss.

"You are so sweet. Isn't he sweet guys?" I ask turning towards Tommy and Alice.

"The sweetest" Alice replies in a mocking voice.

"Totes sweet" Tommy says in a girly voice.

I glare at the both of them, knowing they are both being mean. "Lance, how about you go wait in the screening room while I go change." I say

"Sure thing, but I am totally okay with you staying in that. It is super sexy." Lance says a little seductively as he leans in the kiss me, but stops due to groaning coming from behind us.

"Sorry, I was just yawning." Alice says stretching her arms and faking a yawn.

"Sure" Lance replies with a scowl. "I'll be in the screening room when you are done." Lance says as he kisses me then heads to the screening room.

"What the hell?" I say as I spin around to face my friends.

"Seriously Jude, he is such an ass." Alice says

"Look, I get you two have issues, but could you please just be nice for one day. It is my birthday after all." I reply pleading with her with my eyes.

"Fine, but only because it is your birthday." Alice huffs out.

"Thank you" I say hugging her.

"You better love me forever for this." Alice says causing us to laugh.

"You know it." I reply smiling. "I better go change before Lance starts to worry." I continue before heading off towards my room.

"Jude, make sure to keep an eye out for those clues. They could be anywhere." Tommy yells after my retreating body.

"Got it" I yell over my shoulder.

"So how is the birthday girl?" Lance asks as I snuggle up next to him.

"Amazing" I reply with a giant smile.

"Good" Lance says before leaning in the kiss me. He deepens the kiss and within seconds his tongue is licking my bottom lip asking for entrance, which I gladly grant. As the kiss gets more intense Lance turns before slowly laying us down, him hovering over me. My head slowly makes contact with the couch, but I feel something lumpy under the cushion causing me to pull away from the kiss.

"What's wrong?" Lance asks

"Nothing, it's just, I think there is something under the cushion." I explain sitting up a little to reach under the cushion. I pull out a Tiffany's blue box and smile.

"What is that?" Lance questions

"Tommy left me all the clues about the gift he got me." I explain as I sit up completely so I can open the box.

"Tommy" Lance says with a hint of anger.

"He is my friend. Friends give friends gifts on their birthday. Just calm down." I reply as I open the box. The box contained another piece of paper with doodles, but this time the doodles are of moons.

"That is some shitty drawing." Lance says with a chuckle.

"It doesn't matter if it's good, just what the picture is." I explain

"Whatever" Lance says pulling the box from my hands and throwing it on the ground before attacking my lips with his.

"Lance" I say pushing him off. "That wasn't nice."

"Get over it. It is just some stupid clue from some jack ass guy. You really shouldn't even care." Lance says a little bit of disgust in his voice.

"Well I do care. Tommy is my friend, not a jack ass, so I care about the gift he got me." I reply getting a little defensive.

"Of course you would defend him." Lance says rolling his eyes.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I question getting angry.

"It means that all you seem to care about is Tommy." Lance explains the anger growing evident in his voice.

"That is not true. I care about you." I say my voice softening on the second part.

"Bull shit" Lance replies.

"I do, I love you, not Tommy." I say scooting closer to him.

"Okay" Lance breathes out.

"Okay, so how about we pop in a movie and relax until I have to get ready?" I ask

"Sounds good, but I don't think we will do much watching though." Lance says before capturing my lips and laying me back down causing me to giggle into the kiss.

"So how do I look?" I ask turning towards Alice.

"Perfect" Alice replies with a smile.

"Good" I say before turning back towards to mirror. My blond hair half up in waterfall braids connecting in the middle of my head, the rest falling in curls. My Tiffany's blue dress flows perfectly, hitting me in all the right places. _I look so damn perfect. I just hope the night goes perfect. _

"Just one more thing to complete the look." Alice says pulling a tiara from behind her back.

"Oh my gosh" I breathe out completely stunned.

"I thought you would like it." Alice says with a smile before putting it on my head. "Now you are a princess."

"Thank you" I say pulling her into a hug.

"No problem, just consider it your birthday present." Alice replies with a laugh.

"This is going to be the best night ever. I just wish I could hide this bruise better." I say dapping more make-up on my cheek.

"Here let me" Alice says grabbing the brush from my hand.

"Thanks" I reply with a smile. "I can't believe I have this bruise on my birthday."

"Well if your boyfriend wasn't such psycho you wouldn't have it." Alice says

"Alice you promised." I whine out.

"Sorry, I just really don't get why you are still with him." Alice says putting the make-up down.

"I love him and he loves me." I states simply.

"If you say so" Alice says

"I do, now can we please go enjoy my party?" I ask with a smile.

"Yes, but first" Alice says pulling a Tiffany's blue box out from the make-up counter. "The final clue."

"I hope this one makes more sense. I have no idea what the other ones meant." I say as I open the box to find a piece of paper with a note written in Tommy's hand writing.

"What does it say?" Alice asks excitedly.

"Meet me at 10 under the moon and stars at the place I emptied my heart to you." I read out loud. "Oh, now I get the other clues." I say with a laugh.

"Wait, now I am lost." Alice replies completely confused.

"And you shall stay lost." I say with a smirk before leaving the room.

"Evil" Alice yells.

"Everyone please welcome the birthday girl, Jude." The DJ announces.

I walk outside with Alice following behind me. I scan the backyard looking for a certain face, and when I finally land on it my smile grows ten times bigger. _Tommy Quincy, how you take my breath away. _

"Jude" Lance says coming up next to me and wrapping his arm around my waist.

"Hey" I say as my smile fades a little.

"Care to dance?" Lance asks bowing a little.

"I would love to." I reply with a giggle.

"So, is tonight everything you ever wanted?" Lance asks as we sway back and forth to the beat of the music.

"Everything and more" I reply.

"Well it is going to get even better once I give you your gift." Lance says with a giant smile.

"Oh really, and when do I get this gift?" I question

"I'm thinking right now." Lance says as the song we were dancing to stops and the DJ announces a special singer to the stage.

"You wrote me a song?" I ask as Lance gets up on stage.

"Hey everyone, I'm Lance and I am the luckiest guy in the world because I'm dating the most beautiful girl in the world. I am so ecstatic that I get to share my life with her and I am equally ecstatic about the fact that she loves me just as much as I love her. I wanted to show her just how much I love her, but I can never find the right words, so I wrote it all out in a song. I hope you love it." Lance says causing me to get a little teary eyed. The music starts and Lance's voice fills the backyard.

Every time our eyes meet  
>This feeling inside me<br>Is almost more than I can take

Baby, when you touch me  
>I can feel how much you love me<br>And it just blows me away

I've never been this close to anyone or anything  
>I can hear your thoughts, I can see your dreams<p>

I don't know how you do what you do  
>I'm so in love with you<br>It just keeps getting better

I wanna spend the rest of my life  
>With you by my side<br>Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do  
>Baby, I'm amazed by you<p>

The smell of your skin  
>The taste of your kiss<br>The way you whisper in the dark

Your hair all around me  
>Baby, you surround me<br>You touch every place in my heart

Oh, it feels like the first time every time  
>I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes<p>

I don't know how you do what you do  
>I'm so in love with you<br>It just keeps getting better

I wanna spend the rest of my life  
>With you by my side<br>Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do  
>Baby, I'm amazed by you<p>

Every little thing that you do  
>I'm so in love with you<br>It just keeps getting better

I wanna spend the rest of my life  
>With you by my side<br>Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do  
>Oh, every little thing that you do<br>Baby, I'm amazed by you

"Happy birthday Jude. I love you." Lance says after finishing the song.

I run up on stage, slinging my arms around his neck and kissing him hard. The crowd claps causing me to pull out of the kiss blushing. Lance and I walk off stage, hand in hand, and head inside for a moment of privacy.

"Lance, that was amazing." I say as I kiss him again. He deepens the kiss and shoves me up against the wall in the hallway. His hands start sliding down my body, but stop when we hear someone clear their throat.

"Jude" Ryan says

"Ryan" I say completely mortified.

"It's almost ten" Ryan simply says before walking off, his face showing his complete disgust at what he just saw.

"Well that was embarrassing." I say with an awkward chuckle.

"Completely, but more importantly why does it matter that is almost ten?" Lance asks curiously.

"I am supposed to sing at 10:15, so I have to go start warming up at ten." I say. _I'm not completely lying. I really am going to sing._

"Okay, well I guess you better go then." Lance says giving me one last kiss before heading back to the party.

Once I can no longer see Lance I start heading towards the stairs to go up to my room. _ I really hope I got the right place._ As I reach the top of the stairs I see what looks like candle light flickering in my room. I walk towards my room and open the slightly cracked door completely open. I scan the room and my breath hitches in my throat. The room was covered in candles giving the room a romantic glow. A shadowy figure stands over in the corner, but starts walking towards me once I enter the room.

"So you did hear me that day." Tommy says more like a fact then a question.

"I did, at least now I know I wasn't dreaming it." I reply walking closer to Tommy.

"So I know I have been a little hot and cold lately…" Tommy starts but I cut him off with my laughter. "Okay majorly hot and cold, but there is a reason for that." Tommy continues as he reaches out and grabs my hand. "It has been so hard keeping my distance from you, and I thought if you hated me it would make things easier. All it did was make me hate myself for hurting you."

"Tommy" I whisper

"Just listen. Three years ago I met this girl. She had blonde hair and sass for days." Tommy starts causing me to laugh. "She made me laugh and never gave a damn about what others thought about her. This girl was fearless and amazing. She was everything I ever wanted in a girl, but like all great love stories there was a problem. The problem was she was only 12 at the time and my best friend's little sister. I tried to fight the feelings bubbling in my gut, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't. Then I did the dumbest and bravest thing I have ever done in my life, I kissed her, and when our lips met it was magic. I then proceeded to screw that moment up with my big mouth." Tommy explains, his eyes never leaving mine. "Luckily for me, this girl forgave me for my stupidity and we became great friends, but I always wanted more. I always wanted her to be my girl, because I love her."

"Oh my gosh" I breathe out, tears collecting in my eyes.

"Jude, I know you have a boyfriend, but I need you to know that I love you with all my heart." Tommy says before slamming is lips against mine in the most passionate kiss I have ever felt.

"What the hell is going on in here!?" Lance yells from the doorway

"Lance, it isn't what it looks like." I say pulling away from Tommy.

"It looks like you were kissing another guy!" Lance yells his voice completely full of rage.

"Look dude, I kissed her." Tommy says trying to defuse the situation.

"I don't give a shit. Her lips were still on yours." Lance yells getting closer to Tommy, his hands clinched into fist at his side.

"Lance, please let's just go talk about this." I plead stepping in his path.

"You want to talk, fine. How about we talk about just how pathetic you are?" Lance asks shifting his rage from Tommy to me. "Or maybe we should talk about how you can be so stupid to kiss a guy who does nothing but hurt you? Oh and we really should talk about how you could lie to me about loving me?" Lance continues yelling louder than I thought possible.

"Dude, chill out." Tommy says stepping in between Lance and me.

"Tommy, please I can fight my own battles." I say a little too forcefully.

"Fine" Tommy says before leaving the room.

"Lance, please just listen to me." I beg reaching out to touch his arm but he just smacks it away.

"I can't believe you kissed him. That guy has done nothing but hurt you and you still love him like he is the only thing in the world." Lance says his voice dripping with anger.

"I don't love Tommy." I reply

"Bull shit! I was there all summer listening to you whine and complain about how much you love him and how much he hurt you. I saw you completely break down and cost yourself a record contract because you were too damn scared to sing a love song about him in front of him."

"You and I both know I didn't care about that contract." I state

"Oh give it a rest. Everyone and their fucking mom know you wanted that contract, but you gave it all away because of one guy."

"Whatever" I reply getting angry.

"You are so damn pathetic. You actually have a guy that loves you and treats you right, but you can't get over that ass."

"I am not pathetic." I reply a little too quietly.

"You are the most pathetic person I have ever met." Lance says his voice dripping with disgust.

"I am not, and to be completely honest, you don't treat me right." I blurt out without thinking.

"Excuse me?" Lance asks the anger in his voice growing.

"Lance I didn't mean that." I reply my voice shaking as tears start to form in my eyes.

"Bull shit. God, can you stop lying for once?" Lance yells

"I really didn't mean it." I say

"Don't lie to me!" Lance yells as he swings his arm back handing me across the face. I fall to the ground from the impact and my hand quickly flies to my cheek where he hit me. Tears start streaming down my face as Lance starts leaning down to help me. "Jude I am so sorry." Lance says his voice full of concern.

"Just go away." I say my voice shaking.

"Jude, I didn't mean for that to happen." Lance replies getting closer to me.

"Get out!" I yell forcefully.

Lance looks at me shocked before turning and leaving. I get off the ground and walk towards my bed. I lie down in bed and instantly curl into a ball as I start bawling. I don't even realize Tommy reentered my room until I am engulfed in his arms, crying into his chest.

"Jude, what happened?" Tommy asks his voice full of concern.

"I don't want to talk about it." I reply.

"Jude, please talk to me. I feel like this is all my fault." Tommy says pulling me away from his chest so he can look me in the eyes, but his face turns from concern to rage as he spots the red mark on my face. "Did he hit you?"

"Tommy it is no big deal." I reply slowly whipping tears from my face.

"It is too a big deal. He should not be hitting you." Tommy says his voice dripping with rage.

"It is not a big deal. He wasn't thinking and it just happened." I explain

"That doesn't just happen, Jude. You need to break up with him." Tommy says

"You are only saying that because you want to be with me." I reply with a chuckle.

"No, I am saying that because he is a bad guy and you deserve better." Tommy explains

"And you are better? At least with Lance I know what I'm getting. You on the other hand go from loving me to hating me in a matter of seconds." I say bitterly.

"Jude, I just explained all of that to you." Tommy replies.

"Well you know what Tommy, you are too late." I say. "I love Lance, and I am going to stay with Lance."

"Jude, stop being stupid and open your eyes. Lance is a bad guy." Tommy replies saying the last part slowly.

"He is not." I say

"Jude, what is wrong with you? The Jude I know and love would never be this stupid." Tommy replies his voice going back to being full of concern.

"Nothing is wrong with me." I bite out.

"Jude, please talk to me." Tommy pleads.

"Fine" I say bitterly. "You want to know what is wrong with me, I'm broken." I say as the tears come back.

"What do you mean broken?" Tommy asks confused.

"I mean I am broken. I have been broken for years, ever since that night I was raped. When he raped me he took a piece of me that I can't get back. When he took that piece I broke. I went from this happy little girl to this broken shell of a person. When I am with Lance though, I don't feel broken." I explain. _So maybe that is not the truth, but Tommy doesn't need to know that._

"Jude" Tommy says.

"Tommy, I don't want your pity. I only told you this to explain why I am with Lance." I reply

"Wait, so you still broken when you are with me?" Tommy asks.

"Tommy, you can't ask me that." I reply my voice wavering a little.

"But I am asking." Tommy says.

"I'm not answering. Look can we just please drop this. If I recall correctly, you were about to give me a gift before Lance walked in." I reply whipping the tears from my face.

"Fine" Tommy says standing up from my bed to grab a box from the dresser. "Happy birthday girl" Tommy says handing me the box.

I open the box and see the most stunning ring ever. It wasn't a diamond or anything fancy, but it was still beautiful. It's silver with two hands holding a heart with a crown on top of the heart. "You got me a ring?" I question

"It isn't just any ring" Tommy says pulling the ring out the box. "It's a claddagh ring. The hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty, and the heart represents love." Tommy says as he slides the ring on my right index finger, heart pointing away from me.

"Why did you put it on that way? It would look better the other way." I ask confused.

"Well, if you wear the heart pointed to you it means you belong to someone." Tommy explains

"Oh" I simply state. "Well I doubt anyone else will know what the ring means." I say as I slide the ring off my finger and turn it so the heart is pointing me before sliding back on my finger. "Much better" I say with a smile and a light laugh. _I like the way it looks this way, but I also like the idea of belonging to Tommy._

"As long as you like it, you can wear it however you want." Tommy says with a smile.

"I love it Tommy. Thank you." I reply pulling him into a hug and kissing him on the cheek.

"Let's get back to your party." Tommy says pulling me up from the bed.

"I really don't want to go back down there." I reply

"You don't have to if you don't want to." Tommy says sitting back down on the bed with me.

"Good, all I want to do is curl up and sleep." I reply as I lay down.

"Well I will let you sleep." Tommy says standing up from the bed.

"Please don't leave." I whisper shyly.

"Are you sure, what about Lance?" Tommy asks.

"He is probably long gone by now, plus this is purely innocent." I reply as I pull Tommy down next to me on the bed.

"Purely innocent." Tommy says as he wraps his arms around me. I rest my face on his chest and fall asleep to the rhythm of his heart.


	26. Chapter 24

**A/N: So I know it has been a little while since I last updated, but I have had no time to write. I finally got some time and got this chapter done. I hope this helps explain why Jude stays with Lance and some other questions y'all may have. Enjoy and review. As always I do not own Instant Star or Untitled by Simple Plan or Your Guardian Angle by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. **

**Chapter 24**

_Dear Diary,_

_Christmas is supposed to be time for cheer and good will towards men and happiness, so why do I feel so miserable? Ever since my birthday I haven't been happy, not even for a second, but then again I wasn't really happy before. Hearing Tommy tell me all that stuff and Lance catching us kiss has made things so much worse. Lance is literally attached to my hip whenever possible, and he has started hurting me daily. At school it's just grabbing my wrist too hard, but when we are alone he hits me for every little thing possible. If I look at him wrong, that's a punch. If I stop him from doing dirty things, that's a punch. Even if I laugh at the wrong time he will punch me. He has gotten so good at it that he even knows to hit me in places that no one will see. My sides are covered in bruises and lately it has gotten harder for me to move without a shooting pain going through my body. I know this isn't a healthy relationship, but I like it. I enjoy the pain, and welcome it most of the time. That sounds crazy, but it is completely true. I have welcomed pain like this for years, normally they are self-inflicted. Ever since the rape I have been cutting, but here lately it doesn't help take away the pain. Once Lance started causing me pain I noticed that my other pain was gone, which is the only reason why I stay with him. I refuse to tell anyone this because I know they will think I am crazy, especially Tommy. Tommy cares so much about me that I know he would do anything to help me, but I don't want it. I have never been good at asking for help or welcoming it, and I don't think I ever will. After hearing everything Tommy said I feel like if I tell him the truth his feelings would change. I don't want to jeopardize my relationship with Tommy, no matter how weird it is. Things would be a million times better if Tommy and I could just be together. When I am with Tommy I don't feel broken, and I feel happy. The ring he gave me alone can make me feel warm inside, and when Lance is hitting me or doing things to me I look at the ring and I feel better. My life is so fucking screwed up and I don't think it will ever be normal. I really hate this._

_XOXO Jude_

****Tommy's POV****

"Jude, can we ta…" I say walking into Jude's room but shut up when I hear her singing.

I open my eyes  
>I try to see but I'm blinded<br>By the white light

I can't remember how?  
>I can't remember why?<br>I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain  
>And I can't make it go away<br>No, I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me?  
>I've made my mistakes<br>Got nowhere to run  
>The night goes on as I'm fading away<br>I'm sick of this life  
>I just wanna scream<br>How could this happen to me?

Everybody's screaming  
>I try to make a sound<br>But no one hears me

I'm slipping off the edge  
>I'm hanging by a thread<br>I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered  
>And I can't explain what happened<br>And I can't erase the things that I've done, no I can't

How could this happen to me?  
>I've made my mistakes<br>Got nowhere to run  
>The night goes on as I'm fading away<br>I'm sick of this life  
>I just wanna scream<br>How could this happen to me?

I leave the room while Jude plays around with a guitar solo, knowing that she doesn't want anyone to hear the things she is saying.

I've made my mistakes  
>I've got nowhere to run<br>The night goes on as I'm fading away  
>I'm sick of this life<br>I just wanna scream  
>How could this happen to me?<p>

I hear the faint noise of Jude's voice finish the song followed by heart wrenching crying. I stand in the stairwell just listening to her cry, wishing I could help her but knowing I don't have all the information needed to help her.

After a few minutes Jude becomes quiet before I hear a door slam followed by running water. I walk back up the stairs to Jude's room finding it empty, like I knew I would. I glance around the room before my eyes land on a blue spiral notebook sticking out from under a pillow. I walk over to the bed and grab the notebook and slowly open it. After flipping through the pages I realize that the notebook is actually Jude's diary. I contemplate putting it back, but the last entry catches my eye.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jude yells as she runs over to pull the notebook from my grasp.

"Jude, it's not what it looks like." I stammer out.

"You were reading my diary!" Jude yells as tears well up in her eyes.

"Yes, but I didn't…" I start but stop as a hand connects with my face. "What the hell?" I shout as my hand flies to my face.

"I can't believe you read my diary. Those are my personal, secret thoughts. No one is supposed to read that, ever. How could you read that?" Jude yells as tears slowly fall down her cheeks.

"I heard you singing, and it made me really worried. I know you haven't been telling me the truth about Lance and other things so I took it upon myself to find out what's really going on." I explain

"If I wanted to tell you all that stuff I would have. I know you are worried, but that doesn't give you the right to read my diary." Jude says frustration evident in her voice.

"I'm sorry" I say walking over to her but she steps back.

"Tommy, please just leave. I need to get ready for the Christmas party." Jude says walking over to her closet.

"Okay, I guess I will just see you there." I say before walking out of her room. "I really am sorry." I say over my shoulder.

"I know" Jude replies.

****Jude's POV****

I walk into party, Lance's arm around my waist. I glance around the party and my eyes instantly find Tommy. He notices me looking at him and starts walking over, but stops when he notices Lance. I smile at him and he smiles back before walking towards the stage.

"Merry Christmas everyone" Tommy says into the microphone causing everyone to yell a merry Christmas in reply. "So I know that all of you really want to keep listening to Christmas songs, but I have a special song for a certain person." Tommy's eyes scan the room before finding me and smiling. "I know I messed up earlier, but I hope you can forgive me, merry Christmas girl." Tommy says before he starts playing.

When I see your smile,  
>Tears run down my face<br>I can't replace.  
>And now that I'm strong I have figured out,<br>How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul.  
>And I know I'll find deep inside me,<br>I can be the one.

I will never let you fall.  
>I'll stand up for you forever.<br>I'll be there for you through it all.  
>Even if saving you sends me to Heaven.<p>

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

Seasons are changing,  
>And waves are crashing,<br>And stars are falling all for us.  
>Days grow longer and nights grow shorter,<br>I can show you I'll be the one.

I will never let you fall.  
>I'll stand up for you forever.<br>I'll be there for you through it all.  
>Even if saving you sends me to Heaven.<p>

'Cause you're my, you're my, my  
>My true love, my whole heart.<br>Please don't throw that away.  
>'Cause I'm here for you.<br>Please don't walk away and,  
>Please tell me you'll stay.<br>Stay.

Use me as you will  
>Pull my strings just for a thrill<br>And I know I'll be okay,  
>Though my skies are turning gray<p>

I will never let you fall  
>I'll stand up for you forever<br>I'll be there for you through it all,  
>Even if saving you sends me to Heaven<p>

I will never let you fall.  
>I'll stand up with you forever.<br>I'll be there for you through it all,  
>Even if saving you sends me to Heaven.<p>

As the music fades away and the song ends I turn away from the stage and walk into the house. I run towards the bathroom, holding back the tears.

"Jude" I hear Lance yell from behind me but ignore him.

I slam the bathroom door behind me and lean against the counter as I let the tears flow freely. I slowly slide down to the ground and curl up into a ball.

"Jude" a faint voice says as the door opens. I hear footsteps come towards me and then feel hands wrap around my waist. "Talk to me" Tommy says pulling me into his lap.

"Tommy I feel so broken and confused." I whine out.

"I want to help you, but you need to talk to me." Tommy says calmly.

"You read my diary; you know that I have issues." I reply a little bitterly.

"I didn't read all of it, and I rather you explain it to me." Tommy says his voice full of concern.

"I have issues, major issues. I am constantly in this state of pain from the rape, and to get rid of the pain I cut myself. Lately the cutting hasn't been working, but Lance hurting me does. I am only with Lance because of the pain he causes me, not because he makes me feel unbroken or because I love him. I could never love someone like him. Shit I don't think I could ever love anyone that isn't you." I ramble out.

"Jude, you need to break up with Lance, like yesterday." Tommy says

"I know, but I need the pain." I reply my voice completely pathetic.

"No you don't. You need someone who is going to take the pain away and someone who makes you feel unbroken. I want to be that person." Tommy says before slamming his lips to mine.

The kiss deepens and I turn so I am straddling him. Tommy's hands slide down to my hips pulling me closer to him. He turns his body so he is no longer leaning against the counter before lifting us up followed by him lying me down on the ground. His lips move from my mouth and slowly kiss down my jawline to my neck. I moan out in pleasure causing Tommy to stop.

"Why did you stop?" I breathe out.

"I don't want this to happen in a bathroom for one." Tommy says with a chuckle. "Also I'm not the kind of guy who takes advantage of a vulnerable girl."

"Okay" I reply a little hurt.

"Jude, don't get me wrong I would love for this to happen, but this isn't even close to the right time." Tommy explains sliding a piece of hair behind my ear followed by a kiss to the forehead.

"Jude" Lance yells from outside the door while pounding on the door. "Open this damn door!"

"Shit" I whisper out panic rising in my voice.

"Don't worry there is another door out of here." Tommy whispers into my ear before getting up to leave.

"Wait" I say while pulling him back and connecting our lips. "I'm going to end this thing with Lance." I whisper into his ear after the kiss.

"Maybe I should stay then. I doubt he is going to just let you dump him without a fight." Tommy says worry written all over his face.

"I'm not going to do it right now, but I will do it. I promise." I reply sliding my hand against his cheek.

"Just be safe." Tommy says before leaving.

I walk over to the other door and open it to see Lance's furious face. "Sorry, my stomach was upset." I say before walking past him out of the bathroom.

"Sure, more like you couldn't deal with Tommy singing a love song to you." Lance replies his voice full of anger.

"Think what you want, but I really don't feel good. I'm just going to head home." I say calmly. "Merry Christmas" I say as I peck him on the cheek and walk away leaving a stunned and furious Lance behind.


	27. Chapter 25

**A/N: So I actually had some free time today and was able to sit down and write, which was nice. So this chapter takes place on New Year's Eve and a lot of stuff happens even though it isn't the longest chapter a major event happens that is going to change things. Just a warning there is some violence in this chapter, not much but just wanted to give you heads up. Also just a fyi, my updates will start to get less frequent starting next week, but I will try my hardest to update when I can, but no promises. I hope you enjoy this chapter, please review. As always I do not own Instant Star or the song According to You by Orianthi.**

**Chapter 25**

"Jude are you sure you want to go tonight? We could just hang out here and ring in the New Year without any drama." Tommy asks while slowly playing with my hair.

I lift my head off of his chest and look him in the eyes before leaning in to softly kiss him on the lips. "We have to go. People will start to wonder if the host of the party isn't there. Plus Lance will be there." I reply after pulling away from the kiss and lying back down on his chest.

"Please tell me you are going to dump him tonight?" Tommy asks his voice full of annoyance.

"Tommy, I can't break up with him at a party. I will do it when the time is right." I explain causing Tommy to tense up a little. "Hey" I say sitting up again to look him in the eyes. "I promise I will end things with him, just let me do it the right way."

"Fine, but I still think we should just stay here. I like just lying here with you." Tommy says pulling my body closer to his.

"I would love to stay here forever, but I am hosting this party so I have to be there." I explain as I get off the couch and start heading out of the screening room.

"Where are you going?" Tommy asks with a pout.

"I have to get ready, pretty just doesn't happen you know?" I reply with a laugh.

"You always look beautiful to me." Tommy says with a smile causing me to blush.

"Complements won't make me stay, but thanks." I reply before leaving the room to go get ready.

"Finally Jude, I thought you died or something." Alice says overly dramatic as I enter my room.

"Sorry, inspiration struck and I needed to write out this song before I forgot it." I explain as I set my song book down on the dresser.

"More like Tommy struck and you wanted some alone time." Alice says drawing out the word alone.

"Funny" I reply sarcastically throwing a pillow at her.

"Hey, no throwing things while I'm getting ready." Alice says picking up the pillow and chunking it back at me, but misses completely.

"Whatever just help me get all pretty." I reply sitting down in front of the mirror so Alice can do my hair and maker-up.

"Welcome everyone" I say into the microphone. "I just wanted to say thank you all for coming tonight, and I hope you all have fun ringing in the New Year. Also throughout the night there will be some special performances by myself and a few other people, so in advance I hope you enjoy all of that. Now let's party!" I yell followed by the DJ blasting music.

"So Jude, is Lance coming?" Alice asks once I'm off the stage.

"Yes and please don't get started." I reply as I start walking away.

"I was just wondering see as you are planning on dumping him and all." Alice says catching up with me.

"How did you know I was planning that?" I ask completely shocked.

"I may have overheard you talking to Tommy." Alice replies innocently.

"Tommy told you didn't he?" I ask already knowing the answer.

"Yes, but don't be mad at him. I was just so worried about you that he thought letting me know would help calm my nerves." Alice explains.

"I'm not mad. He just saved me the trouble of having to tell you." I say with a laugh.

"Good, so when is this happing?" Alice asks a little enthusiastically.

"When I find the right moment, so don't ask again." I reply almost in a whisper since Lance walked in right at that moment. "Hey" I say pulling Lance into a hug.

"Hey" Lance says before leaning in to kiss me. "Nice party."

"Thanks" I reply emotionless.

"I'm just going to leave you two alone." Alice says before heading out to the dance floor.

"So what do you say we ditch this and go have some fun in your room?' Lance asks in a seductive tone.

"I'm supposed to sing in a little bit, so maybe later." I reply cringing a little at the anticipation of a back lash.

"Whatever is there any booze?" Lance asks walking towards the coolers.

"No" I reply as I follow behind him.

"Of course you would throw a lame ass party." Lance says rudely.

"If it is so lame why don't you just go home then?" I ask getting angry.

"Now Jude that is no way to talk to your boyfriend." Lance says grabbing my wrist in a death grip causing me to wince in pain.

"Sorry" I whimper out.

"Sorry is not good enough, I need more." Lance says pulling me close to him and attacking my lips with his. His hand instantly slides down to cup my ass pulling me even closer to him.

"Excuse me" A voice says causing Lance to pull away.

"Fuck off" Lance yells.

"Tommy just leave it alone?" I plead out.

"No I won't just leave it alone, this jack ass needs to learn a lesson." Tommy replies shoving Lance a little.

"Tommy" I yell pulling his arm to get him to walk away. "Please" I plead again staring deep into his eyes to get my point across.

"Fine, but Jude you are on in five." Tommy huffs out before walking away.

"That guy is such an ass." Lance says once Tommy is out of hearing range.

"I really wish you wouldn't talk about my friends like that." I reply a hint of anger in my voice.

"I will talk about whoever I want however I want." Lance says matter-of-factly. "Plus you are only defending him because you are so pathetic and can't see how shitty of a guy he is." Lance continues.

"I am not pathetic." I reply defensively.

"Yes you are. Not only are you pathetic you are also ugly, fat, and a waste of space." Lance says ticking off the qualities with his fingers.

I just stare blankly at him for a few seconds before replying, "I need to go sing now." I turn away from Lance and walk towards the stage ignoring anything else he was saying.

I walk up on stage and the DJ turns the music off so I can sing. "Hey everyone, so this is a new song. I really hope you like it." I say before the music starts.

According to you I'm stupid, I'm useless  
>I can't do anything right<br>According to you I'm difficult, hard to please  
>Forever changing my mind<p>

I'm a mess in a dress, can't show up on time

Even if it would save my life  
>According to you, according to you<p>

As the chorus starts I walk over to Tommy, who is playing guitar and sing directly to him.

But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible  
>He can't get me out of his head<br>According to him I'm funny, irresistible  
>Everything he ever wanted<p>

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it  
>So baby tell me what I got to lose<br>He's into me for everything I'm not  
>According to you<p>

According to you I'm boring, I'm moody  
>And you can't take me any place<br>According to you I suck at telling jokes  
>'Cause I always give it away<p>

I'm the girl with the worst attention span  
>You're the boy who puts up with that<br>According to you, according to you

But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible  
>He can't get me out of his head<br>According to him I'm funny, irresistible  
>Everything he ever wanted<p>

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it  
>So baby tell me what I got to lose<br>He's into me for everything I'm not  
>According to you<p>

I need to feel appreciated  
>Like I'm not hated, oh no<br>Why can't you see me through his eyes?  
>It's too bad, you're making me decide<p>

As Tommy plays the guitar solo I lean into him and play up the song some more.

But according to me you're stupid, you're useless  
>You can't do anything right<p>

But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible  
>He can't get me out of his head<br>According to him I'm funny, irresistible  
>Everything he ever wanted<p>

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it  
>Baby tell me what I got to lose<br>He's into me for everything I'm not  
>According to you, you you<br>According to you, you you

According to you I'm stupid, I'm useless  
>I can't do anything right<p>

"Thank you" I say once the song is over. I take a bow and when I pick my head back up I find a clearly angry Lance in the crowd.

"We need to talk, now." Lance says completely furious once I get to him.

I don't say anything just start walking towards my room, Lance right on my heels.

"What the hell was that?" Lance yells once we reach my room.

"Clam down, it was just a song. I was playing it up so the crowd would get into it more." I reply nonchalantly.

"Bull shit. You were all over Tommy. Shit you even sung parts of the song to him." Lance yells completely enraged.

"It was just a song, get over." I reply with a hint of annoyance in my voice.

"Bitch you do not talk to me like that." Lance yells as he swings his arm and his fist connects with my face causing me to stumble a little, but I stay on my feet.

"You don't scare me." I say calmly.

"You will be." Lance says as he swings again, hitting me harder in the face causing me to lose my balance and fall to the ground. I start to get up but Lance swings his leg and kicks me hard in the side causing me to cough and fall back to the ground. "Stay down bitch." Lance yells as he kicks me again in the side.

"Jude" Alice yells busting through the door and instantly runs and shoves Lance away from me.

"Get the fuck out." Lance yells pushing Alice hard causing her to stumble before falling, hitting her head on the dresser on the way down.

"Alice" I whimper out.

"Shut up" Lance yells kicking me again in the side, then in the head causing everything to go black.

****Tommy's POV****

"Hey have you seen Jude?" I ask Ryan getting worried since I haven't seen her for a while.

"Not since she sang that song." Ryan replies.

"That was like thirty minutes ago." I say growing more worried.

"Tommy" A voice says from behind me.

"Alice, what's wrong?" I ask once I turn around and see Alice's face covered in tears.

"Jude…Lance…unconscious" Alice says between breaths and sobs.

"Fuck" I say running towards Jude's room. I sprint up the stairs and bust into Jude's room and instantly see Jude lying on the ground. "Jude" I say as I rush to her side. I reach out and touch her but get no response. "Shit" I breathe out before pulling my cell phone out.

"Is she okay?" Alice asks from the doorway, tears still streaming down her face.

"She has a heartbeat, but she is barely breathing and not responsive." I reply before the 911 operator answers my call. "Yes, I need an ambulance at…"

****Jude's POV****

My eyes flutter open and I'm blinded by bright, glaring lights. I glance around at my surroundings and don't reorganize anything I see. I start to panic and sit up but as I do so a shouting pain goes through my side causing me to cry out in pain.

"Hey, I wouldn't do that." Tommy says reaching out to help me lay back down.

"What…" I start but my voice is raspy and my throat is too dry to talk.

"Here, drink this." Tommy says pouring me a glass of water then handing it to me.

I chug the water down then ask, "What happened?"

"Lance" Tommy simply states.

"Am I in the hospital?" I ask wincing in pain.

"Yes, you have two broken ribs and few fractured ones." Tommy explains trying to make it sound like it wasn't that big of a deal.

"How long was I out?" I ask rubbing my head as I start to get a mind splitting headache.

"A few days" Tommy replies as he leans in to push what I assume is the nurse button.

"Do you need something?" The nurse asks as she enters my room.

"Just letting you know she is awake." Tommy replies.

"Okay, I will let the doctor know." The nurse says before turning to leave.

"Wait" I say causing her to turn back around. "Is there anything you can do about this mind splitting headache?"

"Of course" The nurse replies before doing something with my IV. "There, that should help." The nurse says before heading out to get the doctor.

"Tommy, where is Alice?" I ask panic growing in my voice as I remember that the last time I say her she was knocked out.

"Don't worry, she is fine just a bump." Tommy explains

"Thank God" I say with a sigh of relief.

"She woke up shortly after Lance left you unconscious and came found me." Tommy explains some more.

"Thank you" I reply reaching out my hand to grab his.

"Jude, I don't think you even know just how scared I was when I say you lying on the ground like that. I thought you were dead." Tommy says holding my hand tighter and trying to hide the tears that are forming in his eyes.

"I'm sorry you had to deal with that." I reply a hint of shame in my voice.

"Just please don't let that happen again. I don't know what I would do if I lost you." Tommy says leaning in to kiss my forehead.

"I promise Lance and I are so over." I reply rubbing his cheek a little as he sets our foreheads together. We stay like that for a little while but separate when we hear the door start to open.

"Ms. Harrison, glad to see you are awake." The doctor says with a smile.

"I'm glad to be awake." I reply with a smile of my own.

"Well I am sure Tommy here has informed you of your ribs, so I won't repeat that." The doctor starts. "I do want to keep you here a few more nights to make sure nothing is wrong with your brain." He continues.

"Okay" I reply.

"That's all for now." The doctor says before turning to leave but stops and turns towards Tommy. "Take good care of her."

"I always do." Tommy replies with a smile. The doctor leaves after his comment leaving Tommy and I alone.

"Have you been here the whole time I was out?" I ask curiously.

"He never left your side." Ryan says as he walks into the room.

"Defiantly smells like he never left." Alice says with a chuckle as she enters behind Ryan.

"Shut up, I smell amazing." Tommy replies shoving Alice playfully.

"If you say so" Alice says causing Tommy to glare at her.

I start to laugh but immediately wince in pain. "Ow, guys don't make me laugh." I whine out in pain.

"Sorry" Alice says.

"So how's my little sis doing?" Ryan asks sitting down in the chair next to Tommy.

"Fine, tired, but fine." I reply yawning right on cue.

"Well we just wanted to come check on you." Alice says before pulling me into a hug causing me to wince in pain. "Sorry" Alice says noticing my wince.

"It's cool, I'm so glad you are okay." I reply with a smile.

"I'm one tough cookie." Alice says with a chuckle.

"Right" Tommy and I say at the same time.

"That was freaky." Ryan says looking between Tommy and me.

Tommy and I start to laugh, but my laugh turns into a yawn.

"Guys, why don't you leave so Jude can get some sleep?" Tommy says noticing my yawn.

"Sure thing" Alice says before pulling me into another hug. "Love you."

"Love you too." I reply.

"Take care of my sis Tommy." Ryan says slapping Tommy's shoulder.

"Of course." Tommy replies.

"Later sis," Ryan says waving goodbye to me before leaving, Alice following.

"You should go to. I will be fine." I say turning towards Tommy.

"I can't sleep unless I am here with you." Tommy says sweetly.

"In that case, care to join me?" I question with a hint of flirtation.

"Gladly" Tommy says as he stands up and joins me in bed, making sure I get comfortable before pulling me close.

"Much better" I say into his chest.

"Get some sleep girl. I will be here the whole time." Tommy says as he starts playing with my hair causing me to drift quickly to sleep.


	28. Chapter 26

**So I was reading through this story and realized I messed up and used a song twice as if it was a brand new song. I edited this post so that it works with the story now, so if you noticed I hope this makes things better. Enjoy. Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star or Untitled by Simple Plan or Stronger by Kelly Clarckson. **

**Chapter 26**

_Dear Diary,_

_It has been two weeks since the New Year's Eve craziness happened. After a few days in the hospital to ensure that none of my injuries were life threatening, I was released just in time to go back to school. I still had massive bruises everywhere and I tried to hide them as well as possible, but unfortunately no amount of makeup could keep everyone from talking about what had happened. Everyone was whispering in the halls and those brave enough to face me only gave me their pity. The whispering didn't bug me, but the pity did. I can't stand pity and every time someone told me how sorry they were for what happened to me I wanted to punch them square in the face. I don't want to hear that you're sorry for me. You being sorry for me doesn't change what happened, and it sure as hell isn't going to make my ribs heal faster or make my bruises disappear quicker. The first week back weren't as bad as I make it out to be though. I dealt with everyone talking and their pity and held my head high, no way was I going to play victim, but that all changed this past Monday. Before I say why, you should know that I didn't press charges against Lance, even though everyone from my parents to my friends wanted me to. I just didn't see the point and I really didn't want to deal with having to relive the event for a court to hear. That being said, Lance came back to school this past Monday, which was a major shock. No one thought that he would come back to school and from my understanding of my meeting with our principal he wasn't allowed back at school, but I guess I was wrong. I didn't think I would have to ever see him again, and I honestly thought that if I did I would be perfectly fine, but that was not the case. The instant I saw his piercing blue eyes staring at me so full of hate and disgust, I lost it. I ran, and I mean ran like I was a track star, to the bathroom and hid in a stall. I sat in the corner of the stall, pulling my knees to my chest, and bawled my eyes out. I didn't care who heard or that I was ruining my makeup; all that mattered in that moment was to let it out. I hadn't cried about what had happened until that day. I cried for a good hour and once I had no more tears left to cry, my body found a different way of letting it out, barfing. I hadn't been eating much since the event, but that didn't stop me from getting rid of the little bit of food in my stomach. After I was finally done with all of this, I heard a knock on the bathroom stall and the voice of my best friend, Alice. Alice has been by my side through all of this, and I am truly grateful to have her as my best friend, and at that moment in time in the bathroom I knew that a hug from her would fix everything. Thankfully after my bathroom scene, we only had one more period of class before school let out. The next few days I didn't have any run-ins with Lance, but just knowing he was in the same building as me made my stomach turn. By Thursday this feeling was starting to subside and it went away all together on Friday when I saw Lance again. To clear up how this happened, it is time to talk about none other than Tommy Quincy. Tommy never left my side the whole time I was in the hospital, and when I returned home he decided that he was going to stay at my house just to be sure I was really okay. It was nice having him there, but at times he could be a little suffocating. That being said, I was so glad he was there that Monday after seeing Lance. Alice had texted him and explained what had happened, so the instant I got home I was engulfed into one of those famous Tommy hugs that can melt away every problem you may have. We stayed up almost all night that night talking about what happened and how I was doing, but I didn't fully disclose how I felt. I knew that if Tommy knew how horrible and scared I felt, he would never leave me alone, but on Thursday night I finally told him my real feelings. He was pretty upset at first when he found out I had been holding back, but he quickly went back into caring mode and helped me realize that I may had this horrible thing happen to me, but that was in the past. Tommy explained to me that showing Lance that what he did to me still had an effect of me, was like letting him hit me more, and that I needed to hold my head up high and show him that I'm not his victim anymore. I took this to heart and Friday at school when I saw Lance, I passed him with my head held high and a smile on my face, which really pissed him off. It is now Sunday night before my third week back at school, and I am ready to face everyone, makeup free, bruises fully visible, and a smile on my face. _

_XOXO Jude_

"So Jude, how was your day?" Tommy asks as I enter my house.

"Great, besides the fact that I had a pop quiz in math, it was great." I answer with a smile.

"That is great." Tommy replies pulling me into a hug.

"How was your day?" I ask walking towards my room, Tommy following right behind.

"Boring, college classes are so dull." Tommy answers with a dramatic tone.

"It could be worse, you could be back in high school." I reply with a small chuckle.

"True, but at least in high school I had all my friends to entertain me." Tommy says as we enter my room.

I throw my backpack on the ground by my desk and fall back onto my bed releasing a sigh before asking, "How long are you going to be here?"

"What?" Tommy asks confused.

"I mean, it has been three weeks since I got out of the hospital, and I'm doing much better now. You don't need to watch my every move anymore." I explain in a reassuring tone.

"Well, I haven't thought about it. I just assumed you would need me for a while, but if you really want me to go, I will." Tommy replies with a hint of sadness in his voice as he starts walking to the door.

"Tommy, I didn't mean to upset you. I just think maybe you should get back to your life." I say sitting up in my bed so I can look at him.

"I am in my life. I am going to classes, I hang out with my friends, and I get to spend time with you. That is all there is to me." Tommy explains while sitting down next me on the bed.

"Sounds boring." I reply with a chuckle.

"It isn't, not with you in it." Tommy says staring into my eyes with a smile.

"Whatever" I say shoving his shoulder and breaking his gaze.

"What about you?" Tommy asks scooting a little closer to me.

"What do you mean?" I ask confusedly.

"When are you going to get back to your life?" Tommy elaborates.

"I am in my life. I go to school, I hang out with my friends, and I spend a ton of time with you. That is pretty much my life." I answer a little sarcastically.

"You hardly spend time with Alice outside of school and this house. You haven't gone to any parties, even the ones that have been here at our house." Tommy explains causing me to roll my eyes.

"So what if I don't go to parties, that doesn't mean I'm not living my life." I reply.

"Fine, how about when are you going to play music again?" Tommy asks a little hint of concern in his voice.

"I have been playing. I play every day in band class at school." I answer trying to hide the pain I feel at the thought of music.

"You know that isn't the type of music I was talking about." Tommy states.

"I just haven't been inspired to write, no big deal." I reply trying to play nonchalant, but obviously fail.

"We both know that isn't true." Tommy says looking me dead in the eye before continuing, "You are afraid to write about what happened and that is understandable, but maybe that is what you need to really get over this."

"I am over this, and I'm not afraid to write about it, I just don't want to." I reply with a hint of anger in my voice.

"Jude, I hear you at night. You have cried yourself to sleep every night since seeing Lance, and I know you have been having nightmares about it since the hospital. You aren't over this." Tommy says trying to pull me closer, but I shove him off and stand up.

"So what if I'm not over this, that is for me to deal with, and in my own damn way. Writing about it isn't going to change that it happened or that I can't stop dreaming about it. It isn't going to make Lance disappear and it sure as hell isn't going to make these damn bruises and broken ribs go away. I don't want to write about it, end of story." I reply my voice full of frustration and a hint of sadness.

"Fine Jude, but I really think-" Tommy starts but I cut him off.

"I don't care what you think Tommy. Just get out and leave me the hell alone." I state raising my voice a little to get my point across.

"Fine" Tommy says getting up off the bed and walking out the door, which I promptly slam and lock behind him.

"And I can't stand the pain, And I can't make it go away, No, I can't stand the pain, How could this happen to me? I've made my mistakes, Got nowhere to run, The night goes on As I'm fading away" I sing before humming the next part, not wanting to continue knowing it will only hurt to relive the pain.

"Jude, dinner is ready." Vicki says through the intercom.

I close my journal, set my guitar on its stand and head down stairs. I sit down at the table in between Tommy and Ryan. Neither say anything to me nor acknowledge my existence, which is how it has been the last week after I told Tommy to leave me alone. He is still staying with us to keep an eye on me, but we haven't talked to each other. I have tried to apologize, but still nothing.

"So how was everyone's day?" Vicki asks siting down at the table.

"Fine" We all reply.

"Very descriptive, thanks kids." Vicki says very sarcastically. "Jude, I got a call from one of the moms running the charity talent show today. She told me that you dropped out. Is that true?" Vicki asks, causing Tommy to perk up a little bit.

"I just don't feel like it. My ribs still hurt when I try to sing, plus I have a ton of homework this weekend, and a paper to write." I explain trying to play it off.

"Bull" I hear Tommy say not so under his breath.

"Excuse me?" I ask a little ticked off.

"Nothing" Tommy replies going back to eating.

"No, not nothing. You haven't said so much as a "hi" to me all week and now you decide to talk and take it back. You are going to tell me what you said." I say demandingly.

"Fine, I said bull. As in I don't believe your excuses." Tommy replies.

"Well believe what you want, it is true." I say before scooting my chair back and stand up to leave. "I am not that hungry, may I be excused?" I ask but leave before anyone can reply.

I get to my room and grab my phone, dialing Alice's number.

"Hey girly, what's up?" Alice says.

"The same old thing, Tommy being an ass." I reply with a sigh of frustration.

"What did he do now?" Alice asks with faint interest.

"My mom found out that I dropped out of the talent show tomorrow and asked me at dinner why I did that. I told her that I had school work and that ribs still hurt, but Tommy being Tommy called me out. He thinks that I'm just making up excuses because I'm scared to sing. Which is total bull shit because I am so not afraid to sing, I just don't want to." I ramble out.

"Jude, I love you and I want to help you here, but I agree with Tommy." Alice replies with a caring voice.

"Best friend say what?" I say completely full of shock.

"You haven't touched your guitar in weeks, and you haven't written any lyrics either. You don't even play in band class anymore, and yes before you ask I know you have been faking it." Alice explains.

"I can't believe this. You are supposed to be on my side, not Tommy's." I reply getting angry.

"I am on your side, and so is Tommy, which is why this whole no music thing concerns us. We both know that music is your life, and without it you aren't yourself. You need to start playing and writing again, before it is too late." Alice explains a hint of sadness in her voice towards the end.

"What do you mean by too late?" I ask confusedly.

"I just mean that you are wasting all this talent because some guy decided to steal your light from you. Use that pain and write a kick ass song and just be over this whole thing. Do you really want Lance to take away your music like he took away your peace of mind?" Alice questions.

"One, we have a rule about speaking his name, and two he didn't steal my light or my music. I just don't want to, end of story. Why doesn't anyone get that?" I ask completely frustrated.

"We don't get it because it isn't true, and you know it. Stop kidding yourself and just be honest about the real reason you aren't playing music." Alice says.

"Fine, I'm scared of singing. I'm scared to write or play my guitar or even think about music." I reply my voice full of sadness.

"Finally" I hear from outside my door.

"Alice, I have to go." I say into the phone before hanging up.

"Jude, I know you heard me." Tommy says from the other side of the door.

"Yes, but I'm still mad at you." I reply with fake anger.

"I know that isn't true, just let me in." Tommy says with a caring tone.

"Fine" I reply opening the door to let him in. "But first off, you should not be listening at my door, that is a total invasion of privacy." I say as Tommy enters my room.

"Noted, but that isn't what we need to talk about." Tommy replies sitting down on my bed. "I heard you admit that you were scared of music." Tommy continues as I sit down next to him.

"Yeah" I say with a sigh.

"I'm glad you finally admitted it, maybe now you can get passed it and work on your music again." Tommy replies with a small smile.

"I actually have been working on something the last few days." I admit a little shyly.

"Really?" Tommy asks shocked.

"Yes, but it is something I have be toying with for a few months now and I am still having trouble doing it. I want to write about what I'm feeling, but every time I try I just clam up and start freaking out." I explain a hint of frustration and sadness in my voice.

"Jude, you can't let him take away your music. Don't let what happen keep you from doing the thing you love more than anything else. You just need to focus on what you want to say and let the words and chords flow out of you. You can do it, but you need to have faith in yourself and stop being so scared to face this problem." Tommy says reassuringly, pulling me into a tight hug.

"Thanks Tommy, I really appreciate it." I reply my voice still sad.

"How about I leave and you can work on that song?" Tommy questions as he gets up from the bed.

"Actually, would you stay? I don't think I can do this without you." I reply shyly.

"I would love to stay, but I think it is time I step back and let you handle this on your own." Tommy says before kissing the top of my head and leaving, closing the door behind him.

"Well great, that is not how I thought that would go." I say to myself getting up off the bed and grabbing my guitar from its stand. The instant it hits my hands I feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders and words start popping into my head. I start playing the chords with the lyrics in my head and before long I have a new song. "I'm back" I say to myself with a triumphant smile.

"Jude honey, we are going to be late." Vicki yells up the stairs as I come stomping down them.

"Sorry, Alice got all makeup crazy." I say as we head for the door.

"I figured you would want to look good for this, but as always I was wrong." Alice says making a dig at the fact that I am in jeans and a t-shirt with my converse.

"I have been trying for years to get her to wear girly cloths with no success." Vicki explains with a small laugh.

"Hey, I wear girly stuff. I just find jeans and a t-shirt more comfortable." I state with a matter of fact tone.

"Let's just get to the theater before this things starts." Vicki says as we pile into the car and head for the theater the talent show is being held in.

When we arrive I find out that I am closing the show, which gives me about two hours to freak out about the fact that I'm about to share my inner most thoughts and feelings with everyone in the community.

"Jude, stop pacing, you are driving me nuts." Alice says from her place on the couch in the dressing room.

"I can't do this. I just can't do this. I am going to tell them that I'm not doing this." I ramble out as I go for the door but am stopped but Alice jumping in front of the door.

"No, you are going to do this. You need to do this Jude." Alice says emphasizing the word need.

"I know, I just don't think I can do it." I reply completely freaked out.

"Since when do you get nervous about singing?" Alice questions with a slight chuckle.

"I'm not nervous." I bite out a little too harshly. "Sorry, I just still have this hint of fear in the back of my mind telling me that this is a bad idea." I explain before plopping down on the couch next to her.

"This is a good idea. You need to do this to get over that fear and finally move pass this torture you are dealing with." Alice says reassuringly.

"Jude, five minutes." The stage hand says as he pops his head into the dressing room.

"Thanks" I reply with a faint smile.

"You got this and I will be right in the wings the whole time." Alice says pulling me into a hug before walking towards the door.

"Okay, here goes nothing." I say trying to lighten my mood, but fail. _What the hell am I doing? Am I really going to do this? Can I really do this? Can I go out there and sing out my soul to all these people? I know I have done it before without any problems, but this time it is different. Before I was just singing about liking a boy, but this song is so much deeper than that. I just need to go out there and pretend that this song is just like all my other songs. I can do this. I. Can. Do. This. _

"To close the show we have the very talented, very lovely, Jude Harrison." The mc says and I walk onto the stage and sit at the piano. I take a deep breath before looking out into the crowd to find my family and specifically, Tommy. As I am looking my eyes fall on the one person I didn't want to see, Lance. My breath hitches in my throat, but I take a deep breath before speaking into the microphone.

"Hi everyone, my name is Jude. I was supposed to sing a song called Untitled, but I just don't think that that is a good enough song to close such an amazing show." I say as I pull the microphone from the piano and motion towards a stage hand in the wings. "Thanks" I say once the stage hand gives me my guitar from backstage. "So this song is new one, I actually wrote it this morning so please bear with me." I say before strumming the guitar to start the song.

_You know the bed feels warmer  
>Sleeping here alone<br>You know I dream in color  
>And do the things I want <em>

I find Lance and stare him dead in the eyes, smirking a little as I start the next part of the song.

_You think you got the best of me  
>Think you've had the last laugh<br>Bet you think that everything good is gone  
>Think you left me broken down<br>Think that I'd come running back  
>Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong<em>

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger  
>Stand a little taller<br>Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone  
>What doesn't kill you makes a fighter<br>Footsteps even lighter  
>Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone<p>

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger  
>Just me, myself and I<br>What doesn't kill you makes you stronger  
>Stand a little taller<br>Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

I find Tommy and smile at him as I sing the next part.

_You heard that I was starting over with someone new  
>They told you I was moving on over you<em>

I find Lance again and notice his obvious anger written all over his face, causing me to smile even bigger as I start into the next part of the song.

_You didn't think that I'd come back  
>I'd come back swinging<br>You try to break me, but you see_

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger  
>Stand a little taller<br>Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone  
>What doesn't kill you makes a fighter<br>Footsteps even lighter  
>Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone<p>

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger  
>Just me, myself and I<br>What doesn't kill you makes you stronger  
>Stand a little taller<br>Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

I find Tommy again and see a giant smile plastered on his face. I smile at him and then find Lance again before singing the bridge.  
><em><br>Thanks to you I got a new thing started  
>Thanks to you I'm not the broken-hearted<br>Thanks to you I'm finally thinking about me  
>You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning<br>In the end..._

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger  
>Stand a little taller<br>Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone  
>What doesn't kill you makes a fighter<br>Footsteps even lighter  
>Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone<p>

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger  
>Just me, myself and I<br>What doesn't kill you makes you stronger  
>Stand a little taller<br>Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

_What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger  
>Just me, myself and I<br>What doesn't kill you makes you stronger  
>Stand a little taller<br>Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone_

I'm not alone

I finish the song with a smile and a feeling of freedom coursing through my veins. I find Lance amongst the standing crowd that is cheering for me, and I can tell he is outraged and that he is about to explode. I look him dead in the eyes and smirk. I can feel the confidence and freedom oozing from me and I know Lance can tell because he immediately stands up and pushes his way out of the crowd and leaves the theater, punching the wall on the way out.

"Wow, amazing job Jude." The mc says joining me on stage. "I do wish we could have heard your other song, but that sure was one amazing closer." The mc continues. This comment leads to the crowd shouting "Encore" and "Do the other song" casing the mc to ask, "Well if the crowd wants one, will you please give us an encore?"

I turn to Alice in the wings and she instantly notices my hesitation towards singing the other song, but encourages me with a smile and thumbs up. I find Tommy in the crowd and his smile alone makes me realize that I should sing the other song. "I guess if the crowd really wants it." I finally reply with a slight laugh, causing the crowd to roar even louder.

"Well you asked and she said yes, so here is Jude one more time." The mc says before walking off the stage.

I grab the microphone and walk back to the piano and sit down. "Well this song is called Untitled, and I wrote it a few months back about how I was feeling while all of this craziness was going. Most of you know that I went through quite an ordeal on New Year's Eve and it really made an impact on me, but thanks to some amazing friends and family, and of course music, I have no put this behind me and like my first song says, I'm stronger. So enough of my rambling, here is Untitled." I say before starting the song and fully losing myself in the music.

_I open my eyes  
>I try to see but I'm blinded<br>By the white light_

_I can't remember how?  
>I can't remember why?<br>I'm lying here tonight_

_And I can't stand the pain  
>And I can't make it go away<br>No, I can't stand the pain_

_How could this happen to me?  
>I've made my mistakes<br>Got nowhere to run  
>The night goes on<em>

_As I'm fading away  
>I'm sick of this life<br>I just wanna scream  
>How could this happen to me?<em>

_Everybody's screaming  
>I try to make a sound<br>But no one hears me_

_I'm slipping off the edge  
>I'm hanging by a thread<br>I wanna start this over again_

_So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered  
>And I can't explain what happened<em>

_How could this happen to me?  
>I've made my mistakes<br>Got nowhere to run  
>The night goes on<em>

_As I'm fading away  
>I'm sick of this life<br>I just wanna scream  
>How could this happen to me?<em>

As the guitarist playing with me starts the solo, I look out into the crowd and find Tommy. His eyes are holding back tears, but when he notices me looking at him he smiles letting me know that he is proud and that this is just what I needed.

_I've made my mistakes  
>I've got nowhere to run<br>The night goes on_

_As I'm fading away  
>I'm sick of this life<br>I just wanna scream  
>How could this happen to me?<em>

Once the song ends, the crowd is dead silent for a few seconds before an uproar of applause starts. I stand up from the piano and walk over to the mc.

"Thank you Jude, that was truly beautiful." The mc says pulling me into a side hug, making it easier for me to notice the hint that he was crying. "Well that is the show. Thank you everyone for coming out and supporting a great cause. Thank you to all the performers, it was a pleasure to see all of your talents. Have a good night everyone." The mc says as the house lights turn back on and the crowd starts going its own ways.

I walk off stage and immediately pulled into a hug by Alice. "That was amazing." Alice says after pulling out of the hug.

"Thanks" I reply simply with a smile. We head back to my dressing room to find my parents, Ryan, and Tommy wait for us.

"Amazing, purely amazing." Vicki says hugging me followed by my dad hugging me. "We will see you tomorrow, you kids have fun tonight." Vicki says before leaving us kids in the dressing room.

"What is she talking about?" I ask, but am ignored.

"Amazing little sis." Ryan says pulling me into a hug.

"Thanks, but what where Mom and Dad talking about? What is going on tonight?" I ask, but am ignored once again.

"Alice and I are going to go ahead and go. We will see y'all in a little bit." Ryan says before leaving with Alice.

"Tommy, what is going on?" I ask, but even he ignores my question.

"You did amazing girl. I knew you had it in you this whole time, but you still blew me away." Tommy says pulling me into a hug.

"Thanks Tommy, and I couldn't have done it without you. Seeing your smile made things so much easier for me." I reply with a smile.

"I'm glad I could help." Tommy says with a smile.

"Plus sticking it to that jack ass was killer." I state with a triumphant smile and laugh.

"That was so awesome. I saw him leave and he looked so pissed off. I'm glad he finally got a taste of what he deserves." Tommy says while slinging his arm over my shoulder as we start walking outside.

"Exactly. So where are we going?" I ask once we get to his car.

"You will see, it is supposed to be a surprise." Tommy says with an evil smile.

"Great" I say reluctantly as we pull out of the parking lot and towards our unknown destination.


	29. Chapter 27

**I know it has been sometime since I last posted, but I have had a lot going on lately and couldn't write. I finally found some time to write, so here is a new chapter. It picks up where the last chapter left off, but there is a time jump in the middle of the chapter to just watch out for that. Another warning, this chapter involves a serious topic that will come up a lot in later chapters. If you aren't comfortable reading about it I am sorry, but this story is rated M and the topic plays a major role later on in the story. Now that I am done with all my rambling, I hope you enjoy, and please comment. Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star or Absolutely (Story of a Girl) by Nine Days. **

**Chapter 27**

"Tommy you know I hate surprises." I whine out hoping it will help convince Tommy to tell me where he is taking me.

"And you know that I don't care and that no amount of whining will make me tell you anything." Tommy replies flashing me a smug smirk.

"Fine" I huff out as I cross my arms across my chest and sink back into the seat.

"I promise that you will love it, just trust me." Tommy says reaching out to lightly grasp my arm reassuringly.

"Can you at least tell me if we are almost there?" I ask.

"We are about two minutes away." Tommy replies with a smile.

"Okay" I say with a sigh. Just as I finish replying Tommy pulls into a dark parking lot. I glance around and realize that there are no buildings in sight and there is only one light illuminating the whole lot, which just so happens to be the portion of the lot we park in. "Did you bring me here to murder me, because this would be the perfect spot." I say sarcastically.

"Just get out of the car Harrison, and shut up." Tommy replies as he exits the car and walks around to the passenger side.

"Seriously Tommy, where-" I start but Tommy cuts me off by placing his hand over my mouth.

"I told you to shut up." Tommy whispers into my ear as he starts walking forward, dragging me with him. We approach what I assume to be the edge of the lot before we stop. "Now I am going to take my hand off your mouth, can you please stay silent?" Tommy asks looking straight into my eyes.

"Yes" I mumble out behind his hand.

"Good" Tommy says as he removes his hand from my mouth. "Now please sit down." Tommy continues point towards a bench I didn't notice until now. I walk over to the bench and sit as Tommy walks away.

"Tommy where are you going?" I ask with a hint fear in my voice.

"What happened to the no talking thing?" Tommy asks with a little hint of frustration in his tone. "Just sit there, be silent, and I will be right back." Tommy says before going back to walking away from me.

A few seconds later a bright light appears in front of me, slightly blinding me for a few seconds. I stand up from the bench and walk towards the light, but the sound of a guitar stops me in my tracks. I start heading back to the bench, but before I could reach it music starts surrounding me followed by that very familiar voice.

_This is the story of a girl  
>Who cried a river and drowned the whole world<br>And while she looked so sad in photographs  
>I absolutely love her<br>When she smiles_

Now how many days in a year  
>She woke up with hope<br>But she only found tears  
>And I can be so insincere<br>Making her promises never for real  
>As long as she stands there waiting<br>Wearing the holes in the soles of her shoes  
>Now how many days disappear<br>When you look in the mirror  
>So how do you choose<p>

Your clothes never wear as well the next day  
>And your hair never falls in quite the same way<br>You never seem to run out of things to say

This is the story of a girl  
>Who cried a river and drowned the whole world<br>And while she looked so sad in photographs  
>I absolutely love her<br>When she smiles

Now how many lovers would stay  
>Just to put up with this shit day after day<br>Now how did we wind up this way  
>Watching our mouths for the words that we say<br>As long as we stand here waiting  
>Wearing the clothes or the soles that we choose<br>Now how do we get there today  
>When we're walking too far for the price of our shoes<p>

Your clothes never wear as well the next day  
>And your hair never falls in quite the same way<br>But you never seem to run out of things to say

This is the story of a girl  
>Who cried a river and drowned the whole world<br>And while she looks so sad and lonely there  
>I absolutely love her<br>When she smiles

As the guitar solo starts, Tommy walks towards me, a smile plastered on his face. I look him straight in the eye, my smile bigger than it has been in months, as I finally feel happy. As the guitar solo gets close to ending Tommy leans in the give me a peck on the cheek before returning to finish the song.

Well your clothes never wear as well the next day  
>And your hair never falls in quite the same way<br>You never seem to run out of things to say

This is the story of a girl  
>Who cried a river and drowned the whole world<br>And while she looks so sad in photographs  
>I absolutely love her<p>

This is the story of a girl  
>Whose pretty face she hid from the world<br>And while she looks so sad and lonely there  
>I absolutely love her<p>

This is the story of a girl  
>Who cried a river and drowned the whole world<br>And while she looked so sad in photographs  
>I absolutely love her<br>When she smiles  
>When she smiles!<p>

I start clapping, but stop when I realize I am not the only one clapping. I turn around and notice a sea of people clapping and cheering for Tommy. I turn back around to see Tommy walking back towards me, smiling like I have never seen him smile before making me go a little weak in the knees. Once he finally reaches me he pulls me into a hug, holding me as close as possible. I lay my head against his chest and before I can stop it I burst into tears, and if it weren't for Tommy holding me I would have crumbled to the ground.

"Jude, what's wrong?" Tommy asks full of concern, but only loud enough for me to hear.

"I love you." I whisper, almost more to myself than to him.

"I love you too." Tommy whispers as he pulls away from me just enough to lean his head down to kiss me softly, and passionately on the lips.

****5 Months Later****

_Dear Diary,_

_Finally it is summer! I don't think I could have survived another day in that school without exploding. It has been five months since the talent show and some stuff has changed. After the talent show most people stopped staring at me as I walked past them, but sadly the whispering didn't stop. It finally stopped in April, and that is only because everyone was too busy talking about prom to care about me. Once all the whispering stopped it was easier to get through the days without wanting to kill someone, but I won't fully not want to kill someone at that school, it is high school after all. The only bright spot through these past five months has been Tommy. Okay, that is a lie, Alice has also been a bright spot. She helped me though all those days at school, and kept me on many occasions from punching someone in the face. She really is the best friend a girl could ask for, and I would be so lost without her. Now back to Tommy. That night after the talent show was so amazing. I still can't believe he did all of that for me, or what happened after his song. I wasn't really surprised that he said he loves me, but I was shocked that he kissed me in front of so many people. After that night I was so confused on where we stood, but a few days later we sat down and talked about everything and came to the conclusion that at that point in time it was not a good idea for us to become anything more than friends. At first I didn't really like the idea, but I agreed anyways and it turns out he was right. I know now that if anything had happened between Tommy and me at that point that everything would have just fallen apart. I was in no shape to be dating anyone. Between all the crap with Lance (now and forever to be referred to as jack ass) and all the problems I was dealing with before jack ass, like my nightmares and this whole felling broken inside thing I have going on, I did not need a boyfriend. Even though Tommy wasn't my boyfriend, he was there for me whenever I needed him, even at three in the morning when I would call him bawling my eyes out after a nightmare. He is the best, and he has helped me so much with everything, but there are some things he just hasn't been able to help me with. Yes he helped me with jack ass problems and nightmare problems, but I was so scared to tell him about how I felt inside, the whole broken thing, so he obviously couldn't help me with that. I did however find something to help me with that problem, but no one knows about it and if they found out they would surely kill me. I know it is bad for me and could potentially be life threatening, but I don't care because it helps me feel better, plus I am super careful and smart about it. I make sure not to cut too deep that a scar will form and I avoid all the major veins and arteries. I just hope no one finds out about this._

_XO Jude_

"Jude if you don't hurry up in there you will be late for the bus!" Vicki yells from down the hall.

"Coming!" I shout back from inside the bathroom before slowly sliding the razor across my wrist, just enough to feel the burn and a minimal amount of blood. I sigh in relief as all my other pain disappears as I focus all of my thoughts on the pain in my wrist. I step out of the bathroom a few seconds later, grab my bag, sliding the razor into it, and then walk outside to the car.

"Are you excited for another summer at camp?" Vicki asks.

"Stoked." I reply happily with a smile.


	30. Chapter 28

**A/N: Hey everyone! Here is the new chapter. It is pretty long compared to other posts, but I just couldn't find a good stopping point so I kept written. I hope you like it and please review. As always I do not own Instant Star or the song Popular by Kristen Chenoweth. **

**Chapter 28**

_Dear Diary,_

_Thank the Lord I am final back at this glorious place! I am so excited to be back here and spending another summer full of nothing but music. This summer will be a little different though. First off, NO BOYS! I will not let any boys into my life, no matter how cute or nice. Second, I will focus on nothing but my music. This means no thinking about Tommy! Okay, so maybe that will be really hard, especially since most of my music is inspired by him, but other than inspiration I don't want to think about him. It isn't like last summer where I was completely pissed at him, in fact we are in a really good place in our friendship right now, but I just don't need to think about him. Third, I will spend as much time as possible with the best friend possible, Alice. Last summer I spent so much time with jack ass that I didn't get the full on bestie bounding time that being here allows. This summer I will take full advantage of that time, but not so much that we end up wanting to kill each other. Alice has been so amazing these past months and I owe it to her and our friendship to be an equally amazing bestie. Last, but certainly not least, win that record contract. I know I'm not even 16 yet, but I really want that contract. It's not because it means getting out of that awful town of mine, but it means I get to make music that everyone will hear and can hopefully touch people like so many musicians have touched me. With everything that has happened this past year I feel like I have so much to say and so much to share through music that I should be a lock for winning. I know I will probably have some issues getting the words out that I want to say, but I have my ways of making that easier thanks to my trusty razor. Here's to the best summer ever. _

_XO Jude_

"Welcome everyone" the director says to the full cafeteria. "It is great to see some many familiar faces, as well as new faces." The director continues as everyone cheers and claps in excitement. "Now with that being said, can I please have all the new campers stand up?" The director asks.

All of the new campers stand up, as all of the returning campers start to giggle in hushed tones. The director points to a small blonde girl in the back of the cafeteria and asks her to join him on stage. The girl reluctantly walks up to the stage and joins the director.

"What is your name sweetie?" The director asks politely.

"Annabell" the girl answers timidly.

"Well Annabell are you a song writer?" The director asks, as all of the returns start to giggle some more.

"No, but I sing." Annabell replies a little more confidently this time.

"Well then, let's hear you sing." The director says.

"I don't have anything prepared and there isn't any music." Annabell says reverting back to her timid state.

"We have many musicians here that can play for you, just name a song." The director says gesturing to my table for my friends to go on stage to play.

"No thanks." Annabell says as the crowd starts to boo causing Annabell to turn red.

"Hey we don't boo here." The director says addressing the restless crowd. "Would you sing if someone joined you?" The director asks Annabell.

"I guess" Annabell replies in almost a whisper.

"Splendid, I know the perfect person." The director says scanning the room before his eyes land on me. "Jude would you please come sing with Miss Annabell?"

"Of course." I reply with a smile while hopping up on stage.

"Great" the director says before leaving the stage for us to perform.

"What song do you want to sing?" I ask a still red Annabell.

"Do you know Popular from the musical Wicked?" Annabell asks.

"Of course I do." I reply with a smile. "Do you want to take turns or sing together?" I ask with a reassuring smile.

"I think together would be best." Annabell replies.

"Okay, let's do this." I reply with a smile.

The band starts playing the music and the crowd starts to cheer recognizing the song.

Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I,  
>And let's face it, who isn't less fortunate than I?<br>My tender heart tends to start to bleed.  
>And when someone needs a makeover,<br>I simply have to take over!  
>I know, I know exactly what they need!<p>

And even in your case,  
>Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face,<br>Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed!  
>Follow my lead,<br>And yes indeed, you will be...

Popular!  
>You're gonna be popular!<br>I'll teach you the proper poise,  
>When you talk to boys,<br>Little ways to flirt and flounce,  
>ooh!<br>I'll show you what shoes to wear!  
>How to fix your hair!<br>Everything that really counts to be...

POPULAR!  
>I'll help you be popular!<br>You'll hang with the right cohorts,  
>You'll be good at sports,<br>Know the slang you've got to know.  
>So let's start,<br>'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go!

Don't be offended by my frank analysis,  
>Think of it as personality dialysis,<br>Now that I've chosen to become a  
>Pal, a sis or an advisor,<br>There's nobody wiser!  
>Not when it comes to...<p>

POPULAR!  
>I know about popular.<br>and with an assist from me,  
>to be who you'll be,<br>instead of dreary who you were...  
>Well, are.<br>There's nothing that can stop you,  
>from becoming popu-ler... lar...<p>

la la, la la! You'll be popular,  
>We're gonna make you pop-u-lar!<p>

When i see depressing creatures,  
>With unprepossessing features,<br>I remind them on their own they have  
>To - think - of<br>Celebrated heads of state,  
>Or specially great communicators!<br>Did they have brains or knowledge?  
>Don't make me laugh!<br>ha ha!  
>They were POPULAR!<br>Please!  
>It's all about popular.<br>It's not about aditude,  
>It's the way you're viewed,<br>So it's very shrewd to be,  
>Very very popular<br>like ME!

And though you protest,  
>Your disinterest,<br>I know clandestinely,  
>You're gonna grin and bear it!<br>Your new found popularity!  
>Aah!<p>

La la, la la!  
>You'll be popular!<br>Just not quite as popular as ME!

The crowd claps and cheers for us once the music stops. Annabell and I take a bow, as the director joins us on stage.

"Well done ladies." The director says patting us each on the back. "Now with our little tradition out of the way, let the summer begin." The director says causing more cheers and clapping.

As I start heading back to my table with my friends I am stopped by a hand on my arm. I jerk away as I turn around to see a slightly scared Annabell looking at me.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to say that you are an amazing singer and thanks for doing that with me." Annabell says rapidly.

"Thanks and you have a nice voice too." I reply with a slight smile. "Would you like to join me and my friends?" I ask noticing the sadness on Annabell's face.

"That would be amazing." Annabell says with a smile.

"Great, just a warning though, we can be a little obnoxious." I say with a giggle as we walk to the table containing all my friends. "Guys this is Annabell." I say motioning towards Annabell.

"Hi" Annabell says timidly with a small wave.

"Annabell this is Alice, Peter, Marlene, Chloe, Lily, and Sam." I say pointing to each person respectively.

"Nice to meet you." Everyone says in unison.

"So are you excited for the summer?" I ask Annabell as dinner starts to be served.

"Yep" Annabell replies simply.

"Why exactly are you here?" Peter asks bluntly.

"Peter be nice." Alice says while punching him on the arm.

"It is a valid question, especially since she couldn't sing up there." Peter retorts getting another punch from Alice.

"It's okay, I understand why you are asking." Annabell says looking down at her food before continuing, "I am here to get better at the whole singing thing and my stage fright. I love to sing, but every time I try to sing in front of a crowd I freeze."

"I know the feeling." Chloe states. "Don't worry, you will learn to get past that and if not, there is always the behind the scenes stuff." Chloe continues in a reassuring voice.

"Singing is all I can do." Annabell replies while picking at her food.

"You can't play any instruments or write music?" Lily asks curiously.

"Nope, just sing." Annabell replies.

"Well maybe you should sign up for the intro to music writing so you can learn." Lily suggests.

"I don't know, every time I try to write a song it comes out really bad." Annabell says with a sad look on her face.

"That is just because you aren't writing about the right thing." I say with a reassuring voice. "Great music comes from real feelings and emotions. It tells a story to the listener and makes them feel something." I explain.

"Let me guess, you are a song writer?" Annabell asks with a knowing tone of voice.

"Yes, in fact I am helping out with that intro class Lily was talking about." I reply with a triumphant smile.

"Wait, how old are you? I thought you had to be 18 to help with classes?" Annabell asks full of confusion.

"I am 15, and yes you are supposed to be 18, but the director made an exception since I already surpassed all the advance writing classes." I state as nonchalantly as possible.

"Wow, not only are you an amazing singer, you are apparently an amazing writer as well. Anything you can't do?" Annabell asks with a chuckle.

"We asked the same question last year when we first met her." Sam says causing the whole table to chuckle.

"In fact, she is like a show in to win that record contract this year." Alice says giving me a side hug.

"Guys, please stop. You know how much I hate all these compliments." I say turning a little red.

"Get used to it babe, you are going to be a star." Peter says with a chuckle as we all get up to leave the cafeteria.

"I don't want to be a star, I just want to make great music for all the world to hear." I say with a smile.

"Whatever, we all know you want the fame and fortune just as bad as everyone else." Sam says shoving my shoulder slightly.

"Whatever, I am going back to the cabin." I say heading towards my cabin and leaving my friends behind.

"Hey Jude, wait up." Annabell says causing me to cringe a little from The Beatles reference.

"Yes Annabell?" I ask as I turn around to face her.

"Is all of that true, the whole not caring about being famous thing?" Annabell asks a little timidly.

"Completely true." I reply in matter of fact tone before turning back around to continue on towards my cabin.

"Why?" Annabell calls after me, running to catch up with me.

I turn around to face her before replying, "Music isn't about fame and money to me. Music is about expressing those feelings and emotions that you wouldn't be able to express otherwise. It tells a story about heartbreak or love or whatever you want it to say. It helps you escape reality when you just can't take the real world anymore. Music is my lifeline, without it I wouldn't be able to life."

"Wow" Annabell says.

"Until you understand that, you can't be a song writer, let alone a great one." I say reaching my hand out to touch her shoulder. "Once you learn what music is really about, and not what it is about for me, but what it is about to you, then you can be a writer." I say with a small smile.

"Thanks, I think I will sign up for that class." Annabell says with a smile.

"Great, now I really do need to get to my cabin. I am extremely exhausted from that bus trip here." I state before turning to continue on to my cabin.

Once inside my cabin I grab my phone and notice I have text message. I open the message and find out it is from Tommy.

'Make great music, but don't forget about us little people when you hit the big time. ;)'

I start laughing as I read over the message and smile bigger than I have in a while. I am brought out of my trance by the door slamming shut causing me to jump a little.

"Chill girl, it is just me." Alice says noticing that I had jumped.

"Sorry, I was just lost in thought." I reply as I go to sit on my bed.

"Oh really? What exactly has you grinning so big and so lost in thought?" Alice asks with a chuckle as she joins me on my bed.

"Just a message from Tommy." I answer with a smile.

"That said what?" Alice asks in a cutesy tone.

I show her the message causing her to let out a long Aw and a giggle. "Shut up." I say hitting her with a pillow.

"We both know that isn't going to happen." Alice says causing us both the laugh. "Speaking of things that are going to happen, when are you and Tommy getting together?" Alice asks.

"Alice, we both know that isn't going to happen." I say with a defeated sigh.

"It is so going to happen." Alice says with an all knowing smile creeping onto her face.

"What do you know that I don't know?" I ask curiously.

"Just that you should never say never." Alice says with a giggle.

"You suck." I reply hitting her with the pillow again.

"I was sworn to secrecy." Alice states putting her hands up in defense.

"Fine, but as my bestie you are supposed to tell me everything, no matter what." I say trying to make her feel guilty.

"Not going to work." Alice says before getting up off my bed to go to her own. I chunk my pillow at her, hitting her square in the face. "Hey, not necessary." Alice says with mock anger in her voice.

"So necessary" I reply with a giggle.

"Whatever, we need to go to bed or tomorrow's 7 a.m. wake up is going to brutal." Alice says with a sigh.

"I know, but its summer, aren't we supposed to stay up late and sleep all day?" I ask with a giggle.

"Not if we want to win a killer record contract." Alice replies.

"True" I state causing us both to giggle. "I guess we should go to bed then." I say with a sigh as I get under my covers.

"One more thing though, what do you think of Annabell?" Alice asks curiously.

"I don't know. She is sweet, but if she doesn't get some confidence she will get eaten alive here." I answer with a matter of fact tone.

"I feel bad for her. She has a really nice voice, but stage fright really can kill that." Alice states with a hint of sympathy in her voice.

"Yep, but I plan on really helping her with the whole song writing thing, so maybe that will pan out for her. Plus, you never know, she could totally get over that stage fright thing." I say.

"I'm glad you are going to help her, just don't let her get eaten alive in that class." Alice replies that hing of sympathy growing in her voice.

"Got it. Now goodnight." I say as I roll over to click off the lights.

"Night" Alice says as we both fall asleep.


	31. Chapter 29

**A/N: Two chapters in one night, I must be going crazy. I just couldn't stop writing, which is a good thing since I have been lacking writing inspiration. I hope you like this and please review. As always I do not own Instant Star or Defying Gravity by Idina Menzel. **

**Chapter 29 **

"Welcome everyone to the first day of intro to song writing." The teacher, Mrs. Carter, says. "I am very excited for this summer and I can't wait to see how all of you grow over the summer. I am also excited to introduce my assistant for the summer, Jude Harrison." Mrs. Carter says gesturing towards me next to her. "Some of you may know her from last summer, but for the new kids I will let Jude give a little information about herself."

"Well, this is my second year here. I am 15 and have been writing, singing, and playing music since I was nine. I may be young, but I have a real passion for writing and I hope to help y'all fall in love with writing like I have." I say with a smile.

"Thanks Jude." Mrs. Carter says coming to stand back in front of the class. "So this summer we will learn all the basics for song writing and we will write many songs. I know that not everyone will write amazing music to start with, but please don't get discouraged and try your hardest. If you need any help feel free to ask me or Jude and we will happily help you." Mrs. Carter explains. "Now today we are going to start off with introductions and if we have time we will jump right into the song writing process."

For most of the class time we go around the room, letting everyone introduce themselves and explain why they chose to take this class. Once that is all done we have about ten minutes left in class, so Mrs. Carter lets everyone out early.

I start heading towards my advance vocals class when I am stopped by Annabell. "Hey" I say with a small wave. "Did you enjoy class?" I ask.

"Yep, it sounds very interesting, but scary at the same time." Annabell says timidly.

"Don't worry, I will help you as much as you want." I say reassuringly.

"Thanks" Annabell replies with a smile. "So what class do you have next?"

"Advance vocals" I say with a smile, excited about getting to sing.

"Cool, well I guess I will see you at lunch." Annabell says before walking off towards her next class.

"Later" I call out to her as I head towards my class.

"Jude, over here." Alice yells waving me towards the stool next to her and Sam.

"Hey guys, how was our first class?" I ask both of them.

"Boring, I really hate that I wasn't allowed in advance writing." Sam says with a huff.

"You would so not make it in advance writing and you know it." Alice says mockingly.

"So what if I'm not Beethoven, I can write some kick ass music." Sam says crossing his arms over his chest in frustration.

"Sure" Alice says with a chuckle. "My class was pretty cool. I'm excited to learn all the producer stuff." Alice continues with a smile.

"Cool, I have that class later on." I state as the teacher walks in and asks us to be silent.

"Okay, so welcome back everyone. I know most of your faces so we will skip the whole introduction stuff and go straight into the singing." Mr. Smith says causing all of us to cheer. "Since everyone is so excited to sing, let's begin."

We go through the typical warm ups and then we start in on the song that Mr. Smith had passed out. It was in French, which was kind of difficult to sing since I don't know the language, but once I learned the words it sounded beautiful. This takes up most of class, but Mr. Smith refuses to let us go early. Instead he suggests we have a sing off, which no one really objects to.

"Jude and Alice, care to be the sacrificial lambs this summer?" Mr. Smith asks.

"Of course." Alice and I say in unison as we head up to the front of the class.

"What song?" Alice asks.

"Defying Gravity from Wicked." Mr. Smith says.

"Sweet." I state, but notice a reluctant look on Alice's face.

"You okay?" I whisper in Alice's ear.

"Fine, it's just I can't hit that high note." Alice whispers back.

"Don't sweat it, I can sing that part of the song if you want." I say reassuringly trying to calm her down.

"Okay good, I didn't know if you could hit that note either." Alice says with a giggle.

"I don't know if I can actually, but I guess we will see." I say with a smile as the music starts.

Alice starts off with the Glinda part.

_(spoken) Elphaba - why couldn't you have just stayed calm for once, instead of flying off the handle!  
>(sung) I hope you're happy!<br>I hope you're happy now  
>I hope you're happy how you<br>Hurt your cause forever  
>I hope you think you're clever!<em>

I take over with the Elphaba part.

_I hope you're happy  
>I hope you're happy, too<br>I hope you're proud how you  
>Would grovel in submission<br>To feed your own ambition_

We both sing the next part.

_So though I can't imagine how  
>I hope you're happy right now<em>

Alice takes the next part.

_(spoken) Elphie, listen to me. Just say you're sorry:  
>(sung) You can still be with the Wizard<br>What you've worked and waited for  
>You can have all you ever wanted:<em>

I take over again.

_(spoken) I know:  
>(sung) But I don't want it -<br>No - I can't want it  
>Anymore:<em>

_Something has changed within me  
>Something is not the same<br>I'm through with playing by the rules  
>Of someone else's game<br>Too late for second-guessing  
>Too late to go back to sleep<br>It's time to trust my instincts  
>Close my eyes and leap!<em>

_It's time to try  
>Defying gravity<br>I think I'll try  
>Defying gravity<br>And you can't pull me down!_

Alice takes over.

_Can't I make you understand?  
>You're having delusions of grandeur:<em>

_I'm through accepting limits  
>'cause someone says they're so<br>Some things I cannot change  
>But till I try, I'll never know!<br>Too long I've been afraid of  
>Losing love I guess I've lost<br>Well, if that's love  
>It comes at much too high a cost!<br>I'd sooner buy  
>Defying gravity<br>Kiss me goodbye  
>I'm defying gravity<br>And you can't pull me down:  
><em> 

I take over again.

_(spoken) Glinda, come with me. Think of what we could  
>do, together.<em>

_(sung) Unlimited  
>Together we're unlimited<br>Together we'll be the greatest team  
>There's ever been<br>Glinda -  
>Dreams, the way we planned 'em<em>

Alice takes over.

_If we work in tandem_:

We start to sing together.

_There's no fight we cannot win  
>Just you and I<br>Defying gravity  
>With you and I<br>Defying gravity_

I sing by myself.

_They'll never bring us down!  
>(spoken) Well? Are you coming?<em>

Alice takes over.

_I hope you're happy  
>Now that you're choosing this<em>

We start singing together again.

_(Spoken) You too  
>(Sung) I hope it brings you bliss<em>

_I really hope you get it  
>And you don't live to regret it<em>

_I hope you're happy in the end  
>I hope you're happy, my friend:<em>

Alice starts singing by herself.

_So if you care to find me  
>Look to the western sky!<br>As someone told me lately:  
>"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"<br>And if I'm flying solo  
>At least I'm flying free<br>To those who'd ground me  
>Take a message back from me<br>_

I take over again.

_Tell them how I am  
>Defying gravity<br>I'm flying high  
>Defying gravity<br>And soon I'll match them in renown!  
>And nobody in all of Oz<br>No Wizard that there is or was  
>Is ever gonna bring me down!<em>

Alice jumps back in.

_I hope you're happy!_

The whole class joins in.

_Look at her, she's wicked!  
>Get her!<em>

I continue on by myself.

_Bring me down!_

The class continues on in the background.

_No one mourns the wicked  
>So we've got to bring her<em>

I hit the final note of the song.

_Ahhh!_

As the music comes to a close the whole class jumps up in cheers, clapping like crazy for us. We take a bow and head back to our seats.

"Amazing job ladies. That is exactly why y'all are in this class." Mr. Smith says before dismissing the class.

"You hit the note." Alice says excitedly as we exit class and head for lunch.

"I had no clue I could sing that high." I state with a shocked tone.

"Well you can." Alice says with a smile.

"Good to know, but I think I'll stick to my normal range." I state with a giggle as we enter the cafeteria.

"Hey guys, you totally missed to epicness that is Jude Harrison." Sam says as we join our friends.

"What did we miss?" Lily asks intrigued.

"Alice and Jude sung Defying Gravity and Jude total killed that high note." Sam says emphasizing the word killed.

"No shock there. Jude can do like everything perfect." Peter says mockingly.

"That so isn't true." I say shoving his shoulder. "I didn't even know I could sing that high." I state.

"Oh stop playing the whole humble act because none of us are buying it." Peter says sharply.

"Peter" Chloe says smacking him on the back of the head.

"No, let him say what he really thinks." I say giving Peter a look to continue on.

"I just don't by this whole act that you don't think you are as good as you are and that you don't give a damn about the fame or money that will come with your talent." Peter explains with a hint of anger in his voice.

"Well think what you want, but it isn't an act." I reply. "Does anyone else agree with Peter?" I ask curiously.

"Of course not." Alice says reassuringly.

"We all truly believe you are this humble person." Chloe says and Lily and Marlene agree with reassuring nods.

"What about you Sam?" I ask looking at him curiously.

"I believe that you don't really care about the fame and money, but you are too good to not know that you are good." Sam says calmly.

"I never said I didn't think I was good. I know I am good, but I still find it strange to be complimented on anything dealing with music since I haven't heard anything like what y'all say until last year when I came here." I explain. "It is all just new to me and honestly I don't see anything wrong with being like that. It helps keep me from getting a big head and thinking I am the shit like Lance." I say before I realize what I am saying.

"Don't even bring him into this." Peter says the anger rising in his voice.

"I didn't mean to bring him into this. I know you two are close friends. I'm sorry." I reply a hint of sadness creeping into my voice.

"Whatever, I'm not really hungry. I'll see you guys later." Peter says as he leaves the cafeteria.

"Are you okay?" Alice asks knowing the Lance subject is a sore one.

"I'm fine, let's just talk about something else." I reply trying to hide the sadness in my voice.

"Okay" Alice says before changing the topic to something else.

After lunch I head back to my cabin for our little rest period hour. Once I enter the cabin the sadness overwhelms me and I can feel the tears stinging my eyes wanting to fall free. I quickly grab my bag and pull out my razor. I go into the bathroom, close and lock the door behind me, and quickly start to slide the blade over my wrist. The instant the razor cuts my skin all of my thoughts go to focusing on the pain in my wrist, allowing me to forget the sadness that started at lunch. After a few minutes I am back to normal, and feel much better. I clean up the little mess I made and go back into the main area of the cabin. I crawl into bed for rest period and sleep until it is time for our afternoon classes.

_Dear Diary,_

_The rest of the day was very uneventful. My producer class was interesting and I'm excited to learn all of that stuff. Advance guitar and piano were fun since I was able to work on my own stuff a little. Dinner was very awkward, Peter wouldn't even look at me and barely talked except to Annabell, who had decided to join us. They acted very friendly towards each other and they seemed to really hit it off. I hope that doesn't end badly. It is time for bed now. Alice and I talked a little before I started writing this. She made sure I was really okay after lunch and I reassured her that I was fine. I just hope the rest of the summer goes smoothly and Peter does cause any problems._

_XO Jude _


	32. Chapter 30

**A/N: Another chapter for all my lovely readers. I hope you all like it and please comment. As always I do not own Instant Star or "Friday" by Rebecca Black or "Don't You Wanna Stay" by Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson. **

**Chapter 30**

_Dear Diary,_

_I can't believe it is already July. This past month is gone by way too fast for my liking. Not much has happened the past month, and I absolutely love it. There hasn't been any drama or problems, just music, friends, and fun. The only major thing that has happened is Annabell and Peter getting really close. They haven't said anything to us about being a couple or liking each other in that way, but they have become extremely close. They always sit next to each other at meals, walk to their classes together whenever possible, and they spend all their free time together. It is nice to see Annabell so happy. She is such a sweet girl and a great singer, but I can't help but feeling that Peter might being messing with her. Peter is a good guy most of the time, but he does have a dark side that can be really scary sometimes. I just don't want to see Annabell get hurt. I could be totally wrong and just projecting my own past problems onto them, but who knows. I guess we will just have to wait and see how things unfold. It is July 4__th__ so that means camps big blow out, which means a giant concert. I am so stoked to be playing. I have missed performing for a large crowd and I think all the fun that comes with the blow out is just what I need right now. Even though everything has been go so well, that doesn't mean my feelings have changed. I still feel broken inside and I am trying to fix that, but I guess it is a very slow process. All my music is pretty much about this broken feeling, but those are defiantly songs no one is ever going to hear. I have written some happier things, but I don't really feel the emotion behind it, but I guess I am a great actress because no one has been able to tell. I just hope this blow out will help me feel better on the inside. I really wish Tommy could be there too. We haven't talked much since I am crazy busy, but we get a few texts in every few days, and he writes me letters almost one every day. He is such a sweetheart and everything he sends me makes me feel better, even if it is just for a few seconds. I wish he could be here, but I guess I just have to wait until August for the end of camp to see him again. _

_XO Jude_

"Jude, it is time for class." Alice says as she is heading out of the cabin.

"Thanks" I reply, gathering my things before heading to intro to writing.

"Okay class, today is the day y'all present your second full song." Mrs. Carter says, causing everyone in the room to groan. "I know some of you had a hard time with the first song, but I hope that those kids got the help they needed and do better this time around." Mrs. Carter states.

"Mrs. Carter?" One of the boys asks raising his hand.

"Yes?" Mrs. Carter questions.

"What happens if our song still sucks?" The boy asks.

"Don't worry, just give it your all." Mrs. Carter replies with a reassuring smile. "Now let's start. Annabell you are up first." Mrs. Carter says, gesturing for Annabell to take the stage in the front of the room.

"So I know I am one of those people who sucked the first time, and I did get help with this song, so I hope it is better. It is called Friday." Annabell says before signaling the band to start playing.

(Yeah, Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark)  
>Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah<br>Yeah, yeah  
>Yeah-ah-ah<br>Yeah-ah-ah  
>Yeah-ah-ah<br>Yeah-ah-ah  
>Yeah, yeah, yeah<p>

Seven a.m., waking up in the morning  
>Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs<br>Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal  
>Seein' everything, the time is goin'<br>Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin'  
>Gotta get down to the bus stop<br>Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

Kickin' in the front seat  
>Sittin' in the back seat<br>Gotta make my mind up  
>Which seat can I take?<p>

It's Friday, Friday  
>Gotta get down on Friday<br>Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend  
>Friday, Friday<br>Gettin' down on Friday  
>Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend<p>

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)  
>Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)<br>Fun, fun, fun, fun  
>Lookin' forward to the weekend<p>

7:45, we're drivin' on the highway  
>Cruisin' so fast, I want time to fly<br>Fun, fun, think about fun  
>You know what it is<br>I got this, you got this  
>My friend is by my right, ay<br>I got this, you got this  
>Now you know it<p>

Kickin' in the front seat  
>Sittin' in the back seat<br>Gotta make my mind up  
>Which seat can I take?<p>

It's Friday, Friday  
>Gotta get down on Friday<br>Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend  
>Friday, Friday<br>Gettin' down on Friday  
>Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend<p>

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)  
>Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)<br>Fun, fun, fun, fun  
>Lookin' forward to the weekend<p>

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday  
>Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin')<br>We-we-we so excited  
>We so excited<br>We gonna have a ball today

Tomorrow is Saturday  
>And Sunday comes after ... wards<br>I don't want this weekend to end

R-B, Rebecca Black  
>So chillin' in the front seat (In the front seat)<br>In the back seat (In the back seat)  
>I'm drivin', cruisin' (Yeah, yeah)<br>Fast lanes, switchin' lanes  
>Wit' a car up on my side (Woo!)<br>(C'mon) Passin' by is a school bus in front of me  
>Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream<br>Check my time, it's Friday, it's a weekend  
>We gonna have fun, c'mon, c'mon, y'all<p>

It's Friday, Friday  
>Gotta get down on Friday<br>Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend  
>Friday, Friday<br>Gettin' down on Friday  
>Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend<p>

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)  
>Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)<br>Fun, fun, fun, fun  
>Lookin' forward to the weekend<p>

It's Friday, Friday  
>Gotta get down on Friday<br>Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend  
>Friday, Friday<br>Gettin' down on Friday  
>Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend<p>

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)  
>Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)<br>Fun, fun, fun, fun  
>Lookin' forward to the weekend<p>

Once the music stops everyone in the room claps, but no one makes any noise otherwise. Annabell walks back to her seat and Mrs. Carter asks the next person to take the stage. Once everyone has finished their songs Mrs. Carter takes the stage to address the class.

"Okay, well some of you did very well, others not so good. I know that writing a song isn't the easiest thing in the world and not everyone is cut out to be a writer, but some of you seem to not be trying at all. I have decided that I am going to assign some of you to a mentor and they will help you the rest of summer with your writing. If you chose to not use your mentor please do not return to my class." Mrs. Carter explains, getting a few gasps out of some of the kids. "Now that being said, if I call your name please stay after class to receive your mentor. Franks, Luke, Melissa, Annabell, Mary, and Jake. The rest of you are free to go." Mrs. Carter says as the class dismisses.

"I don't understand, was my song really that bad?" Annabell asks Mary as they walk up to the stage to see Mrs. Carter.

"Don't sweat it. This way you can just get your mentor to write all your songs for you and you don't have to do a single thing." Mary replies with a smile.

Mrs. Carter gives everyone their mentors, leaving Annabell for last once the other kids had left. "Annabell, you lucky lady get Jude as your mentor. Use her help wisely and extensively." Mrs. Carter says before heading out of class herself.

"Well at least I got the best person in camp to help me." Annabell says with a hint of defeat in her voice.

"I know you are disappointed that your song wasn't that good, but I promise I will help you become a great writer." I state with a reassuring smile.

"Thanks" Annabell states before heading out of the classroom.

"You're welcome" I say to an empty room.

"I am so stoked for this blow out." Alice says excitedly sitting down at the table for dinner.

"Me too." Pretty much everyone at the table says in unison.

"What are y'all performing?" Annabell asks the table.

"I am singing with Chloe and Sam is playing for us." Alice says with a wide smile.

"Jude?" Annabell asks.

"I am performing a new song." I reply nonchalantly.

"Of course you are because you have a new song every five seconds." Sam jokes causing everyone to laugh.

"I can't help it. I have so much inspiration. I just wrote a new song all about how big your head is." I joke back causing everyone to laugh harder.

"But seriously, you do seem to have new songs like every day." Sam states once all the laughing has stopped. "How do you do it?" Sam asks curiously.

"I don't know. I guess I just have a lot I need to say right now. It isn't like I can ignore when inspiration strikes." I explain.

"I wish I could do that. I can't even find inspiration." Annabell chimes in.

"Aw, don't worry, you will find it eventually." Alice says, rubbing Annabell's arm reassuringly.

"Are you performing Annabell?" I ask, trying to change the subject.

"Yes, actually Peter and I are singing together." Annabell says with a wide smile.

"Oh that is cool. What song?" Alice asks curiously.

"Something Peter wrote. It is really good." Annabell replies.

"I didn't know you could write Peter." I state curiously.

"There is a lot you don't know about me." Peter replies with a major amount of attitude.

"Well I am excited to hear this song." Alice says, trying to resolve the now growing tension.

"Y'all are going to love it." Annabell states happily.

"I bet we will." I reply trying to be supportive.

"Well we should all go get ready. See everyone later." Alice says as everyone leaves for their cabins to get ready.

~~~~  
>"Did you know that Peter could write?" I ask Alice as we enter our cabin.<p>

"I knew he dabbled in it, but I have never heard any of his stuff." Alice explains.

"I am curious to hear it. I just hope it isn't anything that is going to bring down the mood of the blow out. I want fun, not sad." I say as I get dressed.

"It will be interesting." Alice replies as she gets dressed. "Can I ask you something?" Alice questions a few minutes later as we are about to leave.

"Sure" I reply grabbing my guitar before we head out of the cabin.

"How are you holding up? I know I ask you this like every other day, but be honest with me. It can't be easy being back here where everything with _him_ started. I just want to make sure you are really okay." Alice says in one breath.

"You are right, it isn't easy being here, but I really am okay. I just push all of the bad memories out of the way and focus on my music." I explain in the most reassuring voice I can muster up.

"That would explain why you have so much new music." Alice replies with a chuckle.

"I haven't really written any sad songs. Most of them are happy and uplifting." I say with a smile.

"Jude, do you honestly think I don't hear you late at night? I know you haven't been sleeping much and I have heard on a few occasions you writing sad songs." Alice replies with a hurt tone to her voice.

"Alice, I know you are just trying to be a good friend, and love you for that, but I really don't want to talk about those songs. Those are meant just for me as a way of getting everything out. Please understand that?" I state with a pleading tone.

"I understand, and I really hope all the writing is helping you, but I wish you would talk to me." Alice says, the hurt growing in her voice.

"Alice, you know I would talk to you, but it is so hard to put things into words that a person would understand besides me. Music lets me do that and it is helping me." I explain with a reassuring voice.

"Okay, but I am hear if you ever want to talk." Alice says before pulling me into a hug.

"I know" I reply as we pull apart.

"Oh, one more thing" Alice says as we reach the blow out site. "I have a surprise for you." Alice continues with a giddy smile.

"You are scaring me, and you know I hate surprises." I state with a groan.

"Don't worry, you are going to love this surprise." Alice replies with excitement and a giant smile.

"Okay, what is it?" I ask reluctantly.

"Close your eyes." Alice says and I do as I am told. A few seconds later I hear Alice giggling before she says, "Okay open."

I open my eyes and see the most beautiful blue eyes staring back at me. "Tommy" I yell in excitement and almost tackle him to the ground as I hug him.

"Hi" Tommy replies with a chuckle.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, the shock still in my voice.

"Alice invited me." Tommy replies point at Alice.

"Turns out we are allowed visitors today." Alice explains with a smile.

"Thank you." I say as I pull Alice into a giant hug. "I really needed this." I whisper into Alice's ear.

"You are totally welcome." Alice replies as we pull apart. "So I will let you two catch up." Alice says as she heads towards the stage.

"I can't believe you are here." I state as Tommy and I walk towards the seats that are set up.

"Miss me much Harrison?" Tommy jokes with a chuckle.

"Not at all. I do come to this camp just to get away from you." I reply sarcastically causing us both to laugh.

"So how is everything?" Tommy asks once our laughing subsides.

"Everything is great. I have written so much new music and I am learning a lot in my classes." I explain with a smile.

"Good, I am glad to see you are happy." Tommy replies before pulling me into a hug. "I really missed that smile." Tommy whispers in my ear.

"I missed it too." I reply with a grin.

"So, Alice says that you are performing tonight. Anything I know?" Tommy asks once we pull apart.

"Nope, it is something new." I state.

"Well I bet it is amazing." Tommy replies with a smile.

Tommy and I talk for a while, just catching up and enjoying each other's company. I introduce him to a few of my friends as I notice them walk by us, but mostly we keep to ourselves.

"Please welcome Annabell and Peter to the stage." The DJ says on stage causing me to turn towards the stage.

"Oh, this is the girl I have been telling you about." I state excitedly.

"The new girl who can't write?" Tommy asks to confirm who I am talking about.

"Yes, but she will be a master writer once I am done with her. The teacher assigned me as her mentor to help her with her writing." I explain.

"With you as a mentor that girl will be writing Grammy winners in no time." Tommy states with a chuckle. "Who is the guy she is with? The name sounds familiar." Tommy asks curiously.

"Peter, he was here last summer, one of my friends, best friends with…" I state but stop before finishing.

"Best friends with who?" Tommy asks confused.

"No one, it is important." I reply nonchalantly trying to blow off the topic.

"Okay, any clue as to what they are going to sing?" Tommy asks knowing better than to get into it with me.

"No clue, but apparently Peter wrote it, so it should be interesting." I reply just as the music starts to play.

_(Peter): I really hate to let this moment go  
>Touching your skin and your hair falling slow<br>When a goodbye kiss, feels like this_

"Does this song sound familiar to you?" I ask turning towards Tommy.

"It does" Tommy replies anger starting to rise in his voice.

_(Together): Don't you wanna stay here a little while  
>Don't you wanna hold each other tight<br>Don't you wanna fall asleep with me tonight  
>Don't you wanna stay here a little while<br>We can make forever feel this way  
>Don't you wanna stay<em>

"Wait, this is our song." I state finally realizing how I know the song, but Tommy isn't next to me anymore.

_(Annabell): Let's take it slow I don't wanna move too fast  
>I don't wanna just make love, I wanna make love last<em>

_When your up this high, it's a sad goodbye_

"Tommy" I call out as I search for him. I finally find him sitting out on the dock away from the party. The music is only a whisper way out here, so Tommy hears me approaching.

"I don't want to talk right now." Tommy states angrily.

"Tommy, I have no clue how they got that song. No one has access to my journal except me." I hurriedly explain as Tommy stands up to face me.

"They still got it and that is _our _song!" Tommy shouts, the anger still growing.

"I know it is our song and I honestly don't know how they got it." I say in a reassuring tone.

"You didn't even realize it was our song!" Tommy yells.

"I did realize it was our song." I reply as calmly as possible.

"No, you didn't! I knew it the instant that Peter prick started singing, but you didn't!" Tommy shouts sadness mixing in with his anger.

"So I was a little slow at figuring out, sorry that I have other things going on in my head that I can't recognize a song by two words." I reply, my voice rising in volume a little bit.

"But it is _our _song! Shit Jude, you should automatically recognize your own music, especially that song." Tommy explains, his voice lowering in volume as the sadness takes the place of the anger.

"I know, and I am sorry that I didn't realize it automatically, but honestly I wasn't paying attention." I state.

"What has you so distracted?" Tommy asks, sadness still in his voice but now mixed with concern.

"A lot of stuff." I reply vaguely.

"Jude, it's me, you tell me everything. What is going on in that head of yours?" Tommy questions, growing more concerned.

"I just have a lot of stuff going on in my head and it's so confusing and…" I start to explain but am cut off by the faint noise of the DJ calling Alice to the stage. "Alice is up next, we better get back." I say turning to head back to the party.

"Jude" Tommy says grabbing my arm to turn me to face him.

"Tommy, we will talk later. I promise." I state causing Tommy to let go of my arm.

"Okay" Tommy says as we start back to the party.

"I really am sorry about not recognizing the song sooner." I state as we reach the edge of the party area.

"It is okay. I may have over reacted a bit." Tommy says, rubbing the back of his head with his hand.

"I honestly have no clue how they got it though. Do you think I should tell the director?" I ask as we reach our seats.

"Defiantly." Tommy states as he wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him.

"Okay, and just so you know, that song means so much to me and I could never forget it, but I guess hearing Peter sing it instead of you really threw me off." I say as I lean my head on his shoulder.

"It means a lot to me too and I know you would have recognized it if your brain wasn't all distracted. Don't worry about it." Tommy replies, placing a gentle kiss on top of my head. "Now be quiet so I can actually pay attention to Alice." Tommy says with a chuckle, causing me to giggle a little.

**A/N: I know a cliff hanger, so annoying, but I wanted to end it hear because the next chapter is going to be crazy drama filled. The next chapter should be up in a few days, but no promises. I also wanted to say that I used the song Friday because I find it to be a poorly written song and I needed a bad song for Annabell. I do not wish to offend anyone who my love that song, just using my own personal opinion. **

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	33. Chapter 31

**A/N: I know I said this chapter would be up a few days ago, but I got super bust with school work and could not find any time to write. Also I really wanted to make sure I got this chapter right because it plays a major role in the development of Jude and her issues. It isn't as drama filled as I thought it was going to be, but it is still pretty drama-y. I hope everyone likes it and please comment. As always I do not one Instant Star or Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson. **

**Chapter 31**

"Alice you did amazing." I say pulling Alice into a hug backstage after her performance.

"Thanks" Alice replies with a giant smile, still riding the high that comes with performing. "Are you ready?" Alice asks knowing I am the next up.

"Born ready." I reply with a chuckle and a smile. "Oh, and thanks for inviting Tommy. It has been fantastic having him here." I say with a grateful tone.

"That is what friends are for." Alice replies pulling me back into a hug. "Now go kick some ass out there." Alice states excitedly while pushing me towards the stage. "Show us how a real rock star does it!" Alice shouts at me as I walk onto the stage.

I make it to center stage and grab the microphone from its stand. "Hey everyone, I'm Jude Harrison and unfortunately I am the last act of the evening." I say getting a few 'boos' in disappointment about the night coming to a close. "That being said, here is a new song I wrote called 'Since U Been Gone'." I state with a smile. Before the music starts I scan the crowd and lock eyes with Tommy. We smile at each other and he winks at me causing me to giggle a little to myself. The music finally starts and I join in with the lyrics.

_Here's the thing we started out friends_  
><em>It was cool but it was all pretend<em>  
><em>Yeah yeah<em>  
><em>Since U Been Gone<em>

_You dedicated you took the time_  
><em>Wasn't long till I called you mine<em>  
><em>Yeah Yeah<em>  
><em>Since U Been Gone<em>

_And all you'd ever hear me say_  
><em>Is how I pictured me with you<em>  
><em>That's all you'd ever hear me say<em>

_But Since U Been Gone_  
><em>I can breathe for the first time<em>  
><em>I'm so moving on<em>  
><em>Yeah, yeah<em>  
><em>Thanks to you<em>  
><em>Now I get<em>  
><em>What I want<em>  
><em>Since U Been Gone<em>

_How can I put it? You put me on_  
><em>I even fell for that stupid love song<em>  
><em>Yeah, yeah<em>  
><em>Since U Been Gone<em>

_How come I'd never hear you say_  
><em>I just wanna be with you<em>  
><em>I guess you never felt that way<em>

_But Since U Been Gone_  
><em>I can breathe for the first time<em>  
><em>I'm so moving on<em>  
><em>Yeah, yeah<em>  
><em>Thanks to you<em>  
><em>Now I get (I get) what I want<em>  
><em>Since U Been Gone<em>

_You had your chance you blew it_  
><em>Out of sight, out of mind<em>  
><em>Shut your mouth I just can't take it<em>  
><em>Again and again and again and again<em>

_Since U Been Gone_  
><em>I can breathe for the first time<em>  
><em>I'm so moving on<em>  
><em>Yeah, yeah<em>  
><em>Thanks to you (thanks to you)<em>  
><em>Now I get, I get what I want<em>  
><em>I can breathe for the first time<em>  
><em>I'm so moving on<em>  
><em>Yeah, yeah<em>  
><em>Thanks to you (thanks to you)<em>  
><em>Now I get (I get)<em>  
><em>You should know (you should know)<em>  
><em>That I get, I get what I want<em>  
><em>Since U Been Gone<em>  
><em>Since U Been Gone<em>  
><em>Since U Been Gone<em>

As the song comes to an end everyone jumps to their feet. They all cheer and clap as I walk off the stage with a giant grin. Once I reach the wing of the stage I am engulfed in a giant hug.

"Amazing job, but no shock there." Tommy says into my ear with a chuckle.

"Thanks" I reply as we pull apart.

"You are so damn good." Alice says as she walks up to Tommy and me. "Can I please get the secret to your amazingness?" Alice asks jokingly.

"If I tell you my secret then I will no longer be amazing. Only one person can be amazing at a time." I reply jokingly.

"Whatever, so did you to have fun?" Alice asks with a knowing smile.

"Horrible time." I state with a smirk.

"I can't believe you invited me here. Don't you know I like totally hate her?" Tommy states sarcastically, causing us all to laugh.

"You two are such pains." Alice says, shoving Tommy's shoulder lightly.

"Yet you still love us." I reply enthusiastically before engulfing her in a hug.

"I don't know what gave you the idea that I love you two, because I don't." Alice states sarcastically.

"Whatever" I reply with a chuckle.

"Well I will leave you two alone so you can say your goodbyes. It was nice seeing you Tommy, and I will see you in a bit Jude." Alice says waving to us as she heads back to the cabins.

"I guess it is time for me to leave." Tommy states somberly.

"I don't want you to go." I say in a whiny voice and a small pout on my face.

"I don't want to go either, but I have to." Tommy replies with a hint of sadness in his voice. "It isn't for that much longer. I will be back for your end of summer performance in only six more weeks." Tommy says reassuringly while he pulls me into a hug.

"That is so far away. Can't you just stay here? You can hide in my cabin and be my slave." I reply with a chuckle.

"I wish, not the slave part, the staying part, but you know I can't." Tommy says.

"Fine" I reply with a sigh.

"Okay, I better go now or I will never leave." Tommy states, the sadness written all over his face.

"Bye" I say softly, not wanting this moment to end.

"Bye Jude." Tommy replies before leaning in to kiss me on the cheek.

I watch him walk back towards the parking lot to leave and can feel the tears starting to pool in my eyes. Once I can't see him anymore I turn to head back to my cabin, letting a single tear roll down my face.

I reach my cabin a few moments later to find Alice already asleep. Not wanting to wake her, I quietly climb into my bed and lie down. It only takes a few moments before I fall asleep.

(~**~)

"Last night was so amazing." Annabell gushes as everyone eats their breakfast.

"Super amazing, and that song you and Peter sang was spectacular. I had no idea you could write like that Peter." Chloe states excitedly.

"He can't" I say under my breath with a chuckle.

"What was that Jude?" Alice asks curiously.

"Nothing, just talking to myself." I state hoping she won't keep bugging me.

"It wasn't nothing. Tell us." Alice says with a smile.

"I really don't want to get into this here." I state a little harshly.

"Get into what exactly?" Peter asks with a knowing smirk on his face.

"This isn't the time or place." I state calmly, glaring at Peter angrily.

"What is going on here?" Alice asks noticing the looks going between Peter and me.

"Nothing" I state before getting up from the table. "I need to go help Mrs. Carter set up for class. I will see y'all later." I say before leaving the cafeteria.

"Jude, wait up." Annabell yells from behind me.

"Not now Annabell. I just need to be alone for a little bit." I call over my shoulder as I continue towards the classroom.

"Okay" Annabell says, a hint of defeat in her voice.

I reach the classroom to find it empty, just like I expected. I take a seat at the piano and start playing a random melody, not hearing someone enter the room.

"You are such a _wonderful _piano player." Peter states sarcastically.

"At least I _can _play piano." I bite back, still playing the melody on the piano.

"I don't get why everyone is so in love with you. You aren't that good." Peter states with a matter of fact tone.

"I am good. I don't have to _steal _other people's songs to sound good." I reply bitterly.

"I have never stolen a song in my life. What are you talking about?" Peter asks with mock hurt.

"That song you sang last night was _my _song. I wrote it and you stole it." I state turning around to face him.

"I have no idea what you are talking about. I wrote that song all by myself." Peter says with a smirk.

"Just give up the act already. No one is here to see it and we both know that it is my song." I reply, the anger starting to grow inside of me.

"I didn't steal your song." Peter states seriously.

"I'm going to talk to the director and inform him of the fact that you stole my song." I say as calmly as possible.

"You wouldn't dare." Peter states with a threatening tone.

"Oh I would." I reply confidently, causing the anger to boil up inside of Peter to the point where it is clear on his face.

"Listen bitch, no one is talking to the director about this." Peter states angrily, stepping closer to me so we are mere inches apart.

"You don't scare me Peter." I state causing Peter to close in on me and grab my upper arm tightly.

"I said no one is talking to the director." Peter says angrily and in that threatening tone again.

"Bite me" I reply bitterly, causing Peter to tighten his grip on my arm.

"You aren't talking to the director, end of story." Peter states, gripping tighter on my arm causing me to wince a little in pain. Peter starts laughing and releases my arm. "No wonder Lance liked you. Low tolerance for pain, the best kind of meat." Peter says before leaving the room laughing.

After Peter is gone, I slowly sit down on the piano bench and glance over at my arm. There are clear read marks outlining where his hand had been holding me. I look away knowing if I stare any longer all of my old pain will come rushing back into me. I can feel the tears starting to build up in my eyes, but I will them away not wanting to cry over this.

It takes me a few minutes to collect myself and once I am back to normal I stand to leave. I march out of the classroom and head straight for the director's office. I walk into his officer and explain to him about how Peter stole my song. After hearing my story he tells me to wait there so he can go find Peter and Annabell.

"Jude here says that you stole her song. Is this true?" The director asks Peter, who is clearly furious.

"That is such bull shit!" Peter yells angrily.

"Now Peter, keep your voice down and watch the language." The director states calmly.

"No I won't keep my voice down or watch my language. I didn't steal that song. I wrote it myself. Little miss perfect over there just can't handle the fact that she isn't the best anymore." Peter shouts bitterly.

"Excuse me?" I yell jumping up from my seat.

"You heard me. You can't handle anyone being as good, if not better, than you, so you go and make up things." Peter yells directly in my face.

"Seriously? You really think that I can't take people being better than me?" I ask shockingly.

"I think you can't handle not being the best. You live for the attention you get from everyone thinking you are so good, but act like you don't like all the comments so they keep giving them." Peter shouts angrily at me.

"I don't care about all of that stuff and you know it. I just care about the music." I reply trying to calm myself down.

"Bull shit! You aren't even that good. Everyone just takes pity on you." Peter bites out.

"Think what you want, but at least I don't have to steal songs for people to like me." I bite back angrily.

"At least I'm not some pathetic little girl pinning after a guy I will never get." Peter states bitterly.

"You are such an ass. Now I understand why you like Lance so much." I say with a chuckle.

"Don't you_ dare_ talk about him." Peter hisses out stepping closer to me.

"I will talk about him all I want after what he did to me." I bite out.

"What he did to you? How about what you did to him? Before you came along he was a nice guy. He never would have hurt anyone before you." Peter explains, anger seeping out of him.

"I never did anything to him. He hit me!" I yell angrily directly in Peter's face.

"You brought it onto yourself. You had a great guy but you didn't care. All you wanted was that Tommy dude, who by the way doesn't want you." Peter states bitterly.

"You have to be kidding me if you seriously think I was the reason Lance decided to beat me." I say frustration dripping in my voice.

"You caused all of it. Do you even care that he can't find a label to take him or a college because of the fiasco you caused?" Peter asks bitterly stepping closer and closer to me. "He can't do anything because of you!" Peter shouts angrily point a finger less than inch from my face.

"Okay, that is enough!" The director shouts, stepping in between us. "Peter, did you steal the song?" The director asks frustration clear in his voce.

"No" Peter states simply.

"Jude, do you have any proof that the song is yours?" The director asks me.

"The song is written in my journal, which is dated." I reply as calmly as possible.

"That isn't proof." Peter states angrily.

"Peter is right. Do you have any other proof?" The director asks.

"I have a time stamped recording on my computer. It tells you exactly what day and time it was recorded, which was back in April by the way." I reply sharply.

"Can I please see this recording?" The director asks.

"Of course." I say as I go to pull my laptop out of my bag. I pull up my saved recordings and look for the title, but I can't find it. "It isn't here." I say shockingly.

"Of course it isn't because I wrote it." Peter states with a hint of triumph in his voice.

"This can't be. I know I recorded that session." I say frantically as I scroll through all of my recordings.

"Jude, if you can't provide proof that the song is in fact yours then we have to drop this matter." The director says calmly.

"But it is my song!" I shout clearly frustrated. "I think my co-writer has the recording on his computer. I can get him to send the file so you can see I'm not lying." I frantically say.

"Jude, I want to believe you, but without proof my hands are tied." The director replies calmly.

"Of course you want to believe her." Peter interjects bitterly.

"Now you three go back to your classes, and I recommend you stay away from each other the rest of summer." The director states before gesturing for us to leave.

Once outside Peter heads to his class but I stop him. "You not only stole my song, but you broke into my computer and deleted my file. What is your problem?" I ask furiously.

"My problem is you. Now if you don't mind I would like to go to my class." Peter states before turning around to leave.

"I can't believe him." I say to myself thinking I am alone.

"Is that song really yours?" Annabell asks from behind me timidly.

"Annabell, I didn't even realize you were there." I state surprisingly as I turn around to face her.

"Is the song yours?" Annabell asks more assertive this time.

"Yes, the song is mine. I wrote it back in April with my friend Tommy." I reply calmly.

"I believe you." Annabell simply states before walking away towards her class.

(~**~)

"Thanks" I say, a little confused by Annabell's actions.

"Did she really accuse you of stealing her song?" Sam asks Peter over dinner.

"Yes, can you believe her? Someone can't take a little competition." Peter replies annoyance evident in his voice

"I don't think Jude would lie about something like that." Alice states.

"Of course you don't because you are her best friend and can't see past her little 'I'm so innocent' act." Peter bites out.

"As her best friend I _know_ she wouldn't do something like that. I also _know _that she isn't putting on any act. She really is the person we all see." Alice replies calmly.

"I want to agree with you Alice, but lately she has seemed a little more self-absorbed than usual." Chloe chimes in hesitantly.

"I would be self-absorbed too if I was going through all the shit Jude is dealing with right now." Alice replies, anger growing inside of her.

"I don't know, I love Jude, but maybe Peter is right." Chloe says timidly.

"I'm starting to agree with Peter too." Sam chimes in.

"Guys, seriously? Jude isn't that type of girl. She cares about the music and the music alone. She has never once talked about fame or fortune or bragged about being amazing. She lives for and through music." Alice explains.

"No one is all about the music and the music alone. It isn't possible." Peter states glaring at Alice angrily.

"Whatever Peter. Are you guys really going to side with him?" Alice asks glancing at Chloe and Sam curiously.

"I don't know, maybe." Chloe replies timidly.

"I just think he makes some good points." Sam replies nonchalantly.

"I thought you guys were my friends. I thought y'all were Jude's friends too, but I guess I was wrong. Have fun with Peter." Alice bites out as she gets up from the table and leaves, not noticing me standing right outside.

I storm into the cafeteria after Alice is gone and approach my normal table. "Hey guys, I just wanted to say thanks for being such amazing friends." I state sarcastically with a smile. Before I leave I notice that my so called friends don't even seem sad about losing me or Alice as friends, causing this wave of sadness to crash over me.

I bolt to my cabin and find it empty. I go straight for my bag and pull out the razor blade I hide in there. I walk into the bathroom and glide the cold metal against my wrist allowing the pain to overcome me. I lean against the cold sink, with my head hanging, and just focus on the pain in my wrist.

After a few minutes the pain has faded and I slowly lift my head to look at myself in the mirror. My face is red and I can see the glassiness of my tear-filled eyes. I take a deep breath, splash some water on my face, and then head out of the bathroom. I place the razor back into its hiding place and curl up on my bed. My eyes start to get heavy, and I don't even realize Alice has come back to our cabin, before I drift into a restless sleep.


	34. Chapter 32

**A/N: Hello everyone. I finally had time to write the new chapter, so here it is. It does have some nice drama in it, but it also contains some violence, so be warned. I hope everyone likes it, and please comment. Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star or "The Music" by Alexz Johnson.**

**Chapter 32**

_Dear Diary,_

_It has been three weeks since my friends decided to turn on me and it has been hell. Peter has them all brainwashed or something because they all sound just like him. Every last one of them has told everyone else in camp just how "fake" I am and how I am just putting on some act to get pity complements. It is all so insane. I never thought that my friends, the people who are supposed to stick by my side and stick up for me, are saying all of these things about me. Yesterday I heard some new kid talking about what happened to me on New Year's Eve. I can't believe they are telling people about that, but I guess that one is more than likely thanks to Peter. I don't know what his sick fascination is with me and especially with all the stuff that happened between jack ass and me. I just wish my friends would think for themselves and realize that Peter is just using them for some bigger plot. I have no idea what that plot may be, but it can't be good. Not only are my friends talking all this crap about me, they are ignoring me completely and have convinced a lot of other people to do the same. As of now only about ten people still talk to me, most of those being the older campers who think Peter is full of himself and should just shut up already. Obviously Alice is one of those people. She has been so amazing these past three weeks. She has stuck by me and stuck up for me to everyone who says something about me. The other day she almost punched this girl because she was talking about how I deserved what jack ass did to me. Alice is without a doubt the best friend ever. Annabell is another person who still talks to me and Peter is not happy about that. I can't figure out if she is talking to me because she has to for writing class or if she actually wants to talk to me or if just maybe she is playing secret agent for Peter. Annabell is such a sweet girl, I really hope she isn't letting Peter manipulate her like that. I never thought I would say this but I am really looking forward to the end of camp. I love it here, but all this Peter crap is making life very un-fun. I try to not let the things they are saying get to me, but I am not as strong as I like to think I am. I never let them see that they are getting to me, but once I am alone it really starts to consume me. This whole thing has not helped my cutting problem at all. I think I cut at least three times a day, and with multiple cuts at a time. I just feel like my life is falling apart and I can't do anything to stop it. All of the stuff people are saying, the lingering pain from the abuse, and that nagging feeling of being so broken is all weighing down on me and I don't know how much longer I can take it. It gets so bad sometimes that I feel like I can't breathe. I just wish all of this would stop and life would be simple again, but this isn't a fairytale and wishes don't come true. _

_XO Jude_

* * *

><p>"Come on Annabell, you can do way better than that. Focus on what you want to say and just let it flow out of you." I aggravatingly state.<p>

"This is hopeless. We have been working at this one song for almost four weeks now and I still don't have anything worth a damn." Annabell says frustrated, as she throws her journal across the room.

"It is hopeless, you just need to focus." I reply reassuringly, sitting down next to her.

"I am focused and I still have nothing." Annabell says the frustration growing in her voice.

"Okay, then let's take a break. Just relax for a little bit and we will try again." I reply calmly.

"Why even bother? We both know that I can't do this." Annabell says defeated, as she brings her knees to her chest and lowers her head.

"You can do this, but it takes time." I state reassuringly, as I wrap my arm around her shoulders to comfort her. "It took me years, and many songs about my love for poptarts, before I wrote a good song." I say with a chuckle that Annabell copies.

"Seriously?" Annabell asks, her voice muffled by her arms.

"I would never lie about my love songs for poptarts." I reply causing both of us to giggle. "Look, I know that this is frustrating and you probably want to kill me for pushing you so much, but I really feel like you would make an amazing song writer. All we have to do is figure out what you have to say."

"That is just it, I don't have anything to say. Nothing bad has happened to me and it isn't like I have ever been in love. I am just a normal girl with no drama in her life what so ever." Annabell explains.

"Annabell, do you really think that great music only comes from bad experiences or are love songs?" I ask curiously.

"The great songs are." Annabell replies, finally lifting her head to look at me.

"I understand why you would think that, but it isn't true. Great music comes from within. Yes, a lot of the greats come from bad experiences or are love songs, but not all of them. There are so many different forms of music out there, all of which need song writers." I explain confidently.

"So all I can be is some pop writer who writes songs with no meaning?" Annabell questions, clearly disappointed.

"That isn't what I was trying to say. I was just trying to say that music comes in many different forms. No matter what form it comes in, it all has some sort of meaning behind it. As a song writer you have to figure out what message you want to portray to the listeners and go from there. Inspiration can come from anything, a place or a person or an experience, but where it comes from doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is you portray the emotions you feel through the music so the listeners can feel the same thing." I explain passionately.

"Wow, no wonder you are such a great writer." Annabell says with a chuckle. "I just don't think I can do that." The uncertainty clear in her voice.

"You can, just relax and let the inspiration come to you. Once you have that just let the emotions consume you and write what you feel." I state reassuringly.

"Okay" Annabell sighs out.

* * *

><p>"Now tell me about the inspiration behind this song." I state.<p>

"Have you heard the new stuff going around about Jude?" I hear Lily ask everyone at her table as I walk by.

"I heard that she was sleeping with some older guy while she was still with Lance." Chloe says.

"I heard she made the whole beating up and that she hurt herself to make it look like Lance attacked her." Marlene says.

"That wouldn't surprise me, she is such a fake." Peter states smugly as I walk back by their table to leave.

Once out of the cafeteria I am stopped by Emily, one of the few people who talk to me. "Hey Jude, are you going to sing at the open mic tonight?" Emily asks.

"Maybe, but with everything going on I don't think it would be in my best interest to do it." I state disappointingly.

"You can't let some stupid people keep you from performing. There are always going to be those people who don't like you or are jealous of you and cause problems, but you can't let those people take away your voice." Emily replies reassuringly.

"I know. I'll think about it." I say with a small smile.

"I hope you decide to do it." Emily states before continuing on to the cafeteria. "If I were you, I would write a kick ass song telling them all to shove it." I hear Emily call out over her shoulder.

"I think that sounds like just what I need." I say to myself with a smile.

* * *

><p>"Jude, are you sure you want to do this?" Alice asks concerned.<p>

"I need to do this. I need to show everyone that I don't give a damn about what they are saying. Also I hope this will prove that all of the crap they are saying is complete bull shit." I reply confidently.

"Fine" Alice huffs out frustrated.

"Next up we have Jude Harrison." The director announces on stage.

I walk to center stage, guitar in hand, and position myself behind the microphone. "Hey everyone, I am Jude and this song is called The Music." I simply state.

Before I can even get the first cord out I hear someone start booing. I take a deep breath and just as I am about to start the first chord, more people start joining in on the booing. It only takes seconds before almost everyone is booing. I hear some people start calling out different things. Someone screams "fake" and I hear another yell "you suck."

I take another deep breath and I try to focus on just the beating of my heart. After one more deep breath, my hand starts strumming the chords to the song and I let the music consume me, ignoring everything else.

_On the clearest night  
>When the wind takes flight<br>Like a lullaby, like a lullaby  
>On a moonlit lake<br>What a great escape  
>Like a butterfly, like a butterfly<br>Hands over my eyes  
>I'm not gonna cry<em>

I open my eyes for just a second and notice a few people leaving out the back door, but I don't let it affect me one bit as I continue on with the song.

_Try to break me down  
>Shut me in<br>Your so called love  
>Is wearing thin<br>And I won't back down  
>I won't fade away<br>I'll make it through as long  
>As the music plays<em>

_On the wire  
>While your batting high<br>I am not a game  
>This is not a game<em>

_Try to break me down  
>Shut me in<br>Your so called love  
>Is wearing thin<br>And I won't back down  
>I won't fade away<br>I'll make it through  
>As long...<em>

_Try to break me down  
>Shut me in<br>Your so called love  
>Is wearing thin<br>And I won't back down  
>I won't fade away<br>I'll make it through as long  
>As the music plays<em>

_Let the music play_

I finish the song, feeling empowered and more confident than ever. I look out into the crowd and see a few people standing up, cheering and clapping for me, but I don't let that get to me either. I walk off the stage with my head held high and a smile on my face.

"I am so proud of you." Alice says as she engulfs me in a hug. "I would have never been able to do that."

"Thanks Alice." I state with a smile.

"You ready to go out there?" Alice asks, the concern back in her voice.

"Completely" I state confidently.

We walk back into the crowd from back stage. I can feel everyone looking at me as I pass them, but I don't let it get to me. As we get closer to the back, I hear people talking and laughing. I turn my head to see who it is, and it is none other than Peter.

"Pathetic" Peter bites out once he notices me looking at him.

"Excuse me?" I ask calmly. "Surprisingly I couldn't hear what you fat ass mouth said. I think you ego was blocking it." I bite out.

"I said pathetic, as in you are pathetic." Peter replies smugly.

"Jude, just walk away." Alice whispers in my ear.

"No, I am done walking away. I want to know what his issue is." I state forcefully.

"I don't have any issues. I just like telling the truth, especially when someone is such a big ass liar as you." Peter retorts, that smug smile still plastered on his face.

"I think your issue is that Lance picked me over you. I think you are so damn in love with him that the fact that I got him drives you insane." I bite out mockingly.

"You did not just say that." Peter states angrily as he storms closer to me.

"I did just say that, and based on your reaction I am right." I retort smugly.

"You little bitch." Peter states as he draws his arm back getting ready to punch me.

"Go ahead, punch me all you want, I don't care. Nothing you do or say is going to change the fact that Lance chose me." I boldly state, not flinching an inch.

"I am not in love with Lance!" Peter screams, as he swings his arm. His fist slams me square in the jaw, causing me to stumble back, but I stay on my feet.

"Nice hit, but Lance did it better. You know what else he did really well?" I ask smugly, rubbing my jaw. I answer before anyone else can say anything. "Kiss. His lips practically molded with mine and don't even get me started on the magic things he could do with his tongue." I chuckle out.

"Shut up!" Peter yells, as he swings again. This time his fist hits me in the eye.

"Guys stop it!" Alice shouts, pulling my arm to try to get me to leave.

"Not until this bitch learns her lesson." Peter states, his arm pulling back again but is stopped by the director stepping in between us.

"My office, now." The director states firmly.

* * *

><p>"What the hell was that?" The director asks once we reach his officer.<p>

"He started" I blurt out before Peter can speak. "He has been spreading rumors and talking trash about me for weeks. He turned everyone at camp against me." I explain.

"That is bull shit. She started all of this. She accused me of stealing her song and tried to get me kicked out of camp. Tonight she just started yelling at me for no reason." Peter explains, faking innocence.

"That is such bull. You called me pathetic and it wouldn't surprise me if you started to booing." I state.

"I would-" Peter starts but is cut off.

"Enough already. I do not care who started it or who said what. What happened tonight was utterly horrid and will not happen at my camp." The director states firmly.

"Yes sir" We both reply.

"I know that you two have some issues going on, which are none of my business, but that does not allow y'all to act this way. I should kick you both out of camp." The director explains.

"What?" We both shout and start rambling our own things, but are cut off by the director.

"But only one of y'all actually broke a rule." The director states. "That being said, Peter I have to ask you to go pack your things. I will be calling your parents and asking them to come get you."

"What? You are kicking me out and she gets off with just a slap on the wrist?" Peter questions angrily.

"We have a zero tolerance policy for violence here and by the looks of Jude's face you hit her at least twice. As for Jude she won't be getting off easily. She will have to spend the last few weeks working in the kitchen for every meal and all events." The director explains calmly.

"This is such bull shit!" Peter yells.

"Peter, please go sit outside and wait for me to escort you back to your cabin." The director states.

"This is so messed up." Peter says in a huff as he leaves the room.

"Thank you for not kicking me out and I will do my kitchen duty without any complaints." I state.

"Jude, I didn't want to say this in front of Peter, but there is another part to your punishment." The director says calmly.

"What is it?" I ask nervously.

"As of right now you are not allowed to perform at the final performance." The director states with a hint of sympathy in his voice.

"What?" I question as I sink into a chair completely disappointed.

"It isn't a permanent thing. If you do your kitchen duty without any problems and there are no more incidents like this with other campers, you will be allowed to perform. In other words, from this point on you need to be the perfect camper that we both know that you are. No more shouting matches or accusing people of things. Just focus on your music and stay out of trouble." The director explains reassuringly.

"So as long as I stay out of trouble I can perform?" I question to make sure I heard him right.

"Correct" The director simply states.

"Okay, I can do that. Thank you so much." I state before standing up and heading back to my cabin.

* * *

><p>"What happened?" Alice asks the second I walking through the door.<p>

"Peter got kicked out." I state emotionless.

"What about you?" Alice asks concerned.

"I have kitchen duty for the rest of camp and am on probation." I state, still emotionless as I sit on my bed.

"Probation?" Alice questions confusedly.

"I can't perform in the final show if I get into any more trouble." I explain.

"Oh, well that should be easy now that Peter is gone." Alice states optimistically.

"Sure" I simply state before heading into the bathroom.

"Jude, are you okay?" Alice asks through the door.

"Fine, just need to shower." I reply with mock reassurance, as the tears start to pool in my eyes.

"Okay, but I know that all that stuff you said about Lance couldn't have been easy for you to say. I also know that Peter hitting you probably brought back some bad memories." Alice explains concernedly.

"Alice, please just leave me alone. I will talk to you if and when I am ready. For now I just want to shower and then go to bed." I reply as calmly as possible so as not to alarm her.

"Okay, I understand. Night Jude." Alice states.

"Night" I state but know she can't hear me since she has already retreated from the other side of the door.

I turn the shower on and let it get warm. I slowly take off my cloths and once I am completely naked I look at myself in the mirror. My eye is swollen and there is a huge red mark on my jaw. I take a deep breath to try to calm myself, but it doesn't help.

I step into the shower once it is warm and slowly run my hands across my hair, as the water pours over me. I do this a few times, each time my hands getting even shakier. After about the fourth time of doing this I feel my knees give out and I crumble to the ground. I pull my knees to my chest and bury my face in my arms as I let the tears flow.

After what feels like hours, but was more than likely only a few minutes, I regain my strength and stand up. I finish my show quickly and get dried of and dressed just as fast. Before leaving the bathroom I grab the razor blade that I had snuck in with me. I take a deep, shaky breath and allow myself to glide the blade across my wrist. The crimson blood starts to pool out of the cut and drop into the sink slowly. I just stare at the cut for a few seconds, allowing myself to fully revel in the feeling it gives me. I eventually snap out of my trance and clear up the cut, but while I am doing so I realize I cut myself deeper than normal. I panic a little, but not because I could have killed myself if I had been just a few centimeters over, but because it will more than likely leave a scar which will lead to questions.

"Shit" I state out loud frustrated with myself.


	35. Chapter 33

**A/N: I know it has been a little while since my last update and I am sorry for that. I just never felt like writing even though I already knew how I wanted this chapter to go. I finally got the inspiration to sit down and write, so here it is. It is shorter than the other chapters, but it is more of a filler/set up chapter. I hope everyone likes it and please comment. As always I do not own Instant Star or Broken by Lifehouse**

**Chapter 33**

"Jude wake up or you are going to be late for kitchen duty." Alice says as she shakes me in an attempt to wake me.

"Five more minutes." I mumble through my pillow.

"No more minutes or you won't get to perform in the final show." Alice states pointedly.

"Fine" I groan out as I reluctantly get out of bed and ready for the day.

"Please remind me again why I am up at the ass crack of dawn?" I ask with a huff, as Alice and I walk into the cafeteria.

"Because you can't keep your mouth shut." Alice replies with a smirk.

"Shut up" I say shoving her shoulder.

"Jude get in here." The kitchen leader, May, shouts from the kitchen door.

"I better go. Thank you for getting my ass up." I say before hugging Alice and heading to the kitchen.

"I better get muffins straight from the oven out of this." Alice shouts at me as she takes a seat at an empty table close to the kitchen.

"Whatever you desire my lady." I reply playfully with a little curtsy.

"In that case, I want the whole pan of muffins and fresh French pressed coffee with three sugars." Alice states in a British accent, causing us both to bust out laughing.

"Where the hell is Jude?" Annabell shouts as she bust into the empty cafeteria.

"She is busy at the moment, can I give her a message?" Alice asks calmly, standing up to block Annabell from the kitchen door.

"I need to talk to her, now." Annabell demands angrily.

"Annabell, what's wrong?" I ask from the kitchen, still focused on making the muffins.

"Like you don't already know." Annabell bites out.

"Look if this is about Peter getting kicked out-" I start but am cut off before I can finish.

"You got him kicked out and I bet you don't even feel bad about it." Annabell states bitterly.

"First off, I didn't get him kicked out, he got himself kicked out because he broke the rules. Second, I do feel a little bad about it because Peter use to be a good guy, but after the way he has been acting lately I could care less about what happens to him." I explain as calmly as possible.

"I can't believe I defended you. Peter was right, all you care about is yourself." Annabell replies pointedly before spinning around to storm out of the cafeteria.

"What the hell was that about?" Alice asks confused.

"I guess they were a lot closer than I thought." I reply simply.

"I feel so bad for her. Peter was so clearly using her to get to you." Alice says as she sits back down at her table.

"I feel bad for her too, but we can't change that now." I reply simply.

"Hey, people are starting to file in. Are you ready for all the crap talk that's about to occur?" Alice questions concerned.

"Peter isn't here and I doubt his minions can do any worse than him." I reply confidently.

(~~**~~)

"They have her working in the kitchen to make sure she eats, seeing as she is obviously anorexic." Lily states.

"I highly doubt that she is anorexic. Her hips are way too big to be anorexic. She probably asked for kitchen duty so she could eat more without anyone seeing just how much of a fatty she is." Chloe chimes in.

"Who cares why she got kitchen duty, her having it just provides us more opportunities to mess with her." Sam states with a smirk.

"Jude, oh Jude Darling, can you please bring the juice pitcher back over her?" Lily calls out with a giggle.

"Coming" I reply with a sigh.

"Thanks" Lily says as sweet as possible.

"You're welcome." I state as I turn to leave. As I am walking away, someone sticks their leg out causing me to trip and fall. As I fall, I throw the juice pitcher in the air causing it to pour all over me.

"Smooth moves." Sam calls out as everyone in the cafeteria busts out laughing.

"Jude are you okay?" Alice asks as she rushes to my side.

"I'm fine, just a little wet." I reply calmly while holding back my anger.

"Jude, you can be done for this morning. Go get changed." May says sympathetically once I return to the kitchen.

"Thanks" I reply with a slight smile before heading out the back door.

(~~**~~)

"I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing/with a broken heart that's still beating/In the pain, there is healing" I sing out loud before writing the lyrics down in my journal.

"Jude" Alice says as she walks into the cabin, but stops once she hears me signing and turns to leave to cabin.

"Tommy, I think you need to call Jude, like now." I over hear Alice say before I return to being engulfed in my music, not fully comprehending the massive amount of concern in Alice's voice.

(~~**~~)

"Hello" I say angrily into the phone without glancing at the caller ID.

"Hello to you too." Tommy's familiar voice echoes through the phone.

"Sorry Tommy, I didn't look at the caller ID before answering." I respond shyly.

"You sound a little angry there, is everything okay?" Tommy asks concerned.

"Fine, just pissed off at my guitar." I reply with a chuckle.

"What did it do this time?" Tommy asks exasperated.

"It won't produce the chords I hear in my head when I think of this new song I am writing." I explain.

"I do believe we have had this conversation many times before, but just to refresh your memory, the guitar doesn't produce the chords, you do. Remember to stay calm and focus on what you want it to sound like and you will figure out the right chords." Tommy says reassuringly with a hint of mocking.

"I know." I reply with a huff.

"Is that all that is wrong? Don't even try to lie because I can tell, even over the phone." Tommy says with a small chuckle.

"You know me too well Quincy." I reply sweetly.

"There is no such thing as too well." Tommy says.

"Well, if I am being honest, there is more going on than just the guitar." I reply reluctantly.

"Tell me what is going on." Tommy states reassuringly.

"That could take days, possibly even months." I reply sarcastically with a small chuckle.

"Come on Jude, be serious and tell me what is going on." Tommy states, the concern growing more evident in his voice.

"Well to start, do you remember that guy Peter?" I ask calmly.

"The guy who stole our song?" Tommy questions.

"Yes, him." I state before continuing telling Tommy about all the shit that is happening. "And this morning Annabell like blew up on me because she thinks I got Peter kicked out, then my old friends tripped me causing me to spill a pitcher full of juice all over myself." I say as I finally finish my story.

"Wow" Tommy states simply.

"Really, that is all I get?" I asks with a little bite to it.

"Of course not, I just needed a minute to process all of this." Tommy explains reassuringly. "Also, I am trying to stay calm here for your sake."

"I know you probably want to kill Peter right now, but he is gone and isn't worth life in prison." I state with a chuckle.

"You are right, but that little punk should get a real beating. What type of guy can hit a girl like that?" Tommy questions, the anger growing in his voice.

"Tommy, please don't worry about that." I say reassuringly.

"I thought I was supposed to be the one reassuring and comforting you?" Tommy questions with a chuckle.

"We have always had our own way of doing things." I reply with a giggle.

"This is true, but it is my turn to talk." Tommy states firmly.

"I'm all ears." I reply sweetly.

"So first I want to say that I am extremely proud of you for sticking up for yourself against Peter and that you aren't seriously hurt. Now on to the more serious stuff. I know that what everyone is saying is getting to you, especially the stuff about what happened this past year, but you need to ignore them. It isn't enough to act like what they are saying doesn't get to you, you actually can't let it get you. Ignore what they are saying and ignore any behavior they might aim at you. If you do this then things will get better. I know it is hard and I know it sucks to be the bigger person sometimes, but you have to do it. It will make you stronger and it will make you an even better song writer and performer." Tommy says sweetly and full of compassion.

"This is why you are the best." I reply shyly.

"I know, but it is nice to hear it in your voice." Tommy replies sweetly.

"Thanks Tommy, I really needed to hear all of that. I know what you are saying is true, and I have been trying like crazy, but it is hard sometimes to just let it roll off my chest." I explain.

"I know it is hard, but just remember that when it gets too hard that you have me and Alice to talk to. Both of us care so much about you and I am pretty sure we would do anything to make you happy again. Just don't be afraid to ask." Tommy states, the compassion clear in his voice.

"Thanks, and I know I should probably be talking to at least one of y'all more. I can tell Alice is insanely worried about me." I reply.

"You should probably talk to her, and say more than just I'm fine." Tommy states firmly.

"I know." I say with a sigh.

"Good, so are you better now?" Tommy asks sweetly.

"I am better, thank you." I reply reassuringly.

"Than my job is done. I hope things get better between now and the end of summer." Tommy states.

"Me too" I reply simply.

"Well, I will let you go now. I can't wait to see you and hear whatever song you have cooking up for the final performance." Tommy states, a hint of longing in his voice.

"I can't wait for you to hear it. I also can't wait to see you too." I reply shyly.

"Bye Jude" Tommy states.

"Bye Tommy" I reply before hanging up.

I walk into my cabin and notice Alice walking out of the bathroom. I walk over to her briskly and engulf her into a giant hug, surprising her.

"Thank you" I say into her shoulder.

"I knew he would help." Alice replies simply.


	36. Chapter 34

**A/N: Okay, so here is the next chapter. It is full of so many different things, like drama and some Jommy moments. I hope everyone likes it and please leave comments. As always I do not own Instant Star or Broken by Lifehouse or Thank You for Breaking my Heart by Alexz Johnson. **

**Chapter 34**

_Dear Diary,_

_I never thought that I would say this, but I am so excited tonight is the final performance. I want this summer to be over already. With all the crap that has happened, I just want to go home and enjoy my life there. I want to sleep in my own bed, have movie marathons in the theater with Alice, and spend time with a certain blue eyed guy. I didn't think that I would miss him so much, but lately all I have thought about is getting back to him. After I finally told him all about the craziness, I haven't been able to get him off my mind. It doesn't help that he texts me almost every hour to check up on me. It is so sweet that he cares so much, but at the same time it kind of scares me. I know that Tommy likes me as more than a friend, and of course I have those feelings too, but I just don't know if I will ever be ready for another serious relationship after everything that has happened. I know Tommy would never do anything to hurt me like jackass did, but Tommy has hurt me in other ways that, in all honesty, hurt me worse than anything jackass ever did to me. I just think that being with Tommy would end in disaster and I don't think I could handle losing him. As of right now, our friendship is like the only thing holding me together. Yes, Alice helps too, but not like Tommy. I don't know how to explain it, but I don't want to jeopardize it, especially since our talk I have been able to stop cutting so much. I am done to only like a few times a week and those are only after really intense nightmares, both the jackass and eight years old variety. Other than those times, I have really started to heel in that sense. I still have my moments where I feel completely broken inside and all I want to do is curl up into a ball and cry, but those are starting to get less frequent. I hope that once I get back home, and to some normalcy, I can start to really heal and won't need to cut. Enough about that and on to tonight. I have been extra perfect since my kitchen duty started, which means I get to perform tonight! I am so excited. I know that the record deal probably won't happen, but all I really care about is that rush I get from performing. If the record deal happens, then that is just a bonus. No matter what happens, I am just excited that Tommy will be here to watch me and I get to perform. Here's hoping that everything goes smoothly._

_XO Jude_

(~~**~~)

"Jude stop fidgeting." Alice complains as she tries to fix my makeup.

"Alice, you do know that I am perfectly capable of putting on my own makeup, right?" I ask mockingly.

"Yes, but I do a better job. I also know that a certain someone will be here tonight, so I am helping you to impress." Alice replies smugly.

"I do not need to impress anyone." I state matter-of-factly.

"Whatever you say, but we both know that you are so in love with him." Alice mocks with a giggle.

"Okay, that is enough of this conversation. Are you done yet?" I ask anxiously.

"Fine, I am done." Alice replies as she applies the last of the mascara.

"Good. Now if you will excuse me, I need to go get some air to focus my mind." I state as I walk out of the dressing room.

"Jude, can I talk to you for a second?" The director asks as he stops me on my outside.

"Sure, what is it?" I ask curiously.

"We had to change the lineup a little bit and well you are going seventh now instead of last." The director explains with extreme caution.

"What? That is way too early in the lineup. Why did I get switched?" I ask, as I clench my fists at my side in an attempt to control my anger.

"Well, it was suggested by the judges that a different performer close the show." The director states, still being very cautious about what he is saying.

"Who exactly is this performer?" I ask as calmly as possible, my fists getting tighter.

"Chloe, Sam, and Lily." The director simply states.

"Oh, okay, well at least I am not first." I reply as sweetly as possible, but a hint of anger is evident in my voice.

"Only first years are subjected to the horror of first performer." The director states with a wiry chuckle trying to lighten the mood.

"Who is going first? I forgot." I question curiously.

"Annabell" The director states.

"Oh, well that should be a nice little opener. I guess I will just have to wow the judges and make them remember who I am." I reply with a smile before turning to leave.

(~~**~~)

"Tommy, please tell me you are here?" I ask into the phone. I had been outside trying to calm down from the lineup change for about half an hour now, but have failed miserably.

"Just getting out of my car. Everything okay? Something sounds off in your voice." Tommy asks concern dripping from his voice.

"I'll explain when you get here. Meet me at my cabin." I state before hanging up the phone.

"Jude" Tommy says as he enters the cabin five minutes later.

"Oh thank God." I state with a sigh as I fling myself into his arms for a giant hug. "I am so glad you are finally here. Today has not been going so well." I state with a hint of sadness in my voice.

"What happened?" Tommy asks pulling me out of the hug so he can look at me.

"They changed the lineup for the performance tonight. I am seventh. I was supposed to be last. Shit I worked my ass off to earn the last spot, but oh no, those little mindless minions had to manipulate their ways into stealing my spot. Seventh, ugh! There is no way those judges will remember me if I am seventh out of fifty. This is a nightmare. Everything I have been working for is just going down the drain thanks to one bustard. He isn't even here and he is still messing with me." I explain in a giant huff.

"Jude, breathe." Tommy states as he strokes my arms to calm me down. "I know that you have worked hard to earn your closing spot, but things don't always go to plan."

"But-" I start but Tommy cuts me off.

"Let me finish. I know this record deal is a big deal and that you have worked hard to get this far, but we both know that you don't do this for the record deal. We both know that you love music more than anything in the world and that performing is the best rush in the world. Who cares if you don't get the deal? That is their loss. What matters is that you go show those judges, and everyone else that you are the best there is and make them remember you. Trust me, if anyone can do that it is you." Tommy says reassuringly and the passion for what he is saying clearly shines through his eyes.

"This is why you are the best." I reply with a smile before being engulfed into a hug.

"I know." Tommy states as he kisses the top of my head. "Now it is time to go show everyone what Jude Harrison can do." Tommy says as he pulls me to standing position and we head back to the stage area.

We stroll back to the stage area, talking aimlessly, and just enjoying being in each other's company. As we get closer to the stage, someone runs into me causing me to fall flat on my ass.

"Watch where you're-" I start to rudely state, but stop short when I look at who knocked me down. "What the hell are you doing here?" I ask furiously as I get to my feet in a rush with some help from a clearly angry Tommy.

"I came to watch my friends perform, but it turns out one friend in particular has been kicked out thanks to you." Lance states smugly stepping a little closer to me.

"Back the hell off or I will wipe that smug little smile of yours off your face." Tommy threatens angrily as he steps in between Lance and me.

"Of course you are here. Don't you have better things to do than protect such a pathetic excuse for a person?" Lance asks bitterly, clearly upset to see Tommy with me.

Tommy mumbles a few words I can't understand before starting to lounge towards Lance.

"Tommy, he isn't worth it." I state bitterly as I pull on Tommy's arm.

"Always the one to back down from a challenge. I see you are still weak." Lance states with a smirk.

"I am not weak, nor do I back down from a challenge. I just know when something isn't worth my energy and right now that is you." I state matter-of-factly before turning to walk away from him.

"Pathetic" Lance states with a chuckle.

I tense up a little at the word, but continue walking away from him with Tommy right next to me.

"You should have let me punch him." Tommy states, the anger still clear in his voice.

"Trust me, I would have loved to see him fall on his ass, but I don't have the energy to deal with him right now. I need to focus on my performance." I state trying to hide the sadness and fear from my voice.

"I know, but he just really pisses me off." Tommy says bitterly.

"Thanks for stepping in back there. I don't think I could have handled seeing him if you weren't with me." I state trying to change the subject a little.

"Of course, that is what I am here for." Tommy says with a smile.

"Well, I better get backstage before the show starts. Wish me luck?" I ask with a hopeful smile.

"You don't need it." Tommy states pulling me into a hug. He kisses the top of my head for letting me go and heading to his seat.

(~~**~~)

"Welcome everyone to the final performance." The director says to the crowd causing an uproar of applause. "Tonight we have fifty performers all vying for a record deal from one of the top labels in the country. The three judges will rank the performers and decide who the best is and they will receive the deal of a lifetime. Now without forth ado, our first perform, Ms. Annabell." The director states gesturing towards Annabell as she steps out of the line of the performers on stage and the rest of us head backstage.

I head to my dressing room to prepare for my performance. I sit down on the couch and sigh extremely loud, letting out all the frustration that has been building up inside of me.

"Jude" Alice says with a knock on the door.

"Yes?" I ask, but Alice barges in without another word and pulls me from the couch towards the wings of the stage.

"Can you please tell me why this song sounds so familiar to me when I have never heard anything Annabell has ever written?" Alice questions curiously.

I listen closely to what Annabell is singing for little bit to figure out what Alice is talking about.

_The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head  
>I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead<br>I still see your reflection inside of my eyes  
>That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life<em>

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing_  
><em>with a broken heart that's still beating<em>  
><em>In the pain (in the pain), is there healing<em>  
><em>In your name (in your name) I find meaning<em>  
><em>So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')<em>  
><em>I'm barely holdin' on to you<em>

_I'm hangin' on another day_  
><em>Just to see what you throw my way<em>  
><em>And I'm hanging on to the words you say<em>  
><em>You said that I will be OK<em>

_The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone_  
><em>I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home<em>

I knew immediately after the chorus what song it was, but couldn't form any words until the song was getting close to ending. "That is my song." I state emotionlessly.

"I thought so, but why the hell is she claiming she wrote it?" Alice asks, anger growing in her voice.

"I…I don't…she stole…not that song…" I ramble out, still shocked from hearing my song. I turn and run back to my dressing room and slam the door behind me. I make sure to lock the door before crumbling to the ground and busting into tears.

"Jude" Alice says trying to open the door. "Jude, unlock the door. Talk to me." Alice states concernedly, as she tries to open the door a little more aggressively.

I ignore her, mainly because I don't really hear her. All I hear is the buzzing of my brain going back and forth between everything that has been rattling around in my brain the last few months.

After what feels like hours, but was more like ten minutes I come to my senses. I wipe the tears from face before standing up. I glance at myself in the mirror, but quickly turn away as I grab my phone.

I quickly text Tommy. 'Meet me at your car in five. Don't ask questions just meet me, please.'

I start wiping off the smeared makeup when my phone buzzes with a reply.

'I'll be there' Tommy replies.

I finish cleaning my face up and change into something more comfortable than my dress and sneak out to the parking lot.

"What is going on?" Tommy asks as he steps away from his leaning position on his car when he sees me approaching.

"I just need to get out of her. Please take me away from here." I explain.

"What happened? What about your performance? Aren't you next?" Tommy asks clearly concerned as he gets closer to me.

"Please take me away from here." I plead letting the sadness slide into my voice a little.

"Next up Ms. Jude Harrison everyone." The announcer says from the stage causing both Tommy and I to look back at the stage area.

I walk to the passenger side of the car and open the door and slide in quickly. Tommy follows quickly behind getting in the driver's seat.

"Jude Harrison" I hear the announcer say again before Tommy closes his door and starts the car.

"Are you sure?" Tommy asks concernedly. I nod in response and Tommy puts the car in drive and we leave the camp.

(~~**~~)

"Jude are you going to tell me what happened back there?" Tommy asks for like the one hundredth time since we left, but I ignore him as I stare blankly out the window.

Tommy finally pulls into a parking lot near a dock for the lake after we had been driving for about forty-five minutes. He turns the car off and I can almost hear the gears turning in his head as he tries to figure out what to say next.

"Please don't ask." I state, still not turning to look at him.

"Jude, I am really worried about you. Alice has texted me like fifty times since we left wondering where you are. You need to talk to me." Tommy says, a hint of begging clearly in his voice.

"I just needed to get away." I simply replied, trying hard to keep my emotions out of my voice and in check.

"Why? Was it seeing that jack ass? Did something happen backstage?" Tommy questions, trying to get me to answer him.

"Just drop it." I state as I open the door and get out the car.

I walk towards the water hoping the water will help calm me down. I can hear the crunching of Tommy walk over towards me, tuning out anything he might be saying, but the second I feel him close enough to me I finally lose it. The tears start flowing heavily from my eyes and I crumble to the ground, but Tommy catches me before I reach the ground.

"Jude, please talk to me." Tommy pleads, the concern in his voice growing with every word.

I don't say anything, just sob into Tommy's chest as he rocks me gently and runs his hand through my hair soothingly.

"My song" I finally state once I can breathe again

"What song? You left before you could sing." Tommy asks confused.

"She stole my song." I state.

"Who stole your song?" Tommy asks thoroughly confused.

"Annabell" I reply sadly.

"That girl who went first?" Tommy questions.

I simply nod as a reply. I can hear Tommy's heart start to beat faster, a clear sign that he was getting angry.

"Wasn't she the girl who sang our song earlier this summer?" Tommy questions, the anger evident in his voice.

"Yes" I state with a sigh.

"I can't believe she would steal another one of your songs. How did she even get her hands on it in the first place?" Tommy questions angrily.

"It doesn't matter. I could care less about how she got the song." I reply as I pull my knees up to my chest.

"It does matter. You need to tell the director and make sure she gets in trouble for stealing your songs." Tommy states before going off on a rant about personal property and artist's rights as he paces in front of me. I just sit there, rocking back and forth a little, not really listening to what he was saying.

After a few minutes of his rambling he abruptly stops talking and squats down in front of me. His eyes staring deep into mine before saying, "That song was really heart wrenching."

I turn away not being able to hold his gaze any longer. "I know" I mumble out.

"Look at me." Tommy states, but I refuse. He gently slides his fingers under my chin and turns my face to look at him. "Jude, that song, I know you and you write from the heart, so that has to mean you feel all of that." Tommy explains, the concern coming back to his voice.

"I don't want to talk about where the song came from. I just want to forget the fact that someone just stole the most personal song I have ever written and claimed it was theirs and sang it in front of a ton of people." I state with a pleading look.

"Fine" Tommy replies with a sigh. "How exactly do you want to forget?" Tommy asks, a hint of mischievousness in his voice.

"I don't know, but the water is really helping me relax. You help too, I guess." I mockingly state with a chuckle.

"Ouch Harrison, that stung a little." Tommy mocks back, causing me to laugh a little. "I am glad you find my pain amusing." Tommy states with a fake hurt tone.

"Your pain always amuses me." I state with a smirk and a chuckle.

"Oh no you didn't." Tommy states as he leans closer to me and starts tickling me.

"Stop" I breathe out between laughs, but Tommy refuses. "I'm sorry" I state after a while, tired of being tickled to death.

"You better be." Tommy says with a smirk as he finally stops tickling me, but his hands linger a little bit on my sides.

He had somehow managed to end up hovering over me in the process of tickling me, and was now staring deeply into my eyes. I feel my face flush, glad that it was too dark for him to notice, as I watch Tommy start leaning in closer to me. I close my eyes in anticipation of what surely was going to be a kiss, but I open them quickly when I realize Tommy had pulled away. I sit up completely stunned by the lack of action taken by Tommy, but inwardly I know it was probably for the best.

We sit in silence for a little bit before Tommy starts talking about random things. He asks about my upcoming school year, and my plans for the few weeks left I had of summer. I ask him the same questions to keep the conversation going, not wanting the situation to get awkward.

"So, any chance I can hear the song you planned on singing tonight?" Tommy asks admits the random questions causing me to instantly tense up from the reminder of earlier events.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked. We were doing so well, I am so stupid sometimes." Tommy states getting a little angry at himself.

"It is okay. I kind of expected you to ask." I reply with a small reassuring smile.

"So can I hear it?" Tommy asks curiously.

"Not here." I simply state.

"Okay" Tommy replies disappointedly.

"We should get back to camp. The show should be done and I am sure my parents are freaking out about why I didn't perform." I say as I stand up.

We head back to the car and once inside Tommy checks his phone. "Shit."

"What?"

"I have ten missed calls from Alice, five from your brother, and about twenty new text from both of them." Tommy explains as he starts to car.

"I probably should have told Alice I was leaving." I guiltily state.

I send Alice a quick text to explain my disappearance. 'Went for a drive with Tommy. I just couldn't take hearing that song being sung by someone else.'

She replies quickly. 'I understand. Your parents were freaking out wondering where you were. I told them you weren't feeling well and Tommy had taken you home early.'

I reply with a thank you and relay the message to Tommy.

"I guess I have to take you home then." Tommy states, a hint of mock disappointment in his voice.

"Yep, I hope all of my stuff fits in here." I reply taking a dig at Tommy's addiction to his viper.

"Don't make fun of the car." Tommy states pointedly.

"Whatever you say." I reply with a chuckle.

(~~**~~)

"Why in the world did you bring so much crap to summer camp?" Tommy questions frustrated as he shoves the last bag into his car.

"I'm a girl who never knows what she wants to wear until five minutes before she has to leave." I reply with a smile.

"Women" Tommy says with a sigh. "You ready to go?" Tommy asks, startling me out of my day dream.

"I need to do something first." I state as I head towards the stage area. "Can you turn on the sound system? It is right over there." I say pointing towards the sound box off to the side of the stage.

"Are you aloud to do this?" Tommy asks, a hint of fear in his voice.

"No one is here. Who is going to know?" I retort with a smirk. "Plus you wanted to hear my song."

"My own private show, how exciting." Tommy replies as he sits in the front row, waiting for me to start.

"So this song is called "Thank You for Breaking my Heart" and it took me a lot of time to get this song just right to portray the emotions I wanted it to. This song comes from my heart and I hope you enjoy it." I say with a smile before starting the song.

_You never took my side, never let me shine, it was never the truth  
>Lies, lies<br>Let me believe that you'll never leave  
>I thought I had nothing to lose<br>Why, why  
>Now here I am, singing the blues<em>

_But I wanna thank you for letting me down_  
><em>Cause I won't fall as hard the next time around<em>  
><em>I know life isn't fair, and you told me to suffer the scars<em>  
><em>But I wanna thank you for breaking my heart<em>

_I let you inside_  
><em>I treated you kind<em>  
><em>I wait for you every time and time<em>  
><em>And I should've known I'd be better alone<em>  
><em>But loving was new<em>  
><em>I was blind, blind<em>  
><em>Now here I am, singing the blues<em>

_But I wanna thank you for letting me down_  
><em>Cause I won't fall as hard the next time around<em>  
><em>I know life isn't fair, and you told me to suffer the scars<em>  
><em>But I wanna thank you for breaking my heart<em>

_If you hadn't left me hurting so bad_  
><em>No, I'd never know how strong I am<em>  
><em>I wouldn't be ready to meet somebody new:<em>  
><em>A real man<em>

_But I wanna thank you for letting me down_  
><em>Cause I won't fall as hard the next time around<em>  
><em>I know life isn't fair, and you told me to suffer the scars<em>  
><em>But I wanna thank you for breaking my heart<em>

_I wanna thank you for breaking my heart_

I finish the song and I hear Tommy clapping. I start to head towards him when I hear clapping coming from backstage. I turn to see one of the judges walking towards me.

"That was amazing. I sure wish you would have performed earlier." The judge, Mandy, says with a smile.

"Thank you, that is very kind of you to say." I reply sweetly with a small smile.

"Why exactly did you not perform? You clearly aren't sick like we were informed." Mandy questions curiously.

"I was sick, but I am better now." I reply as convincing as possible.

"I understand you not wanting to divulge the true reason for your absence. I know you don't have stage fright, that was very evident last summer, so whatever the reason it must have been a good one to give up the chance for a deal of a life time." Mandy states.

"Honestly, the deal isn't why I was going to perform early. I know the record deal is a major thing and I would be lying if I said I didn't want it, but just performing is enough for me. The music and what I can say through my songs is what I really care about." I explain with a smile.

"A true artist. I do wish you had performed. I would have given you my vote for the deal. Plus the girl who won doesn't seem like she is going to hack it." Mandy states with knowing smile.

"Who won?" Tommy asks as he joins us on stage.

"This girl named Annabell. The other judges were blown away with how powerful and deep her song was, but if I am being honest, she did not portray the emotions of that song accurately, almost like she didn't actually write it." Mandy explains.

"Annabell is a sweet girl and she can sing, but I having a feeling she isn't cut out to be the type of artist your label is used to." I reply trying to hide my disgust about Annabell winning.

"Only time will tell, but we do want to record that song of hers right away. The other judges think it will make a great single for drawing people into her and make them want more." Mandy states taking a brief pause before continuing. "That is actually why I stuck around trying to find you. If we are going to record the song, we need to rights to it."

"It is her song, so there shouldn't be any rights problem." I say but I know I fail at being convincing.

"Ms. Harrison, I know that song is yours. Your friend, Alice I believe was her name, decided to inform everyone of this information during her designated performance time instead of performing herself. The other judges do not believe her, but I have been in this industry long enough to know when someone is singing a song they wrote and when they are singing someone else's words. So back to what I was saying before, we need the rights to record." Mandy explains, emphasizing the last sentence to make sure her point came across clearly.

"I can't give you the rights. That song was never meant to be heard by anyone. It is a very personal song and was only meant to get out emotions. I am sorry but if she records that song I will have to take legal action." I state confidently.

"Good, I am glad to hear that. I do wish you had performed so you would be the one signed to my label and not a thief. I wish you luck in you next endeavor and hope to see you next summer, and that you actually perform." Mandy replies with a smile before leaving.

"Wow, I can't believe that just happened. Good job on standing up for your rights to the song." Tommy says pulling me into a hug.

"I can't believe Alice gave up her performance time to stand up for me. She had been working so hard on the song she was going to perform. I really thought she could get the deal, even if I had performed. She is the best friend ever." I ramble out trying to process what my best friend had done for me.

"She really does care a hell lot about you." Tommy states knowingly.

"I don't know if I can ever repay her for what she did." I reply still dumbfounded by the information.

"You will figure something out. We should really start heading out." Tommy says as he directs me towards the car. "That was a very beautiful song by the way." Tommy says once we are in the car.

"Thanks, I'm really glad you liked. And before you ask, because I know you will, yes the song is about what happened with jackass and yes it is also partly about you." I explain very matter-of-factly trying to hide any emotion from showing.

"Good to know." Tommy simply states as we pull out of the camp's parking lot and start heading home.

I can tell that the song had confused him a little by his short response to my explanation. I stared out the window most of the way home thinking about if Tommy would realize what the song was really about.


	37. Chapter 35

**A/N: Hey everyone, here is the new chapter. It is kind of a filler chapter before the next major chapters. I hope everyone likes it and please review. I also want to say that I love reading what y'all think of my story, but please if you are going to review don't be rude. I accept constructive criticism because it is meant to help my writing, not to put me down. I understand that not everyone will like my story and I am okay with that, but please don't voice that in my reviews. I also want to say that I know that I talk about very sensitive topics in my story, but I use them because they are important to the story and aspects of the characters, but I do NOT take these topics lightly. I find them very important and would never make light of them and if that is how it is coming across, I am sorry, that is just due to my bad writing skills. Okay, enough ranting, please enjoy the new chapter. As always I do not own Instant Star or the song Best Day of My Life by American Authors. **

**Chapter 35**

_Dear Diary,_

_This past month has been an interesting one. The week after camp, Alice and I spent most of our time relaxing out by the pool. It was so nice to just be able to relax and not have multiple voices whispering about you all the time. I haven't had to hear anything about my past or about my motives for singing or anything negative what-so-ever. I also spent a lot of time with Tommy. He was always at the house and when I wasn't with Alice I was with him. We spent most nights just relaxing in the screening room watching different movies and just enjoying each other's company. I wish I could say that while we were alone things happened between us, but sadly nothing did. There were a few moments were it came close, but Tommy stopped before anything could happen. I can't figure out if the lack of romantic exchanges is making me sad and frustrated or if I am happy about it. In the moment, I feel so frustrated and sad because he didn't follow through, but later on when I think back to it I am glad nothing happened. I know deep down that I really want things to happen with him, but my heart is still extremely guarded. I know Tommy would never hurt me like jackass, but I can't say that he won't ever hurt me. I am so scared that if we did get together that everything would just fall apart at some point, and I don't want to get hurt again. I know that if things with Tommy ever came to an end it would not break my heart, but shatter it completely. I don't think I could handle that kind of pain seeing as I can barely handle the pain I am already in. I really wish I could say that things have gotten better for me, but that would be a major lie. The first week back at school was horrible. I could feel people staring at me and I heard many whispers talking about what happened last year. I thought that a new year would mean new topics to gossip about, but apparently I am still the major topic of discussion. All the pain I was feeling at camp came rushing back thanks to the whispering. I just couldn't take it and I fell apart again. I make sure that no one notices how I really feel, and it is working wonderfully since Alice and Tommy haven't asked me if I'm okay, but I wish my outside emotions matched my emotions on the inside. With all these emotions and all this pain I have slipped back into my bad habit. It seems like I can't go more than half a day without hiding in the bathroom to relieve my pain and with each day that goes by I feel the need growing even more. I know I should stop, but the pain I inflict helps distract from the pain others are inflicting, even if it doesn't last long. I much rather be the one controlling how the pain occurs. Hopefully things get better soon. Maybe the big cross town rivalry football game tonight will help me feel better. I doubt it, but it can't hurt to have just a little hope that it will. _

_XO Jude_

(~~**~~)

"I can't believe we actually won. I thought for sure that we were going to get our asses kicked." Alice says excitedly as we walk into the backyard to join our friends.

"I know, but I guess the new coach has finally whipped those boys into shape." I reply with a laugh.

"Who cares how it happened, all that matters is we won." Ryan shouts triumphantly causing everyone to cheer.

"I do believe that a victory party calls for some music. Jude would you do the honors?" Tommy asks with a smile.

"Not tonight. Alice why don't you take this one." I state turning to Alice with a pleading look.

"Of course, it would be my pleasure to be the entertainment for tonight." Alice says before rushing up onto the stage. "How is everyone doing tonight?" She asks into the microphone earning a loud shout from the crowd. "We won the game, so now let's celebrate."

_I had a dream so big and loud  
>I jumped so high I touched the clouds<br>Wo-o-o-o-o-oh __[x2]__  
>I stretched my hands out to the sky<br>We danced with monsters through the night  
>Wo-o-o-o-o-oh <em>_[x2]___

_I'm never gonna look back  
>Whoa, I'm never gonna give it up<br>No, please don't wake me now  
>(2, 3, 4)<br>Oo-o-o-o-oo  
>This is gonna be the best day of my life<br>My li-I-I-fe  
>Oo-o-o-o-oo<br>This is gonna be the best day of my life  
>My li-I-I-fe<em>

_I howled at the moon my friends  
>And then the sun came crashing in<br>Wo-o-o-o-o-oh __[x2]__  
>But all the possibilities<br>No limits just epiphanies  
>Wo-o-o-o-o-oh <em>_[x2]___

_I'm never gonna look back  
>Whoa, I'm never gonna give it up<br>No, just don't wake me now_

_Oo-o-o-o-oo  
>This is gonna be the best day of my life<br>My li-I-I-fe  
>Oo-o-o-o-oo<br>This is gonna be the best day of my life  
>My li-I-I-fe<em>

_I hear it calling outside my window  
>I feel it in my soul (soul)<br>The stars were burning so bright  
>The sun was out 'til midnight<br>I say we lose control (control)_

_Oo-o-o-o-o_

_This is gonna be the best day of my life  
>My li-I-I-fe<br>Oo-o-o-o-o  
>This is gonna be the best day of my life<br>My li-I-I-fe  
>This is gonna be, this is gonna be, this is gotta be<br>The best day of my life  
>Everything is looking up, everybody up now<br>This is gonna be the best day of my life  
>My li-I-I-fe<em>

Alice finishes the song causing a roar of applause and shouts from the crowd.

"Thank you very much. Now let's have some more fun." Alice states excitedly before starting a new song.

"Can we talk?" Tommy whispers into my ear from behind me.

"Sure" I reply turning towards him and following him inside. Once we reach the screening room I ask, "What's up?"

"Why didn't you want to sing? That isn't like you. Normally you jump at the chance to perform." Tommy asks curiously.

"I just didn't feel like it tonight. I am super tired and I planned on going to bed early tonight." I explain nonchalantly shrugging my shoulders to emphasize my point.

"Jude I think you sometimes forget just how well I know you, and I know that you aren't telling me the whole truth. So why didn't you want to sing? Tell me the whole truth." Tommy says with a hint of concern in his voice.

"Seriously Tommy, do you always have to know everything running through my mind?" I bite out a little angrier than intended.

"I just worry about you. I have noticed that ever since school started that something has been off with you." Tommy explains stepping closer to me but I step back not wanting to be too close to him.

"Everything is fine Tommy. I am fine, school is fine. Everything is fine. Just drop it." I state, almost pleading with him.

"You know I can't just drop it. I worry so much about you." Tommy replies stepping closer to me and grabbing a hold of my arms, slowly rubbing up and down them. "Please talk to me."

"I'm tired, I'm going to go to bed now." I state jerking out of his hold heading towards the door but Tommy is faster and blocks my escape. "Move." I say pushing him, but he doesn't budge.

"No, not until you talk to me." Tommy says forcefully, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Tommy I am exhausted. Please let me go to bed." I reply with a sigh of frustration.

"Jude, you need to talk to me." Tommy states still standing his ground.

"No, what I need is to get more than three hours of sleep at night. I also need my friends to stop worrying so much about me because I am fine." I reply completely feed up with this situation.

"Why aren't you getting more than three hours of sleep? Are the nightmares back?" Tommy asks fully concerned.

"It doesn't matter Tommy, just let me go to bed." I reply getting angrier with each passing second.

"Not until you talk to me." Tommy states his voice full of concern and worry.

"I don't want to talk. I just want to sleep and if I can't do that in my room I will do it here." I reply bitterly as I walk over to the couch and flop down on it.

"I won't let you sleep until you talk to me. I will just keep bugging you until you talk." Tommy states as he comes to sit on the ground right my face.

"Let me sleep or so help me I will murder you." I state angrily as I roll to face the inside of the couch, trying to ignore Tommy.

"Go ahead and kill me, I will just haunt the hell out of you." Tommy quips back and I can hear the smirk on his face.

"Go away." I state with a groan.

"Never" Tommy simply replies as he effortlessly rolls me over to face him. "Open your eyes and talk to me." Tommy says, almost to the point where he is pleading.

"No" I state keeping my eyes shut tight.

"God, why are you so damn stubborn?" Tommy huffs out getting frustrated as he stands up to start pacing.

"It is kind of my thing." I retort with a faint smirk.

"I don't know how I put up with you. You are so damn stubborn and hard headed and it frustrates me to no ends, yet I am still here trying to get you to open up to me. I know you and I know that something isn't right with you. You keep to yourself more and you haven't sung anything since that night at camp. Shit, I haven't even been able to get you to write with me and I know how much you love doing that. Something is wrong with you and I can't help you if you won't tell me what it is. All I want to do is help. I worry about you so much, but I can't help it. I care so much about you, which probably isn't the smartest idea, but I do and with that comes the worrying. So please Jude, talk to me and tell me what is wrong." Tommy pleads completely frustrated, finally stopping his pacing in front of my face.

"Why is caring about me not the smartest idea?" I ask in almost a whisper trying to hide the hurt those words caused.

"Jude, this isn't about me. You are the one who needs to talk here, not me." Tommy states trying to get the topic off of him.

"No, you need to answer me." I reply sitting up out of frustration. "Did you really think that you could say something like that and I wouldn't ask for an explanation? For someone who says he knows me, you sure aren't acting like it right now."

"I am not talking about this right now." Tommy states with frustration as he starts pacing again.

"Fine, but I'm not talking to you. Now either let me go to my room to sleep or shut up so I can sleep here." I reply bitterly.

"Jude, you need to talk to me." Tommy pleads as he squats down in front of. His hands land on my thighs and start rubbing up and down them reassuringly, as his eyes beg me to talk to him.

"I need sleep." I state as I fling myself back out the couch roughly, causing Tommy to stumble back.

"Fine, go to bed, but this conversation isn't over." Tommy huffs out frustration thick in his voice.

"Thank you." I reply as I walk out the room and to my own bedroom.

(~~**~~)

"_Don't say a word or I will hurt you. Do you understand?" _

_I nod my head in reply causing him to grin. _

"_Good, now let's begin. First take off your shirt." _

_I lift my shaking hands to the hem of my shirt and slowly lift it over my head. I cling it tight to my body and my hands but he pulls it away from me and throws it across the room. _

"_Very nice. Now take off my shirt." _

_I shake my head, refusing to do what he asks. His hand connects with my face as he slaps me causing me to whimper in pain. _

"_Do what I ask and you won't get hurt. Now take off my shirt." _

_I tentatively stick my hand out and touch the cold material of his shirt. I slowly pull it off of him and drop it on the floor. I advert my eyes not wanting to look at the person in front of me. _

"_Look at me." _

_I keep my head down and my eyes on the ground. I feel a hand roughly grab my jaw and jerk my head up._

"_I said look at me." _

_His voice is seething, but I keep my eyes on the ground. _

"_Fine if you won't look I will just have to feel." _

_I see a hand reaching out to me and start to coward away, but I can't move more than a few centimeters I am so paralyzed by fear. The hand connects with my chest and I let a few tears slide down my cheeks, not liking what is happening. _

"_Does that feel good? It feel so good to me." _

"_Stop" I whimper out as more tears start to fall. _

"_I said don't say a word." _

_Another slap falls on my face and I start bawling. "Please stop." I beg through the tears. _

_His hand slides down my body and into the waist band of my shorts. He starts to slowly unbutton and unzip them before pulling at them. _

"_Take them off." _

_I do as I am asked and slide my shorts off and his hand instantly starts touching my bare legs. I don't look at him or his hands and try to just ignore what is happening. _

"_Your skin is so soft, so perfect." _

_I whimper and this causes him to chuckle. He grabs my jaw and forces my head back up and I glance up at his face to get a look at his face. "Tommy…"_

"No!" I shout as I spring up in bed. My body is covered in sweat and my heart is beating so hard it my beat out of my chest. "It was just a dream." I whisper to myself as I take in a few deep breaths.

"Jude, what's wrong?" Tommy's familiar voice ask as he rushing into my room.

I keep my eyes closed not wanting to see him. "It was just a dream." I whisper out, still trying to calm myself down as I pull my legs to my chest.

"Oh Jude" Tommy says as he sits down next to me and starts to wrap his arms around me but I instinctively move away from him. "I'm not going to hurt you. It is just me. It is just Tommy." Tommy states, the hurt evident in his voce.

"It was just a dream." I whisper again and again, shaking my head and starting to rock back and forth a little.

"Jude, I am right here. No one can hurt you, I won't let them." Tommy states reassuringly, reaching out to touch me again but stops as I tense up.

"It was you." I whimper out barely audible.

"What was me?" Tommy asks confused.

"In the dream. It was you." I state before busting out in sobs.

"Oh…um…" Tommy replies not knowing what to say, the hurt evident in just those few words. "Jude, I would never do anything like that to you. You know I would never hurt you." Tommy finally says pulling me into his arms against my protests.

"It was so real." I blubber out in between sobs.

"But it wasn't real. I didn't do that to you and I never will." Tommy states reassuringly, pulling me tighter to him. I finally give in and sob into his chest as he rocks me back and forth soothingly.

"Jude, are you still awake?" Tommy asks.

I nod my head against his chest in reply.

"Are you better now?" Tommy asks sweetly and full of concern.

"I think so. I'm sorry if I hurt you." I state sadly.

"You didn't hurt me. I will admit that it wasn't a good feeling hearing that I was staring in this dream, but it didn't hurt me. I am just glad I could be here to help you feel better." Tommy explains reassuringly, losing his hold on me a little.

"Please don't go." I whisper out softly.

"I wasn't planning on it. Go back to sleep. I will be right here the whole night." Tommy says comfortingly, pulling me closer to him.

"Thanks" I breathe out in relief. I snuggle into his chest and slowly drift back into a dreamless sleep.


	38. Chapter 36

**A/N: Hey everyone! I know it has been a few weeks since the last update, but I have been crazy busy. I want on a mini vacation to visit my mom and when I got back I had a ton of school work. I feel like I have done nothing besides school and sleep this past week, and I have even more to come since the semester is coming to an end. Fair warning, I may not get to update again until May once the semester is over. I finally found a few hours to sit down and write. This chapter was not in my original plan for the story, but I thought that some of the events last chapter needed to be explained in more detail. This chapter is a major rollercoaster of emotions and I hope I captured that for all of y'all. A lot of important things happen in this chapter that weren't going to happen until a little later on in the story, but once I started writing it just seemed to work to do it now. I really hope you all like this chapter. I feel like it is one of my bests, writing wise. Please review and comment and enjoy. Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star. **

**Chapter 36**

I'm woken up by the stream of sunlight coming through the blinds. I groan and start to turn over, but a pair of strong arms keeps me firm in my spot. It automatically tense at the realization that someone is holding me, but quickly relax as the memories from last night flood back to me. I turn slowly, making sure not to wake Tommy, and once I am facing him I just admire him. The covers were pushed down so only his waist was covered. I admire how his shirtless chest rises and falls at a slow pace. I let my eyes slowly roam down to admire his chiseled abs, holding back a moan of pleasure that comes with seeing his body. After a few moments of admiring his perfect body, I glance up at his face. He looks peaceful and has the slightest smile on his lips. His face is so much softer than normal and he actually looks his age for once.

I slowly lay my head down onto his chest, right where his heart is, and let the rhythm of his heartbeat to start to lull be back to sleep. As I am about to crash out, I feel Tommy stir beneath me and know that sleep isn't going to happen anymore. I keep my eyes close hoping he will fall back to sleep, but once I feel his lips pressed against my forehead I let my eyes flutter open.

"Morning" Tommy says in a deep, sleep-filled voice.

"Morning" I reply shyly, as I start to pull away from him, but his grip only tightens around my waist.

"Don't go just yet. I want to enjoy this moment just a little bit longer." Tommy states with a smile. I simply nod in reply and snuggle up closer to him. A few minutes later I hear a groan followed by Tommy asking my something I don't quite hear.

"What was that?" I ask curiously, lifting my head off his chest to look him in the face.

"We need to talk about what happened last night." Tommy replies with a sigh, look at me with pain-filled eyes.

"It was just another nightmare Tommy. Nothing to worry about. Let's just forget it happened and move on with our day." I state as reassuringly as possible, hoping he will drop the subject.

"Jude, I can't just move on from this. I was in your nightmare. I was the one…" Tommy says somberly, letting his words fade out before finishing his thoughts. It is easy to see he is hurt by what happened, but I can also tell that he is confused.

"Tommy, I know you want me to explain, but no matter what I say the only thing that matters is it was _just_ a nightmare. I have no control over what happens in them, so don't read into it." I reply with a hint of pleading, not wanting to dive into this topic.

"Jude, I know it was just a nightmare, and I know you can't control what happens, but I can't _not_ read into it." Tommy states, sitting up so he can look at me better. He rubs his hands through his hair before speaking again, "Dreams are the subconscious' way of deal with problems that we are too afraid to face when we are awake. That means that something is making you scared of me and that I would…"

"Shhh, no I don't think you would do anything like that to me." I interrupt, placing my finger over his lips to silence him. "I know you want an explanation, but I just can't. Not right now." I state, dropping my finger from his lips and get out of bed.

"Jude, don't do this. Stop hiding your emotions from me. All I want to do is help you and all you seem to be doing lately is pushing me away. I can't take it anymore." Tommy states forcefully, the frustration and anger starting to pull up inside of him. "You wouldn't talk to me last night, then I hear you screaming from a nightmare, and come to find out I am the star in that nightmare, and now you won't explain it to me. I told you last night that you were going to talk to me and that is going to happen, _now_." Tommy continues, the frustration clear in his voice. "Now start with explaining that dream."

"It is none of your business. Please just drop it." I reply as emotionless as possible, but I can hear a hint of sadness coming through. Tommy instantly pulls me into a tight hug, holding me close to him.

"Jude, please. I hate seeing you hurt and in pain. All I want to do is help you, but I can't do that if you don't talk to me." Tommy states in a soothing voice, all the frustration gone, or at least hidden.

"I just can't. You won't understand and I just...I just can't" I reply sadly, as tears start to form in my eyes.

"God damn it Jude!" Tommy shouts, the frustration back in full force, as he steps away from me. "You should know me well enough by now to know that you can tell me anything. Yes, I may not understand everything, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't tell me. Plus, I think I deserve an explanation for that nightmare. I don't think you fully grasp just how much it hurt me to hear that I was the one doing that to you. It felt like my heart was being squashed by a hundred ton brick and I felt like I couldn't breathe." Tommy explains, the sadness starting to outweigh the frustration.

"Tommy" I state before stopping, not know what to say. I can feel the tears start to fall and I feel like I am breaking. "I never realized it hurt you that much." I say barely above a whisper.

"It did. It hurt so much, but what hurt the most was knowing that you were hurting and there was nothing I could do to make that pain go away." Tommy replies miserably.

My heart instantly pings in pain at the misery in his voice. I walk over to the bed and sit down to process everything. I hurt him so much, but how am I supposed to make him feel better? I doubt he would understand my explanation for why he was in my nightmare, but more importantly I don't think I _could _explain it. I don't know if I am ready for him to know the truth.

"Please Jude, just explain." Tommy practically begs, the pain clear in his voice.

I take a deep breath and let out a little sigh before diving in to the explanation. "Come sit down, you are making me nervous just standing there staring at me." Tommy obliges and sits next to me and I continue on, trying to be as emotionless as possible. "I know that I hurt you when I told you about my nightmare. I didn't know it hurt you so much, and for that I am so sorry. I never want to cause you any kind of pain. That being said, I need you to promise that what I am about to say won't change things between us. You are my best friend, behind Alice of course, but none-the-less I still need you for a lot of things. So promise this won't change our friendship?" I ask worriedly.

"Of course. I promise this won't change our friendship." Tommy replies reassuringly.

"Okay, good. So, you already know that I have nightmares about my ra-that thing that happened when I was eight." I start timidly, getting a nob from Tommy urging me to continue. "Usually the nightmares are just reliving the event, in painstakingly detail, and they leave me feeling scared and extremely sad afterwards. Sometimes they are so vivid that I can still feel a lingering touch on my body once I wake up." I pause needing to take a breath for strength. I glance up into Tommy's eyes and notice they are full of compassion, but I notice just the hint of anger in them. I glance back down at my lap to continue, knowing I won't be able to look at him when I tell him the next part. "Well, sometimes the dreams change. Whenever I am stressed, it gets harder to come out of the nightmare, and normally I get stuck in a constant loop of the event. It sometimes goes through the whole thing five or six times before I wake up. They also change when…a new guy is in my life." I whisper out the last part hoping Tommy didn't hear me.

"I didn't catch that last part." Tommy states. I look into his eyes again, noticing that pain has started to mix in with the other emotions. I soon realize that I need to tell him this.

I take in a shaky breath before saying more firmly, "They also change when a new guy is my life." I look at Tommy intently, but he shows no emotion. I take this as a sign to keep explaining. "I realized this back when I started dating Justin. One night after spending the day with him, I had a nightmare and instead of the normal guy, Justin was the one doing the things to me. It freaked the hell out of me. I had no clue why he would be in my nightmare like that, but after it happened a few more times I figured it out. The thing is, I have fear of intimacy and being vulnerable to the point where I let someone in completely. That fear manifests itself in my nightmares by replacing my real attacker with the guy I like, the guy I am trying to be vulnerable with. It happened with jack ass, but not only once or twice. It has happened with every guy that I have had some form of feelings for that would involve me being vulnerable with them." I abruptly stop not wanting to reveal completely why Tommy is now the guy taking over my nightmares.

"So I am the guy because you are scared to be vulnerable with me?" Tommy asks completely confused. I search his eyes for any emotion, but all I get is confusion and a slight bit of pain.

"Yes" I reply timidly, hoping he won't realize I am only telling him half the truth.

"That makes no sense. You have been vulnerable with me so many times before now. I would have never thought that there was still some part of you that you haven't shared with me." Tommy rambles, trying to process through all of this. "Wait, does that mean I have been in your nightmares before now?" Tommy asks worriedly.

I nod in reply and Tommy springs off the bed, followed by him pacing across the room. I watch him intently as he mumbles things to himself that I don't understand. I can see that he is confused, but he is also hurt, as well as angry. I just sit on the bed watching him and wait for him to say something to me.

"Why have you never told this to me before?" Tommy finally asks a little too angrily.

"I didn't think it was important information for you to know." I simply reply.

"Not important? Not important!? You thought that me being in your nightmares was not important information for me to know?" Tommy asks furiously, as he picks up the speed in his pacing.

"Tommy, I didn't want to hurt you, so I didn't tell you. Plus, these are my emotions and fears that I have to figure out, _on my own_." I reply in a calming tone, but Tommy just gets madder.

"You should have told me sooner." Tommy states bitterly.

"Why? So I could have seen just how hurt you are by the information or maybe so I could have watch you go through this emotional rollercoaster sooner. I wanted to save you from all this emotional crap that you are going through right now." I explain defensively.

"You don't have to protect me Jude. I'm a big boy and can take care of myself." Tommy bites out, causing me to flinch at his harshness.

"Maybe we should just take a breather. That way you can cool off some and I can eat." I state with a little chuckle, trying desperately to lighten the mood.

"Oh no, don't you even _think_ that we are done. We still need to discuss what has been wrong with you." Tommy says pointedly.

"Tommy, it has been a rough enough morning without diving into my emotional issues. Can we please just drop it for now?" I plead with a frustrated sigh.

"No, I let you off last night, but we are going to talk and it is going to happen now. I can't keep letting you feel whatever it is you are feeling. So tell me what is wrong." Tommy states matter-of-factly and a little harsh.

"I told you, nothing is wrong. I am perfectly okay." I reply fully frustrated.

"That is bull shit!" Tommy shouts angrily. "I know you and I can tell when something is off with you. So just drop the crap and tell me what is really going on."

I can feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes again and I hold them back as hard as I can. "I can't do this right now. Please, just drop this. I promise to tell you later." I plead, my voice wavering a little as few tears fall.

"No, talk." Tommy states forcefully, crossing his arms over his chest.

The tears are starting to fall even more and glance up into Tommy's eyes and all I can see is anger. I don't see any of the compassions or pain, all I see is anger. Why the hell is he so angry? What happened to the sweet, caring Tommy that is normally the one pleading with me to express my feelings? Where is he, because I don't like this Tommy that stands in front of me?

I stare at him for a minute and I can tell his anger is growing with each passing second I don't talk. By this point, my tears are falling freely and I let out a little sob. Nothing seems to faze him or make his anger dissipate. Not being able to take it any longer I run straight out of the room and to the bathroom. I slam the door behind me, knowing that Tommy is right behind me. I grab the hidden razor and do the only thing I know will help take away all this pain, to make me feel better, if only for just a few fleeting moments.

The door bangs against the wall due to the force Tommy used flinging it open. I look at him and his eyes are wide and full of shock and concern as they stare at my now bleeding wrist. I glance down at my wrist and see the crimson liquid flowing out of the cut, instantly realizing I cut a little deeper than normal. I focus on the pain in my wrist, but the instant I fell a warm body engulf me in a hug I no longer feel the pain in my wrist, just the pain in my heart.

"Jude" Tommy whispers as he pulls me tighter.

My legs give out and start to crumble to the ground. Tommy keeps me up right, but soon gives in and lowers to the ground. I curl into a ball in his lap and just let myself sob. Tommy holds me tight to him and softly runs his hand through my hair to comfort me.

After what feels like hours, but was really only forty-five minutes, my sobs subside and the tears start to dry up. I don't move from my spot in Tommy's lap and I keep my eyes closed not wanting to see his face. I already know it is probably covered in concern and more than likely disappointment. I never wanted him to find out like this because I knew that he would be extremely disappointed in me.

I feel Tommy shift and instantly I look up at him. To my surprise, his face is only full of concern. He glances down at me once he realizes that I had moved and just tightens his hold on me. We sit like this in silence for little while longer before I finally get the courage to speak.

"Tommy" I whisper out timidly.

"Why?" Tommy simply asks, his voice nothing but concerned.

I take in a deep, ragged breath and let out a sigh. "It helps me." I state, my voice shaky and timid.

"How does something that could kill you help you?" Tommy asks, his voice still full of concern, but it is evident that he is holding his anger in.

"It gives me another source of pain to focus on when the pain in my heart is too much to bare." I state emotionlessly. "And yes, I know it could kill me, but I am extremely careful and never cut close to a major vein or artery. I also only cut deep enough to feel pain, not to cause major cuts." I explain, hoping to stop the other questions I know he wanted to ask.

"That doesn't look like a minor cut Jude." Tommy says pointing at my wrist. The blood had dried up and I could finally see just how deep I had cut.

"I know" I reply sheepishly.

"When did this start? Why didn't you just come to me instead of doing this? What caused you to take such an extreme measure?" Tommy asks questioningly.

I take in another shaky breath, not wanting to explain all of this, but I know I have to. "The cutting started after the talent show. I had so many things going on in my head and I just didn't know how to deal with it. I know I should have talked to you, but some of the stuff I just couldn't talk to you or anyone about. I had read things about cutting and I just thought that maybe it would help me. I tried it and I instantly felt all the pain I had been feeling slowly disappear. It was my way of escaping." I explain, trying to keep all emotion out of my voice.

"There is nothing you can't talk to me about." Tommy states reassuringly. He slides his finger under my chin and tilts it up to make me look at him. "Will you please tell me what is wrong?"

"I-I…I just feel so…broken inside." I stammer out as the tears start to pool inside my eyes again. I let them fall not caring about holding them back anymore.

"Jude" Tommy states, the pain clear in his voice. He pulls me close to him again, comforting me. "Why do you feel broken?" He asks cautiously.

"I don't know. I have felt like this since last summer. One day I just felt this overwhelming feeling of, I don't know how to explain what I felt, the best I could figure out was broken. I tried to ignore it and I tried doing things to make it go away. Shit, it was one of the main reasons I stayed with jack ass so long. The pain he caused, numbed the broken feeling. I know that is stupid, but at that time I really needed that." I explain through the tears, choking up a little here and there.

"Why didn't you just come talk to me about this?" Tommy asks, a little hurt.

"I wanted to, but I just didn't know how to explain what I was feeling. I also didn't want to bother you with even more of my problems. As well as other reasons." I state, whispering the last part.

"What other reasons? And you don't bother me with you problems. I want to help you, no matter what it is. I will do anything to heal your pain." Tommy explains reassuringly.

"After everything that went down with jack ass, things between us were starting to change. It was like it was moving towards a more than friends relationship, and I just couldn't handle that at the moment. I had wanted to be with you for so long but with all the stuff I was trying to work through at that time being so intense, I knew that I didn't need a boyfriend at that time. I decided to deal with certain things on my own. I didn't want you to think that we were moving towards something more when I was nowhere near ready." I state, not once looking at him as I finally reveal my true feelings.

"Jude, you know I would never rush you into anything. All you had to do was say you weren't ready and I would have backed off. You didn't need to pull away from me." Tommy says, a little hurt, but mostly reassuring.

"I know, but I was scared. I wasn't thinking straight." I state, shaking my head slightly at myself.

"Is that everything?" Tommy asks concernedly.

"Mostly. The only other thing bothering me isn't that major, just annoying people at school talking about me. I am used to it, but it still hurts." I answer with a sigh.

"I am glad you finally decided to tell me, but I need a few things from you now." Tommy states, staring hard at me.

"Okay" I reply, knowing that fighting would be pointless.

"Good. First, please promise me that you will talk to me whenever you feel bad or when something is wrong." Tommy states, a hint of pleading in his voice. I nod in agreement and he continues. "Second, no more cutting." He states it forcefully.

"But…" I start but Tommy interrupts.

"No buts, cutting is extremely dangerous. I don't want you doing it anymore. I know you say you are being careful, but that doesn't matter. You could slip up and end up dead. I don't think I could handle it if anything like that happened to you. So please no more." Tommy explains, his voice and eyes both pleading with me.

"Okay" I reluctantly say with a sigh.

"Thank you." Tommy states with a small smile. He pulls me in tight, keeping me close to him almost like he is afraid that if he lets go I might shatter or disappear.

We just sit there for a while, not caring that all this drama just happened, just enjoying being with each other. I take a deep breath and am about to speak when my stomach growls loudly, causing both of us to laugh.

"I guess we should probably go find you something to eat." Tommy says with a smile.

"Poptarts please" I state proudly with a smile, causing Tommy to laugh.

"You and your poptarts." Tommy replies as he helps me off the floor. "Maybe we should clean your cut up first." Tommy says trying to hide his emotion, but I can tell the topic hurts him.

I nod and Tommy gets to work on cleaning my cut. After it is clean, we head downstairs to the kitchen. No one seems to be home, but know better thanks to the noise coming from Ryan's room. Tommy brings me a package of poptarts and I place them in the toaster to warm them up.

"So, what do you want to do today?" Tommy asks as we eat our breakfast.

"I am exhausted. Let's just watch some movies and nap." I reply with a small yawn.

"Sounds like a plan." Tommy states as we head back upstairs to the screening room.

We lay around for the rest of the day, just watching movies, napping, and enjoying each other's company.


	39. Chapter 37

**A/N: Hello my lovely readers. I am super sorry about the wait for this chapter, but I've been crazy busy and had a major case of writers block for this chapter. I finally got free time and an idea for this chapter, so here is the new chapter. I will let you know that is a major Jommy chapter and you should all love it. Also, I want to let everyone know that I have started a new story, and before you go hating me, I promise I want let it get in the way of this story. My new story is in the Divergent category, so if y'all read those books and want to read my story go do so. It has an Instant Star aspect to it since it is set in the music world. So enough about that, here is the new chapter, I hope everyone loves it. As always, I do not own Instant Star or Lost Without You by Hanson or White Lines by Alexz Johnson. **

**Chapter 37**

_Dear Diary,_

_Today is Halloween. I don't know really know how I feel about today. Last Halloween was such a disaster that this day is no longer a happy day. My brother is throwing a party tonight at our house and Alice is forcing me to go. I really don't want to, but I know that if I don't go then I'm just letting my past, and that jack ass, get to me again. I guess I just have to suck it up and deal with it. The only bright spot of tonight is that Tommy will be there. Ever since my little break down in the bathroom, Tommy and I have been spending a lot of time together. I don't really know if he is doing it to keep an eye on me or if he really just wants to be around me. I wish I knew the real reason for all the attention because all this time together is making those feelings for him grow immensely. Tommy just makes me so happy, like nothing in the world can hurt me. Being with him has made the darkness and brokenness disappear. I haven't felt the need or even wanted to cut since our talk. It feels so nice to finally feel whole again. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I feel like Tommy and I are on the right track to becoming more than friends. I feel like I am the right space to take that next step, and with my 16__th__ birthday coming up in a few days, I'm actually allowed to make that step to dating. My parents have noticed that Tommy and I have been getting closer, so they sat me down and talked to me about it. They said that if the two of us want to become more than friends we can, but only after I turn 16. I think knowing that my parents are okay with Tommy dating me is making me hope even more that he wants the same thing. Every time we are together he acts like there is a part of him that wants more. There have even been some of those moments were he just looks at me with this longing look, as well as a few almost kisses. When those moments happened, I just chalked it up to the emotions of the song we had just been working on or the movie we had been watching, but the more I think about, the more I think it is actually real. I just wish that Tommy would give me some sign that he wants more, and a clear sign. He knows I have feelings for him, but maybe he doesn't know that I am ready to take that step. That could be why he is being so reluctant with his emotions, he doesn't want to be turned down. I think this Halloween party might just be the perfect time to inform Tommy of my feelings. I just hope he gets the message, but then again we have always communicated best through music. Here goes everything._

_XO Jude_

"Stop writing and get your butt over here so I can start doing your hair." Alice demands.

"Alice, I don't really know if this costume is such a good idea. I mean, it is a little slutty don't you think?" I ask shyly, a little embarrassed by the costume she picked out for me.

"Trust me, it isn't slutty. It is more revealing than your normal choices, but that is what we want. This will get every boy at that party drooling all over you, especially Tommy." Alice explains reassuringly, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Oh shut up" I state, smacking her arm playfully.

"Whatever, so are you really going to perform that song you should me tonight?" Alice asks curiously, while she starts curling my hair.

"Yes, it is perfect for showing Tommy that I am ready for something more. I just hope that he wants something more." I state timidly, fidgeting a little in my seat.

"Jude, that boy is head over heels in love with you. Just sing your song and by the end of the night y'all will be making out like the love birds that y'all are." Alice replies reassuringly.

"He is not in love with me." I state matter of factly, rolling my eyes.

"Oh Jude, you can be so blind sometimes." Alice replies mockingly.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask harshly.

"It means that you can't see what is clearly in front of you. Tommy has been in love with you since before I even met you two. He looks at you like you are the only girl in the world, and when you smile or laugh his eyes light up like fireworks are going off. When you aren't around he can't help but ask about you or talk about you. He wants to know every little thing about you, the good and the bad. And when you were with jack ass, you should have seen the sadness in his eyes. He always looked like he was slowly dying because you were with someone else, and when he found out what was going on in that relationship, he looked even deader. He hates, no despises, when you are in pain. He wants nothing more than to take all your pain away and see you happy. Tommy is so damn in love with you, no buts about it." Alice explains whole heartedly, causing me to get teary eyed.

"Wow, I never thought that he…wow." I stammer out, completely at a loss for words.

"Yea, so stop with the worrying, because Tommy wants you just as much as you want him." Alice states matter of factly.

"Okay" I reply, still a little lost for words.

We talk about random things for the next hour as Alice does my hair and makeup. Once I am finally pampered to her satisfaction, she gives me my costume to go change. I reluctantly go change in to my costume, still a little nervous about what people are going to think once they see me. I go back to room to see the full picture, when I hear a whistle from behind me.

"Wow, someone is looking mighty hot tonight." Kate, Ryan's girlfriend, states jokingly.

"Thanks" I reply timidly, my cheeks on fire from blushing.

"Every guy is going to be looking at you, but remember, they can look but they can't touch." Kate explains, causing me to blush a deeper shade of red. I nod in response then go into my room.

"Damn, you look amazing." Alice says once she sees me.

"Thanks" I reply. I stand in front of the full length mirror and turn around a little, taking in how I look from every angle possible. The Dorothy dress hits just about mid-thigh, covering my ass but showing a lot of leg. The ruby red high heels shimmer in the light, but are extremely unconfutable. My hair falls around my face in curls, a few pulled back by a red ribbon to match my shoes. I can't deny it, I look hot. Not as slutty as I thought I would look, so that's good. I just hope Tommy likes it.

"Let's go, the party has already started." Alice says, pulling my arm. She drags me out of my room and down stairs towards the back yard.

Once we step outside, a few people turn to look at the new arrivals, but once they see it us they all start nudging their friends to look our way. As more people start look at us, I can feel my cheeks growing a deeper shade of red. We start walking towards where some of our other friends are, but someone grabs my arm and pulls me off the side.

"Hey, let go…" I start protesting, but once I see those blue eyes gazing down on me I know it is just Tommy. "Tommy, hi." I state a little timidly.

"Jude, you look…" Tommy starts to say, but stops once his eyes start roaming up and down my body. I hear him gulp and I can see his eyes turn a darker shade of blue, a clear sign that he likes what he sees, _a lot._ "You look amazing." Tommy finally states, a little breathlessly.

"Thanks" I reply shyly, biting my lower lip. "You look good yourself." I continue, wanting to get the topic off of my appearance.

"Thanks" Tommy states with a wide smile. "I'm glad you decided to come out of your room tonight. The last time we had talked, you weren't going to come out. What made you change your mind?" Tommy asks curiously.

"Alice" I simply state with a little laugh.

"Of course." Tommy replies with a laugh of his own. "So, you planning on sign at all tonight?" Tommy asks.

"Yes" I state as emotionlessly as possible, not wanting to give away that my performance is for him.

"Good, I always love getting to see you perform." Tommy replies with a smile.

"Thanks. Any chance that you will perform?" I question curiously, but mainly because I don't want our conversation to end.

"Possibly, it just depends on my mood." Tommy answers, his response sounding a little rehearsed, almost like he is hiding something.

"Well at the moment, is your mood in the singing mood?" I ask with a chuckle.

"At the moment, yes, but a few moments from now depends on you." Tommy states a little timidly, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"Umm…okay." I reply completely confused by his comment.

"I know this is not the best time to ask this, but I need to know something." Tommy states, still timid. I nod to let him know to go on. He takes a deep breath, clearly nervous about his question, before speaking. "You told me that you had been feeling broken since last summer and I wanted to ask when you told me this, but I knew that you didn't need that at the moment, so I am asking now." Tommy rambles out, not taking a breath until I interrupt him.

"Tommy, just spit it out already." I say as reassuringly as possible, trying to mask my own nervousness.

"Did I cause the whole broken thing to happen? I mean, it happened right after I told you that we needed to cool things off between us, so it is a fair assumption to think I had something to do with it." Tommy questions nervously.

"Oh, umm, honestly I don't think it had anything to do with you. It may have played a factor in it, but I think it was a lot more than what happened with us." I answer timidly, fidgeting while I talk.

"Oh okay" Tommy replies, practically sighing in relief.

"Okay" I simply state, glancing down at the ground.

"I should get going, there are people here I haven't seen in a while that I would like to catch up with." Tommy replies in a rush.

"Sure, talk to you later then." I state to Tommy's retreating form. I just stand there a little stunned and completely confused by our conversation. I wonder what that was all about and why the hell he would ask me that now. He was acting really strange, not really like himself, like he was hiding something. I shake my head trying to clear my thoughts and start head towards Alice and our friends.

(~~**~~)

"Hey everyone, we have a special performance by our much beloved friend, Tommy Quincy." Some guy says into the microphone, causing me to turn my attention to the stage, completely intrigued by the announcement. I wonder what he is going to sing.

"Hey everyone, I hope y'all are having fun. I wanted to sing this song for everyone tonight so I can let the world know how I feel about a very special person. I hope she understands what I am trying to say. This is 'Lost Without You'" Tommy explains before starting the song. From his little interdiction I know that this song is for me, I just hope it is a love song.

_I got a feeling that I cannot contain  
>I can't believe this moment<br>You've got your eyes locked on me  
>In my head I think it must be a mistake<br>But my heart says, take your chances  
>It could be this first dance is the "unexpected beautiful"<br>I can barely admit I've been longing for_

_Stay here in my arms tonight  
>There's nothing that I wouldn't do<br>I just wanna be the one you're holding onto  
>And if you wanna run tonight<br>I'd take you anywhere you want me to  
>I'm giving you my heart 'cause I<br>I'm lost without you  
>'Cause I'm lost without you<em>

_I see it all aligned in front of my face  
>But like a shooting star fades<br>It could be gone just as fast as it came  
>I'm gonna take this moment and chase this fear right out of me<br>Come one day  
>I will have no regrets after today<br>'Cause the "unexpected beautiful"  
>I'm about to admit I've been longing for<em>

_Staying in my arms tonight  
>There's nothing that I wouldn't do<br>I just wanna be the one you're holding onto  
>And if you wanna run tonight<br>I'll follow anywhere you want me to  
>I'm giving you my heart 'cause I<br>I'm lost without you  
>Lost without you<em>

_Just stay here in my arms  
>Just stay here in my arms tonight<em>

_Stay here in my arms tonight  
>There's nothing that I wouldn't do<br>I just wanna be the one you're holding onto  
>And if you wanna run tonight<br>I'd follow anywhere you want me to  
>I'm giving you my heart 'cause I<br>I'm lost without you  
>Lost without you<em>

_'Cause I'm lost without you  
>'Cause I'm lost without you<em>

The song comes to an end and the crowd goes crazy, but I can't seem to do anything. The song was clearly trying to tell me that he wants to be with me. I can't stop smiling now that I know that Tommy actually wants me. I can see Tommy approaching me out of the corner of my eye, but instead of waiting for him to reach me, I rush up on stage and grab the microphone.

"Hey everyone, I hope that y'all enjoyed that performance by Tommy and that y'all are having fun tonight. I thought I would give everyone a little treat and sing a song." I state, getting a lot of cheers from the crowd. "Before I start, I just want to say that I wrote this song over the summer about a certain person. The whole summer I wanted nothing more than to come back home to see him and this song is about that. I hope he and all of you like it. This is 'White Lines'." I explain, looking directly at Tommy with a smile. I can tell he is intrigued, but I can also tell that he is beyond happy by the way his eyes are lighting up. I start the song and never take my eyes off of Tommy.

_I tried to tell you I've got to get away  
>I tried to say I need my space<br>I've got to get some distance in between  
>My heart and my head, I'm on the razors edge<br>I've been here before, I know the way_

_White lines  
>And headlights in my eyes<br>White lines  
>I'm ready to drive all night<em>

_White lines  
>How many till I'm in your arms<br>White lines will bring me home  
>Oh, lines will bring me home<em>

_I held you in my arms last night  
>I dreamed we were riding on a star<br>I kissed you and the sun began to shine_

_In dreams I can do anything  
>It seems like I'm on my own<br>It feels like I'm losing it all_

_White lines  
>And headlights in my eyes<br>White lines  
>I'm ready to drive all night<em>

_White lines  
>How many till I'm in your arms<br>White lines will bring me_

_Seems like I've been here before  
>I know the way<br>Seems like I've been on my own  
>So long, so long<em>

_White lines  
>And headlights in my eyes<br>White lines  
>I'm ready to drive all night<em>

_White lines  
>How many till I'm in your arms<br>White lines will bring me home  
>Home, home, home<em>

I finish the song and the crowd starts cheering and clapping, but I tune them out, only focused on Tommy. I start heading towards him and he meets me halfway. He leads me towards the back door to the house and I gladly follow. We head up towards my room, not saying a word.

Once in my room, Tommy closes the door behind him and just looks me. His eyes are a lighter shade of blue and they are full of what I can only assume is love since I've never seen him like this before. He slowly starts inching towards me and once close enough he pulls me close, crashing his lips into mine. My whole body feels like it is on fire. Our lips mold together perfectly and every nagging thought in my mind just disappears.

Tommy pulls away, needing air, and rests his forehead against mine. He has a grin from ear to ear on his face and I know I have one to match. He takes a deep breath before finally breaking the peaceful silence we had been in. "I was really all you could think of this past summer?" Tommy questions a little mockingly.

"Way to ruin a moment Quincy." I state with a laugh, reluctantly pulling away from him.

"Jude, we need to talk about this, us." Tommy replies nervously.

"Okay, but all that really matters is that I am ready Tommy. I am ready to be with you, as more than a friend." I state matter of factly, causing Tommy to smile even more.

"Good, because I am so ready too." Tommy replies before pulling me back to him, connecting our lips once again. I can feel all the passion and longing, and possibly even love, in this kiss, something that was never in our previous kisses. This kiss, it feels so right, and I never want it to end. 


	40. Chapter 38

**A/N: Hello all my lovely readers. I have a new chapter for you full of happy Jommy moments. I know all of you have been waiting for them to get together, so here it is. I hope y'all love it. As always I do not own Instant Star or More Than Anything by Hanson. **

**Chapter 38**

_Dear Diary,_

_IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! Well actually my birthday was Monday, but today is my birthday party. This party is going to be so amazing. Since it is my Sweet 16 my parents are throwing me a massive extravaganza, which is a masquerade ball. Everyone I know from school is invited, as well as all my brother's friends. The best part though isn't the party or that I'm 16, it's that I get to spend the whole day with Tommy. Now that I am official 16, Tommy and I can official date. No one outside of my family and Alice knows about Tommy and I dating yet, so tonight at the party we are going to tell everyone we are together. I doubt many people will care, but it is my big day and I want the world to know that I finally have Tommy Quincy all to myself. I just hope everything goes off without a hitch. I have been planning this party for months now and I want it to be perfect. You only turn 16 once right? _

_XO Jude_

"Jude, if you don't stop moving I'm going to mess up and we will have to start all over again." Alice barks out. She is helping me get ready for the party, like she always does. At the moment she is painstakingly lacing up the corset for my ball gown.

"Sorry, I'm just so excited." I state enthusiastically.

"Well I'm glad you are excited, but don't move." Alice replies firmly, grabbing me by the waist to turn me back to where she can see the back of the dress.

"I'm trying, but all this excitement is making doing anything hard right now. I just want to get to the party already." I state, my excitement growing even more just thinking about the party.

"You just want to see Tommy in a tux." Alice replies mockingly, causing me to blush a little.

"That isn't the _only _reason. I haven't seen him since Tuesday and I'm having withdrawals." I state dramatically, letting out a little whimper in sadness.

"God, you are so sickening." Alice replies, making a fake barfing noise.

"I don't care. I am _finally _with the guy of my dreams and I'm beyond happy." I state matter-of-factly.

"You know that I am beyond thrilled that you two are finally together, but at this moment you are driving me nuts." Alice replies a little annoyed.

"Okay, okay, I'll stay still." I state in mock defeat.

(~~**~~)

Two and a half hours later, both Alice and I are ready for my party. My dark blue dress fits me perfectly and it is defiantly going to be the best dress here. It is a ball gown, but it isn't very puffy and has movement. The dress has lace detail all over it and at the top the lace covers my chest so the only skin visible are my collar bones and shoulders. The dress is strapless but has lace sleeves that are an extension of the lace on top of the dress. My mask is silver, with blue accents, and has these little swirls all over it. It matches my dress perfectly. The ribbon for the mask is laced into my hair, so I can't take it off without messing up my hair, which is in a half up braid design with loose curls.

Alice and I start to head towards the ballroom where the party is being held when we run into the one person I have been dying to see all day. Tommy has on a normal black tux jacket with a dark blue bow tow that matches my dress. He isn't wearing his mask, but I know it is just a simple silver mask seeing as I picked it out for him.

Tommy finally looks over towards us and the instant he sees me his jaw drops. I can tell that he is breathing a little faster even from a distance and his eyes have turned a darker shade of blue. _Just the look I was going for. _Once I am close enough, Tommy grabs me by the waist and pulls me into a mind-numbing kiss.

"Hi" I breathe out once we pull apart.

"You look gorgeous, no beyond gorgeous." Tommy says sweetly, still a little out of breath from our kiss.

"Thank you, you look mighty handsome yourself." I reply with a giggle. He leans down and kisses me again, but a gaging noise causes us to pull apart.

"Get a room if you are going to make out like that." Alice states in mock annoyance, rolling her eyes.

"Only in my dreams." Tommy says soft enough for only me to hear him. I feel my cheeks redden and a strange electric shock go through my spine.

"Well I hate to interrupt your little love fest here, but it is time for you to go in." Alice states, motioning me towards the doors.

"Welcome the birthday girl, Jude." I hear the DJ say as the double doors open wide in front of me. Everyone starts to cheer and make a lot of noise as I enter the party. I wave graciously and say hi to a few people near me on my way to the stage.

"Thank you everyone so much for joining me tonight. I hope everyone has fun." I say once on stage. The DJ starts playing music again once I'm done and I head towards Tommy.

"So birthday girl, what do you want to do?" Tommy asks sweetly. His arms are wrapped around my waist, and I have my head resting on his chest.

"Honestly, all I care about is that you are here with me." I reply shyly, smiling widely.

"I know, I've missed you like crazy too." Tommy states, kissing my forehead sweetly.

"Well since we are at a _ball, _I think we should go dance." I reply after a few moments of just enjoying being in his arms.

"Sounds good to me." Tommy states, leading me towards the dance floor.

We dance for a few songs together until he gets pulled away by Ryan and a group of their friends. I walk around the party, talking to everyone there, saying thank you for coming and playing the good hostess. I dance a little more with Alice and our other close friends, having a ton of fun.

Tommy has been gone for a while now and I'm starting to miss him more than I should. I scan the party trying to find where he went off to, but he is nowhere in sight. I can feel the sadness start to take over, but I keep it at bay. I start heading towards the exit to see if he went outside, when that familiar voice starts speaking over the sound system.

"Hey everyone. I hope you are all having an amazing time." Tommy starts. "I was wondering if I could please get the birthday girl up here." Tommy continues. I make my way up to the stage and he sweetly helps me up on stage. "Okay, now that she is here I can continue. As most of y'all know, Jude and I have known each other for four years now and we have grown into really close friends. Most of y'all also may know that over the time we have known each other, we both have had feelings for each other, in the more than friends way." Tommy explains sweetly. He keeps his eyes locked on mine and I can't help the wide smile on my face. _I can't believe he is actually saying all of this in front of everyone, but I don't care. I love hearing our little love story, even if I have lived it._

"That being said, I am very pleased and beyond happy to announce that Jude and I are official a couple." Tommy states excitedly. The crowd bursts into cheers and everyone seems to be happy for us. Most people here know either Tommy or I very well, so they all have suspected at one point or another that we would become more than friends one day. "Thank y'all for all the love and support. Now I would like to give my wonderful, beautiful girlfriend a birthday present." Tommy states, giving me a wink.

I can't help but look at him quizzically, since I had no idea that he was going to give me a present in front of everyone. Honestly the only present I wanted this year was to be with him, and I already got that. I watch as Tommy walks behind the piano and situates himself so he can play and sing.

"I have been working on this song for a while now. I have always been best at expressing myself through song, so this is a song to express just how I feel about you, Jude. I hope you love it." Tommy states. He has the widest smile I have ever seen on him and I know mine matches his. He starts playing and looks at me the whole time.

_I love you more than anything,  
>Than anything, I do.<br>And I'd give anything and everything  
>I have just to be with you.<em>

My breath hitches in my throat after just the first line. He just said he loved me, in front over everyone. In just these few words I can hear the passion and love in his voice and I can feel the tears start to form in my eyes.

_These feelings I hold inside are emotions,  
>I can not hide.<br>These feelings will not subside  
>I'd give anything, anything<em>

_When I look into your eyes,  
>I see something special about you,<br>And when I hold your hand,  
>You seem to understand that<em>

_I love you more than anything,  
>Than anything, I do.<br>And I'd give anything and everything  
>I have just to be with you.<em>

_These feelings I hold inside are emotions,  
>I can not hide.<br>These feelings will not subside  
>I'd give anything, anything<em>

_When I think of life without you,_

_It brings me here,  
>It brings me right down to my knees, yeah!<br>Cause I, I can't enjoy life without you,  
>You are my strength, the thing that keeps me holding on.<em>

_Oh, I'd do things that can't be done.  
>I'd fly to the moon and then around the sun,<br>If you'll just say that I'm the one  
>I'd do anything, ooh, well, well<em>

Yes Tommy Quincy, you are the one. I want no one else, only you. Always have and problem always will. I love you Tommy Quincy.

_I love you more than anything,  
>Than anything, I do.<br>And I'd give anything and everything  
>I have just to be with you.<em>

_These feelings I hold inside are emotions,  
>I can not hide.<br>These feelings will not subside  
>I'd give anything, anything<em>

_I'd give anything,  
>You know I'd do anything for you<br>I love you more than anything  
>Yeah, more than anything<em>

Tommy finishes the song and the crowd starts cheering, but I can't really hear them. I am so focused on Tommy that everything else around me doesn't register in my brain. I try to stand so I can go over to him, but I find that my legs are too weak to hold my weight and almost fall but a strong set of arms wraps around me, saving me. I look up and lock eyes with Tommy's blue eyes and I can see all the love he has for me clearly in them.

He lifts me up and helps me get balanced on my feet before pulling me off of the stage and out a side exit. He pins me the wall just outside the door and attacks my lips. His lips mold to mine perfectly and I can feel the love and passion in the kiss. His hands are at my waist and mine around his neck, one hand tangled in the loose hair on the back of his head. He gently licks my lower lip asking to enter, which I happily grant. Our tongues dual in each other's mouths and I can't help let out a small moan of pleasure.

Tommy pulls away for much needed air, and gently rests his forehead against mine. His eyes are closed and I can tell that he is trying to enjoy every second of this moment, as well as catch his breath. When he finally opens his eyes, I see them glistening a little from tears.

"What's wrong?" I ask concerned and a little confused. I gently lay my hand on his cheek and he leans into my touch with a little sigh.

"Don't worry, they are happy tears." Tommy explains reassuringly, kissing the palm of my hand. "I'm just so happy that I can finally call you my girlfriend and express just how much I love you." My breath catches in my throat and I can feel the tears start to build back up in my eyes.

"I love you too Tommy." I reply, my voice a little shaky. Tommy crashes his lips on mine after I speak and I gladly welcome them. I love the way his lips feel against mine and the way he makes me feel. My whole body feels like it is on fire and it feels amazing.

"Jude" Alice's unmistakable voice calls out form down the hall. I pull away reluctantly and sigh in annoyance.

"Over here." I call out annoyed. I see Alice round the corner, a knowing look on her face.

"Of course I would find you two together. Can't y'all keep it in your pants for like five minutes, please?" Alice asks mockingly.

"What do you want?" I question harsher than intended.

"Your parents want you on stage for cake and their birthday present for you." Alice explains.

"Okay, we will be right in." I state with a sigh.

"Now" Alice replies firmly, causing me to roll my eyes. I head to the stage where my parents are waiting for me.

"Before we sing happy birthday, your mother and I would like to give you your present." Stuart states, handing me a small box. I shake it a little trying to guess the contents, but I already know it is a care key. I open the box and inside sits a key to a Mustang.

"It is a light blue, '66 Mustang. We hope you like it." Vicki explains excitedly. I let out a little squeal in excitement before hugging my parents, thanking them.

"Okay, now everyone please join in in wishing Jude a very happy birthday." Stuart says, starting to sing happy birthday. Ryan rolls over a cake shaped like a guitar towards me, candles all lit. Once everyone finishes singing, I blow out the candles. _I don't need a wish this year because all my wishes have already come true. _

The rest of the night goes smoothly. I dance and talk with my friends and enjoy the party. I dance a few more times with Tommy, enjoying being in his embrace more than anything. Once the party starts dying down and Tommy grabs my hand and drags me out of the ballroom.

"Where are we going?" I ask curiously.

"You didn't think that that song was your _real _present did you?" Tommy questions mockingly.

"Tommy, you didn't have to get me anything. You being here and being my boyfriend is present enough." I state matter-of-factly.

"I can take the present back if you really don't want it." Tommy replies playfully, giving me a smirk.

"No, I'll happily accept whatever it is." I state in a rush, causing Tommy to chuckle a little.

We finally reach our destination which is my dressing room. Tommy opens the door and the room is filled with candles, just like on my fifteenth birthday.

"Tommy" I breathe out, a little shocked.

"I know I already did the whole romantic room thing last year for your birthday, but oh well." Tommy states, pulling me onto the couch with him.

"So is the room my present, because I am not ready for _that _to happen just yet." I state shyly.

"No, and I would never push or rush you into anything you weren't ready for." Tommy replies reassuringly.

"Okay, so my present?" I ask excitedly.

"Fine, here." Tommy says pulling out a box wrapped in shiny blue paper. I rip into the paper quickly and open the box inside. In the box is a little plastic guitar keychain. I look up from the gift puzzled.

"What is this?" I question confused.

"It is a keychain, you know to go with your car keys." Tommy explains matter-of-factly.

"I know what it is, but this can't be it. I know you and you don't give gifts like this." I state knowingly.

"Okay, you got me. Your real present is waiting for you at home. I didn't want to bring it here because I was afraid someone might take it or break it." Tommy explains a little reluctantly.

"So you got me a guitar?" I question curiously.

"Not just any guitar, but a guitar signed by David Bowie." Tommy explains excitedly.

"No way." I shout in complete shock. "You got that guy from the music store to sell that to you? That must have cost a fortune." I continue excitedly.

"Anything for my girl." Tommy states sweetly, kissing me lightly on the cheek.

"Thank you so much. I love it and I love you." I reply before pulling him down so I can kiss him. Our lips meet and I can feel all the love we have for each other in it. These kisses, the ones full of love, are my favorite. I love being able to feel just how much Tommy loves me. He lightly traces m lower lip asking for entrance, and I happily grant it. Our tongues dual in each other's mouths and the fire starts to build inside of me.

Tommy starts to lean me back, causing me to lay down on the couch with him hovering over me. I tangle my hands in his hair and his hand that isn't supporting him starts to roam up my body. Even through all the fabric of my dress I can feel the heat grow where his hand touches me. I let out a soft moan as Tommy starts to trail kisses from my mouth down to my throat right below my ear.

"I love you." Tommy whispers into my ear. His voice is lower than normal and it sends a shock wave throughout my body. I feel a fire starting to form in an area I've never felt it in before, my womanhood. It is a strange feeling, but the more Tommy nibbles and kisses my neck the stronger the fire grows.

I slide one of my hands down from Tommy's neck and onto his abdomen. I can feel his abs through his shirt and I want nothing more than to actually feel them against my fingers. I slide my hand towards his shoulders and under his jacket and slightly start nudging it off.

Tommy pulls away from me abruptly after my actions. He gives me a questioning look and starts to move away from me, but I grab his shirt and pull him back to me, capturing his lips in a feverish kiss. I pull away a few moments later, needing air and Tommy still has a questioning look on his face.

"What?" I ask confused.

"I think maybe we should stop. I don't want you to do anything you aren't ready for." Tommy explains concerned.

"Tommy, I know my limits." I state reassuringly.

"I know and I don't doubt you will stop me if things get to be too much, but I don't trust myself." Tommy states a little timidly.

"Tommy, I trust you and I trust that you wouldn't do anything I didn't want." I state firmly, stroking his cheek a little.

"I'm glad you trust me and think that about me, but you are just so damn intoxicating that pulling away is a lot harder than I thought it would be." Tommy replies with a frustrated sigh.

"I don't know what to say to that." I state bashfully.

"I just think that you should set the pace when it comes to the more intimate things like this. I don't want to take advantage of you or rush you." Tommy says a little firmly.

"I like that idea. Just know that I know my limits and I would never let you push or rush me into something I didn't want. I trust you whole heartedly and you need to trust me too." I state reassuringly and a little demanding.

"Okay, and I do trust you." Tommy replies matter-of-factly.

"Good, now where were we." I state, pulling Tommy down to me by his shirt.

We make out for a while, our hands roaming each other's bodies, staying completely clothed. We don't do anything more than kissing, but neither of us seem to mind. I love the way Tommy's lips feel against mine and against my skin. He makes me feel new things and I really want to explore these new feelings more with him, but not just yet. I want to enjoy being an us before making things complicated with sex. Plus I am nowhere near ready to do more than kiss and maybe letting him touch my chest and butt. I don't need more to know just how much I love him and how much he loves me.

This is by far the best birthday ever.


	41. Chapter 39

**A/N: Hello lovely readers, I have new chapter for y'all. I know it has taken me forever to update, but I had major writers block. I knew what I wanted to happen, I just couldn't get it on the page. I finally got this written, and I know its short, but it is still good. It is all Jommy being happy and cute together. I hope y'all love it. Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star or I Love You by Avril Levigne **

**Chapter 39**

_Dear Diary,_

_Today is Christmas Eve. It has been exactly 52 days since Tommy and I became an official couple on my birthday and they have been the best 52 days of my life. Everything is so perfect when I'm with him. We laugh and have fun and enjoy every second that we are together. We hardly argue, and when we do it is over silly things and we quickly resolve it, never staying mad at each other for more than a couple of hours at time. We have gone out on a few "real" dates, but most of the time we just hang out writing music or playing video games or watching movies. I know that sounds exactly like what we did before we started dating, but that's what makes us so perfect. We don't need fancy dates or expensive presents to be as happy as we are, because all we need is each other to be happy. Of course, I love when we actually go on dates, but I love the fact that we can just hang out doing nothing and still have fun. Speaking of dates, we went on one last weekend and it was amazing. Our town just got this new drive-in movie theater so Tommy decided to take me there. I was super excited about the drive-in itself and being out with Tommy, but what happened once we got there was the best thing ever. Tommy had rented out the whole place. I don't know how he did it, but he did. He had a picnic under the stars set up with my favorite Chinese takeout. It was so beautiful. Just us, lying under the stars, not really watching the movie, enjoying being with each other. Being with Tommy is everything, and even more than I could ever dream of. I always imagined what it would be like to be with Tommy, but nothing compares to reality. I never thought I would see the day that my reality is better than my dreams, but it is now, thanks to Tommy. I love him so much and I hope that our love never dies. _

_XO Jude_

"Tommy, where are we going?" I question as Tommy makes another turn down some random street. We have been driving for 30 minutes already and I still have no clue where we are or where we are going.

"Just relax. We are almost there." Tommy replies with a chuckle.

Twenty minutes later we finally pull into a parking lot in the middle of nowhere. All around us are trees and fields with cows or horses. Tommy hops out of the car, grabs a bag from the trunk, and starts walking.

"Tommy, wait up." I shout, running to have to catch up to him. He glances back at me and gives me a smirk. I finally catch up to him and give him a death glare. "Why the hell did you just leave me? This _is _kind of a place ax murders like to use to kill people." I state bitterly.

"Relax, there are no ax murders here. Just your amazingly sweet boyfriend." Tommy replies, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer. He places a kiss to my temple and we keep walking.

We walk for maybe ten minutes before getting to a clearing that contains a gravel driveway. We start walking up the driveway and I can't help but wonder why we are here.

"Tommy, whose house is this?" I ask once we reach the porch of this beautiful log cabin type house.

"Well" Tommy says as he turns the key in the lock and sings open the door. "This house belongs to me." He continues, motioning me to enter the house.

"Wait, this is _your _place?" I ask confused. The inside is magnificent. The living room has a couch and loveseat and a giant fireplace. There is a joining dining room and through a door in that part of the room is a giant kitchen.

"Well, it isn't _officially _my place yet. I sign the lease after the first of the year and then it is mine." Tommy explains, a hint of pride in his voice.

"How can you afford this place? How did you even find it?" I question as I continue exploring the house. The outside has a wraparound porch and I giant backyard. The upstairs, I'm only guessing since we haven't gone up there yet is where the bedrooms are.

"It used to belong to my grandparents. They gave it to me in their will." Tommy explains.

"That is so sweet. So you are going to move here after the New Year?" I ask a little disappointed.

"Yes, but don't worry, I'll be around as much as you want me to be." Tommy replies reassuringly, pulling me into a tight hug. He kisses the top of my head sweetly before pulling away.

"Why did you bring me here?" I ask timidly, glancing down at the ground. Tommy knows that I'm not ready for sex, so I doubt he brought me here for that, but I can't help but think that. I mean he brought me to an empty house, in the middle of nowhere, and neither of our parents are expecting us home until late.

"It isn't for the reason I know you are thinking about." Tommy replies reassuringly. "I brought you here because I wanted to spend my first Christmas Eve in my new place with the girl I love."

"Tommy" I state, tears gathering in my eyes. "You are so perfect and sweet. I can't believe I am so lucky to have you." I pull him close to me and kiss him hard on the lips.

"Well, I'm getting hungry, so let's go make dinner." Tommy says, gesturing towards the kitchen. "And by us, I mean me, because you Ms. Harrison burn water." Tommy continues mockingly once we are in the kitchen.

"That should be offensive, but it is too true to be mad at you." I state, chuckling a little.

Tommy gets to work making us dinner. He is making some Italian pasta thing that I can't pronounce. It smells amazing and I can't wait to eat it. I watch Tommy as he works on dinner and I can't help but admire how sexy he looks right now. I never thought watching someone cook could make me feel so, _excited_. As the minutes go by, it gets harder and harder to just watch.

I hop off the counter and walk over to Tommy, who is cooking something on the stove, and wrap my arms around his waist, kissing the back of his neck. Tommy turns around in my arms and gives me a confused look.

"You look so sexy cooking. I _needed _to touch you." I state, running my hands slowly up and down his back. Tommy slides his hands into my hair and pulls my face toward his, crashing his lips to mine. After a few minutes, Tommy licks my bottom lip asking for entrance and I happily grant him access. His tongue slides into my mouth and our tongues dual each other.

We eventually pull apart for much needed air, and Tommy leans his forehead against mine. We smile at each other sweetly, neither of us wanting to move away from each other.

"I love you." I whisper sweetly.

"I love you too." Tommy says, placing a sweet kiss to my lips. Tommy starts to lean in, trying to deepen the kiss when the kitchen timer goes off.

"Fuck" Tommy groans irritated. He reluctantly moves away from me and gets the food out of the oven. He takes everything to the table so we can eat.

We eat in mostly silence, just enjoying being here with each other. The food he made is beyond amazing and I let out a few moans throughout dinner. I noticed when I would do that Tommy's eyes would get a little darker and he shifted in his chair a little.

"So, what do you want to do now?" Tommy asks once we are done eating dinner.

"Presents" I suggest, giving him a smile.

"I guess we could do that, or…" Tommy says, walking over to me and leaning in to kiss me. It is a sweet kiss, but I can tell he wants it to grow into something more. He pulls his lips away from mine and starts trailing kisses down my cheek to my jawline, and then to my neck. "We can do more of this." Tommy whispers into my ear, sending a shiver down my spine.

"Tommy" I state breathlessly. It is getting harder to breath with him being so close to me like this. I've never felt this before. Normally Tommy doesn't affect me likes this, but something about him tonight is getting to me. My mind is clouded and I can't think straight, as Tommy starts kissing and nibbling on my neck again.

"Is that a yes?" Tommy questions against my skin. I want to say yes, but the rational side of me knows this could lead to something I'm not ready for. I shake my head reluctantly and sigh.

"Tommy, presents." I manage to stammer out, pushing him slightly to get my point across.

"Fine" Tommy says a little disappointed. He grabs my hand and leads me to the couch in the living room, completely ignoring the mess on the table from dinner. We take a seat next to each other and Tommy smiles at me sweetly before pulling a box out of his pocket.

"What is it?" I ask curiously.

"Just open it Harrison." Tommy replies with an eye roll. I pull the ribbon and warping paper off of the box and slowly slide the lid off. Inside is a small velvet box, a ring sized box. I let out a little gasp as I open the lid and see the ring sitting inside of it. It's a silver ring with what looks like two knots tied together.

"Tommy" I state more like a question, confused by the present.

"It is a promise ring. The two knots, one for each of us, are tied together signifying that will always be connected to each other." Tommy explains, a giant smile on his face. He slides the ring on my left ring finger and it fits perfectly. "It is my way of saying that no matter what happens, we will always be connected to each other and I will always be there for you."

"I love it. I love you." I state with tears in my eyes. I grab Tommy's face and pull him into a short kiss full of love.

"I know I already gave you a ring kind of like this for your birthday last year, but I thought this was even better." Tommy explains a little nervously.

"It's perfect. I love everything you give me." I state reassuringly, giving him a giant smile.

"Good, I'm glad." Tommy replies sweetly.

"Okay, so now it's my turn. I wanted to get you something really special, but I'm poor and can't afford anything, so I got you the one thing I knew would be perfect." I explain as I get up to grab my guitar. I sit back down next to him and smile at him sweetly. "I know it isn't much, but we have always been connected through music, so what better way to share my feelings about you then through music. I hope you like it." I continue before starting to play the song.

_La la  
>La la la la<br>La la  
>La la la<em>

_I like your smile  
>I like your vibe<br>I like your style  
>But that's not why I love you<em>

_And I, I like the way_  
><em>You're such a star<em>  
><em>But that's not why I love you<em>  
><em>Hey<em>  
><em>Do you feel, do you feel me?<em>  
><em>Do you feel what I feel, too?<em>  
><em>Do you need, do you need me?<em>  
><em>Do you need me?<em>

_You're so beautiful_  
><em>But that's not why I love you<em>  
><em>I'm not sure you know<em>  
><em>That the reason I love you is you<em>  
><em>Being you<em>  
><em>Just you<em>  
><em>Yeah the reason I love you is all that we've been through<em>  
><em>And that's why I love you<em>

_La la_  
><em>La la la la<em>  
><em>La la<em>  
><em>La la la<em>

_I like the way you misbehave  
>When we get wasted<br>But that's not why I love you  
>And how you keep your cool<br>When I am complicated  
>But that's not why I love you<em>

_Hey_  
><em>Do you feel, do you feel me?<em>  
><em>Do you feel what I feel, too?<em>  
><em>Do you need, do you need me?<em>

_Do you need me?_

_You're so beautiful_  
><em>But that's not why I love you<em>  
><em>And I'm not sure you know<em>  
><em>That the reason I love you is you<em>  
><em>Being you<em>  
><em>Just you<em>  
><em>Yeah the reason I love you is all that we've been through<em>  
><em>And that's why I love you<em>

_Yeah - Oh._  
><em>Oh.<em>

_Even though we didn't make it through_  
><em>I am always here for you<em>  
><em>Yeah, yeah, yeah<em>

_You're so beautiful_  
><em>But that's not why I love you<em>  
><em>I'm not sure you know<em>  
><em>That the reason I love you is you<em>  
><em>Being you<em>  
><em>Just you<em>  
><em>Yeah the reason I love you is all that we've been through<em>  
><em>And that's why I love you<em>

_La la_  
><em>La la la la (oh oh)<em>  
><em>La la<em>  
><em>La la la (That's why I love you)<em>

_La la_  
><em>La la la la (oh oh)<em>  
><em>La la<em>  
><em>La la la (That's why I love you)<em>

"Jude, that was…perfect. God, I love you." Tommy says before crashing his lips to mine. This kiss is full of passion and love and I can feel that fire start to grow inside of me again. Tommy pulls away for air and gives me a smile.

"I love you too." I state sweetly.

We spend the rest of the evening relaxing and kissing and just enjoying our time together. Some of our make out sessions got a little heated and it took everything in me to control myself. I don't know what it is, but for some reason when we are kissing my mind forgets to be rational and all it wants is for me to keep going. It wants more than just kissing, even though I know I am not ready. Tommy was really good about making sure I was okay with everything we were doing and pulled back when things got too heated. Tommy is beyond amazing. I love him so much and I would probably die if anything ever happened to him.

We eventually pack things up and head back home. Tommy drops me off at my house and I head up to my room. I fall asleep a little while later once I know Tommy got home safe, dreaming about my perfect and amazing boyfriend.


	42. Chapter 40

**A/N: Hello readers. Look another update only a few days after my last one. What is this madness? As I mentioned before I had writers block and couldn't write, well now that that is gone, I can't stop writing. Sadly, that means this story is getting closer and closer to ending. There are like maybe ten chapters left after this one. I know, sad day, but the story has to end at some point. But enough sadness, time for happy Jommy moments. A heads up though, this chapter does contain some dirty scenes in it, so only read if of appropriate age. That being said, I also want to say I'm not promoting that young people should be having sex or other things, just writing a story and this moment is what I wanted to write. Okay, enough rambling, here is the chapter, enjoy. Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star. **

**Chapter 40**

_Dear Diary,_

_Today is Valentine's Day. I have always hated this day, and honestly I still do. I think it is ridiculous that a day is set aside to celebrate your love for someone. Shouldn't you do that every day? I mean, I much rather get flowers and chocolates randomly than because some holiday dictates your special someone should do it. I know Tommy has something special planned for tonight, and I'm excited because it means a date with Tommy, not because it is a holiday. Tommy and I have been doing amazing these past few months. Tommy had a huge New Year's Eve party at his new place and it was a lot of fun. I spent the night there, but all we did was sleep, nothing more. I've actually spent a lot of nights over there, but we never do anything more than making out and sleeping. It isn't like I'm ready to take things all the way, but I want to do other things. I think Tommy is nervous that I only want it to please him, but that isn't true. I have thought a lot about it and I want to do more than just kissing. I trust Tommy and I want to be more intimate with him. I doubt I'll be ready for sex anytime soon, but I know I'm ready for some other things. Other than that little problem, our relationship is going smooth. We don't fight, just stupid fights that we resolve fast, and we are always happy when we are together. I don't see him as much as I'd like to since he moved, but I'm surviving. I really think that this relationship is going to go the distance. I know I'm only 16 and we haven't been together that long, but I just feel like we are meant to be. I love him so much and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I really think he is my true love. Tonight should be fun. I can't wait to see what Tommy has in store for us. _

_XO Jude_

"Jude, Tommy is here." Vicki yells from downstairs.

"Coming" I shout back, rushing down the stairs.

"Wow, you look gorgeous." Tommy says in awe when I reach him. I have on a light blue lacy dress that hits me a little below mid-thigh. My hair is curled and part of it is pulled back into a waterfall braid.

"Thanks" I reply shyly, my face turning red from a blush.

"Shall we?" Tommy asks, sticking out his hand for me to take. I grab his hand, lacing our fingers together and nod. We head out the door and we get into his car.

"So, where are we going?" I ask curiously, as Tommy pulls out of the driveway.

"A nice, romantic dinner at my place. Nothing too fancy. I just want to spend some quality time with you." Tommy explains sweetly, giving me a smile.

"Sounds nice." I reply sweetly.

We fall into a comfortable silence, the radio being the only noise in the car. We eventually get to Tommy's place and I can see a faint glow coming from the backyard. Tommy gets out of the car and walks over to my side and helps me out.

"Close your eyes." Tommy says, walking behind me to place his hands over my eyes.

"You better not let me fall." I state playfully.

"I would never let you fall, girl." Tommy whispers into my ear, giving me a little peck on the cheek. We walk a little bit and eventually we stop. Tommy takes his hands off my eyes and coms to stand beside me.

"Can I open my eyes now?" I ask anxiously.

"Okay, you can open them now." Tommy says. I open my eyes and am blown away from the view in front of me. The whole backyard is covered in those dangling lights, creating a romantic ambiance. There is a blanket laid out in the middle of the yard, with a basket sitting on it.

"Tommy, it looks so beautiful out here. You did all of this?" I ask, my voice wavering a little.

"Yeah, and I cooked too. Come on." Tommy replies, grabbing my hand and walking us towards the blanket.

"What's for dinner?" I question excitedly.

"Shrimp scampi, a salad, and chocolate covered strawberries." Tommy states, pulling each item out of the basket.

"Sounds delicious." I reply, grabbing some food for myself.

We eat our dinner, having a few random conversations about nothing in particular. After we are done eating we clean up the food and lay down on the blanket. I rest my head against his chest and he wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me close.

"Happy Valentine's Day. I love you." Tommy says, kissing my temple sweetly.

"I love you too." I reply, kissing him on the neck lightly.

We stay like this for a while, just enjoying being in each other's arms. It starts getting too cold to be outside so we head inside to warm up. We cuddle up together on the couch together and I let out a little content sigh.

"What?" Tommy asks curiously.

"Just happy." I state, smiling to myself.

"I got you something. I know you told me not to get you anything because this holiday is stupid, but it is Valentine's Day and I couldn't not get my girlfriend something." Tommy replies, shifting so he can sit up.

"I didn't get you anything." I state, a little sadly.

"You being my girlfriend is present enough." Tommy replies, kissing me lightly. "Here" Tommy says, pulling out a bag from behind the couch.

I pull the tissue paper out of the bag and pull out a rectangular box. I slide the lid off and see a journal.

"You got me a new journal? Mine isn't even full yet." I state confused.

"It isn't a _new _journal, but an old one." Tommy replies a little timidly.

"An old one?" I ask even more confused than before.

"It is _my_ song journal." Tommy replies in almost a whisper.

"Tommy, I can't take this. It isn't right to read other people's music." I explain, handing Tommy his journal.

"I _want _you to read my music. I wouldn't have any if it wasn't for you. Most of my songs are about you." Tommy replies, shoving the journal back towards me.

"Tommy, I can't." I state, shaking my head to emphasize my point.

"Jude, I want to share everything with you. The best way to do that is through my music. Please, read it." Tommy replies, almost pleading with me.

"Okay, but only because you really want me to." I state, clutching the journal close to me.

"Okay, good." Tommy replies relieved. "I love you." Tommy continues, smiling widely at me.

"I love you too." I state sweetly, smiling at him.

"I'm getting kind of tired. Want to head to bed?" Tommy asks after a few minutes of silence.

"Sure" I reply even though I'm not tired. We head upstairs to his room and I instantly head to the closet to pull out a t-shirt to sleep in. I head to the bathroom to change, but have difficulty unzipping my dress.

"Tommy, can you…" I state as I head back into his room but stop dead in my tracks when I see him. He is standing completely naked in front of me and I can't breathe. My heart is racing and I feel like it will beat right out of my chest. I've never seen a guy naked before like this and I can't deny it, I really like seeing him like this.

I feel my body start moving towards him without even realizing what I'm doing. I place a hand on his cheek and pull his head down to me and crash my lips against his, causing Tommy to jump a little in surprise. He quickly melts into the kiss and pulls me close to him. My hand tangles into the hair on his neck and the other slides slowly down his rock hard abs. Tommy moans and I feel a tingling sensation start to grow in the pit of my abdomen.

My hand slowly slides forth down Tommy's body, and my fingers slightly graze his now erect manhood. Tommy moans from my touch and I take that as a sign to keep going. I slide my hand a little more, but stop when Tommy pulls his lips from mine.

"Jude" Tommy says breathlessly in a warning tone. He starts to step away from me but I push my hand hard against his back so he knows I don't want him to move. "Jude, you don't…"

"Shhh" I interrupt, placing a finger against his lips. "I _want _to do this." I state, slowly sliding my hand back down his front side. My hand grazes against his erection and I notice him shiver a little. I take him into my hand and slowly start sliding up and down his length. Tommy moans and his head falls backwards. I keep up my movement, enjoying it possibly as much as Tommy is.

"Jude" Tommy moans out and I smile to myself. _I'm clearly doing something right._

"You like that?" I ask in what I hope is a seductive voice. Tommy nods his head and moans again. I keep up my movement, going slightly faster every few seconds.

"Jude, I'm…getting…close…" Tommy says between his panting.

"Cum for my Tommy." I state in a voice I don't recognize. Tommy's head snaps forward and his wide eyes are staring at me. His eyes are a darker blue, almost black and I can see the desire in them. He gives me a concerned look, like he isn't sure I'm okay with him doing what I said. I speed up my pace, signaling I want this.

"God, Jude." Tommy moans out as he releases himself all over my hand. I slide my hand up and down a few more times to make sure he is done, then release him. He stares into my eyes once he regains his composure and smiles at me.

"Here" Tommy says, handing me a tissue from the nightstand.

"Thanks" I reply, blushing a little.

"Jude that was, wow." Tommy states dumbfounded. I blush even more and let my head fall so he can't see how red I am.

"Thanks" I reply shyly. Tommy slides a finger under my chin and lifts my head up so I'm looking at him.

"As much as I loved that, I want to make sure you are okay with what just happened." Tommy says concerned.

"I am perfectly fine. I wanted to do that and I _liked _doing it." I reply firmly, giving him a giant smile.

"Okay, good. Just know that I would never make you do anything you didn't want to do." Tommy states reassuringly.

"Tommy, I know." I reply a hint of annoyance in my voice. _God, can he just enjoy this moment for five seconds?_

"So, why did you come in here? I know it wasn't to do _that._" Tommy questions awkwardly, while putting on a pair of boxers.

"Oh, I needed help with my dress. I can't unzip it myself." I state with a chuckle, trying to get the awkwardness out of the room.

"Well I can help you with that." Tommy replies sweetly. I turn around so he can unzip me. I fill his hand slowly unzip the dress, touching my bare skin underneath causing me to shiver. Once the dress is fully unzipped, the only thing keeping the dress on me is my hand that is holding it to me.

"Tommy" I state in almost a whisper.

"Yes, Jude?" Tommy asks confused, coming to stand in front of me. I take a deep breath and slowly let the dress fall away from me, leaving me in just my lacy light blue bra and matching boy shorts.

"Jude, what are you doing?" Tommy asks curiously and extremely worried. His eyes are getting darker and I can tell he likes what he sees, but the caring side of him won't let him enjoy this completely.

"I'm ready to _do _things, with you. Not sex, but other things." I explain, biting my lip nervously. _What if he doesn't want this? What if he doesn't want me?_

"Jude" Tommy replies, his voice deeper than normal and it sounds more like a moan. I slowly start walking closer to him and I can see his chest starting to rise and fall at a faster pace. I grab one of his hands and place it on my bare waist. I feel a fire start to radiate out from where he is touching me and all I want is to feel more of this.

"I know you're worried and concerned, but I really do want this. I trust you completely and want to experience things with you." I explain, getting even closer to him. Tommy takes the hand that isn't on my waist and places it against my cheek, rubbing it slightly. I lean into his touch and smile brightly at him.

"Jude, I love you, and I would love to experience things with you too. Shit, I've dreamed about what this moment would be like. To feel your bare skin against mine and other things. I just want to make sure that this is really what you want, and that you aren't just getting swept up in the holiday spirit or anything like that." Tommy states cautiously.

"Tommy, I. Want. This." I reply firmly. "I have been thinking about this for weeks now. I am ready to take the next step with you. I'm not ready for sex, but I am ready for other things." I continue reassuringly.

"Okay, well if this is what you want…" Tommy states before crashing his lips to mine. He pulls me close to him and I can feel his bare abdomen against my almost bare self and the normal fire from his touch feels like a burning flame, in a good way. His skin against mine feels so magnificent, and I never want to pull away.

We spend the rest of the night exploring each other's bodies in new ways. I enjoy every minute of it and I love that I'm experiencing these things with him. I don't understand why people think sex is the best way to be intimate with each other, because what we have done is perfect for me. Sure, that might just be the virgin in me talking, but oh well. All that matters is I'm happy and that Tommy is happy, which are both extremely true. I love him and he loves me. Nothing could go wrong.


	43. Chapter 41

**A/N: Hey readers, I have new chapter for y'all. I know everyone has been loving all the Jommy-ness, but sadly that must come to an end. I know, don't hate me, but please don't worry too because things will work out eventually. So, this chapter is the chapter from the prologue and the flash forward and I know y'all have been waiting for this, so please enjoy. Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star or Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran. **

**Chapter 41**

_Dear Diary,_

_It's spring break baby! A whole week of relaxing by the pool, spending time with Tommy, and the best part: NO PARENTS OR BROTHER. My parents are on some cruise and Ryan is with his girlfriend at the beach. I get the whole house to myself and I don't have to worry about anyone catching Tommy and I doing not so innocent things, even though we haven't done anything like that since Valentine's Day. Tommy has been reluctant to do anything like that again. I don't understand why and very time I ask him for an explanation he just changes the subject. Maybe I did something wrong and he didn't like it. If that is the case, wouldn't he just tell me instead of pushing me away? The dirty stuff isn't the only thing Tommy has been acting strange about. He has been distant and always claims he is busy so he can't see me. I knew things would be difficult with him living farther away, but I didn't think it would be this bad. I don't know what is up with him and I'm starting to get worried that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I mean, everything has been so great with us until Valentine's Day. None of this makes sense. Hopefully this week together will make things go back to normal. I really don't think I could handle losing Tommy. It has taken us so long to get here and I…I can't lose him._

_XO Jude_

"Oh, Tommy this is so nice. Just you and I relaxing under the stars. I am so happy you finally decided to date me." I dreamily say as I snuggle up next to Tommy. We spent the whole day relaxing in the pool together and everything has been normal.

"Me too babe" Tommy replies, lightly stroking my hair.

"Can you believe it took almost five years for this to happen? For us to finally be happy together. All those other people we dated and the broken hearts we had, but now we are together and happy. I love you" I say with a huge smile plastered on my face.

"I love you too." Tommy says, turning his head to look at me. I lean my head slightly up and captor his lips with mine. Our lips mold perfectly together and I can't help but smile into the kiss. One of Tommy's hands tangles in my hair and the other wraps around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

We kiss for a little while longer before I swing my leg over him and slightly push us so Tommy is on his back and I'm straddling his lap. Both of his hands end up on my hips and he lets out a little moan. I feel him push his hands against my hips slightly and I respond by moving my hips lightly, grinding against his lap. Tommy instantly pulls out of this kiss at my motions and I look at him confused.

"Jude, we shouldn't do that out here." Tommy states breathlessly, a hint of worry in his voice.

"Tommy, no one is here. Don't worry." I reply, leaning back down to kiss him but he turns his face away from me.

"Jude," Tommy states, almost like a warning.

"Relax" I say, slowly kissing his cheek then his jaw then his neck. "It is just you and me, no one else." I whisper into his ear and I feel him shiver under me. I smirk to myself before starting to kiss and nibble on his neck. Tommy lets out a moan and I slowly start to move my hips against him.

"Jude" Tommy says, his voice wavering, as he pushes my shoulders to get me to stop. I sit up, still straddling his lap and look at him confused.

"Tommy, what is going on with you?" I ask confused.

"We need to talk about this." Tommy states cautiously, his eyes staring straight into the sky so he doesn't have to look at me.

"Talk about what exactly?" I ask curiously, crossing my arms over my chest in annoyance.

"This. Us. I don't think we should date." Tommy states frustrated. I look at him confused and when he finally looks me in the eyes I see it, he actually means what he is saying. I feel tears start to form in my eyes and quickly scramble to my feet and start pacing.

Tommy starts talking again, but I don't comprehend anything he is saying, too lost in my own thoughts. I thought we were happy, but I guess I was wrong. Where the hell did this come from? Everything has been so great. Sure, things haven't been perfect this past month, but we can work things out. I stop pacing and turn to look at Tommy. He got up at some point and is now sitting in a chair next to the pool.

"Is this because I won't have sex with you?" I ask, anger starting to rise inside of me.

"God no, this has nothing to do with sex." Tommy replies matter-of-factly, running his hands through his hair out of frustration.

"I don't believe that. I mean, everything was going great between us until Valentine's Day when we did all that stuff, so it has to be about sex." I ramble out, not really thinking about what I'm saying.

"Jude, this has nothing to do with sex. I mean it. We _both _know that this thing between us has never been about sex." Tommy explains firmly.

"Then what is it, because I am not just going to let you go Tommy. Not without a fight. You can't get rid of me that easily." I say my voice shaken due to the tears streaming down my face.

"I don't want to get rid of you I just want…" Tommy trails off, hanging his head so he can't see me.

"You just want what Tommy?" I question confused. I walk over to him and squat down in front him. I grab his face in my hands and force him to look at me. His eyes are full of emotion, but I can't figure out what it is.

"I want you to be happy and I can't do that for you. I'm not right for you Jude." Tommy explains, his voice shaking a little. He shakes his head trying to get out of my grasp, but I hold tight.

"How are you not right for me? I love you so much." I say with sorrow in my voice, staring deep in his eyes, pleading with him through my own eyes.

"I can't tell you why I'm not right for you. I'm just not right." Tommy says matter-of-factly.

"Is it because I am 16? Or because of Ryan being your best friend? Just tell me what it is." I beg, my voice getting shaker with each word. It hasn't registered in my mind how much I've been crying until now.

"I can't Jude, not now." Tommy says looking down at his shoes, finally shaking loose of my grasp. My knees start to wobble beneath my weight, I move to sit in the chair next to Tommy. I turn the chair to make it face him, but he still won't look at me.

"Tell me what it is, please." I say through my tears. It is getting harder to talk and my eyes are getting so cloudy I can barely see Tommy.

"I don't want to hurt you. Dating you would just bring you sorrow and misery. I won't put you through that." Tommy explains, glancing over at me. I notice his face fall and I know see me like this is hurting him.

"You won't hurt me." I breathe out in between sobs, shaking my head slightly.

"Yes I will, I always do." Tommy states frustrated, slamming his hand against the chair before standing up. He turns away from me and runs his hands through his hair. "I hurt the people I care about most and you are one of those people." Tommy finally says after a few moments, slowly turning around to look at me. I stand up and walk over to stand right in front of him

"I don't believe you. You won't hurt me and I am not letting you leave." I reply firmly, stomping my foot on the ground.

"Jude, just leave. Please, before you get hurt." Tommy begs, turning his gaze away from me.

"I am not leaving. For one, this is _my _house, and two, I love you too much to leave." I state matter-of-factly. I feel my tears start to slow and my vision begins to clear. I can see Tommy better now and I can tell that this is hurting him.

"I don't mean leave the house, I mean _leave me_." Tommy pleads, his voice shaking.

"Not until you tell me the real reason you are freaking out and pushing me away." I explain.

"I already told you, I will hurt you and I don't want to do that." Tommy says, keeping his eyes fixed on the ground.

"You are lying. I know when you're lying. You won't look me in the eyes for a reason." I state pointedly.

"Do you really want to know the truth?" Tommy questions reluctantly, letting out a frustrated sigh.

"Yes" I shout.

"I don't know if I really want this." Tommy says in almost a whisper, twisting his foot into the ground.

"Really?" I question as my breath hitches in my throat.

"Yes…" Tommy says still looking at the floor.

"You are lying. Look at me and tell me the truth." I yell completely irritated and fed up.

"I can't tell you the truth. I need to figure some things out before I tell you the truth." Tommy explains hesitantly.

"What? Need to figure out what exactly?" I question with a confused face. Tommy glances back up at me, but lets his eyes fall back to the ground before talking.

"My feelings for you." Tommy explains timidly.

"What do you mean you don't know your feelings for me?" I question confused and angry. _None of this makes any sense. _

"I just don't know…I need to think." Tommy explains, running his hand through his hair in frustration. He lifts his head up and finally keeps it there. I take a good look at him and I can't read any of his emotions.

"No. There is no time for thinking. Figure it out now." I scream irritated. I stare at him with my best death glare and I see him flinch a little.

"I can't figure it out right now. I need time Jude." Tommy states, turning his head away from me.

"No, you don't have time. It has been five years Tommy. What else could you have to figure out?" I shout, my voice starting to shake again. I can feel the tears start to prick at my eyes and I try to hold them back.

"I don't want to talk now." Tommy says as he starts walking away towards the gate.

"Just tell me the truth!" I yell after him. I feel a few tears slide down my face and I know I can't keep them back any more. I hang my head and let the tears fall freely.

"I can't, I'm sorry." Tommy replies, turning around to look at me. I glance up at him and look into his sorrow filled eyes. I feel the anger rise up in me and I don't hold it in.

"Why not!? You've had five damn years to figure this out. Just tell me the damn truth or walk away now and never look back." I scream with tears pouring down my face.

"Jude…I love you but…" Tommy trails off, glancing down at the ground.

"God, stop looking at the damn ground. If you are really doing this, then at least be a man in look me in the eyes." I state bitterly. Tommy's head snaps up at my comment and I can see a little smile trying to form on his face.

"Tommy, I love you. Please just tell me the truth." I beg, staring directly into his eyes. I hold onto the necklace he gave me all those years ago tightly, hoping it will somehow bring me strength.

"I love you too Jude, but I can't decide right now. I have to think." Tommy says as he walks off, leaving me crying in my backyard. "Oh and Jude, I'm glad you never took that necklace off." Tommy calls back at me before disappearing through the gate.

"Tommy!" I yell, running after him, but I'm too late. I watch his car pull out of my driveway before crumbling to the ground. I curl into a ball and just let myself cry.

I don't know how long I stay like this, but once I gain enough composure to breathe again, I pull out my phone.

"Jude, what's wrong?" Alice asks, obviously being able to hear me crying through the phone.

"Tommy…he…us…" I stammer out in between sobs.

"I'll be right over." Alice states. Her voice full of worry and concern.

"Okay" I reply before hanging up the phone. I stumble inside the house and up to my room, collapsing onto my bed.

"Jude" Alice states, shaking me slightly. I let out a groan and slowly open my eyes. I must have fallen asleep waiting for her to get here.

"What happened?" Alice asks worried, taking a seat on the bed next to me.

"Tommy" I start, my voice starting to shake as the tears start to form again.

"What about Tommy?" Alice questions confused.

"I think…we broke…up." I stammer out before busting out into sobs.

"Oh Jude, I'm so sorry." Alice says, pulling me close to her. She rocks me back and forth in a soothing matter, trying to calm me down. We stay like this for a while before my tears finally stop.

"I can't believe it's over." I whisper out, shaking my head in disbelief.

"What _exactly _happened?" Alice asks curiously.

"I don't really know. We were just star gazing and then he starts talking about how he isn't good for me and how he is going to hurt me. He even said he didn't know how he felt about me." I explain, not really sure if all of this happened.

"That doesn't sound like Tommy. He _loves_ you more than anything in this world. It is so damn obvious to everyone else, so why would he say that?" Alice questions confused.

"I don't know. Shit, I don't even know if we broke up or not. I mean, it feels like we did." I state, shaking my head to keep the tears from forming again.

"Did he actually _say_ that he wanted to break up or that y'all were breaking up?" Alice asks curiously.

"No, but I did say that if he walked away we were done, and he walked away." I explain timidly.

"Jude, I don't think Tommy really wants to end things with you. Maybe you should just give him some space and let him figure things out." Alice states reassuringly.

"I'm tired of giving him space or time. Shit Alice, it has been five years since we met, if he doesn't have it figured out by now than when will he?" I question, a little annoyed.

"I don't know Jude. I really don't know." Alice replies.

"This makes no sense. I know he loves me. I have written proof that he loves me." I think out loud.

"Wait, written proof?" Alice asks confused.

"Yeah, he gave me his journal on Valentine's Day." I explain, getting off the bed and grabbing the journal off my desk. "This is _full_ of love songs. Tommy even said they are all about me. So why this sudden need to figure out his feelings?" I question.

"I wish I knew the answer, but I don't. All I can tell you is to give him some time and hopefully he will figure it out before it is too late." Alice states reassuringly.

"I don't think I can take anymore waiting." I reply, a hint of devastation and annoyance in my voice.

"I know, but right now it is the best thing you can do." Alice states matter-of-factly. I shake my head, not wanting to believe her.

"That can't be the best thing. There has to be something I can do." I reply hopefully. I feel something rough in my hands and an idea pops into my head. "That's it." I say almost excitedly.

"Jude, what is what?" Alice asks confused.

"Tommy said he doesn't know how he feels about me, right?" I question, prompting Alice to answer.

"Yes" Alice replies, confusion thick in her voice.

"Then all I have to do is remind him how he feels. With this." I explain, thrusting the journal towards Alice.

"You mean, give him back his journal?" Alice questions hopefully.

"No, even better. I'm going to sing the last song he wrote in here to him. Once he hears his song, he will remember how he feels. It's perfect." I explain excitedly, standing up from my bed to start working on my plan.

"Jude, maybe you should do this tomorrow. It is late and you need some rest." Alice says worriedly. I look at her and I can see just how worried she is in her face. I let out a sigh and nod my head.

"Okay, I'll do it tomorrow." I reluctantly reply.

"Okay, good." Alice states, a hint of relieve in her voice. I climb into bed next to Alice and turn out the lights.

"Good night." Alice says.

"Night" I reply before slowly falling asleep.

(~~**~~)

"Jude, are you sure you want to do this?" Alice asks concerned as we pulling into Tommy's driveway.

"Completely sure. I just know this will work." I state confidently. I park the car and hop out and quickly get to work on setting up my amp and microphone.

"Jude, is he even here?" Alice asks, glancing around to take in our surroundings.

"Yes he is here. It is ten o'clock, so he should be getting out of the shower right about now." I state matter-of-factly.

"Okay" Alice replies reluctantly. I ignore her negativity and finish setting things up.

"Here goes everything." I whisper to myself before flipping the switch to turn everything on. "Tommy Quincy, if you can hear me please listen closely. I love you more than life itself and I don't want to lose you. I know you need some time, but I thought maybe all you needed was to be reminded about how much you love me. This is your song that you wrote only a few days before you gave me your journal. I hope it helps you remember how much you love me." I state into the microphone. I take a deep breath before starting to play the song.

_When your looks don't work like they used to before  
>And I can't sweep you off of your feet<br>Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love  
>Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks<em>

_And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70  
>And baby my heart could still fall as hard at 23<br>And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways  
>Maybe just the touch of a hand<br>Oh me I fall in love with you every single day  
>And I just wanna tell you I am<em>

_So honey now  
>Take me into your loving arms<br>Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars  
>Place your head on my beating heart<br>I'm thinking out loud  
>Maybe we found love right where we are<em>

I watch the side door fling open and see Tommy looking at me dumbfounded. He leans against the doorframe and just watches me. I smile as I continue playing the song, knowing that this has to be working.

_When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades  
>And the crowds don't remember my name<br>When my hands don't play the strings the same way, mm  
>I know you will still love me the same<em>

_'Cause honey your soul can never grow old, it's evergreen  
>Baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory<em>

_I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways  
>Maybe it's all part of a plan<br>I'll just keep on making the same mistakes  
>Hoping that you'll understand<em>

_But baby now  
>Take me into your loving arms<br>Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars  
>Place your head on my beating heart<br>I'm thinking out loud  
>That maybe we found love right where we are, oh<em>

_(Ah la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la)_

_So baby now  
>Take me into your loving arms<br>Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars  
>Oh darling, place your head on my beating heart<br>I'm thinking out loud  
>That maybe we found love right where we are<em>

_Oh maybe we found love right where we are  
>And we found love right where we are<em>

I finish the song, pull my guitar off, handing it to Alice, who is already putting the equipment up, and walk towards Tommy. He meets me halfway and I can't help but smile like crazy. I feel his hands wrap around my waist and pull me into a tight hug. I melt into his arms and let out a little sigh of relieve. _My plan worked. It really worked._

Tommy eventually pulls back and I glance up to look at him, but he doesn't look like I thought he would. His face is emotionless and he doesn't look like he enjoyed me singing to him.

"Tommy, did you not like it?" I ask timidly.

"Jude" Tommy says, lightly reaching out to touch my cheek. I lean into his touch and close my eyes, enjoying this moment. "I love you and what you just did, but…we need to break up." Tommy states, dropping his hand from my face. I keep my eyes closed, not wanting to see his face, and lightly nod my head.

"Okay" I whisper out, slowly opening my eyes. I stare into his deep blue eyes for a few seconds before turning away. I head to the car and get into the passenger's side, knowing that I won't be able to drive right now. Alice gets into the driver's side, turns on the car and drives away.

I keep my eyes fixed on Tommy's shrinking form as we drive away until I can no longer see him. Once he is gone, I let out a little sob and silently cry the whole way home.


	44. Chapter 42

**A/N: Hello everyone. I know it took me some time to get a new chapter up, and I'm sorry for that, but better late than never. I know this isn't much of a chapter and I'm sorry for that, but it is an important chapter even if it is basically a filler chapter. It covers the two months after the break up, right up to the day before camp starts. I know the format is weird, but I thought diary entries would be easier to follow with all the time skips. I hope that this satisfies y'all until I can get the next chapter up. Please enjoy and leave me a review. Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star. **

**Chapter 42**

_Dear Diary,_

_I thought yesterday was the worse day of my life, but I was wrong. Today has been the worse day of my life. The pain I felt yesterday after Tommy broke up with me was nothing compared to the pain I have been in today. My head hurt from all the crying, as well as my eyes. My whole body felt like it was on fire and I can even explain it. The worse pain was in my heart. I know that it is physically impossible for a heart to break, but mine feels like it has been shattered into a million pieces, and those pieces have been crushed by five hundred tons of concrete, then eaten by wolves. It hurts so much and I just want it to stop. I tried to make it stop, but not even cutting helped. I don't think anything can ever make this pain go away. I knew that it would hurt if Tommy and I ever broke up, but I never imagined it would be this horrible. I just want it all to stop. I want to go back to my birthday, back to when we were beyond happy. I want to be happy again, but I doubt that will happen ever again. Tommy was always the one person who could make me smile when I was sad or hurt. He was the one who fixed my broken heart after my first boyfriend and he was the one to pick up the pieces Lance left behind. He fixed me in so many ways that he doesn't even know and that I can't even explain, but he did it. He was everything to me and now…now he is gone and I'm fighting to keep from breaking completely. I know it is pathetic to count so much on guy, but after everything I went through, it was hard not to rely on someone to help me put myself back together. Without him, I don't know if I can put myself back together again. I feel like I am going to be broken for the rest of my life. I know that I am overreacting and things will get better after some time, but for now I'm going to let myself feel miserable. _

_XO Jude_

(~~**~~)

_Dear Diary, _

_It has been a month since Tommy and I broke up. I thought that by now I would feel better, but that isn't the case. I feel just as miserable as I did the day it happened. I cry myself to sleep every night and wake up with tear stained cheeks from all the happy dreams about Tommy that will never happen. I try to keep myself from thinking about him, but nothing works. I have thrown myself into school work to the point where I have all A's in my classes and my teachers are encouraging me to take all advance classes next year. I highly doubt I will do that, but it is kind of nice to know that someone thinks I'm smart enough for those classes. When I'm not in school or doing homework, I try to keep busy by reading or hanging out with Alice, but that doesn't help either. All the books I have are love stories in some way and end up making me think of Tommy. Alice makes good attempts at distracting me, but there is only so much she can do. She talks to me about random things like TV shows or movies, but I tend to zone out and my mind wonders automatically to Tommy. I haven't seen him since we broke up. Ryan was so pissed off once he found out that he actually drove all the way to Tommy's house and punched him in the face, leaving right after. He said he would never speak to him again for hurting me, but I told him that it wasn't worth losing a friendship over. Ryan was reluctant to agree with me, but he has started to talk to Tommy again and has even hung out with him a few times this past week. I knew that it would be hard for my brother if Tommy and I broke up, but I never wanted him to lose a friend, so I'm glad he is fixing things. I think the worse part of all of this is that I haven't been able to write any new music. It makes no sense. I have all these different emotions waging war inside of me, yet when I try to put them into a song I get nothing. It is driving me nuts that I can't write and get everything out, but if I'm being honest it makes sense that I can't write. Tommy was always the one who helped get the music out of me and now that he isn't here the music is gone. Tommy leaving was hard enough, but he took my music with him and that hurts so much more. I need music to survive and to get through this crap, but I can't do it. I want my music back. _

_XO Jude_

(~~**~~)

_Dear Diary,_

_Only a two more weeks until summer and I can't wait to get away from this hell town. Everything here is a constant reminder of Tommy in some way or another. I went to the park with Alice the other day and I busted out crying because we walked past the gazebo and it reminded me of my 14__th__ birthday. I am so pathetic. I can't get over this guy who wants nothing to do with me. He has treated me like a play toy that he comes back to when he is bored for so many years, yet for some odd reason I love him with all my heart. He played me and treated me like crap, so why the hell do I still love him? I should hate him for everything he has done to me, but I can't even manage to say more than a few mean things about him. He told me he loved me and then just threw me away like a piece of trash. How does someone do that to someone they love? They don't. They can't. So I guess Tommy was just lying. He never loved me or cared about me or wanted to be with me. He just wanted to mess with me and play games. He wanted some entertainment and I was a cheap and easy way to get just that. He was everything to me and I thought I was everything to him, but I was nothing to him. I should really hate him for what he has done, I really should, but I'm too pathetic to do that. I fell in love with him so many years ago and even when he treated me bad or pushed me away, I still loved him. I never once stopped loving him no matter how much he hurt me or how far away he pushed me. And the same thing is true now. I still love him. I don't think I will ever stop loving him, but it is time that I move on. He is never going to want me back and we are never going to get back together. So why the hell am I still hanging on to him? He has stolen enough of my life already, I'm not going to let him take anymore. I'm done waiting around for him and I'm done being the pathetic little girl who is in love with someone who will never love them back. So today, I'm going to say goodbye to Tommy Quincy for good. I will no longer think of him or look at his Facebook page or ask my brother how Tommy is doing. I will get rid of everything Tommy ever gave me and everything that reminds me of him. It is time I grow up and move on with my life, without Tommy Quincy holding me back. So, goodbye Tommy. I hope you have a wonderful life._

_XO Jude_

(~~**~~)

_Dear Diary,_

_Tomorrow I leave for camp and I have mixed feelings about that. I want to go so I can get away from this town and all the crap that comes with it, but I'm also scared of what will happen this summer at camp. After everything that went down last summer, I don't know if people there will be my friends again or if they will still be asses to me. I don't know what is going to happen and that scares me. I don't want to have to deal with crap from people there when the whole point of camp is to get away from all the crap I'm already dealing with. It actually took a lot of convincing by Alice to even make me consider going to camp this summer, but I eventually gave in. Camp is a place for me to escape, and if people start drama, I'm just going to ignore it. This summer is going to be all about the music, with no distractions. I know I have said in the past that I don't care about the record contract and I'm just in it for the music, but this summer my goal is to win that contract. I still care more about the music than the contract, but winning that contract would change everything for me. It would mean being able to get my music out to the world and letting others hear what I have to say. It would also mean getting to move out of this town and away from all the memoires. I love music and I want to spend the rest of my life doing what I love. I want to be a singer and perform for millions of people and have everyone hear my songs. Not for the fame or the money, but because I love music and want to share my music with the world. If I get to do that then everything will be perfect. This summer is all about music, so it is a good thing I can write again. These past few weeks I have written over twenty songs. Not all of them are good, but that isn't the point. The point is that I finally can write again. I was so scared that Tommy took my music and that I would never get it back, but after I said goodbye to him I was able to write again. I figured that my mind was being held back by the pain brought by the memories of writing with Tommy that I couldn't write. I don't know if that is true or not, but it is what I'm going with. Now I just hope that I can keep focused this summer and win that contract. This is my summer and I'm not letting anything or anyone get in my way._

_XO Jude_


	45. Chapter 43

**A/N: Hello everyone. I have a new chapter for ya'll, super exciting. Just to let ya'll know, this story is getting closer and closer to ending with each new chapter I post. My plan right now calls for only 5 more chapters and an epilogue. I know that it is sad to see this story coming to an end, but it is time. I have been working on this for years and I never thought when I first started writing it that I would still being writing it now or that it would be this long. So thank you to everyone who has stuck with me. Ya'll are greatly appreciated and I love ya'll so much. So now please enjoy the new chapter. Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star. I also do not own Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy. **

**Chapter 43**

_Dear Diary,_

_Today is the first day of camp. I should be excited, shouldn't I? I mean, camp means getting away from this town and all the memories, which is a good thing. It also means getting to spend almost three months on my music, which I have been seriously neglecting as of late. So, why do I have this feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach? I want nothing more than to spend this summer on my music and winning that record deal, but camp isn't the place I want to be. With camp comes all those people I used to call friends who turned on me. Those people who treated me like dirt and talked about me behind my back. Those people who changed camp from my safe haven to a nightmare. I don't think I can handle seeing those people. I know I have started to get better after the break up, but I am still healing and those people could set back my healing and make me feel even worse. I know that maybe they have grown up since last summer and realized they were being stupid last summer, but that is a huge maybe. Who knows what this past year has done to them and what those things could mean for me. I never thought I would be scared to go to a place I once thought as a magical place, but I am just that: scared. I'm scared of how I will be treated. I'm scared that someone might steal my most personal songs again. I'm scared that I won't be able to write again. I'm scared that I won't be good anymore. I'm scared that I won't measure up to all of the high standers the teachers at camp have of me. I'm scared that something will happen to cost me the record deal. I'm scared of so many things, but the thing I am the most scared of is that without him, I am not the artist I was. He was always my inspiration and he was always there to help get the music out of me. He made me into a better artist than I ever thought was possible. He brought the real music out of me. So without him, does that mean I won't be that artist anymore? I know I have so many things I could write songs about. I mean, break up songs are like a huge deal and I have all the emotions needed to write them, so inspiration isn't a problem. The problem is, I don't know if I can be just as good without him being there to pull the deeper music out of me. I have written a ton of songs without his physical help, but he was always there in my head reminding me to dig deeper. Now when I write, I don't hear his voice in my head and that worries me. So I guess this summer I will find out just how good I am without him. _

_XO Jude_

(~~**~~)

"Are you ready for this?" Alice asks concerned. She gives me a worried look as she takes another step forward in line. With each step, we get closer and closer to the steps of the bus, and my nerves grow more and more.

"Not like I can back out now." I reply with nervous chuckle. I glance down at the ground, trying to keep my focus off of my nerves and on the little piece of asphalt I keep grinding into the ground with my shoe.

"Jude," Alice states, her voice thick with worry. I glance up at her and give her a little smile in hopes to make her stop prying, but it is no use. "I know camp wasn't the best place last summer, but that doesn't mean this summer is going to be the same. Remember, this summer is all about the music. If you focus on that and ignore everything else, you will be just fine. Plus, I will be with you the whole time and will kick anyone's ass who tries to mess with you." Alice gives her most menacing look to emphasize her point, causing me to laugh at how ridiculous she looks.

"I hate to break it to you, but that face is not intimidating at all. It looks more like you just woke up with a massive hangover and the sun hurts your eyes." I reply, chuckling. Alice just glares at me in mock hurt, causing me to laugh some more.

"Remind me why I'm friends with such a rude and hurtful person again?" Alice asks in mock annoyance. I pull her into a side hug, squeezing her shoulders tightly.

"Because you would be lost without me." I state, a giant smile spreading across my face.

"I think that is the other way around. _I _could survive without you, but I highly doubt _you _could survive without me." Alice replies with a smug smile. I just roll my eyes at her and give her a little shove, causing us both to laugh as Alice walks onto the bus, with me right behind.

"Jude" A deep, familiar voice calls from behind me. I freeze in my spot on the stairs and feel my heart sink to the pit of my stomach. I turn my head slightly and see those deep blue eyes staring at me. _Crap. What the hell is he doing here? We haven't seen each other in months and now he decides to show up. _

"Hi?" I state more like a question once I'm standing in front of Tommy. I wait a few moments for him to reply, but he doesn't say a thing or even look me in the eyes. I let out an irritated groan and turn to walk back towards the bus.

"Jude, wait" Tommy calls, grapping my arm lightly and spinning me back towards him.

"What do you want Tommy?" I question annoyed, glaring at him and cross my arms across my chest.

"I just wanted to know what the hell this is." Tommy states, a hint of anger in his voice. He sticks out a manila envelope with my handwriting on the front of it and I instantly know what it contains.

"I thought you would want your stuff back. It isn't like I want the constant reminders of all the lies you told me." I reply bitterly.

"Jude, I never _once_ lied to you about my feelings for you. These items are proof are those feelings." Tommy states, a desperate tone filling his voice.

"You lied about everything. Those items are just pieces of junk you used to help further your lies. They mean nothing and I don't want them." I reply angrily, having to focus on keeping my voice from growing too loud. I want nothing more than to yell at him for all the pain he has caused me, but this isn't the place for that.

"You really don't believe that, do you? You really think I was lying when I told you I loved you?" Tommy questions, the desperation growing in his voice. I can tell that my words are hurting him and he wants me to believe that he really loved me, but I just can't do that.

"Why in the world would I believe that you loved me? You said it to me so many times and gave me these gifts showing just how much you loved me. You gave me a ring that someone gives to the person they love and another ring meant as a promise that we will always be connected and you will always be there for me because you love me. You gave me a necklace that I had been dreaming of for months back when we were just friends and that necklace always reminded me of how much you cared about me. Those things…all of them were a lie. You never really meant what you said, because if you had…you would have never done what you did." I explain, my anger turning into sadness. I can feel the wetness from my tears on my cheeks and I quickly move to wipe them away.

"Jude, I never-" Tommy starts, reaching out to grab my hand, but I pull away.

"Tommy, don't. I don't want to hear your excuses anymore. You never loved me. I was just some play thing you kept around to have some fun with. You strung me along and then dumped me when things got too serious. So don't try to tell me you loved me and don't try to tell me that you care about me, because your words don't mean _anything_ to me. They are just pretty words and nothing more." I reply bitterly. I watch the sadness and hurt grow in Tommy's eyes and a pang of guilt runs through me, but I shake it off.

"Jude, at least keep these. I got them for you, so you should have them." Tommy states somberly, sticking the envelope out towards me. I shake my head and push the envelope away. Tommy gives me a confused look and opens his mouth to speak, but is cut off by another voice.

"Jude, it is time to go." Alice calls from the bus. I glance over at her and can tell she is beyond worried about me. I give my best reassuring smile to help calm her down some, but I doubt it helped. I turn back to Tommy and see that he is staring at the envelope in his hand, a look of regret etched on his face.

"I have to go. Goodbye Tommy." I state softly, chocking back all the emotions that are boiling up inside of me right now. I turn around and run to the bus before he can say anything else. I walk down the aisle and take my seat next to Alice.

"You okay?" Alice questions worriedly, giving me a concerned look.

I nod my head and simply state, "Yeah, I'm fine." Alice gives me a look like she knows I'm lying, but I ignore her. I rummage through my bag and pull out my journal. I turn to the first blank page and get to work on a song.

(~~**~~)

"Welcome everyone to this summer of camp." The director announces, causing everyone in the cafeteria to cheer. "I'm glad to see all these familiar faces back here this summer, but before we get to our first day traditions, I have few announcements." The director continues. Everyone in the room starts to whisper to each other, wonder what is so important to cause the director to deviate from the normal first day rituals.

"What do you think this is about?" Alice whispers, giving me a curios look.

"No idea" I reply, giving her the same look of curiosity.

"Okay, so this summer we have a few new rules that everyone needs to follow. First, all songs being performed at the final performance must be written while in class where a teacher can watch you work on it. Second, all song choices for the final performance must be approved the Sunday before the performance by me. To be approved, the song must have approval from the teachers saying you wrote it in class where they could see it and if you are using someone else's work you must have written consent from that artist. If these criteria aren't met, the song will not be performed. Now if you guys can't comply with these rules, we will be required to take extreme measures and lock up everyone's journals or notebooks at night and only allow them out when in class. I rather not have to do that, but I will do it if necessary. This place is supposed to be a place for all of you to grow as artists, not a place to steal and fight. Do I make myself clear?" The director explains. Everyone nods their heads in agreement once they stop whispering about the new rules.

"Great, now that that is all cleared up, let's get to our normal tradition. All the new campers please stand up." The director states. Everyone glances around the room, but no one is standing up.

"Are there really no new people here this summer?" I question, giving Alice a shocked look.

"Either there are no new people or they are just scared to stand up." Alice replies matter-of-factly.

"It seems that we have no newbies this summer. In that case, I will randomly pull a name out of a hat and they will do our normal tradition." The director states. One of his assistances hands him a hat and he sticks his hand in. He moves his hand around and them pulls it out, a piece of paper in between his fingers.

"Please don't be me." I whisper to myself, over and over again.

"Jude Harrison, it looks like you are the lucky winner. Please come up on stage." The director states joyfully. My heart sinks and I reluctantly stand up and walk towards the stage.

"Now Jude, this is your third summer here right?" The director asks, getting a little dramatic to make things more interesting.

"Yes, it is." I reply as nicely as possible.

"And if I recall correctly, you did this little tradition of ours the first summer you were here and even sang with a newbie last summer to make her feel more comfortable." The director states.

"Indeed I did." I reply, giving him a little smile.

"Well then, I guess you are somewhat of a pro at this. I'll just let you take over then since you already have this down." The director says, walking off the stage. The crowd looks at me expectantly and I have to take a few deep breaths before I can talk.

"So, as we all know, on the first night of camp a newbie is picked to perform a song of their choice in front of everyone. Since it seems we have no newbies this summer, that job has fallen on me." I explain a little nervously. I glance around at the audience and catch the eyes of some of my old friends. They are all looking at me expectantly, and a few even look excited to hear me perform.

I glance back at the stage and hesitantly walk towards the grand piano off to the side. I take a seat on the bench and crack my fingers before lightly placing them on the keys, making sure to not make any noise just yet. I take deep breath before talking. "This is a new song I just wrote on the way here. I hope that you all enjoy it." I take another breath and start playing the piano, my voice shortly joining.

_Your fingertips across my skin  
>The palm trees swayin' in the wind<br>Images  
>You sang me Spanish lullabies<br>The sweetest sadness in your eyes  
>Clever trick<br>I never want to see you unhappy  
>I thought you'd want the same<br>For me_

_Goodbye my almost lover  
>Goodbye my hopeless dream<br>I'm trying not to think about you  
>Can't you just let me be<br>So long my luckless romance  
>My back is turned on you<br>Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
>Almost lovers always do<em>

_We walked along a crowded street  
>You took my hand and danced with me<br>Images  
>And when you left you kissed my lips<br>You told me you'd never ever forget these  
>Images<br>No  
>But I never want to see you unhappy<br>I thought you'd want the same  
>For me<em>

_Goodbye my almost lover  
>Goodbye my hopeless dream<br>I'm trying not to think about you  
>Can't you just let me be?<br>So long my luckless romance  
>My back is turned on you<br>Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
>Almost lovers always do<em>

_I cannot go to the ocean  
>I cannot drive the streets at night<br>I cannot wake up in the morning  
>Without you on my mind<br>So now your gone and I'm haunted  
>And I bet your just fine<br>Did I make it that easy  
>To walk right in and out of my life<em>

_Goodbye my almost lover  
>Goodbye my hopeless dream<br>I'm trying not to think about you  
>Cant you just let me be<br>So long my luckless romance  
>My back is turned on you<br>Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
>Almost lovers always do<em>

The song comes to an end and the room burst out into applause and cheers. I take a little bow before stepping off the stage and walking back to my table. Alice gives me a little hug and I give her a small smile. Singing that song helped me feel better after seeing Tommy today, but it also hurt because that song really meant that we are over.

"Well done Jude. Now, everyone please head back to your cabins and rest up. We have a big summer ahead of us." The director says, followed by everyone starting to get up to leave.

"Jude, wait up." Someone calls from behind me. I turn around to see who it is and am met by Sam, Lily, Chloe, and Marlene.

"If you just want to say means things about my song or about me, just save it. I really don't care what you think of me." I bite out bitterly, turning away from them to continue towards my cabin.

"Jude, that isn't what we wanted to talk about." Sam calls out after me.

"Then what is it?" I question, turning back around to glare at them.

"We just wanted to say that we are sorry. We acted like idiots last summer and treated you like crap. We shouldn't had done or said all of those things and we are sorry for all of it." Sam explains apologetically.

"Yeah, we were just following Peter and that was a big mistake. He is an awful person and we should have never listened to a word he said. We are so sorry." Lily chimes in, giving me a look of regret.

"I'm glad all you figured out that Peter was wrong, and thank you for apologizing, but if you think this means we are friends again, you are sadly mistaken. I rather not have friends who are going to stab me in the back." I reply matter-of-factly.

"We get that, but if there is any chance you can forgive us, we promise to not turn into evil, mindless drones again." Chloe says, letting out a little giggle.

"I forgive all of you for what you did. I know you were just following Peter's lead, but just because I forgive you doesn't mean I want you as my friends. I do wish you all the best and hope that you all have great lives, but I won't be a part of them. Thanks again for the apologies. Have a good summer." I reply, giving them a little wave before turning to walk away. I feel a little lighter as I walk back to my cabin and I can't help but feel a little hope at the events to come this summer.


	46. Chapter 44

**A/N: Hello my lovely readers. I have a new chapter for ya'll, which is a good thing and a sad thing. We are now even closer to the end. I believe I have three more chapters and an epilogue before the story is over. I know, sad, but don't worry it will be a happy ending. Okay, so enough sad talk, please enjoy this new chapter. Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star. I also do not own 2 AM by Alexz Johnson. **

**Chapter 44**

_Dear Diary,_

_Summer is over. Today is the final performance and I am actually nervous. Nothing really happened these past months, and I am so thankful for that. It has been a very calm, relax summer and I want nothing more for it to end with me winning that record contract. I didn't really do anything besides write new songs. I swear I wrote almost 100 songs. All of which are about him in some way. Most of them are actually about how much I still love him, but I will never tell him that. I will never give him the satisfaction of knowing that I still love him more than anything in the world. As much as I like to think I've moved on, I don't think I will ever move on from him. A part of me will always be reserved for him, but that doesn't mean I am just going to wait around for him. He had his chance with me and he threw it away like yesterday's garbage, so why should I wait for him to figure things out? I mean, I waited for five years to just get him to date me, how long will he make me wait for him to figure out whatever is scaring him off? I can't wait around for him to figure things out. It isn't good for me and I am just tired of all the waiting. But enough about him, now about the final performance tonight. Due to the new rules, I had to choose my song Sunday and submit it to the director for approval. It took me forever to figure out what song I wanted to sing, and I still don't know if I made the right choice. The song I chose is a very personal song, one I did not think I would ever share with other people, but as I was going through my songs I realized it was one of the most powerful and beautiful songs I wrote. I knew deep down that this song would win, but it took a lot of fighting with myself before I ultimately picked it. I had a really hard time getting past the fact that this song would reveal how much I still love him and how impossible it is to get over him, not matter how hard I try. I am normally okay with baring my heart and soul to strangers, but for some reason this song is different. I don't know what it is, but I know singing tonight is going to be harder for me than normal. I just hope that there are no surprises tonight. I just want to get through everyone else's songs without someone singing one of my songs and without anyone I don't want to see showing up. If that happens, then I will be golden. Here's hoping that things will be golden. _

_XO Jude_

(~~**~~)

"Jude, stop pacing. You're making me nauseous." Alice states annoyed. I ignore here request, and keep pacing the length of the dressing room back stage.

"Alice, I don't think I can sing this song." I say nervously, starting to bite my nails.

"Jude, calm down. The song you picked is the best song you have ever written. You just need to relax and trust that everything is going to go perfectly. You will sing amazing and then win that contract. Simple as that." Alice replies reassuringly. I glance over at, giving her a nervous smile.

"What if I mess up the words? Or I play the wrong notes? Anything could go wrong because I am too worried about singing this song. I could fail and then al this work was for nothing." I ramble out, starting to pace faster.

"Jude!" Alice shouts in a commanding tone, causing me to abruptly stop pacing and look at her confused. She walks over to me, standing right in front of me, looking at me like I've lost my mind. "First off, we _both _know that you don't write and sing because of the potential of a record contract, but because you love music. Don't you _ever_ say that all the work you did this summer was for nothing." Alice continues irritated.

"Sorry" I mumble out, feeling like I just got scolded by my mom.

"Second, you aren't going to mess up. You just need to calm down, take a few deep breaths and just trust in yourself. The music will pour out of you like you are repeating your name over and over again. You _can _do this." Alice states reassuringly. I let out a little sigh and give her a small smile.

"Thanks, I needed that." I reply, pulling her into a tight hug.

"That is what best friends are for." Alice states with a little chuckle.

"Knock, knock, can we come in?" I hear Ryan ask through the door, opening it before I can even reply.

"You do know that you are supposed to wait until the person says come in before actually coming in, right?" I ask sarcastically, before pulling him in for a little hug.

"Glad to see you got some of your fire back. I'll deny this if you ever tell anyone, but I have missed my smart ass little sis." Ryan replies, a giant smile on his face.

"Aww, who knew Ryan could be so sweet?" Alice asks mockingly, causing all of us to bust out laughing.

"As fun as it is to see you, didn't you ask if 'we' could enter? Where is this other person that would constitute a 'we'?" I ask curiously, trying to glance out into the hall behind him, but he moves so I can't see.

"I really tried to convince him not to come, and _especially _not to talk to you, but he is too damn stubborn. Please don't hate me." Ryan replies nervously.

"No. No way in hell did you bring _him _here." I state firmly, denying to believe what he just said.

"I guess I'm not welcome here. I'll just…go." That all too familiar voice stammers out disappointedly from the doorway. I glance over to where he is, just catching a glimpse of his blue eyes, making my heart skip a few beats, before he disappears into the hall.

"I told him he shouldn't have come and that you wouldn't want to see him, but he wouldn't listen. He was very determined about seeing you." Ryan explains apologetically.

"I don't care how _determined _or whatever he was about seeing me, you still shouldn't have brought him here. You are _my _brother, which means you should be protecting me from getting hurt, not bring the one person who has done nothing but hurt me to see me." I bite out bitterly.

"Jude, don't take your anger out on Ryan. You know that he isn't really the source of your anger." Alice chimes in matter-of-factly.

"You know, you are totally right. I _should _be taking my anger out on the real source." I state, storming out of the dressing room to find Tommy.

"Jude, don't do anything stupid." Alice shouts after me, but I ignore her, too focused on letting all the anger and pain out on Tommy.

"Tommy" I call out once I find him. He turns around with a smile on his face, but it quickly falls away as fear washes over his face.

"Jude, I know you aren't too happy about me being her but…" Tommy starts, but I cut him off before he can finish.

"Not too happy? Seriously, you think I am only _not too happy_? Try pissed off, or beyond irritated, or better yet, completely and utterly furious. Those would describe how I feel about you just showing up here, not '_not too happy'_." I bite out, my voice dripping with disdain.

"Okay, fine, you are pissed that I am here, but I needed to see you. I need you to know that I am so sorry for what happened. I was stupid and made a mistake, and I need you to know that." Tommy practically pleads, causing me to bust out laughing.

"Seriously?" I question sarcastically, trying to control my laughter. "You really think I didn't already know all of that? I mean, that is literally what all those letters you sent me said."

"I didn't know if you got the letters or if you read them, so I figured the best way to make sure you heard me was to do it in person." Tommy replies a little timid.

"Tommy, I don't care if you are sorry or if you figured out that you made a majorly stupid mistake. Nothing you say will make me forgive you for what you did. _Especially_ a weak ass explanation like what you are giving me." I state matter-of-factly.

"Jude, you have to understand that when I broke up with you, I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought you would be better off without me and that I didn't deserve you, but I know now that I was just scared. I was scared of loving someone like you and then eventually losing you. I didn't want to have to suffer losing you later on, so I got it over with before I was too far gone." Tommy explains apologetically.

"Oh come on, those are all pathetic excuses. Everyone is scared that they might lose the one they love, but that doesn't keep them from being together. People who love each other_ fight_ to be together, not run away scared of what the future might hold." I reply, a hint of annoyance in my voice.

"True, but…" Tommy starts, but I cut him off.

"No buts Tommy. Love is complicated, but it is also very simple because it always comes down to whether you love that person or not. And if you love someone, you should _never_ stop fighting to be with them. Maybe that is me just being naïve, but I know you agree with me. So what made you give up the fight, for real this time? No excuses, just the cold, hard facts." I question.

"I can't tell you that right now. Just know that I am sorry for hurting you." Tommy replies apologetically.

"God, I am so damn tired of hearing that you can't explain something to me." I shout in frustration.

"I'm sorry Jude." Tommy simply replies.

"Stop saying you're sorry, because you aren't. If you were really sorry, you would tell me the damn truth already." I state angrily.

"I can't" Tommy replies, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Well when you _can_, don't come knocking on my door because by then I won't care anymore." I bite out bitterly, giving him a death glare.

"Jude, you don't mean that. You are just angry and aren't thinking straight." Tommy states matter-of-factly.

"No, I _do _mean it. In fact, after tonight I don't ever want to see or talk to you again. I'm done with all of this crap you keep putting me through. So goodbye Tommy, forever. Have a nice life." I reply firmly, turning and walking off before he can say anything else.

"What happened?" Alice asks worried once I reach the dressing room.

"Oh the usual. Tommy apologies, but doesn't actually explain anything." I state bitterly, still riled up from the confrontation.

"I know you don't want to hear this, but I'm sorry. I know how much that hurts you." Alice replies comfortingly, pulling me in for a hug.

"Thanks, but it doesn't matter anymore." I state matter-of-factly.

"What do you mean?" Alice asks confused.

"I mean, I told him that I never want to see or talk to him again." I state nonchalantly, walking over to the mirror to fix up my makeup before my performance.

"Jude, please tell me you are joking?" Alice questions.

"I'm not joking. I'm tired of being in this constant tug-a-war with him, so I decided to walk away. Don't get me wrong, the already millions of little pieces of my heart are slowly breaking into even more little pieces, but I had to do it. If I ever want to be happy without him, I can't have him in my life. I will always love him, but I can't have him around. End of story." I explain matter-of-factly, trying to keep my emotions in check.

"If you really think it is for the best, then I will support you. I just want to make sure you know what you just did. I mean, Tommy is the love of your life and you just cut all ties with him. Are you sure this is really what you want?" Alice asks concerned.

"I'm sure." I reply firmly, giving her a reassuring smile.

"Okay then. I guess it is time for you to go out there and win a record deal." Alice states, giving me a giant smile.

"Sounds like a plan." I reply with a little chuckle, as we leave the dressing room towards the stage.

(~~**~~)

"Okay, it is time for I final performer. I am very pleased to introduce Ms. Jude Harrison." The director says, gesturing towards me as I walk onto the stage. I hear the crowd start cheering and I give them a little wave before taking my seat at the piano.

"Thank you everyone. I am super excited to be here performing for all of you tonight." I say sweetly, pausing to take a deep, calming breath. "The song I am going to be singing is a new song called '2 AM'. It is a very personal song for me and I hope you enjoy it." I continue, before focusing on the piano in front of me. I let my fingers hover over the keys for a few seconds, taking in one last deep breath before starting to play.

_Snow falls on the city  
>White on white<br>It's the color of hope  
>On an unforgiving night<br>You kissed me into ruins  
>Sin on sin<br>Now I've got all of your love letters  
>Written on my skin<em>

_I can't tell the stars from the downtown lights  
>If I said I was truly over you<br>My heart would say amen  
>But I'd give in to the cold caress of 2 am.<br>If I admit I can't get used to this  
>Will my heart break again?<br>As I fall into the waiting arms of 2 AM_

_Someone scratching music  
>Through the walls<br>Sirens weaving through the streets  
>I must have missed your call<br>I'm gathering up these nights  
>Black on black<br>I know your voice like it's my own  
>And it makes my heart go slack<em>

_I cant tell the stars  
>From the down town lights<em>

_If I said I was truly over you  
>My heart would say amen<br>But I give in to the cold caress of 2 AM  
>If I admit I cant get used to this<br>Will my heart break again?  
>As I fall<br>Into the waiting arms of 2 AM_

_Oh  
>If I said I was truly over you<br>My heart would say amen  
>But I give in to the cold caress of 2 AM<br>If I admit I cant get used to this  
>Will my heart break again?<br>As I fall  
>Into the waiting arms of 2 AM<br>Of 2 AM_

I finish the song, and I hear the crowd go wild. I stand up, take a little bow and walk off the stage. Alice engulfs me in a giant hug, and I can't help but smile in triumph.

"You did it. You made it through the song without any problems and you blew away everyone. You just won for sure." Alice states excitedly.

"Thanks, let's just hope the judges thought the same thing." I reply, my nerves slowly starting to grow.

(~~**~~)

"Okay everyone, the judges have deliberated and we have winner. Remember, the winner gets a record contract with one of the best labels in LA." The director says, dragging out the announcement for anticipation. "This year's winner is, Jude Harrison." The director states. I hear my name and everything around me falls silent and I can't move. I feel someone pushing me towards the stage, and somehow I manage to make it to where the director and judges are waiting.

"Congratulations" I hear from all the judges and the director, followed by the cheering from the crowd.

"Jude, you did it." Alice states excitedly, giving me a giant hug once I return back stage.

"I can't believe it. I _actually _won." I say dumbfounded.

"Well you better believe it little sis because soon you will be out in LA making your very own record for the world to hear." Ryan states, pulling me in for a hug to congratulate me.

"Oh my gosh, I won. I won and I'm moving to LA." I say, my excitement growing with each word, causing me to start jumping up and down.

"I guess this really is goodbye." Tommy says from behind me. I turn to him, giving him a small smile and he returns with a small of his own before I walk away with Alice and Ryan. I glance back over my shoulder and meet his deep blue eyes for probably the last time.


End file.
